Hi there! I'm apondinabluebox on the forums and I'm here to repay you for your lovely review tag! :D
I have to say that I really liked this Regulus one-shot! Normally you would get "life flashing before your eyes" but you've written it so that he's dwelling upon his life and focusing on a particular person- Sirius- before moving on to his acceptance of his death, in a way, and his pride at being able to help defeat Voldemort.
The scene where Regulus recalls his last conversation with Sirius is beautiful! It blends in beautifully with Regulus' internal monologue! And I was suffering from the feels when Regulus' thoughts drifted to how Sirius would live his life. Oh, how wrong he would be. It was quite heartbreakingly well written.
This is quite a beautiful one-shot, even though it's about the death of a person. (Is it even acceptable to think of a story of death as beautiful?) :') Report Review
Hi darling! Sorry it took me ages to get here!!!
Okay, so you said that you just started getting back to writing. I was there a few months ago, bah. It’s terrible feeling like you have to retrain yourself, isn’t it??
I think this is such an awesome time to write about. The death of Regulus, especially through his own eyes, can just go so many different ways.
So, during it I was a bit unsure about how… smooth Regulus was able to articulate everything he was thinking during all this. Then the more I thought about it, I realized that I actually have no idea what dying is like. Obviously. And I’ve heard what you pointed out in this, that drowning is supposed to be ‘peaceful’ so it actually makes sense that he would be in his own little thought bubble. Kind of having one of those ‘life flashes before your eyes’ moments but it isn’t actually flashing. He’s being forced to really dwell on it.
I know it was just a small part, but I *loved* the discussion between Regulus and Sirius. Or the memory of the discussion I suppose. It just felt so perfect. Their reactions to one another, Sirius not retaliating but doing more than a punch ever could and showing him what he really was.. I always wished these two could have made up.
Then Regulus’s thoughts about Sirius and how he would get to live.. if he only knew what would really become of his older brother. You just really touched on a lot of sensitive issues, and did it beautifully.
The only thing I think this piece could use was more imagery. I’m not saying every piece should be packed with it, but in this instance when we’re in just the once scene, trapped inside Regulus’s mind, I think you can take it up a few notches and still be far from the purple prose territory.
All in all, a really awesome and intoxicating on shot!
I hope I could be helpful!
JamiAuthor's Response: Thank you thank you thank you! Report Review
I really like this oneshot. You don't see a lot of stories about what goes through someone's mind when they die, and I think you've got it right. Regulus thinks through his regrets in his life, and seems accepting of his imminent demise, while keeping it nicely canon. Sirius seems very in character in his dialogue.
I saw no mistakes, spelling or grammar wise. Good job!Author's Response: Thanks so much! Report Review
Review Tag! :)
WOW! This was so good, I absolutely loved it! :D
I loved Regulus' memories of Sirius, it seems very sweet that he would think of him before he died. I love brotherly affections, and you pulled it off really well, even though we actually never SEE Sirius! :p
Anywho, I really liked this one-shot, it was so good!
10/10! :DAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! Report Review
Well, this was a nice little one shot. I mean, not nice, because he's drowning. Nicely written is what I mean.
I wish it was longer, but I suppose there's only so much you can do with Regulus dying :) Even so, I really liked it. Even though we never meet Regulus in the books, I think it was a good portrayal of his character. Sirius's too, through Regulus's eyes.
9/10 :)Author's Response: Lol thank you!
I tired so hard to make it longer, but I ran out of ideas. It started out being only 500 words, so making over 800 was a huge accomplishment for me XD Report Review
hwgheguidgw I loved the opening and last sentences! They were really powerful and I actually shivered at the end! I clicked on your link on the forums because I absolutely LOVE reading about Regulus and everyone's different interpretations on him.
I wrote one similar to this, actually, along with a couple of other Black family stories. I find them so interesting and fun to write and as you said on the forums, you did too!
Good job with your story :D It's always a good thing when you write a fantastic story and have fun with it :PAuthor's Response: Awh, thank you :)
The Black family is, by far, my favorite to write. Especially Regulus. He's just my fave :3
And I'll probably be looking up your stories. Can't pass up a good Black family story ^_^ Report Review
Hello, I'm here from Review Tag! (Thanks for tagging me before, by the way! I take ages to respond to reviews because of my busy schedule, but I do reply.)
This is a really interesting look at Regulus's last few moments. He experienced a really horrid type of drowning with the Inferi playing a part, and I've always kind of wondered what he must have felt like and what he must have thought about in those final moments. I think it's fitting that he worried a little about Kreacher, and yet he didn't worry too much to where he didn't still seem like a Black.
I loved that you mentioned Sirius. This, especially:
Instead he gave me a long, sad look. As he turned and walked away he spoke the last words I would ever hear from him. "This will be the death of you, Regulus."
How right he was.
That totally broke my heart. I also liked how Regulus knew that Sirius's heart was too hard to mourn him, as sad as it was for me to read. You've done a great job with the emotion in this short piece.
I noticed a couple technical errors I thought I would comment on. One, 'bony' is spelled without the 'e.' Also, it seemed like you switched tenses frequently from present to past and back, especially in the beginning. If I were you, I'd read back through this and choose one to stick with.
It's so interesting how Regulus had such a positive outlook on his death. It's like he said--the price for being young forever was having to die young. More than that, though, it's clear that his victory over Voldemort means more to him than his own life, than almost anything he has to give up.
Great job! Good luck in the challenge :)
-AmandaAuthor's Response: I don't know why, but I always end up changing tenses throughout my stories. >.> I even went back and edited just for that reason before I posted and I still didn't catch them all XD Lol, but I went through again and I think I got majority of them! ^_^
And thank you for the review! I really appreciate it! Report Review
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