Hello! I saw this story pop up on the Recently Added feed a few months ago, and I decided to find it again and take the time to actually check it out :)
For the most part, I liked your characterization of Hermione. I thought it was interesting how she's pining over Viktor, because we get the sense from the books that it was just a fling and that Ron was always the true object of her affection. I like that your story takes a different direction initially! I also think it makes perfect sense for her to keep up her marks even while being depressed. I'm not sure how I feel about her being so forthcoming about physical activity with Viktor, though, just because I would think that she'd be too modest to discuss it openly, especially in her current depressive state.
One thing that stuck out to me is that the emotions here seemed to change really rapidly. One instance is the break in the middle--it might have improved the flow if you had just made the first part a memory and then returned to the present where Hermione is happy again. I noted the line break and time change, but she just seemed to recover really abruptly, especially since she had such dark thoughts and so much hopelessness in the beginning. I also thought her relationship with Ron went from friendship to something else really fast. Pacing a story, especially a romance, is something I had to work on a lot, which is why I noticed it :)
One other thing is that you might benefit from checking out the dialogue tags tutorial on the forums. Again, I noticed it because this is something that I struggled with a lot initially. Typically, you'd use a comma to conclude dialogue instead of a period, because it isn't a stand-alone sentence. It depends on the sentence, though--the tutorial will help you clear that up, if you read it.
I'm sure I'll be back, and I'm glad I finally came by to read this. Looking forward to some Ronmione!
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Finally! A true, constructive review. Thank you so much!
The comma/period thing is somewhat difficult for me. I know when to use it and when to not use it, but sometimes my fingers get ahead of themselves and I forget.
I don't have an editor... I proofread first and then publish. But it's always nice to have a fresh pair of eyes.
I appreciate your review! Please keep coming back. Report Review
N'aww, I love this chapter!
I think it's gonna be a baby girl :D
"Ron smiled and climbed into the bed with me. He cuddled me tight and left his hands on my belly." - And this is why I LOVE Ron and Hermione together xx
Soph xxx Report Review
I think this story is really good and though the end is far off, I have a great idea. The story should end with Hermione giving birth, and lots of happiness. This idea is great and a little far-fetched, but that's what makes you want to read on.
I am writing a story myself and although I've only written a few chapters, I'd be grateful if you'd have a read of it. I enjoy writing stories so much and it would be a pleasure to be able to hear my story could develop so much like yours.
Your story is truly amazing. The story is just so cute, and my only criticism would be that you should show more emotion with Hermione and her going to Hogwarts. By that, I mean you'd think she'd be worried about what other people would think of her and it'd be great if Ron and her got bullied or something, it would make the story much more dramatic.
Once again, good job! Please remember to read my own story! :) Report Review
Yay their allowed back!!
It'll be interesting to see how the people of Hogwarts react to Hermione's pregnancy - the reaction I'm most looking forward to is Malfoy :D
Soph xx Report Review
BVloody Ron! He's so insensitive! What is wrong with that boy?! Honestly there is something messed up in his head! i do like his characterization though;)
I'm really nervous as to how his parents are going to react...
Ever Report Review
Ever since you're blog post I have been DYING to read this!
I felt terribly for Hermione;( Viktor is such a bad word but I'm so glad Harry, Ron, and I suppose Ginny played a part, pulled her back into the land of the living.
I particularly liked the imagery of the meadow and I'd really like to see more imagery:D
Ever Report Review
I Love Ron, he's such a sweetie but so funny when he's not meant to be.
I thought for a second he wasn't gonna find a heartbeat and I was gonna cry but so gald he found it!!! ♥
I think they'll keep it and that it's a girl.
Love it! ♥ ♥
Soph Report Review
Love this story, it really is an excellent piece of writing! :D
I could imagine this happening and bless Ron, he's such a cutie. You've got the characterizations nicely, I 'm glad they are keeping it.
A great story so far, can't wait to find out what happens next! :) Report Review
I love Molly and Arthur's reaction and I think you did a good job of Hermione's parents too.
Can't wait for the next chapter and too see what happens when they go back for 7th year :D
P.s I wonder is this baby going to be called Rose??? Report Review
This is really good so far and I can't wait for the next chapter!
I love Romione ♥ and teen pregnancy stories ♥, I can't wait to see Molly and Arthur's reactions.
I think you've characterised Ron really well, especially the part with him freaking out about the test in the café.
SophAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I try to keep to character as much as I can. Report Review
I've just read both chapters of this fic so far and I love it, hanging on the edge of my seat for more. Please update soon! :)Author's Response: I'm glad you like! Our wonderful validators have been doing so good with the queue I've been able to continually update. Report Review
This part was nice and cool and interesting.Author's Response: Thanks so much! I appreciate your review! Report Review
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