Reading Reviews for On A September Afternoon
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by javct On A September Afternoon

11th October 2012:
javct45 here with your requested review.

This was really poignant; I'm not really sure why, it just was :P I found Christie really cute and adult!Harry was just adorable.

I do, however, have a few small things to point out.

Who is Amy? Is she a OC, because, this is a suggestion but because of your small amount of characters (four) I think that the story would be more engaging for Christie's mother to be canon character that the readers can relate to. Also, how old is Christie? because she seems very advanced in her speech for a young girl (although, I am imaging her to three or four)

There were also a few grammatical, punctation and spelling mistakes. Nothing a good once-over couldn't fix.

Jasmine, x

 Report Review

Review #2, by caoty On A September Afternoon

7th October 2012:
Hey there, caoty here with your requested review. :)

So this was, indeed, very cute. Christie is all kinds of adorable here, and I even found responsible!Harry made me smile, too.
Not many writers can successfully pull off a child's characterisation, so well done.

That said (brace yourself):

I'm not sure about Amy Bellnam, to be honest. It feels a bit random, like you're saying "Oh and BY THE WAY WHILE DH WAS BEING DONE Theo was going out with this Ravenclaw chick that everyone knew but somehow didn't make into canon (unless she did and I missed her, if so, sorry)!" You know what I mean? It just feels a bit AU, and while I know this technically is AU, it was a bit jarring. Maybe you could've used one of those Ravenclaw girls who were in the books, like Padma or someone.

There were also a fair few typos - missed commas and apostrophes, stuff like that - and Americanisms.

All in all though, this was in fact cute rather than horrible, so well done. :)

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login