Here for slytherin review tag!
I am pleased that I got the opportunity to come back to this story and read this chapter.
This keeps getting more and more interesting. So, from the last paragraph it seems like Hermione herself took on Drasina's identity? But for what reason? And this Ministry guy doesnt seem very reliable, I dont know if he's on the good side or the bad. And I couldn't quite catch on - what was the lie that the guy told her? Was it the part about Hermione being dead or her being held captive, or something?
It's all very confusing right now (though I guess its good for the story)! Too many questions!
Nonetheless, I enjoyed this chapter. I think you wrote this very well, and except for a couple of grammar and punctuation errors, this made for a smooth read.
Keep writing! I'll hopefully get the chance to read the next chapter through another round of Tag!
(AditiDraco95) Report Review
Well this a very unusual story, I don't think I've ever come across one like this before! I'm guessing Hermione is Drasina, I thought that was a really good idea, as I've never come across a Dramione like that before! Great work, Kiana :)Author's Response: :) thank you for the review! I hope you come back to read more. Its a very fun story to write. ~ Lady Report Review
Well, this is definitely getting more interesting. So... she is Hermione, and there was a Drasina. And this "ministry guy" isn't a good one if he wants her unprotected. I'm very curious.
This is a really good story so far. Although I did notice some little things, like no punctuation where there should be. I don't know if you have a beta or not, but maybe you should think about getting one, just to look over it with a different set of eyes to catch the little things. Maybe just one to look over punctuation because,other than that, you have a really good plot going here and I wouldn't change anything of that. I can't wait to read the next chapter.
xxEnigmaticEyes16Author's Response: Hello again!
Thank you so much for the review. I have finally realized I'm in this for the long haul. I have rough drafted the next three chapters. I should be updating a bit more regularly now.
I am looking into a beta. Grammar has never been my strong suit. like ever :( The next chapter should be a bit more interesting. Happy Reading ~ Lady Report Review
I love this story can't wait for the next chapter :)Author's Response: Thank You! Its currently in Validation cue! Report Review
Arg! I wanna know what happens next! This is getting really good. I hope you update soon.
Now. Moving on to an actual review. I really like how Drasina still has a lot of Hermione-esque habits and skills. Like she still loves books and learning, she still has a flare for extension charms, and she's always prepared.
I was very curious about the strange old woman in orange and I'm still wondering who the heck she was and if she had anything to do with the attack. And what was that floating paper? I'm completely lost. And I'm really curious as to how these people found out who she is, when she doesn't even know who she is, and apparently no one even recognizes her which I'm assuming means there's some magical disguise she's got that even she's not aware of. I don't know, but I'm dying to find out more.
xxEnigmaticEyes16Author's Response: Soon Soon! Chapter is being edited. I'm horrible at it so waiting on its return from a friend, but it will be posted asap. ~ Happy Reading
Lady Report Review
Well, I'm certainly intrigued... this is defnitely an enticing story you have here. Although, I am a little curious why no one's recognized her for five years. I also found it strange that she knows her N.E.W.T.S. scores when Hermione never took them... that we know of. I could say more but I really want to read on and find out more about Drasina.
So far this is very interesting and well written and I can't wait to read the next chapter, so I am going to go do that now.
xxEnigmaticEyes16Author's Response: The N.E.W.T.S. Gets explained later. Its more about Sin's scores not Hermione's. And that will be confusing till later chapters. I'm sorry. Thank you so much, I cant wait to post more on it. Both of my stories now have me excited to write to share a bit of my imagination. I just need to get better at the grammar side of writing. Now off to write some more, as always Happy Reading ~ Lady. Report Review
My reviews are typically short sweet and to the point, so here it goes...I LOVE what you have so far. your attention to detail is amazing. I can't wait for the queue to open up again and see what you have in store for Sin and Draco.Author's Response: Thank You! :) ~ Lady Report Review
Hi there! Stumbled on your story from the Review Thread :) so here I am and I have a bit of picking up on grammar and such so I'm just going to be a lil nitpicky for a second...
In this: "Shuttering she took another peek at the clock" - I think you meant 'shuddering' haha ;)
Here: "...that started coffee" - I think you're missing a word. I think it should be 'that started 'the' coffee...'
Also, in this sentence: "every morning when she walked into her closet she seen the dress bag" - grammatically, it should be "she would see the dress"
Also, you did this a few times.. "...accept the Malfoy’s back" - Malfoys should be with no apostrophe. It's not possessive, it's talking about more than one Malfoy, see? :)
Okay righto, sorry about that. I can't help myself. I studied English for 3 years so... But anywhoo, onto the main thing, your story! It's a lovely beginning! It's really interesting how you introduced all your characters because it was done so flawlessly. A lot of stories shove the characters in your face but you eased them into your story - like with Hermione being missing, that was sooo perfectly well done, I sat back for a bit and thought 'wow, wonder where she went!' Also, your OC is very likeable, and with her memory loss, you really made us want to know more about her. Although, I would suggest adding more self-reflection... ehh.. I don't know if that's the right word, but show more of her feelings. At the moment, your story is quite narrative and your language is just lovely, but to really reel in readers so they start to feel something for Sin, you might want to add more of that kind of self-reflection. You did it at the end of the chapter actually and I really liked it! But then again, these are just suggestions and might be a personal preference thing so feel free to ignore me anyhow :D
I'm rambling.. sorry. Really though, it's a great start! I am genuinely very intrigued to find out what happens so keep writing!! :)Author's Response: Thank you for your review. :) Would you, by chance be interested in being my beta for the next chapter? It has been a while since I have been in school, let alone an English class. Grammar has never been my forte and I apologize. Happy Reading~ Lady Report Review
Wow. This is really good! It has a super interesting plot, and I love the whole setup with "Drasina" not knowing who she "really" is. I also applaud you for your grammar and spelling: it's spot-on! One teensy-weensy thing that might dissuade picky readers (like myself hehe) is that in your title, "Expectations" is spelled "Exspectations". So that's pretty much it. Keep at it, girl. I'm hooked to this story now! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! Though I must confess the spelling and grammar I had some help from TenthWeasleywriter in the forums. I hope you come back to read more. Happy Reading ~ Lady Report Review
I enjoyed this chapter so much despite it being a no brainer that Drasina was Hermione! It takes nothing away from your fine tale; and I'm so looking forward to the back story of how it came about! 'til your next update, ciao.Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it. At first I was leery about it being so obvious who Drasina was, but it turned out for the best because the vocal point of the story isn't her identity, its her memory. I cant wait to post the next chapter. It shouldn't be too much longer. Happy Reading ~ Lady Report Review
I confess, I was so enthralled by your story that I read both chapters before reviewing! It has a rather refreshing slant on a familiar theme. All praise to you for that! Sorry for the over-use of the dreaded exclamation mark, but your tale has me so enthused! I'll now move on to review the next chapter.Author's Response: After reading your review I must admit I squeed a bit. I'm so happy you like it. I'm a little behind on the next chapter but soon. Soon... XD As Always Happy Reading ~ Lady Report Review
Hey! Back for more!
So sorry I took a while. Life's been rather busy, I wasn't even able to log on and answer reviews or be on the forums but better late than never!! :D
Again, I have to commend you on the narrative and description. I was able to imagine Sin chilling out with the plant as she slowly tried to dig it out. I can see a bit of her "forgotten self" bleeding through Sin making her be the same character we all know. Going with the whole theory of Hermione being Sin. ;P
I like how you're taking your time with telling us what happened to Hermione.
barley stretched 60 cm wide--When it comes to numbers in narrative or text, spell it out. It breaks away from the whole narrative if you add numbers. You have to have consistency. For example in the line that reads:
old her it was only seven, his letter said he would be here around 8-- you had 'seven' spelled out with 'eight' was the written number.
And by the way! The name Elric would've been a nice name for an owl, however Alfonse works fine as well. I'm thinking of getting a hedgehog so I might name him Elric...XD
I had to google what carbonara was and my mouth watered...
I was about to tell you that the plot seemed to be getting nowhere except to give us a little insight Sin's and Draco's life. However, man! You proved me wrong! I want to know what happens next! I'm guessing she fled to Narcissa's, right?
Who where the people? What happened to Hermione's memories? So many questions I have!!
Which is good! If a story doesn't interest me, I just go "meh...whatever." However, you managed to intrigue me with the plot! :D
The only little critique aside from the numbers I mentioned before is that there were some spots where you're missing some commas or periods. Other than that...that's it!
Great chapter and I wish to know what happens next! So yeah! Let me know if you update! Adding this to my faves! :D
--Rosie/PerelandraAuthor's Response: Thank you for the number's bit. I'll go in and edit it on my saved version. :)
Hedhogs are sooo cute.. ! Eeee
hehe Carbonara one of my favorite dinners. Even if it does take a bit to make.
Thank you for the review. I'll message you when I have the next chapter posted. Though its kinda taken a back burner to my being super behind on my NaNo. :/ Anyways Happy Reading! :3
~ Lady Report Review
Me again, from tag.
So. Your descriptions are lovely, especially for the gold vine, and I'm interested by how different Sin is to Hermione, even though they both (god, I'm talking about them like they're different people!) are intellectual. Nature versus nurture, and all that.
I really like that sense of security you get us into until BAM! Random guys turn up who know who she is. It's fun. I'd honestly thought this was going to be a nice fluffy chapter. XD
It's all very interesting and suspenseful now.
Anyway. I'll admit this isn't the longest review in the world, sadly, but good luck with this and happy writing, it's got potential. :)Author's Response: While brainstorming Sin ( originally she wasn't Hermione, but the first draft she fit the role better than the other notion I had...) I kept thinking of if Hermione were to grow up different, or have all of her past erased how would she be? It turned out far more interesting than I thought it would lol. Thank you so very much, I hope you come back to read the next chapter. :3 Report Review
Hey! Perelandra here from the forums! :D
First off, I've been meaning to ask you...your SN/Penname...Fullmetal Alchemist? The reason I ask is because the Ouroboros design is just like FMA. And the name Alfonse... If not, ignore my crazy rant!
First off, I'm actually excited to read this! I haven't read a romance triangle in forever! I'm a closeted fan of Draco/Hermione/Ron.but shh...don't tell people! :D
I review as I read along, just so you know. I point out things I like, questions and perhaps a few typos/mistakes in order. Anyway! On with reviewing!
The coffee pot murmured as it created the elixir of life --That line has never been so true!
It took me a while to realize that Sin is most likely Hermione. So I have questions...how come no one can recognize her? Hahaha, I guess that's the mystery behind this, right?
Overall, I absolutely love the narrative. It flows nicely and the description is great! Not too much to where it felt too wordy, making me feel like scrolling down to make it go faster.
Thanks for the great read! :D
--Rosie/PerelandraAuthor's Response: The Ouroboros has been one of my favorite symbols for as long as I can remember. It doesn't help that I am a huge fan of FMA. I thought Elrik would be to obvious of a name.That being said, If I ever had an owl, his name would definitely be Alfonse... I almost made Sin's last name Armstrong, but I figured that would be taking it too far.
My NaNo is a story about an alchemist, when I post it to here I hoe you get the chance to read it. Anyways back to review response. (^.^)*end little rant*
Thank you so much for the review! hehe I wont tell, this one is more drama, think soapnet and add like ten more scoops of plot twists. ( ok maybe i'm exadurating. )I just hope I can keep it interesting. I worry that I put to much forward to soon..?
I have had so much fun reading your stories as well. Now onto chapter three! Happy Reading ~ Lady Report Review
Hi there darling! What an eventful chapter!
Sin feels very peaceful and serene, which is a fun change to Hermione. It seems like it probably reflects on her surroundings seeming very fairytale like. I really enjoyed reading about how she harvested the plant and her productivity regarding her free time.
I'm curious to know more about Draco, but I'm sure that will come in time. He seems very thoughtful and kind, and that definitely makes me want to continue to read on to learn how the arrogant, conflicted boy was able to calm so much when he came into adult hood.
And now I'm extremely curious as to who found her, why they were attacking, and how they found her! Hermione must've committed some kind of crime to merit people blasting into her home!
I really liked the fast past at the end; the action was portrayed well! I'm excited to see what comes next!
JamiAuthor's Response: Hehe ~ I'm glad I was able to get her across peacefully, in the books it feels like Hermione was always rush rush rush, the only time she wasn't doing things was when she was sleeping. I wanted Sin to be a little more calm than her. As for Draco, he wasn't a big face in this chapter. I put him in to show some of her normality. He has a much bigger presence in the next chapter. As for the rest, it all adds up in the end, I cant wait to finish writing out the big reveal. A big thank you for your review. Happy Reading ~ Lady :3 Report Review
This is an original start to a Dramione! I like the idea of Hermione owning a bookstore, it seem to fit very well. I also love the bit you've added with her summer dressed, that she's always wearing them. It gave her character a bit of familiarity.
Your descriptions set an attractive scene. Her bookstore/house seems very nice, the entire town seems pleasant.. very picture perfect.
This also did something good in terms of curiosity. It brought up plenty of questions on why Hermione doesn't remember anything, why Sin (which totally just makes me think of a dark haired woman in a red dress, haha), doesn't question not remembering her own past, why narcissa doesn't recognize her. All those questions help the reader want to figure them out. Though the Narcissa and Draco ones do really push at me, because no matter what she does to her hair it seems odd that they wouldn't realize it's her face.
Anyway, intriguing start, m'dear!Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. Alot of the questions are meant to add mystery. Also Hermione has changed more than her hair. :) I hope you come back and read the upcoming chapters. Happy Reading ~ Lady Report Review
Wow. This was a thrilling chapter! I wonder how the people found her and knew she was Granger. And what was that paper floating in the potions bookshelf. I hope it was Draco's footsteps though.
I am so curious now. You've really got a good story here. I am looking forward to the next chapter. Great going!
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Hehe your the first person to ask about the paper. Its important for later chapters. Thank you for the review, I'm so glad you like my story so far. Happy Reading~ Lady Report Review
Ah, this is one intriguing story. I like your style of writing, and the way you have set up the story with this opening chapter. The little details here and there are quite good - acting as fillers yet not coming across as boring. I like Drasina's character, you've crafted her well, and I am guessing she's Hermione with her memory modified/gone and her appearance changed. So if that's the case, you've done a good job of mixing old Hermione traits with new Drasina ones. I like Narcissa and Draco in your story, seems good, and I am loving the romance that will brew between Draco and Hermione/Drasina.
All in all, this was a well-written chapter and I quite liked it. In fact, I want to read more so I'm moving on to the next xD
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Thank you for the review :) I'm so happy you liked it. Happy Reading ~ Lady Report Review
Let me guess drasina is Hermione and draco will fall in love w/ herAuthor's Response: Its not that black and white, but it wouldn't be a romance without some love. Its just the start of their story. How it will end only even I don't know. :3 Report Review
Loved this chapter! Cannot wait for the next update, and this story sounds amazing!Author's Response: Thank you! Its currently being edited. It should be up next week. Report Review
Elphaba back again,
Okay, so right away, I really liked the part where Sin goes out to harvest plants for her garden! Hermione definitely knew both potions and plants very well, so these kinds of daily activities are a very good fit for her! :)
My main quibble with this chapter is the use of italics. I realize you are using italics to denote Draco's POV, but I don't think it's necessary. Your writing is all in the 3rd person (I do all my writing in 3rd person, too, b/c I like the freedom it gives me) so switching temporarily to Draco's train of thought doesn't jar the reader like it would if you were writing in 1st person. With 3rd person writing you can reveal the thoughts of any character you want, whenever you want. :)
I like how this chapter ends:
"Jazz music played softly in the background as she lost herself in reading about Goshawk’s tips on caring for goldvines."
As soon as I read that I had a feeling that her life was too quiet, and something big was about to happen! Then it did:
"It was close to midnight when a loud blast outside of her door sent shards of wood and smoke flying through the air..."
I'll definitely be back again to see what happens next! :)Author's Response: While writing that final moment I felt like a horrible author... I mean she had finally settled in, when Bam! (Yes, I will admit, a small maniacal laugh happened in my head at that moment) Hehe. I cant wait for you to come back and read some more. Your last review was so helpful and I have it fixed in my edited version. Happy Reading ~ Lady Report Review
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!
First of all, since you asked: No, I didn't find your story to be either too confusing or two obvious. I suspected that Drasina would turn out to be Hermione because I knew going in this is a Dramione, not because of too-obvious writing. :) If I hadn't known, then I think I would have begun to make the connection by the time I got to the end of the chapter.
Your story piques my interest because of questions like: How did Hermione lose her memory? Will she ever get it back? And why doesn't anyone recognize her? I like that these questions are not answered right away, and look forward to them unfolding gradually throughout the story!
Overall, I like your writing style a lot, but I did notice a few grammatical errors here and there. For instance, there are several places where I would add a comma to separate phrases:
"She took another peek at the clock hoping by chance it was much later with no such luck." I would place a comma between "clock" and "hoping."
There are also a few places where I would add a period and break the sentence into two:
"Everything was so quiet here, she mused, the only other shop that showed life was the baker at the end of the street, and Elise always seemed to be baking her shop boasted the best bread in town." I might break the sentence after "street."
A good trick is to read your writing out loud and then add a period (or comma, depending on how much of a break you want) every time you pause naturally for breath.
A couple of the things I really like in this chapter include the joke about the coffee pot brewing the elixir of life (I thought for a moment it was a potion, and then laughed when I realized it was only making coffee) and the other details about her use of magic, like the extending charms that made her kitchen bigger. :) I like these kinds of details in general, and with Hermione they would be a key part of her life because she IS so good with spells.
The only OOC detail I noticed is her love of flying, because she was never fond of it in the books. Perhaps she developed a taste for flying since she lost her memory, though, so I think it is fine -- many things could have changed in the years after the war. How she learned to love flying would make an interesting story for her to tell at some point. :)
You asked how the story flows, and for the most part I think it flows very well. The only issue I have is with the italicized section. I realize you wanted to set Narcissa's thoughts apart, but maybe you could include this information as a conversation that Sin has with someone else -- maybe she could talk to one of the house elves, and learn some of these details. Some details could also be revealed piece by piece, rather than all at once. I think that leaving a little bit of mystery in the story keeps readers guessing and helps them to engage with it.
Also, I would have liked it if she had actually met Draco at the end of this chapter. :) It would be really interesting to see/hear how their introduction played out.
Overall, I really enjoyed this chapter. I moved on right away to the second...Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I'm so happy you liked it. The OOC was intentional, in later chapters I will explain. I hope you like what's to come :3 Report Review
Wow, this is really good. This was very nice chapter and I loved the flow of this.
Your description was truly imaginable and it's good that you're trying to avoid things that were already done in other Dramione fics. I'm no dramione fan, but if I wanted to avoid cliche fanfics of Draco & Hermione then I will definitely come here.
From the review tag,
-AsphodelAuthor's Response: I'm relatively new to the site and came here for Dramione (hehe) but reading some of these stories it felt like everyone was giving up and going the easy cliche route. I wanted to share something that I hadn't seen before. I'm glad that its coming across well. Thank You for reviewing! ~ Lady Report Review
Hey, I'm here with your requested review.
If what you were wondering was obvious was if I'm right and Drasina is Hermione, then yeah, I'm not going to lie to you, it is fairly easy to work out. That said, that's not necessarily a bad thing; I'm more interested in how she ended up here, and why nobody is able to find her, which are more interesting questions than that of her identity anyway. (Another question I have is why she's given herself - or at least, that's what I assume - such a weird name. :P)
The way you've managed to create mystery through an ordinary day is pretty cool, too.
So anyway. I've got a fair bit of critique for this because it could turn out to be really amazing with some fixing up:
a) The logic of moving to a Wizarding community to get away from Wizarding media. Okay, so maybe Pyre Hill is small, but it has lots of people who know Narcissa and Draco in it, and it's right next to London where the Daily Prophet isbased. I don't really understand - could you explain that to me, please?
b) Yeah, there were quite a few typos in this - may I suggest you get someone to beta read for you? It'd make this easier to read in the future.
Anyway, good luck with writing! :)Author's Response: The next chapter will explain some more as to the questions why no one could find her and how she got that particular name. Answer to A: there wasn't a lot of logic behind that( oops) but I didn't want them based out of Malfoy manor. So I'm going to go with, its their less obvious summer home. B: I am trying to find a beta to help me with that. :) Thank you for reviewing :) Report Review
Review Tag! :D
So this was a very interesting piece to read! I'm guessing because of the information that you've provided that Drasina is Hermione?
I didn't notice any grammatical mistakes or spelling errors so that's always a plus! :)
Although, I felt it was kind of... flat. Now don't take this as I'm saying I hate it or anything, because I really don't. I actually quite like this. You're very good with descriptions, but you told us every single detail surrounding Drasina. For example:
A young Canadian long ear owl sat on his perch on the counter of the store, Alfonse had the most magnificent grey and yellow coloring.
That might be the longest sentence I have ever read! Instead you could make it a bit shorter, but still give those details, like:
Alphonse, the grey and yellow coloured owl, sat on his perch, blinking his yellow eyes.
That still sounds a bit awkward to me but hopefully you understand the point I'm trying to make.
You really are good at imagery, but don't be afraid to skip on some details of the story. In the whole chapter, I felt like all Drasina was doing was describing her surroundings. Maybe you could go more in-depth with her emotions, especially because she doesn't remember anything?
That being said, this is a very original Dramione! The plot sounds fantastic! I usually don't read Dramione but this is a really refreshing outlook!
Good job on this, if you hadn't said, I would have never thought that you hadn't written in a while!
10/10! :DAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review, there is a edited version in validation cue atm that I think flows a bit better, I'm also trying to find a beta. I'm having a hard time finding the characters, if that makes sense... I have my story and I know where it wants to go but my characters are shy and not as forward as the story line in my head. Its a balance I am trying to sort out. :/ Again thank you so much for the review (even if it was review tag) I appreciate the criticism. I hope you come back to read the next chapters. :3 ~ Lady Report Review
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