Hello, Elphaba here! I really enjoyed this chapter and don't have much in the way of criticism. :)

First, this made me laugh: "Apparently there was some famous muggle school there, so it was teeming with tourists." I love that while Thalia's interested in some muggle things, like literature, there's still a lot that she doesn't know.

I appreciated getting a look at Thalia's home life in this chapter -- her mother is really nasty! I wondered whether she would be happy if Thalia got together with Sirius since he's a pureblood, but the conversation at the tea room settled that question for me. :) I love that you delve into the complex dynamics between families in this chapter.

I also really like the glance into Peter's home life, everything from the dialog to the description in that scene is well done.

The only punctuation issue I noticed is that in the phrase "Potter's ball, the apostrophe should be moved after the "s" to make it plural (Potters').

Speaking of the ball, the Potters' house is much bigger than I expected, but it makes sense. I think I might find it a bit of a stretch for Thalia's mother to socialize with them if they DIDN'T have such a large house, so it works. I really like that you show the contrast between the nice wealthy people like the Potters and the nasty ones like Mrs. Longwood.

Oh, yes, I do also like the scene where Thalia and Sirius finally kiss! :) The circumstances feel believable, as does her reaction. I'm dying to know what happens next!

Author's Response: Hey there Elphaba thanks another great review, and I'm glad you didn't find much to critique!

I'm glad that you liked seeing Thalia's home life, as I'll probably be revisiting it later on! I think she would be happier if she was Sirius compared to a muggleborn, but still not completely happy :P I'm glad that you liked the family dynamics :)

I'm glad that you liked the scene with Peter's family as it was fun to include and I felt it was neccessary to show what his family life would have looked like. Thanks for pointing out the error too, I'll go back and edit it :)

I'm glad that the house fitted for you, and I had to make it larger than I thought it would be for it to work so you're not on your own there. The contrast was fun to include, and I loved writing the Potters. As for Mrs Longwood there'll be more revealed about her later on!

I'm glad that you felt the circumstances were believable as that's one of the things I was most unsure over out of the chapter! Thanks for another great review, Elphaba :D

-Kiana

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I absolutely loved reading it!! Maybe Sirius' revenge is the
part that comes in order of phoenix?! { Just a guess :) }

Author's Response: Aw, I'm so glad that you loved reading this! And yes Sirius' revenge does relate to OoP but I won't reveal more ;)

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Hi, Elphaba here!

Once again, I found myself captivated by Sirius's voice. :) I also really like the background information on Regulus, and appreciate that it appears naturally and doesn't feel like a ton of information is being dumped on me.

Sirius's weariness of Anna also seems realistic. Even though he's being a jerk to her, I couldn't muster up any anger at him. :)

Punctuation has dramatically improved from the early chapters! I did catch one extra comma: "Regulus and Narcissa, were obviously not included in this conversation..." but it's probably not worth going back to fix.

I also found one word that I might exchange for one that fits better, here: "They were always disagreeing about menial things..." I think "trivial" would work better in this instance than "menial."

Wow, Sirius's parents are awful! I think this fits well with the way they're described in the book, though, and enjoy his snide commentary about them and his other relatives. This observation, especially, made me chuckle: "The whole place had an eerie feel about it, which fitted the new couple perfectly. They had always given off dark vibes."

Voldemort's visit to their dinner party was definitely something I didn't see coming at the start! I like the dark twist that this chapter takes. His family's desire to "straighten" Sirius out is genuinely creepy, and while I think his confrontation with Voldemort is shocking, it's not too over the top. I assume that he has run away from his family for good? I can't imagine him going back! :)

Author's Response: Hey Elphaba!

I'm glad that Sirius' voice is captivating you! I'm so glad that the information on Regulus was weaved in, as I always seem to have issues with how much I give so it's good to know that :) As for Sirius being mean, he is a teenage boy so you can't really expect that much more :P

As for my punctuation I wish I could claim credit to the improvements but thanks to my wonderful beta, who really has taught me a lot! I'll review that word and when I re-edit the chapter I'll include it :)

Yay his parents are awful! As that's what I was aiming for! Haha I'm glad that you liked his comments as they were a lot of fun to write!

I'm glad that you didn't see his visit coming, as admittedly when writing this chapter I didn't plan for it to happen! I'm glad that the confrontation wasn't OTT, as I felt something big must have triggered him to run away, and you're right he's not coming back!

Thanks for another really great review!

-Kiana

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Oh my gosh that was so tense. My only consolation was I knew Sirius wouldn't die. Otherwise, I don't know what I would do. That was so scary and Bellatrix was perfectly in character. I would have liked to see Rodolphus's reaction to everything, but Bellatrix more that made up for him. The ending was also really nice (I Sirius-ly need to find a better word that nice). It was a perfect way to wrap everything up. Well, like I said, the only thing that was missing was Rod's reaction and personality .

Like always, I love your stories and your author responses really brighten my day.

-Krissy

Author's Response: I'm glad that you found it was tense! Of course Sirius couldn't die, he has about twenty years before that happens :'( would have liked to inlcuded more reactions except the chapter may have gotten to long. I'm glad it was a perfect way to end it though!

I'm really glad that you liked my responses and they brighten your day :D Thanks again for another great review,

-Kiana

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Oh my good golly gosh, I cannot believe that Thalia's mum would such a thing about the Potters. I always imagined James' parents as being really lovely people and such.

I also love how Thalia's mum and Aurelia are talking smack about Sirius' family instead of him (but maybe I just read that part wrong).

I cannot believe that Thalia did that! Oh my God, how could she! How could Sirius do this! Come on people, control yourselves here! I just, I can't, I can't even. I am so done.

What are they going to do now? Things are bound to get awkward between them. Thalia has to tell George, she just has to, if she does tell him I wonder what his reaction is going to be.

Anyway, your grammar and punctuation was great, there was lots of description and the chapter was overall just really interesting.

Great job on it!

Author's Response: The Potters are lovely people, Thalia's mum is just a bit deluded about them! Don't listen to what she has to say :P I'm so glad that you liked that scene with her and Aurelia though, it was so much fun to write :P

I couldn't believe it either, but in her defence it was Sirius' fault, and she did stop it and run away. Yup things are certainly awkward, as for her telling George you'll just have to wait and see!

I'm so glad that the technical things were fine, and that you found it interesting as that's what I aim to do:D

Thanks for this great review!

-Kiana

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Wow! This was really great and you perfectly captured the mood!

The one thing was, vanilla doesn't seem to me like a Thalia smell. I personally think she would be more of a cinnamon or apple.

Again, there where a couple of places where you seemed to miss a small word like the, it, and, but, are, ect. Just a quick re-reading should fix that!

Again, you are a wonderful author and keep up the great story!

-Krissy

Author's Response: Hey Krissy!

I'm so glad that you thought I captured the mood, as I wasn't sure if I was going about it in the right way or not! Hehe I'll rethink the smell, it was litreally whatever popped into my head first!

Thank you for pointing those errors out, and I'll go and review them now! Thank you for those lovely compliments, they really make my day :D

-Kiana

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Hi Kiana!

First off, I liked your word choices in this chapter. There were quite a few words that I had to have my IPod define.

Second, that Sirius/Thalia thing was beautiful. I never thought that Sirius would read, but the way you described his motives, it seems like the most natural thing in the world.

The veela thing was clever, but I can't imagine James going after anyone but Lily.

By now your probably tired of me gushing over your stories, but their that good. This chapter left me at the edge of my seat and totally made up for the last filler one.

Your Gusher In Chief,

-Krissy

Author's Response: Hey Krissy!

I'm so glad that you liked my word choice, as I try and keep it varied! Wub I've never had that scene described as beautiful before and it made me melt a little. I'm glad that you found his actions udnerstandable as that's what I wanted it to be like.

Of course James is for Lily, but I couldn't resist not including it. I could never be tired of your gushing, it seriously brightens my day!

Eek thank you for this lovely review!

-Kiana

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Yay! I finally found time for this site!

You asked about character development. Okay. The book thing was very nice and you had a good transition into, nice and smooth. The walk back to the castle was both abrupt and smooth (if that makes any sence). I would give a bit more of the conversation, but overall, GREAT!!

Another thing I would change is describing every class in immense detail. It is a bit filler to describe every class, and I expect more action and plot from you.

There's also a few places where you seemed to skip a few words. Nothing a re-reading can't fix!


One last thing: I can totally relate to Thalia. I don't see how some people don't get excited over the first day if school. Especially at HOGWARTS!!!

Well, hopefully, I'll have some time to read and review tomorrow, so bye for now!

I LOVE your stories!

-Krissy

Author's Response: Hey Krissy I know what you mean about not finding enough time for this site!

Yeah the first few chapters need serious editing. I wrote these ages ago and though they're fixed grammatically I feel in some areas they could still be improved, so I'll definitely go back and include your suggestions.

Haha I know if I went to Hogwarts I would be up at 3am ready to go to class, come it's a school of magic why wouldn't you be excited?

Wub I'm so glad that you love my stories, and don't worry if you don't have time to read and review I know what life can get like!

Thank you for another great review!

-Kiana

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Wow, it's been a long time since I've reviewed this story! :)

I do like this chapter a lot, because I feel like it's just one of those chapters where a whole lot happens, but at the same time, it's not made into a huge deal either. Does that even make sense? Probably not, but oh well.

I really like the parallel you developed between Thalia and Sirius here, in that both end up standing up to their parents, even if Thalia's wasn't quite as dramatic as Sirius's, but I don't imagine it was actually meant that way either.

If I didn't like Thalia's mother before, I certainly don't now. She embodies all the traits of the arrogant purebloods, and just kind of gives off an air of superiority, which I'm sure was your intention. :)

THE KISS. Part of me was expecting something like that to happen, but you did an excellent job of placing it at a different spot than normal, because I did find myself surprised when it actually happened, thinking "Where did that come from?" Definitely a good thing. :)

I like how Pettigrew's shown as a nice kid here, because I truly believe he wouldn't have been friends with the Marauders if he wasn't. I like how you briefly threw in the backstory with his dad, because it kind of explains why Peter is the way that he is, all timid and scared.

Mrs. Potter is adorable, just like one of those mothers that always has cookies ready and it always happy. It creates a nice contrast between Thalia's mother and her.

I really do like the way that you describe George and Thalia's relationship, because she does seem to be interested in him, but in reading about her visit, the one word I come up with for their relationship is "nice." So it's not one of those crazy romances, but it's still cute nonetheless.

Although I'm still pulling for Thalia/Sirius.

Anyways, there really wasn't much here for me to critique on, because there wasn't much that I saw wrong with this chapter! The flow was great, the descriptions beautiful, etc., etc.

Overall, definitely still love reviewing this story! Feel free to re-request for future chapters! :)

-ShadowRose

Author's Response: Ah this review so long and brilliant, I'll do my best to address all the points in it :D

Haha it does make sense, as I guess it starts off vaguely normal and then interesting things happen! I'm glad that you liked the parrallels between the two, as I thought it would make sense that it would happen.

Yeah Thalia's mother's a tricky one, you will find out a lot more about her much later on. I think that's part of the reason why Thalia's exit was less extreme, as she still loves her, unlike Sirius and his parents.

I'm so glad that you liked the kiss! I was really worried it would be cliche having it at all ball and all of that, but I'm glad that you found it wasn't!

I've been a little mean to Pettigrew throughout this, so I felt that I needed that scene to make up for it. I also wanted to show why he was the quieter, and perhaps weaker one, as I do believe there was a reason.

I think 'nice' is the perfect word to describe those two, because though she does like him, there's that part of her which is unsure. I'm still pulling for those two too, and it pained me to make Thalia run away like that!

I'm so glad that you liked this chapter, and I will definitely be back to re-request! Thank you for this great review :D

-Kiana

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Awsome! Thanks for the new chapter! I love this story. It is actully the first fanfiction I have ever read so you should feel honored. I read other fanfictions and compare them to this now. Please write the next chapter soon!

Author's Response: Haha I do feel honored that this is the first fanfiction you read! I'm so glad that you love this story, and this review made me really happy so thank you for it! I would love to hear what you think of the next chapter!

-Kiana

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Hi again!

So, I liked the beggining a lot, and liked that you hot an important scene in early. I liked how you gave us a bit of each OC's character and backstory without having something like this "she had this she is like this she wants this" . I liked how each of the OC's likes the other's summer better. (We can all connect to that).

Two things I would change are the names. I don't mean to critisize the names you picked out, but Mary and Maia are kinda confusing. I can easily keep Alice and Thalia straight in my head by Mary and Maia are very similar in spelling and sound. I would reccomend keepimg that in mind when picking out names for your next fic.

The second thing is Frank Longbottom also was in the same year as the Marauders. You don't have to change it, but just so you know for the future.

Like I said, this is an amazing story with solid OC's. I can't wait to read more!!

-Krissy :D

Author's Response: Hey Krissy!

I'm glad you liked how all of my OC's stories were told as I enjoyed writing them. I thought it would be fun to include the bit about their summers, so I'm glad that you liked it :D

It was only when I was writing chapter 6 that I realised how similar their names are, and how it may be a little confusing. Mary is actualy canon, so I guess I should have changed Maia's name :P

I thought canon said that the Longbottoms were a few years older than the Marauders? Oh well, it's always fun to play with canon :P

I'm so glad that you're liking it, and I can't wait to hear what you think of the rest of it! Thank you for another awesome review!

-Kiana

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Hello, Elphaba here! Sorry it's taken me a while to post this review.

So, this is another well-written and edited chapter. At first I was slightly disappointed that there aren't more details about the attack on Mary, but then I figured that it is consistent with the way things work around Hogwarts. There are never easy answers or quick solutions, are there? :)

This line of Lily's from the hospital scene made me laugh: "But trust me guys, the day I fall for James is the day that I would go into the library and shout rude words..."

I do also really like that Thalia stands up to Snape and tries to get him to reveal who the attacker is. The only sentence that I'm not sure about is this one: "His threats didn't scare me, as they're just a bunch of school boys, so what was the worst he could do?" I wonder if Thalia would really think this after Mary was so seriously injured? Even if she's not afraid of Snape, she might be concerned about his friends.

As usual, my favorite scene in the chapter is the one where Thalia and Sirius end up talking. :) I enjoyed all the details about their muggle studies class, and how Professor Beaumont lived in India for a year and just teaches whatever he likes. And of course I loved the dialog at the end of the chapter, as they argue over what book to read. Thalia's earlier conversation with George seems so stiff and formal in comparison; I assume this is intentional? I can't help thinking that she won't stick with George much longer, given that she just seems to have more fun with Sirius.

Author's Response: Hey Elphaba don't worry about how long it took!

Yes, I realise now I should probably have put a bit more emphasis on the attack in this chapter, but it does reappear a lot in chapter 12 where everything emerges!

Haha I couldn't resist adding that line, as it's so much forshadowing with those two :P

I'm glad that you liked how she stood up to Snape as that was probably the bit which I was most unsure about. I'll review that line, as this chapter hasn't been reviewed in a while, and now I think about it, it does sound a bit odd.

Haha I'm glad that you liked that scene, as they're so much fun to do, and I love including them throughout the chapters! I'm glad that you liked Professor Beaumont, and the dialogue as I wanted to include something light hearted after the events of last time!

Yeah it was intentional, while George is nice, he's just not the one! I don't want to say what happens, but she does stick with George for a little while longer :P

Thanks for another helpful review :D

-Kiana

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I liked how you gave us a sense of the chaos of platform 934, but i felt like i was waiting for some introduction to Remus and Peter.

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked the chaos, it's one of the most magical parts of the story! I wanted this to just focus on the main people, but they will feature a lot more! Thanks for the review, and I hope you decide to continue reading :)

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Hi, Elphaba here!

First of all, I really like Sirius's humorous commentary on the party. This in particular made me laugh: "Peter was in charge of the music, and given that no Celestina Warbeck was playing, everything was fine."

Grammar and punctuation look great!

The only element I questioned in this chapter is Sirius knowing right away that it he'd found blood: "we discovered a pool of dark crimson blood in the middle of the corridor with no footprints, or other traces of blood leading from it." Might he assume at first that James was playing a prank on him? How would he figure out it really is blood? Would Maia figure it out first? I think it would add a little suspense to the scene if they had to investigate it.

Another thing I really like in this chapter is the conversation between Thalia and Sirius. I appreciate the details she reveals about her father-- I also half hoped that they would snog at the end.

Thanks for another enjoyable chapter! I hope the next chapter reveals who attacked Mary, and that they get what's coming to them. ;)

Author's Response: Hi Elphaba!

I'm glad that you liked the commentary, I think that's one of the best things about writing his character, as you can just write things like that, and it will work.

Yay the grammar's ok, I think it's all thanks to my lovely beta ;D

I hate writing suspense, so I will definitely go back to that scene and incorporate some more, I always feel as if I'm over doing it, but clearly it needs more, so thanks for that :D

I'm sorry about the lack of snog, they're both dating someone though ;) as for the victim it will be revealed in chapter 12, but the attacked is canon if you really want to know!

Thanks for another really useful review,

-Kiana :D

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Short but sweet. Good first chapter to hook a reader in! :) Thalia sounds perfectly lovely and I liked your description of Petunia, haha.

Author's Response: Haha I'm glad that you liked it, and liked the look of Thalia! I couldn't not include the mention of Petunia so I'm glad that you liked it! Thanks for the review,

-Kiana :D

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Claiming the 100th review for this story!

Anyway, I'm here for the RRB. I loved Sirius's sarcasm in this chapter, especially after his mother started yelling. I thought it was ironic because she's getting mad at Sirius for making a scene and she herself is making a scene as well.

I thought you portrayed Regulus really well, showing his uncertainty about what he was doing and whether it was right or not. It seemed like something a teenager in his position would be wondering. It seemed like something any teenager would be feeling at that age, nervous about the choices they're making and whether it would please people or not.

I felt really sad that Sirius had lost Regulus though because he was now completely alone. Walburga Black seemed perfect in my opinion, she was acting as you would expect any Pureblood to do and her outburst at Sirius seemed totally in character to me.

Narcissa was really mean, like hot damn, she was really harsh!

Anyway, good job on the chapter!

Author's Response: Congrats for getting the claim!

I loved Sirius' sarcasm too, and Walburga was such a fun character to write. I'm glad that you picked up on the irony, as it seemed like something she would do.

I'm really glad that you liked Regulus as he's always had a special place in my heart, and I wanted to do him proud. I thought that he would be wondering as well, and really unsure about what to do. I guess he feels like he should do what his family wants him to, but it just didn't seem quite right.

Haha I'm so glad that you loved Walburga, I loved writing her, and I'm almost annoyed at myself that we won't get to see her feature again. Sirius has James and all of his other friends at least, and I think Regulus will always love him, even if he can't show it.

Yes Narcissa is rather evil, but I thought she would have been like that :P

Sorry this review went on a Regulus tangent, I just can't stop talking about him at the moment! Thanks for the review though,

-Kiana :D

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Hey, I'm a late comer to this story but I am really enjoying it. Thelia is a great character and the parallels you've drawn between her and Sirius (being aristocratic pure bloods but having very unsupportive parents etc) makes them an ideal couple, which I really want to happen despite my slight crush on George ;) (who is meant to be Oliver's dad right?). The previous chapter about Sirius meeting Voldemort was great! I did not see it coming and it was a great catalyst for his running away, I've only assumed that his frustration with his family built up over time but this was a lot more dramatic. I occasionally see a few editing problems with repetition but it's nothing serious and can easily be fixed. Keep up the great work on this fantastic story, you've got me hooked! Xx

Author's Response: Hello there! You're not a late comer, as there's going to be quite a few chapters still. I'm so glad that you're enjoying it, I can't describe how much that means to me :D I'm glad that you like Thalia and Sirius, and can see them being a couple!

I love George too, he's just so cute, and yes he is Oliver's dad! I'm so glad that you liked the Voldemort scene, and that it fitted, as I was worried it was a little too extreme!

I'll review the editing problems, and thanks for pointing that out :)

I'm so glad that you're enjoying this story, and thank you for such a fantastic review :D

-Kiana!

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The marauders never knew about the room of requirement!

Author's Response: I realised that after writing it, but hey it's fan fiction I can bend canon a bit ;D

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Sorry to bother you...but I love love love this story its like my totes fav. So I was hoping u could keep writing it. Ur brilliant really, true skills

Author's Response: You're not bothering me, I love receiving reviews as they make my days! I'm so glad that you love this story, and think it's your favourite. Thank you so much for this review, it's made my day :D

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Starting this chapter, I immediately got unnaturally excited that we'd get to see Sirius's family. Far too few stories actually handle his home life.

Getting to see Anna for a longer period of time just enforces that she and Sirius really aren't right for each other, and she's just a distracter. I mean, she's a sweet girl and all (side note: thank you for not making her some horrible person, it never makes sense when writers do that) but definitely not the right fit for Sirius in the slightest.

I love seeing the Marauders prank each other. I mean, what's friendship if you don't annoy your friends constantly in the process? :)

I like how as Sirius walks up to his parents, there's a palpable tension in the air. It just shows how different his home life is from his school life; it's like he walks through an actual barrier to switch between the two.

Sirius's mother - she's basically exactly how I'd picture her. I feel like I say that about every character. I've never really liked her much, but then again, how can you? Poor Sirius.

You do a great job of, from the start, building up the drama of the "family event." You can tell from the start that it's not good news, and that feeling only increases over time.

I love the stand-off between Sirius and Voldemort. I feel like only something major like that would ever make Sirius run away from home. As Sirius cast Expelliarmus, my mind immediately jumped to Harry. After all, it's his "signature spell." This battle just seems so, well, typical of Sirius.

I loved reviewing these chapters, even if it did end up taking a few days! Feel free to re-request when there are more chapters up, or even for some of your other stories!

-ShadowRose

Author's Response: Hello again, and you're all caught up, so I'd better get writing!

Yes Anna isn't the right person for Sirius, she's just too simple for such a complex person, so wouldn't fully understand him. And she's a clinger and I can imagine that would not suite him at all!

Yes I enjoyed writing that work over to his family, I'm not really sure why, but I guess it was because he's so reserved about his home life, and now we finalyl get to discover it!

Haha yes the portrait of his Mother certainly acted as inspiration for the real life version.

I'm glad that you liked the build up about the family event, I was worried I was banging on about it too much so I'm glad to find it wasn't the case!

Yes I thought it would have to be something major, so I was sitting there thinking and Voldemort popped into my head, and it just seemed to fit. And it was a chance to include the rest of the Black family, and I found them really interesting so that was fun!

Yes when I was writing it, it did remind me of Harry, so I thought it would be fun to include that as his leaving thing! I'm glad that you felt the battle suited him:)

Thanks again for the review, and I thought you reviewed them all really quickly, so don't worry about that!

-Kiana :D

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I'm back! :)

For one, I really do like that you have a lot of couples going on outside of the main two. Too many stories literally don't deal with any other relationships, and I'm over here like, "you do realize that those two aren't the only people with love interests, right?" :P

I love all the talk of Lily and James in the Hospital Wing. Especially because I'm just sitting over here giggling to myself as Lily says she's never going to get together with James, and I'm like, "You just go ahead and keep thinking that then..." Dramatic irony is the bomb. (Did I really just use a literary term in a review? I continue to prove my own nerdiness.)

I've said it before and I'll say it again - James is just too cute. I love seeing both sides of him, the kid and the more grown up side as well.

Maybe it's just me, but I've never seen Snape as the more malicious Death Eater-wannabee, just the onlooker. I feel like he wouldn't have been that vicious to Thalia, considering she's Lily's best friend and all.

Other than that, the library scene was very well played out. It was dramatic, and Snape had this very calculating and methodical character about him that just made him seem even creepier.

Hah, I never noticed the similarities between Thalia's and George's last names. Longwood and Wood. I was laughing at that line as I read, both because of that and because of what James was saying too. Yes, I'm that weirdo that laughs while reading (usually in public too.).

I did really like that scene in particular, because I can just envision all of their thoughts, especially Sirius's. He did NOT seem too happy.

YES, you mentioned Pride and Prejudice. I just finished that book about a month ago, and liked it far more than a book about various courtships should merit. Plus, I've always envisioned Sirius as a little bit of a Mr. Darcy, so now I've been drawing all sorts of parallels to various other characters in the book, and the plot line too. Oh dear.

Great chapter!

-ShadowRose

Author's Response: Hello again!

Yes I agree about how stories tend to only focus on the main couple, so I'm glad that you liked the inclusion of others. Haha I enjoyed making Lily say that, as she's going to regret when she finally dates James ;) Yes James is cute, and he genuinely wants to help her, and she doesn't want it, so you can't help but want to hug him!

Hmm I agree that I may have overdone Snape a bit too much, it's just when you're in the element your brain gets carried away! I'm glad that you enjoyed the rest of the scene though:)

Yes I didn't notice the similarities either until I wrote that part! I laugh when reading too, so it's ok! Sirius would not be happy, and can't help but feel bad for making him endure that, but it seemed to be the only natural thing to do.

Haha Pride and Prejudice is great, and I agree Sirius always does seem like a bit of a Mr Darcy, as for the plot lines, my lips are sealed on that front ;)

Thanks for another great review,

-Kiana :D

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I'm back again with your requested review!

I like how you're able to fluidly switch from the drama of last chapter to Sirius not knowing what was going on. It takes a lot of work to intentionally make a character oblivious, when you're clearly not.

One little stylistic comment: you tend to use the word "as" a lot, especially in this chapter. Maybe try breaking it up with some other words every now and then?

I feel like the pool of blood should have caused more panic in both Maia and Sirius. But then again, when you live in a magical castle, you never really do know what to expect when you turn a corner, do you?

It's nice to finally hear the full story of Thalia's parents. I like that you've kind of kept it more secretive until now, because then it builds up the drama.

I love how you use this to draw even more similarities between Thalia and Sirius. Both of them just have these horrible home lives.

They're slowly getting closer - by the way, I like that the progression into friendship and relationship and what not is more gradual, because that's usually how it works in real life. I can't wait to see what happens next!

Overall, great chapter! :)

-ShadowRose

Author's Response: Hello again!

Haha I'm glad that you liked Sirius being oblivious, it was fun to make him not know what was going on for once!

Yes I know I have a thing for 'as', this chapter is going to be edited sometime soon, so I'll get rid of them! And add in more of an impact when they see the blood.

I'm glad that you liked learning more about her parents, I couldn't reveal it all at once, as it would just ruin the fun! Yes they do have horrible home lives, at least Thalia had a nice one when her Dad was alive :)

They becoming close friends, and it's such fun to do, soI'm glad that you liked it!

Thanks for another great review,

-Kiana :D

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Stories about Sirius rarely talk about his actual "at home" situation. I absolutely loved it! It was so enticing to follow. Usually stories only focus on the lovey dovey nonsense, but this is so much more. Bravo!

Author's Response: Yes I noticed that about stories about him, and I found it rather odd, as his home life is such a big part of him. I'm so glad that you loved it, as I really enjoyed reading it! I hope to include more scenes like this in the future, so I'll be interested to see what you think of them :)

Thanks for the review,

-Kiana :D

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ShadowRose again! Well, let's jump into this...

I like that both Sirius and Thalia are basically having the same thoughts regarding the other - it creates a really cool parallel.

George's and Thalia's date was cute, and George seems like a genuinely nice guy. Too many stories on here have the first guy as a total [insert word of your choice here], but I like that yours actually went well.

I love the dynamics between Mary, Maia, Alice, Lily, and Thalia. They just play off of each other really nicely, and it proves to be rather entertaining.

One question: is Narcissa Black's presence at Hogwarts during this time part of canon? I've always thought she was older than the Marauders, being that Lucius was around in Riddle's days, but I could be wrong. :)

That confrontation between Sirius and Thalia during their dates was perfection. You could feel the tension between the two, along with the awkwardness that their dates were feeling. It was great.

I really don't like Thalia's mom. She seems horrible. Is it bad that she made me think of one of my stories? It seems we've had the same idea regarding our OC's mothers. :)

I love how you throw in random Muggle references throughout. With the presence of Muggleborns, I feel like there should be more of them in stories, but sometimes the topic is just avoided altogether...

The "some idiot" that ransacked George's trunk... I don't think I even need three guesses for that one. :)

Whoa, I really wasn't expected the scene with Mary. Wow. Just... wow. For a high-pressure situation like that, it was really well written. For one, I like that you didn't have someone use an Unforgivable on her. Instead, you use some other form of dark magic (sectumsempra was my first thought). You also portray the characters in this situation really well - especially Thalia. She goes from being frantic to breaking down into tears, which is really realistic, although rather depressing to read.

Wow. This was a GREAT chapter.

-ShadowRose

Author's Response: Yes Sirius and Thalia have a lot of parrallels between them, I did it in the prologue so I felt the need to carry it on here, so I'm glad that you liked it!

Yes the OC boyfriend does always seem to be mean, but I didn't want to do that, as George in my head always seemed lovely, so I couldn't make him a baddy. Sirius will just have to wait his turn.

I'm glad that you liked the girls interactions, I was worried they were a little dull, so yay they're not :D

With Narcissa Black, it's said in the Prince's Tale, that Lucius was a 5th year when they were in first. In my story Narcissa is in her 7th year, making her 3 years younger than Lucius, so I figured it would work :)

Haha I'm glad that you liked the confrontation, it was just needed so we could see the tension ;)

I know I read a muggleborn story, and it's like where are the muggle things in it? Also every girl has to get ready with music on!

Haha yes you're right with the trunk!

I'm so glad that you liked the scene with Mary. I've never been in a situation like that before, so I just had to guess, so hearing this is just great.

Yeah it was sectumsempra you'll found out all the details in the yet to be written chapter 12 (well I think you will!). I'm glad that you liked the portrayal of the characters, I thought it was a bit OTT with her crying, but I'm glad that it was realistic. I'm sorry it was depressing :(

Thank you for another amazing review,

-Kiana :D

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Yep, it's me again.

I never mentioned this before, but I like that this story starts in fifth year. Especially because, as you show in this chapter, they are just now starting to use their Animagus abilities.

I like seeing Sirius's thought process regarding Thalia, and protecting himself. I've always seen Sirius as guarded when it came to loving anyone, and you capture that really well.

Another thing I like is the interaction you have between main characters and non-main characters, like Lily and Sirius. Some stories only focus on the main characters, but I like that you have a lot of outside interaction as well. Random observation.

I also like that Lily knows about Remus's condition. She's (a) smart, and (b) a Prefect, so I've always figured she would know somehow. I never like when she finds out like seventh year and is completely shocked.

Sirius's internal (and external!) ramblings just make me like him even more. It gives him that funny edge, instead of making him all brooding and stony. I like the Sirius you've created.

I also like how you've portrayed James's characterization, because you show him as a good guy, but not quite grown up and ready for Lily yet.

Speaking of that, I felt so bad for him when Lily rejected him. You really show how much it affects him, which many writers fail to do.

Continuing with the James commentary, I think his advice to Sirius shows that he definitely has the potential to grow up, her just isn't quite there yet. He's a smart kid.

Second time I felt bad for one of your characters: when Sirius saw Thalia and George. Poor guy, just a few minutes too late.

There was one line that kind of tripped me up: "She said, which George she was talking to, and why was she meeting him I thought worriedly." Maybe you could clarify it a little? I was kind of confused.

Other than that, this was a great chapter. Keep up the good work!

-ShadowRose

Author's Response: Yay another one!

Yes the animagus parts are fun, and I think I might even include a scene when they're out with Remus. Sirius is rather protective over himself, but with his family you can't really expect more, as he hasn't been taught how to love someone.

I'm glad that you liked the scene with Lily and Sirius. I agree, stories which just focus on the main characters never seem to be developed as much. Of course Lily would know, I figured she would have known before 7th year due to her being a prefect.

Sirius can't always be broody, he would get depressed, and his internal ramblings are fun to write!

Poor James, he is mature in some respects, but Lily can't see it yet, and I think James would get hurt when he got rejected, as he isn't just doing it for fun. Haha his advice to Sirius does mean Sirius tried, just not quick enough.

Haha I couldn't have them be together now, but they will be...eventually.

I'll re-read that line and change it to make it easier to read :)

Thanks again for another great review,

-Kiana :D

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