Hello! I'm here with your requested review. I'm sorry for the wait!
I like that you understand James. You say that you RP him and it shows in your writing -I used to RP too. Your experience with him shows in how the point of view was consistent throughout the piece and how you took us through his process of thought rather swiftly. It made us get to know your James to a certain extent, despite the size of the piece. Therefore, I congratulate you on the wonderful characterisation.
Now, I was wondering about a single point. I'm no expert when it comes to Marauders era, and I've checked some resources but I still may be wrong. I don't think you've mentioned what work Lily and James were doing but I never really thought Lily and James got the chance to work after they got out of Hogwarts. I thought that the war had already started in their 6th-7th year and once they were out, they got into the Order. So, supposedly, they were working together? Again, I'm not sure, but I thought I'd point that out anyway.
That aside, I really liked the way James proposed! It showed how well he knew Lily -especially that he hid her actual copy and didn't ruin it- and how he was ready to marry her and how he really has matured over the years. I also liked you Lily a lot too!
Over all, I really enjoyed this piece -the ending was lovely! I thought it portrayed both characters wonderfully, and that James's emotions came across to me easily. I'm glad I've read it and thank you for requesting.
-Manno Report Review
Hey, I'm here with your requested review. :)
So, this was utterly adorable. James is perfectly in character even though he's not being the cocky boy we all know he is, and Sirius' cameo was also well done. It's believable that James would call on Sirius to help and that Sirius would be no help at all, in the lovable way that only Padfoot could be.
Lily is also wonderful, as the smart, playful girl who still holds a little bit of mystery to James.
The way you've set up the big reveal at the end is so much fun to read, and the last line - funny as hell.
Just one thing: you've got a few typos, so maybe some proofreading may be in order.
Good luck with the challenge! :) Report Review
This was a really nice fluffy fic. I really liked that you hadn't made their relationship picture perfect, but instead they were still trying to learn more about each other. It was interesting to see that James wasn't quite sure how Lily would take popping the question, when she was still bit miffed about the anniversary.
In the beginning there was one sentence that could use a bit of clarification. "James sighed. This was beginning to tug at his stomach..." Is he referring to his own sighing or the whole situation? I'm quite certain that I understood what you were after, but it's bit unclearly put there. =)
The dialogue was very natural and I really liked your way of describing things. Just enough to make a reader dive in, but not so much that it would interfere with reading experience. It was quite an enjoyable one-shot to read all in all. =)
Only thing that was missing was a kiss. Just saying. =P Report Review
This was so cute! And you wrote it so fast! I was so shocked when I saw your post in my thread that you already had your story done. I have to say, I'm quite impressed :)
Excellent job. That was such a sweet, clever way for James to propose. And I like how you put in good background information, too. You gave James some depth in such a short space, so that was very well done.
The winners of the challenge will be announce at the end of December. Wondeful job and thanks for participating!Author's Response: Haha! Yeah... I hate studying and inspiration was there and I didn't wanna waste it. I'm glad you liked it!
James though he was sooo smart for doing that. But he made her cry. Bahaha. I love it so much.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
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