Reading Reviews for Always
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Unicorn_Charm Always

21st August 2015:
Hey there!

I'll trade you a Jily for a Snily haha. :)

Ugh my heart! I have feels that I did not pay for, may I return them please? :'(

I really liked this different version of how Severus could have become Potions Master at Hogwarts. It was so, so, so sad. Yes, Severus had done some horrible things, but the man truly suffered for them. And you really did a good job of having his heartache come across in this.

Dumbledore is one of those notoriously difficult characters to write, yet you did him really well. Well done there! He was just as infuriatingly enigmatic and calm as you see in cannon. I liked your Dumbledore a lot! :)

Ugh and that end! With him tracing the heart and Always! I can't. I didn't sign up for these feels, I swear. Take them back! :p

This was really great. Even though it saddened me horribly, it was really well done. Thanks so much for doing the swap!! ♥

xoxo Meg

Author's Response: Hi Meg!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story! I am so very happy that you enjoyed it even if it was sad. :)

I am really super happy to hear that Dumbledore came across as believable because he was insanely intimidating to write.

Thanks again!! :)


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Review #2, by adluvshp Always

27th October 2014:
Hello! Here for Slytherin review tag.

This was such a sweet and touching story. I really liked the way you showed Severus' pain and his love for Lily. His thoughts were spot on, and the ending made me smile.

The conversation between him and Dumbledore was also quite interesting. You managed to write Dumbledore's dialogues well enough and that's good =)

One little CC - I felt this was slightly lacking in flow and would have loved to see a better connection between description and dialogue. Otherwise, it was great.

It was interesting how this was a slightly different way of showing what had happened, and I enjoyed reading it. The emotions especially came across beautifully.


Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!! I am glad that you enjoyed it! I was very worried about Dumbledore actually, so I am happy to know that I did a good job there.

I will have to go back and see what I can do to better connect the descriptions and the dialogue. Thank you for pointing those out!


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Review #3, by academica Always

21st January 2013:
Hello! I'm here as requested to check out your story :)

One tiny thing I notice immediately is that you've got a sizable gap between the end of your story and your author's note. To avoid weird formatting like this, always use the Simple Editor to post.

I know you said that you were getting a beta, so I'll just point out a few things that you might want to mention to him or her and make a focus of edits. For one, your dialogue tags need a little work; I saw several improper punctuation choices and erroneous capitalization. There's a tutorial on the forums that can help--I know because dialogue tags were the bane of my existence when I first started writing, and I still make lots of mistakes! One other thing is a lot of repetition in the text itself. For instance, in the first paragraph, you have several instances of something happening "as" Severus is doing something, and it sounds a little odd. In the third paragraph, you have a lot of mentions of "memory" and "mind," to the same effect. If you can vary your sentence structure and word choice a little, that will help this stand out.

But the focus of my review was meant to be characterization, yes? I liked it a lot, to be honest. I really thought you did an excellent job with Snape, as exemplified by his little heart drawing with the word "always." It's secret enough that it doesn't give him away, but it clearly expresses his love for Lily, at least between him and her spirit. It was great how he didn't immediately jump up and shake Dumbledore's hand, but questioned the man, showed his doubts about the arrangement. Speaking of Dumbledore, I liked him a lot, too. I thought you did a nice job with his speech pattern, which can be hard to nail down, and the way he interacted with Snape felt canon-like to me, making this a really nice re-telling of this moment. The only thing I stumbled over was the fit of the quote from the Potters' gravestone. I could follow your logic somewhat, in terms of how Snape connected it, but it felt slightly forced. If you go back in, I'd consider tweaking it to see if you can get it to fit in a little more smoothly and naturally.

The flow here is nice, and the length feels appropriate. I also liked the imagery; it definitely gave me the feeling of winter, and it was like Lily's "presence" was the only real source of warmth.

Nice work! I hope this is what you're looking for :)


Author's Response: Amanda,

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. I apologize for my lateness in responding to your review. Life kind of took over.

I appreciate all the tidbits of helpful info you give about the dialogue, punctuation and the odd word choices that cause repetition. I will definitely have to mention those to anyone who is willing to beta the story. It's nice to have another set of eyes point these out so you know and see them before you ask for help. Thank you for that.

I am glad to see that you liked the characterization of Snape and Dumbledore. Dumbledore was where I was worried. He is so complex and intimidating that it can really mess with a writer in making sure he comes off not only believable, but sounds right too. I will have to work on a way to explain the quote better so it flows.

Again, thank you for this review. You have been extremely helpful. :)


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Review #4, by Courtney Dark Always

17th January 2013:
Hey there! I'm Courtney, here for your requested review:)

What a lovely one-shot! That is the first thing that comes to mind on completing this read. I think you have captured the essence of the Prince's Tale very nicely, and have used that to put your own, individual twist on things.

You have a very nice style of writing-especially with descriptions and imagery. I think the way you started off this one-shot was absolutely perfect. Not only did it set the mood and tone of the piece, but I could really feel myself there, at the scene with Snape. I thought the line: 'The whine of the hinges filled his ears as it echoed off the church and gravestones surrounding him' was especially brilliant. I don't know why, but it stuck in my mind for the whole piece. What I do know, is that you have described Godric's Hollow extremely well, so great work!

What we see of Snape's characterization in thos one-shot is great. I liked the line: 'His curtain of dark hair hung over his eyes as tears began to fall' as it really brought me back to the books-I remember Harry constantly describing Snape's greasy black hair, so I thought that was a great description, whilst also describing the emotion Snape felt at seeing Lily's grave.

I liked what the paragraph about the memories of Snape's childhood with Lily added to the story. It showed us the connection he had with Lily and where all this emotion was coming from, rather than just stating that he was upset. It's details like this that make a story so much more believable so I commend you for that.

Your introduction and portrayal of Dumbledore was honestly spot on-he really seemed, to me, the Dumbledore from the books, which I loved. And his interactions with Snape...perfect. I can see you have have drawn a lot of inspiration from the Prince's Tale for this one-shot, and you have done so very successfully. The line '"I should ask you the same question." He said pointedly, but with mild curiosity. "You see, in times like these, I find it best to examine all of the possibilities don't you Severus?"' was really great-I can definitely imagine Dumbledore saying something like that!

I liked the way you explained how and why Snape took the job as Potions master at Hogwarts, because that was never REALLY covered in the books. And the way you ended it, with the word 'Always' tied the one-shot together very nicely, which is always good. I did notice a few grammar and spelling mistakes here and there but nothing too distracting.

Thank you for the great read!

Author's Response: Hi Courtney!

Thank you so much for such a wonderfully detailed review! I am so grateful to have such wonderful feedback on this story!

I am definitely going to go back and correct those grammar and spelling mistakes!

Thanks again!!


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