Elphaba, this is an amazing chapter! (Sorry I took aaages to come back...) It's just packed with excitement and action and yet your characterisation is phenomenal (I loved the parts with Snape in them so much; you've pinned him down perfectly) and things are just generally getting more intriguing. This was a really long chapter (~5700 words), and it's 2.30am , and usually this would have felt like a long tiring read for me. But gah, your writing is so terrific and your pacing was superb that I just reached the end in no time at all.
And yeah, as mentioned earlier, I love your characters. Snape, Dumbledore, Remus, Clio and her friends...everyone. Everyone has such a clear characteristic voice, and even though you have many characters in this chapter, they were easy to differentiate; they were all so well-drawn out.
"Remus," Dumbledore said, breaking into his dark thoughts. "If you're going to be acting on Professor Callimachus's behalf, then please consider whether she'd approve of your actions." This line of Dumbledore's just made me grin. This is perfect Dumbledore.
I loved Snape's characterisation; he's his good old canon self, sneering and condescending when faced with the Death Eaters, and when witnessing Clio's vulnerable moment when the tear falls - he snaps into his icy, detached and unsentimental self, refusing to accept any credit for finding her and retrieving her wand, instead ascribing it all to Dumbledore. And how awesome was he, sneaking Veritaserum into the Death Eaters' drinks :DD Oh, and the "peace offering" to Remus. Goah, that was just wonderful. And I can't believe Rowle's thickness to actually go around screaming that he's "soiled" the reckless American friend...that really made me laugh.
I love the Remus bit as well. Poor Remus - he comes off as somewhat miserable and alone, and it's completely understandable, given the fact that he had to resign from a job that he loved and is pretty much unemployable now. I love the way him and Sirius were living together, probably keeping each other company - I don't know if this was mentioned anywhere in the books, but it really does make sense, the two of them. After all, they've both been through a great deal.
Anyway, I'm going to wrap this review up because I really need some sleep :P I'm so glad I came back to this! Your writing is wonderful as always, and this chapter was fabulous. Will be back for more soon ♥
-teh Report Review
Elphaba, I'm back :D And aahh...apologies it's taken me quite some time.
Goodness, this is such a gripping chapter. It's just completely loaded with action and suspense and terror; you're absolutely terrific at writing these action scenes, and the whole scenario with the Death Eaters was so carefully planned and visualised in such detail with the Fulgura charms and the bolts of lightning and the runes Clio draws on the tent etc.. I'm a bit blown away by it all. It all feels so incredibly real; in fact I really do feel like I'm reading GoF all over again, except from a different perspective.
Clio's actions really surprised me; I'm actually loving how her characterisation is turning out. She's brave, reckless but also extremely emotional at times. But more reckless than anything :P The way she just leapt onto the Death Eater's back as he was Disapparating...that was incredibly original and I swear my jaw just dropped all the way down to the floor. I've never seen an OC depicted or characterised in this way before, so great work on your wonderful and absolutely original characterisation of Clio. Then again, I've not come across any other fanfic that fits itself so snugly into canon, and with so many canon details as well!
I'm assuming this brutish blond Death Eater is Thorfin Rowle...though I suppose it could be anything else. Ugh, that scene with him was just painful to watch. And yet Clio handles it so well. Loved that moment where she concentrates on the parts of her body that don't hurt her, i.e. her fingertips. Though of course, I would assume that her fingers might hurt as some of her nails were ripped out *shudders* Gah, this is just too creepy. And my heart stopped when the Death Eater used the Cruciatus curse on her. He does sound like a thickwit, but a cruel, brutal thickwit. I'm a little surprised that he didn't just kill her once he'd been finished torturing her, but I can imagine that he must've been in a very distressed state of mind himself, having just seen the Dark Mark and with the Ministry officials probably looking for the Death Eaters etc.
Oh, another thing, I love all your minor characters as well :D There are so many of them, but I could easily tell them apart because of you characterised them with so much detail. Bernie's potty and vulgar mouth, Jenn's sense of reason and sensibility etc. I think you're doing a tremendous job handling so many OCs and fitting them into canon.
OK, well, absolutely fantastic work with this chapter. Terrific writing, really. I will definitely come back and read your further chapters :D And totally adding this story to my favourites' so I can keep track of it better :)
-tehAuthor's Response: Hi! Thanks for your very kind review. :)
I'm really glad to hear that you see Clio as reckless, because that's exactly what I was going for. :) And you've guessed correctly that the Death Eater is Rowle. I picked Rowle because I needed to be able to write the scene in a way that wouldn't result in her death, and thought I could do it with him. Yes, he's cruel, but I think at this point in his life he doesn't quite have the stomach to kill another wizard.
You caught a mistake on my part with the fingertips -- they *would* hurt, wouldn't they? That's something I didn't catch, so thanks for pointing it out! I will edit that as soon as I get a chance -- she'll have to just concentrate on her toes. That pain-control method is actually something my aunt taught me once, and it usually helps!
I'm glad to hear that you like Clio's friends, too. They will pop up every now and then, though usually not all at once.
Thanks for following, and I hope you continue to enjoy the story as it progresses! Report Review
Oh my gosh, please update soon! I can't wait to find out what happens next!Author's Response: Thanks! :) I need to edit the next chapter a bit before I post it, but should be done within the next couple of days. Report Review
Hello there, Elphaba!
I remember reviewing your first chapter many months ago...and I remember how evocative and descriptive it was. I'm back for more reading :) Really surprised here that I'm the only reviewer for this story - I've seen you reviewing quite a lot and you've got a flourishing review thread and all..anyway, I find your story really, really well-written and a bit of a mystery, actually, what with Clio's past, her grandfather working in the Dept. of Mysteries, her relationship with Lupin...you mentioned in the summary that this story is actually a sequel. I hope it won't affect my understanding of it too much if I start reading from here :)
Once again, you can really evoke a scene and bring it to life. There are just so many lovely descriptive details, from the Charmed flags, to the scents of the alleyway that Remus finds Sirius in, to the lovely playful moment between Bernie and Hanna. Some of the ideas were so original as well; I enjoyed the upside-down duel where the duelists were held in place by the Levicorpus charm...
Also, I find it really exciting that the story is situated within the Hogwarts era, after Sirius' escape from Hogwarts and with the Quidditch World Cup and Triwizard Tournament due to happen later in the year. Now that I think of it, it really is interesting to find out where Lupin was after he resigned from his position at Hogwarts. I'm glad that you're going to provide a bit of a story about that.
I think you pretty much portrayed Sirius and Remus' friendship very accurately. There's something very...poignant in that moment. Like two isolated people coming together. And I really adore Sirius' final line in that segment; it encapsulated his character and his voice so well:
"Oh Moony, Moony, Moony. What will we do with you?" Sirius patted his slumped shoulders as they walked. "Say, do you know somewhere close by where I could store a hippogriff? It'll only be for a few days, of course."
Ooh, love this. I do hope Sirius will play a bigger role in your story!
OK, well, I've really enjoyed this chapter! I'm intrigued to find out what will happen next, and the mystery behind Clio and Remus. I will come back to this story, and it won't take me as long as last time :P
-tehAuthor's Response: Aww, thanks! :) While this story is a sequel, I'm trying to make it so that you don't need to have read the first one to understand what's going on. I'm really glad that you're enjoying it, because that makes me think that so far I've been successful. I had been worried about people connecting with the first few chapters, especially with the Americans showing up, so I'm glad you liked the upside-down dueling and their antics in the tent, too. :)
Sirius will definitely show up again, and the mystery behind Remus and Clio should become clearer, as well.
I've been somewhat slow about updating this one (I ended up making a major change that necessitated some rewrites of later chapters) but it's really good to hear that you're reading it, and I will do my best to keep the story moving forward.
-Elphaba Report Review
Hello! Thought I'd drop by and read some of your work and return your reviews :)
I think this is an intriguing start to something longer! I love the shifting viewpoints of the story (from Roland to Clio to Remus). I think this was handled quite well.
The setting of Spinner's End is very meticulously built up through the detailed descriptions, and your prose is very nicely textured with all sorts of sights, smells, sounds. The sense of the grimy urban atmosphere is very well developed.
I especially like the final part describing Remus and his scavenging for food. Wonderful imagery, lovely detail.
There were a few grammatical errors here and there but nothing too disruptive or glaring.
Overall, great work! Hope you update this soon. I'm intrigued to see how this story goes!
-tehAuthor's Response: Hi, thanks for stopping by! :)
I'm glad you like the shifting viewpoints, because they're going to continue. :) Roland won't be back for a long time, but I was intrigued by the idea of Snape having neighbors who wonder who/what he is, and so he will pop up again.
I'm even more intrigued with what Remus does to survive ... I figured he must be extremely resourceful and thought that it made sense for him to have a highly developed sense of smell (no wolfy superpowers, though).
I think I could edit everything I write a dozen times and still miss some of the grammar errors. :)
I've just added the next chapter to the validation queue. I hope you'll continue to read and enjoy it! Report Review
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