Hi, I'm here from the review battle! I picked this particular story because it's rare that I see one with Moody as the main character.
I love your description of Moody in the first section: "He looked up and saw the sorry state of his brow glaring back down at him."
I think you do a great job of establishing the right mood at the very beginning of the middle section. The description of their prison combined with the tense dialog immediately gave me the sense that they are at war: "The humming in the dirt beneath the men reminded them of their circumstances. The younger gripped his wand while his mentor simply felt along the walls keeping them from freedom."
Your grammar and punctuation are excellent, however I caught one typo: "At this point, the man almsot tried..."
The only real criticism I have is that the conflict between the Tower Keys and Resistance is a little confusing, and I thought could use some additional explanation. I do think the concept of animated whispers is fascinating, though.
It took a moment to realize that Moody lost one of his eyes because of the mirror in the ceiling, but I like the twist.
I also really like the end, and how you describe Moody as, "the oldest man he knew." I think this fits his character. :) Report Review
Happy Holidays to you hun! I am SO SORRY that this has taken me so long to get out... It's a busy time of year for Santa, you know? Lol! Anyways, I was very pleased to hear that you liked the banner I made for this, and happy to see you already have it up here so early too! I will defiantly try to make you another one before this is all over with, I promise! ^_^'
Moving on tho; I like that you chose to write a story about Mad-Eye's younger days. It was very thought-provoking and had me seeing him in an all new light. I have never really thought much about how Moody's Auror Career got started, you know? I like the small introduction we get into Moody's mentor. From what little we do see of him, he seems like a good partner for Moody. And I feel like there could even be a whole new story here, just based off of those 2 characters... Have you ever thought of expanding upon this idea? I would definitely read it if you did! ;)
I really like the approach you have taken with it this little one-shot here. The introduction was great, and I loved your use of detail and mystery. It really set the tone for what was to come in this well. And the emotion all throughout this piece was fantastic. Depressing, yeah, but in a really good way, lol! I love the imagery you have created here with the mirrors, and how it ties in so nicely with the title too. This is a really, really great little one-shot; and it works well as such with the way that you have written it. I would just like to know if you ever do decide to turn it into a short-story or Novella anytime in the future. If so, you will definitely have to let me know so that I can come back and read more of your great Alastor Moody characterization, haha!! =D
I will get back with you tomorrow some time, once our identities are revealed. I still wanna do a review & Banner for "My Little Sailboat" as you requested, and I wanna make a forum set for you also. Again, I am so sorry for falling so far behind on this and being such a procrastinating Santa. RL has been beating me in the backside this past month, if you know what I mean? =/
Hope you had a great Holiday tho, and Happy New Years you ya! Talk to ya again soon!!
~With love from your Gryffie Secret Santa Author's Response: :wub: Thank you SO MUCH for the gorgeous banner and the wonderful review! I couldn't ask for a better santa and I think everyone has been bogged down by real life (though the archives being down helped no one), so don't feel guilty about timing or anything, and I'm just so impressed by the banner! GAH. IT IS SO PERFECT! :D
I've been considering expanding young Moody some, since I made a resolution to complete a multi-chaptered fic, and I really enjoyed writing this piece. I'll try my hand at it, and see if I can actually finish something more than 700 words. :P
Thank you so much for the review, and I completely understand where you're coming from! Not a worry about things being a little late, and it's been such a joy to get things throughout the month! :)
Annie Report Review
Hello Annie! I'm here, returning your very lovely review for the Holiday Review Swap :D
I love character studies, and Moody is one character whom I don't read too much about in fanfic so I was really interested to see how you would portray him. And goodness, this is such a great study of his character, and his psychological and emotional state. And that is what ages a man. The eternal proximity to the end. The inability to let a single whisper or a hint of a shadow pass unnoticed. This is such an excellent part of the story, and a very wonderful and unique yet utterly convincing perspective on Moody!
I enjoyed your use of limited third person POV; it's one of my favourite narrative types to read, and I think you managed to get into Moody's thoughts quite well. Your sentence structures were varied and interesting; there were short terse sentences and fragments which really conveyed that abruptness to his character, as well as the action of the moment. And there were the longer, more reflective sentences as well.
And I appreciate the level of detail you went into in describing the flashback (and I thank all the gods of fanfiction that the flashback was not in italics :D). However, I was wondering, for such a short one-shot, if there was a little too much detail / context / backstory. There might have been a couple of places where it started to feel like there was too much information, and while the info certainly did give a sense of setting and history, it was quite irrelevant to the story as a whole. When writing such a short one-shot and character study, I feel that you have the freedom to cast light on certain events without explaining too much or being too technical, to depict moments of a person's life at a certain angle that should reveal just enough for the reader to know, and the rest can be left for them to guess. Unless of course I've got it wrong and that this isn't a one-shot.then ignore me :)
And that mirror part was completely creepy, in a good way. In a really good way. It was a very strong image; I can just imagine all the movements in the mirror through the ceiling cracks Moody must've been seeing. Wow. I blanched a little at that final sentence: the planks splintered to reveal nothing but a mirror. A mirror that blinded an eye.
I also really loved the sense of ending to your story, and how it tied up nicely with the beginning. It was a really desolate ending, and you certainly made me feel for poor Alastor! And great work on fitting Moody's catchphrase into that final bit!
Well, I think this is a wonderful piece of writing and I've enjoyed reading it a lot! So great work :) Thank you so much for reviewing my story again, and happy holidays to you :D
-tehAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! Moody is one of my favorite characters because the only real Moody we know is Moody at the point where he is the most broken person he ever is, and yet he is still so strong.
The challenge this was written for put the story in a bit of an awkward position, as the objecte was to spent 48 minutes writing and essentially spell check and post with no actual editing. It was my first real attempt at an action scene, and I wasn't happy with it afterward, but your advice is really helpful because I'd like to be able to sit down and write a good action scene when it isn't time dependent. The story is a one-shot, but I'm hoping I can expand upon Moody further and generally write better action scenes. :)
The eye bit absolutely creeped me out even as the idea was just forming in my head, but because I'm mildly obsessive about characters being their own downfalls and circular stories, I didn't think anything else could have done it within that story. His eye always creeps my out, but at least it now gets to mean something deep and tragic rather than just tragic? :P
Thank you so much for your wonderful review and your advice about writing action scenes! it's really helpful and I know I'll be looking back to reference this over and over again! :)
Annie Report Review
Hey, it's hannnahgracr with your requested review. Sorry it has taken me a bit longer than expected to get to this.
I really liked the beginning and end sections, they had a real element of mystery to them. Both bits were really interesting and drew me in.
I think the middle section could have been a bit more interesting. I think it could have a bit more flare and punch to it, perhaps more dramatic or mysterious. I felt it was a bit of a let down after your really good introduction. It did make sense however.
For a challenge, it was very well written though. Characterisation was good especially in the beginning and the end bits.
I hope you found this review slightly helpful :-)Author's Response: Thank you so much! It was my first attempt at an action scene and I did it on the spot, so I'll be sure to work on those when I have more time to get things more interesting. This was really helpful, and don't worry about timing! I used to do reviews and I know how hard finding time for them can be! *squish*
Annie Report Review
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