Reading Reviews for So Many Unanswered Questions.
  
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Voldy Needs a Hug The Five Goals.

1st December 2012:
It's Voldy Needs a Hug with your requested review. I apologise for taking ages to get around to your review. Anyway, here it is.

I thought this was an interesting start to your fanfiction, especially the five dares at the end of the chapter. Those certainly captured my attention and will be compelling me to continue reading.

I thought your characterization of Ava was pretty good. She seems like the average sixth year. However, from a reader's perspective, it would have been helpful to know a little more about her background. For example, why Ava always flips off Professor Collins.

It was a bit confusing at times as to which character was speaking. I was having trouble matching the dialogue with the character who had spoken it. Additionally, it was a struggle to keep all of the characters straight - especially toward the middle of the chapter. You introduced a great deal of characters in a very short time period, only mentioning their names and no other identifying traits or physical features. For instance, I have no idea whatsoever what Gavin looks like.

Lastly, there were several grammar and punctuation mistakes. You wrote several times, "I and Dom." This should be "Dom and I," or "Dom and me," depending upon the sentence. Also, you didn't add any punctuation after your dialogue, which was a little confusing.

Good job!

Author's Response: Don't worry about it, thanks for reviewing.

Thank you, I'm glad it captured your attention that was something I did worry about.

Yeah I'm going to try and add in more about Ava's background in the next few chapters.

Ah sorry about that, I'll work on making it less confusing. I'll try to add in more traits and physical features of characters too.

Yeah other reviews have picked up on those errors and I've tried my best to fix them.

Thank you very much :-)


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Review #2, by Siriusly89 First Day Back.

29th November 2012:
Not much happening in this chapter, but thats okay :) One little thing I would say is, the road to true love never did run smoothly, so for James and Ava to both like each other straight away, is a bit unrealistic ;) And that just gives you an excuse to write an amazing tale of falling in love :D With plenty of Quidditch and shenanigans along the way :D You know where I am if you ever need another review :)

Author's Response: Yeah this was a wee bit of a filler chapter. Ah well, it seems like a smooth ride at the moment but just wait haha! Thanks very much for this review :-)

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Review #3, by Siriusly89 The Five Goals.

29th November 2012:
Hey there :) Siriusly89 here with your requested review:) I really like the intro to this story! I am so far in love with Ava, and I like how Dom isn't an obsessive girly girl like she is in some stories! I LOVE the idea of the five challenges and I can't wait to see how they pan out!:) On to the next chapter :P

Author's Response: Thank you very much :-)

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Review #4, by peanuts11 First Day Back.

28th November 2012:
I really like this story. I'm typically someone who likes angst and drama so I really like the normal start of year descriptions and the establishing of friendships. I like Ava as a character but I haven't fully figured out her character. She's quite cheeky and seems lovely. I'll hope you'll develop James further in later chapters.
I also think that you need to work on descriptions of the setting to extend the scenes.
But you are a fantastic writer so I can't wait to see Ava complete her list. :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much :-) Yeah, descriptions of settings is something I'm working on. I really appreciate that you took the time to read and review!

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Review #5, by Elphaba and Boyfriends The Five Goals.

8th November 2012:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review! Sorry I am so late.

First of all, I really like the five goals that Ava and her friends set each other. Ava's goals all seem believable and have the potential to develop into some very hilarious and interesting plots - especially the snogging one. ;)

Ava seems believable as a character so far and the dialog seems realistic. There haven't been a lot of details yet to help distinguish the various characters from each other, so I would hope to see them develop (mannerisms, habits, speaking styles, physical traits) over the course of the next couple of chapters.

The main grammar issue I found is missing punctuation at the ends of lines of dialog.
Ex: "Night Dom, night Avs"
"Night guys" I said rolling over to go to sleep.
Don't forget to put a comma or period before the closing quotation mark!

I also noticed you used "I and Dom" a couple of times; this should be flipped: "Dom and I."

I think it's cool that Neville appears as the Headmaster! :)

Overall I think you're off to a good start. The five goals definitely have me interested enough to want to read more. I would like to read more of Ava's back story, too -- including why she always flips off Professor Collins. ;)

Author's Response: Sorry I've taken so long to reply to this, I've been unable to get on my computer for a while.

Thank you I'm glad you like the five goals.

Thanks for the tip on the developing the various characters, I'm going to try and work on that in my next few chapters.

A few other reviews have picked up on the missing punctuation so I've tried to fix that in the next chapter.

Thank you very much for the review, I've found everything very helpful :-)


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Review #6, by LoopyLemon The Five Goals.

3rd November 2012:
This was a good start to the story. You set the scene and the friendships very well.

I liked how you have a large friend group all planned out. Small details like ex's make this story feel more like a high school girl's journey and definitely stop Ava from being a mary sue. You have obviously done all the background research which is nice.

I also liked the touch with the thestrals. Again it gives your character more depth and makes her feel more alive.

The goal setting was a nice touch as well. It sets up future chapters and gives the story a bit of purpose.

This is a quite long chapter and you manage to get a lot of information in it. Yet in saying that I don't know what year Ava is in (I think she's seventh but I'm not sure) or who her mother is. You spend a lot of time explaining the close friendship with Dominique's family but she still isn't given a name.

One thing you could work on in the future, is showing your story rather than telling it. You tell the reader a lot of background information about the characters and there is the chance that could get overwhelming. Sometimes details can be left out of stories and if the author knows them, they will make their way in on their time. Also I'm not sure if it is necessary to explain all the Weasley connections. A lot of people that will read your story will be reading it because of the next-gen tag. They will already know all the relationships between the characters and it could make the story flow better without all those tiny details. Maybe look into getting a beta to read it over.

Otherwise, good first chapter. You introduced your story and the characters and definitely introduced a romance with James. I'm interested to see what happens next.

Author's Response: Thank you very much, I really tried hard to plan the friendship group. I'm glad you noticed the thestrals touch cause I wasn't sure everyone would pick up on it.

I realise that I didn't mention that Ava was in her sixth year in my chapter, it's included in the summary of the story though. I'll need to edit the chapter to include that detail, thanks for pointing that out. Ah yeah, Ava's mother. I really should have included more detail about her.

Thank you for all your advice, it's very helpful. Also thank you for all the positives you gave about this chapter. I've tried to get a beta reader by posting on the forums but no one has replied and I posted that about a week and a half ago. So if you have any advice on how to get a beta I'd appreciate it.

Thank you very much for the review :-)


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Review #7, by TimeSeer First Day Back.

3rd November 2012:
Excellent chapter! Very interesting. Please update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you like it :-) I really appreciate that you took the time to read and review!

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Review #8, by TimeSeer The Five Goals.

3rd November 2012:
Her five goals! Hilarious! Please update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you! I hope I'll get the chance to update soon, school work is ridiculous at the moment unfortunately. I really appreciate that you took the time to read and review :-)

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Review #9, by caoty The Five Goals.

1st November 2012:
Hey, it's me with your requested review.

So, I like Ava: she seems a mostly chilled out, happy sort of person, despite Joe and the Thestrals. (That sounds like a rock band...) She's normal. Yay.

In general, your OCs are believable and they fit in well, as does your Dom. I wish you'd have told us which canon character Ava and Sean's mum is, though, because I kind of got a bit distracted by that... "Best friend of the Wotters? Not Luna... Alicia? Katie? But we didn't see much of them... Lavender? Parvati or Padma? Though I don't know if they'd give their kids white names..." etc.

Anyway. Erm. You've also got quite a few missing commas and the like, so you may want to take another look at that.

So... good luck with writing, and I'll see you around! :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you like Ava, that's really nice for me to know that she is a likeable character.

I'm really happy my OCs are believable because that's something I did worry about. Oh sorry, that was a mistake on my behalf I didn't realise that I didn't say Ava's mum was friends with Harry, Hermione and Ron. Thank you for pointing that out!

I tried to fix my punctuation the best I could in my second chapter so hopefully I've managed that to a certain extent. I'll get round to editing this chapter to fix it up soon.

Thank you very much for your review, it was very helpful! I really appreciate that you took the time to read and review :-)


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Review #10, by teh tarik The Five Goals.

31st October 2012:
Hello! teh tarik here with your requested review :)

This is an interesting start! Your main character Ava sounds like a nice normal teenage girl with the usual girlfriends and the boy infatuations. She sounds fun-loving and carefree and sporty, which is a great character combination. So far the tone of your story is light, relaxed and full of fun and warmth. The pacing is a little slow, but I understand that this is the first chapter and you're mostly setting the scene for the story. That being said, I think if you had introduced some action, or the seeds of future conflict, or just some moments of tension and foreshadowing in this chapter you would have a much stronger story beginning (the bit about Thestrals was intriguing - perhaps you could have expanded on it a little? Not necessarily reveal why Ava can see them, but just make that part a little longer).

There is some lovely banter between your characters, moments of sarcasm and wit and humour which made pleasant reading. The dialogue is realistic. I do feel that your characters need stronger introductions to them, seeing as there are quite a lot of original characters. I think there should be more details (whether descriptions or speech patterns or mannerisms or even bits of backstory from Ava's POV) distinguishing them from each other. For example, you did great in mentioning how Gavin spends all his summers in France and comes back with a tan. This sort of detail sets him apart from other characters. I feel there should be more of these character details and development, especially when it comes to Ava and her friends Dom and Mel. These three need to stand out on their own if they are going to be the important characters of the story.

There are some issues with punctuation and grammar. Spelling is fine. I had a look at your second chapter and saw that you'd changed the punctuation a little, especially the dialogue parts. However, some of it is still incorrect so I'm going to help you out a little.

These sentences are taken from your second chapter:

"I hate school." huffed Dom collapsing in one of the comfy arm chairs next to the fire in the common room.

"I agree." I said following her actions, content to be in the warmth with a full belly.


Before a closed speech quotation mark, there should be a comma and not a full stop if the speech is going to be followed by a dialogue tag.

The sentence should be:

"I agree," huffed Dom etc.

The dialogue tag would be the "huffed Dom" part. If there's no dialogue tag, go ahead and use a full stop instead of a comma.

e.g. just "I agree."

What I would recommend is getting a proofreader or a beta reader to go through your story with you, to help you out with instances of awkward grammar, punctuation and other technicalities.

OK, so to sum up: this is a very solid start, so great work! I hope I've been helpful and not too critical or anything. I just think that this story has a great deal of potential and I hope to see more of it :) Well done!

-teh

Author's Response: I'm glad to read such positive comments about Ava, it's so reassuring to me. Yeah, I found it hard to put any action in without giving away a major storyline. Thank you for the advice on the pace of the story, I'll definitely try harder with future chapters on that issue.

I let out a sigh of relief when I read 'The dialogue is realistic'. You saying that has made me incredibly happy. I agree with the bit about more details. I just didn't want to put a lot of background/details in about each character in case in was too much for a first chapter. However now I realise I should have put more in.

Thank you for the advice on the punctuation, I changed it the best I could in the second chapter. I've been very keen to get a beta and I posted on the forums but so far no one has responded and I posted that on 20th October. So if you have any advice on how to find a beta, I'd be very grateful.

Your review has been extremely helpful and not too critical at all. Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review, I really appreciate it :-)


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Review #11, by Failed_and_Forgotten First Day Back.

30th October 2012:
Wahh, such a cute story. I`m excited to know of the next ones! Good luck author!



-Failed_and_Forgotten

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate that you took the time to read and review :-)

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Review #12, by Leigh Kelley The Five Goals.

28th October 2012:
Hello (:.

While stalking the forums, I noticed this story and decided to give it a read. I'm writing the review while reading, so please bear with me. It might seem a little over the place xD.

I think you have a nice start here. I'm very interested in Ava. At the moment, I don't know a lot about her yet, but she seems like a fairly happy individual.

She and Dom seem to have a very good friendship, and I can't wait to see more of that. Judging from what was said about them applying makeup to the boys, I suppose they are a couple of pranksters.

I'm noticing a lack of punctuation marks. Whenever you close your speech quotation marks, there should be a period or comma right before it.

She can see thestrals? I wonder who she saw die.

Also, I find it intriguing that they have a 'goals for the year' ritual. I'm curious to see if Ava will complete any of hers. What does number four mean, though? Does she usually flip off the Professor? Or am I reading 'flip off' in the wrong context? Does it mean giving him the bird, or getting him angry?

Can I make a suggestion? You should break up some of your paragraphs. When Mel is telling them to get up the stairs, Ava sighing should be the start of a new paragraph. It just seems a bit too jammed together.

But all in all, it was a good start. Keep writing!

~Leigh

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review and taking the time to read the chapter, I really appreciate it!

I'm glad you're interested in Ava, that was something I was worried about. I thought people may find her boring or uninteresting.

Thanks for the tip on the punctuation marks, I'll make sure to change it for the next chapter.

Yes she can see thestrals, it will all be revealed soon...

Sorry that would be my fault about number 4, in my head to 'flip off' means to swear at them. I'll change it to avoid further confusion, thank you for telling me you didn't find that clear.

Your suggestion is accepted, I'll break up my paragraphs. I did think it was a wee bit jammed up.

Thank you very much for the review, I've found it very helpful!


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Review #13, by HP for life The Five Goals.

20th October 2012:
OMG I LOVE YOUR STORY please please make a new chapter soon :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm writing the next chapter now so hopefully it won't be too long before it's up. I really appreciate that you took the time to read and review :-)

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Review #14, by Sarah The Five Goals.

20th October 2012:
I love your story so far please update it soon! Please when you make the next chapter make it longer. Your an amazing author by the way

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I think the next chapter will be longer because I have more to write. I really appreciate that you took the time to review :-)

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