24 Reviews Found

Review #1, by BellaCamille I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

11th March 2013:
I love this! It's such a love letter and it's so sweet and not cheesy and wonderful. I actually didn't interpret it as Sirius/James. I thought it was just a (platonic) love letter to his best mate. (Is that what you were hinting at at the top? I couldn't tell.) Either way- you're amazing and I'm definitely ogling right now.

Author's Response: Hello lovie! :D

I actually did write it as James/Sirius, but I tried to be fairly subtle with it 'cause they're in the '70s after all. It was great fun to write, though, so I'm glad you liked it!

It's lovely to see you - well, read your review - as always. Thank you so much!


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Review #2, by FredWeasleyIsMyKing I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

27th January 2013:
Hello hello hello!

A very happy birthday to you!! I am here with your birthday present review :)

Okay, so I'll say that I'm generally all Lily/James and anything contradicting these two usually makes me sad. However there was something so unusual about this that I ended up quite enjoying it. It was also nice to see how the James/Sirius friendship was coping with the new James/Lily relationship.

I thought you delved into James conciousness really well. There was a great flow throughout and I did have to laugh at some of the thoughts that went through his mind. It was so realistic, a thought popping in your head without you wanting to think it and you trying to banish it away. I love his mental list of things he would never say to Sirius' face, because he was trying to be manly.

James is just one big contradiction in this isn't he? He swings round and round with his thoughts and his views. I was a little bit confused as to whether Sirius and Lily were together or if James is just imagining or worrying that they were/are and I definitey wasn't sure if James/Sirius had a thing in this? You seemed to imply it when James wanted to feel his Quidditch hands rather than Lily's soft ones so I wasn't sure. It is kind of the beauty of this piece though, you've left so much for us as the reader to fill in.

A couple of other things that made me smile: when James had an immature moment with the boobs and when James admits how much he's missing Sirius.

I did enjoy this little one-shot. You're a very talented writer! You say so much with so few words.

Happy Birthday once again!

Lauren :)

Author's Response: Hey hey hey!

I know this is the tiniest bit late, but thank you anyway. :)

I'm generally mostly L/J myself - although Luna/Harry have recently overtaken them as my het!OTP - but this is basically a crack!fic, so I'm glad you gave it a chance.

James is great fun to write, because he's just so little angst. It's lovely, actually. The most he has to worry about at this point is just school stuff and persistent intrusive thoughts of the gay kind.

You know what, James has no clue either. Boy can't keep track of the relationships he's been in, honestly. So this fic may have a Lily/Sirius and a James/Sirius and a Remus/Sirius and maybe even a Lily/Snape or, the greatest ship of all, Peter/Frank; just depends on how much you feel like shipping today. XD

Thank you so much for your lovely review! :D


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Review #3, by slytherinchica08 I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

13th January 2013:
Oh I loved this! I thought it was a sweet and short oneshot that focuses on James and Sirius and their friendship after James finally gets Lily to go out with him. It was nice to see how their friendship could be affected with James dating Lily, because I can really see James being so excited to finally have Lily that he is going to want to spend the majority of his time with her. Like you said, she seemed almost like a dream to him when he was going after her and now that he's got her she's beginning to seem like a real person. I also like how this oneshot just shows the simplicity of their relationship! Them just hagning out and laying together, him enjoying the sound of her heartbeat, its really cute! Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

Author's Response: Hey!

It was a lot of fun to write - I just love James - so thank you, and I'm really glad you like it! :D


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Review #4, by patronus_charm I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

6th January 2013:
Hey it's your review from the review tag!

I was really confused about who the narrator was. So in the end I checked the reviews and saw it was James. I'm still kinda undecided over whether I liked that or not. I loved the ambiguity of it though out reading it. However I just assumed it would be revealed at the end so it was kinda disappointing it wasn't.

Overall I thought this was really original and I really enjoyed reading it. It just shows how deeply Sirius and James's friendship as it shows how much both were lost and hurting with out one another. I would have thought something more may have been occuring if it wasn't for the last line. I thought this brought some fresh perspective to a story I love and I really enjoyed reading this new perspective :)

Author's Response: Hey!

I did actually put in a tiny little reference to the narrator near the end - he starts to address his little stream-of-consciousness to Sirius and mentions him by name - but it's a blink-and-you-miss-it moment. Sorry about that.

Despite that, I'm very happy that you liked it, because I had tons of fun writing this despite its weird pairings. Thank you so much for your review! :)


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Review #5, by Pixileanin I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

6th January 2013:
I *love* that last line.

After all the vacillations that James goes through, with the "I've got what I want, but I want what I shouldn't have", and "why are you better with him than you were with me", and "I know you and she got together, but I'm not going to mention anything to either of you because this will spoil my moment"... James knows his future. He sees his path forward and he knows what's ultimately going to happen and there's a small (or not so small) part of him that relishes in the fact that he won. He won because he got the girl. Maybe he won because he got the girl and Sirius didn't. Maybe he won because that "other" relationship that Sirius has with Remus, or whatever happened/could happen/might happen between James and Sirius won't be as fulfilling as whatever James has with Lily.

And he calls her "the girl", like she's some prize to be obtained, some kind of destination that he's finally reached and unable to fully process in his "moment of kind of, but not actual" clarity.

He's arrogant and conflicted and "irritated" about the whole thing. I assume that maybe part of his irritation came from his speculation about whether Sirius got there before him, but that's another thing I adore about this style: the reader is left to fill in the pieces with so many, many possibilities and it works, whether it was what you intended for the backstory or not. I just love the way you used this challenge to explore that. I think your raw, stream-of-consciousness style was excellent for exploring this convoluted, twisted niggling of a plot thread. And no, James will *never* say any of that to Sirius' face. :P

Author's Response: Hey!

The strange thing about James is how clear-cut his life seems to be in canon. Like, you know, he's from a respectable-but-not-Dark Pureblood family, he knows he's going to get with Lily since at the latest fifth year, he never seems to have any moral or emotional ambiguity at all ever. Which is weird, because his friends are full of all of that kind of contradiction and the like. So I had a go at fixing that by shipping Sirius with everybody, because that's how I roll... I'm glad you picked up on James' vacillations, is what I'm trying to say.

Lily is, here, absolutely a prize to be won in a competition whose only competitor is James. She ends up a bit like furniture in this one-shot, actually. :S

I think the thing about backstory is just me being lazy (or strapped for time), to be honest. :P
But anyway - thank you so much for your lovely review, sorry about this terrible and late response, etc. :)


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Review #6, by Voldy Needs a Hug I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

26th November 2012:
I'm sorry it took me so long to get around to your review, but here you go:

Overall, I enjoyed the original approach you took to the fanfiction. I can't say I've read anything like it in a really long time. I was initially a little confused as to who the narrator was (I was bouncing back and forth between Sirius and James), but eventually worked it out.

I thought it was very unique that Sirius was focused on James throughout the fanfiction, despite the fact that he was spending time with the love of his life. Nearly every sentence revolved around James. He certainly must have had a large impact on Sirius and Lily's relationship.

Your characterization was spot on. James was portrayed, a bit predictably, as the jealous friend who watched fr the sidelines as Sirius and Lily had fun together. Sirius was reminiscing about quite a large number of events throughout the fanfiction, which were mentioned only briefly. He didn't seem to notice the error in his ways or how he had affected James.

I thought, while you evidently tried, the humor in some areas was a bit over the top, to the point of seeming a bit silly and unnecessary.

Other than that, excellent job! Keep up the fantastic writing!

Author's Response: Well done for taking on the Sisyphean task of doing your backlog of reviews - honestly, in your place I'd probably procrastinate until the writers forget about it. >.> But anyway:

It was a weird idea, wasn't it? I've never read anything like this, which is probably not a good thing.
By the way, the narrator is actually meant to be James. I like ambiguity far too much. Sorry about that.

James and Sirius have a pretty strong relationship in HP, so I decided to play with that. If I were in either of these two's situation, I'd have probably spent the whole time thinking about the other too... and hence, this bit of stream-of-consciousness was born.

I love characterisation, so I'm glad mine worked for you, whether we agree as to the identity of the narrator or not.

I'm quite inexperienced/bad at humour, and I think it's easy to tell. I didn't really edit this too much, though, 'cause it was for the Write or Die challenge, so that may have detracted from this too.

Anyway - thank you so much for your review!


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Review #7, by adluvshp I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

22nd November 2012:
Tag!

This was certainly a strange fic - I've never read one like this before. But strange is good, I liked it, sort of xD I feel James is sort of OOC here though, but I of course understand that it was important to the story. I like your style of narrative actually, it can be a little confusing, but once I got the hang of it, it was pretty cool I liked the way you ended the fic, though I still don't get if James was into Sirius or Lily, or both, lol.

Good job :D

Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hey!

It is strange. It was strange to write, too. xD
I'm not quite sure how James is OOC - yeah, he's a bit maturer than he is in 5th year, but considering he's awesome enough to save Snape in 6th year and starts dating Lily in 7th, I think I can get away with that. ;P

Honestly, I don't even know if James is into Sirius or Lily. Or both. He's a bit weird.

Thank you! :)


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Review #8, by Phoenix_feather123 I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

8th November 2012:
I thought this was really good, keep one going!

I liked the last sentence.

Author's Response: Thank you.

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Review #9, by my_voice_rising I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

5th November 2012:
Why yes, I do like unconventional pairings. I looked at the list of 'ships on this fic and almost squealed with happiness. I do love a good love quadrangle.

First off, and I know this is nit-picky, but I would put a horizontal rule between your author's note and the beginning of the story. Otherwise your very interesting beginning is overshadowed by the reader--or at least me, this could entirely be a one-case scenario--is wondering when the note starts and the story begins.

Hahaha, I laughed aloud at "i.e. boobs." I think you have a really strong voice for James here. It sounds entirely masculine, and realistic for his age as well.

I really like that he's thinking about his best mates the whole time he's with Lily. Even though he obviously cares about her and is beyond excited to finally be with her, he's eaten up by trouble with the other Marauders. And you've done a nice job with hinting at James/Sirius and Sirius/Remus without making it seem all too unbelievable, or like they'd all just go for anyone with a pulse.

I love the line "because for fuck's sake, Sirius, it's note like you're the only one who's hurt and a bit confused about this whole thing. You stupid bastard." And then James immediately realizes how much he misses him. How sweet. He's too stubborn to admit that he cares about him, platonic or not.

I like your ending, and I know that you want it to be abrupt, but it's almost too abrupt. Even if you mentioned Lily in the previous sentence or paragraph, because otherwise it's been at least two paragraphs (kind of three, if you don't count the mention in passing of her heartbeat) since we've heard about Lily.

All in all though, this is a really great piece and a good glimpse into James's personality, and the complicated relationship he has with his friends. Wonderful job, as always :)

Author's Response: You're probably the only person who's looked at my list of ships and not thought "...all the pairings? Really?" I was even thinking that when I was writing it, to be honest.

As it happens, a shiny new horizontally-ruled version has been in the queue for about five hours now, so by the time you check back on this, it'll hopefully be easier to read.

James was so much fun to write, partly because I swear like a sailor and he does too, but mostly because in general I've always wanted to write James - so I'm really, really glad you think he sounds alright here.

James/Sirius is one of those pairings I never thought I'd write, especially since my OTP is Sirius/Remus, but also because I've always thought of them two as brothers... I was wondering whether shipping Sirius with basically everyone in here would make it seem like he'd go for anything with a pulse, so thank you for addressing that.

Poor Lily. She seems to be a bit erased in this fic. She's like furniture, honestly, it's one of the things I really don't like about this. :S
I'm not sure how to mention her again in the last couple of paragraphs without making it feel a bit random, though I will take another look at that.

Anyway - thank you so much for your lovely review! :D


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Review #10, by MissMdsty I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

25th October 2012:
Hello! Found this story through the"Review" thread on the forum.
I really liked how James finally got the girl and now he is torn because he doesn't have his friend by his side.
And knowing Sirius like he was depicted in the books, it's just something he would do, feeling cheated out of a friend.

I love the Marauders and I loved how the relationship was depicted between them. And it's so Sirius to use Remus as an "owl" between them. Kind of reminds me of the Golden Trio during Goblet of Fire.

All in all I really enjoyed reading this!

XoXo

Author's Response: Hey there, fellow Gryffie. :)

I was trying to take something that seems reasonable from canon (James being torn between Lily and Sirius) and turn it into something different (James/Sirius).
So I'm really glad you liked my Padfoot.

The Marauders are always, always fun to write, and yeah, I kinda stole that off GoF. :P Hey, it worked...

Anyway, thank you so much for your review! :D



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Review #11, by Lady Asphodel I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

23rd October 2012:
This was a very interesting one-shot. I was a bit confused at first, trying to figure out if it was Sirius laying w/ Lily or James. But now I know. ;)

I really enjoyed reading James' thoughts and it seemed like that's what he think for real, so nice job on that.

Keep up the good work! And good luck w/ the challenge. :)


-Asphodel

Author's Response: Thank you, dearie.

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Review #12, by academica I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

15th October 2012:
Yellow! Here from Review Tag! :)

D'aww, angsty James trying to talk himself out of being in love with his best friend. I can see why it's so tough, since he finally got the girl after all that time. He tells himself all the things he can't tell Sirius, and moreover, that he can't tell Lily. I really liked the jaunty feel of the piece, and I felt like the language you used worked well with the mood.

I would consider maybe moving your author's note to the end of the story, though. I got almost all the way through the first time thinking it was Sirius laying there with Lily, and then I had to read it again to get it. Maybe you intended some ambiguity, or I'm simply not observant enough?

Nicely done! Glad to have read another of yours!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey! :D

He is cute when he's torn. Everyone in the Marauder era in general are so much fun to torture.
I wanted to keep this light-ish, seeing as James doesn't really have the potential for super-intense-soul-destroying-angst as, say, Remus or Snape. So I'm glad it worked for you.

I will at some point edit this properly, so that the note and the fic are kept separate; it's just that I published this on my phone, which is a bit awkward to do. Sorry about that.
I have this weird habit of rarely referring to my characters by their names, just so the reader can get into their heads properly before imposing their own feelings associated with the character onto my fic. If that makes any sense at all. So yeah, I guess it was intentional.

Thank you so much for your review! :)


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Review #13, by kandekisses I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

13th October 2012:
Im in tears right now!

That was a very enjoyable little one shot. As far as your questions. James seems very Jamesy to me. I don't know why but I really do picture him with Lily like that. &No it does not come across as totally insane. &I'm oh so glad that you indulged in this plunny!

I loved how James' mind kept going back and forth between Lily and Sirius. It shows how much he cares for his best friend. I mean seriously he hears his name in her heartbeats.. XD!

One part that I'm curious about is that it seemed as though James was insinuating that Sirius and Remus were a bit more than friends?

I've always thought that it would be pretty interesting to be able to hear someone's thoughts. &That's what I like about this story. It's very in your face no edited thoughts!

Nice job hun

Author's Response: Hey there!

Good to know, and I'm really glad you liked it - it's a bit weird writing something that ships almost all the Marauders together.

James is craaazy. It's kind of hilarious. :D

Sirius/Remus are my OTP, and I just wanted to get them in there somewhere - but not even James knows if they're more than friends in this fic or not. Not even I know that. You'll just have to make up your own mind on that one, I'm afraid.

The style was very fun to do, because other people's thoughts are actually interesting. So I'm glad you appreciate it!

Thank you for this lovely review. :)


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Review #14, by CherryBoom I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

12th October 2012:
Yeah, this was a very enjoyable one-shot.

I liked how James was drawn to both Sirius and Lily, but for very different reasons, and his own ability to recognize it. And yay, you managed to avoid typical woe-is-me angst that is often included in slash fics.

It was refreshing that James was a character who didn't try to change himself for anyone. That kind of emotional honesty really made this fic for me, even if he couldn't resist the temptation to rub Sirius's nose in it to get his point through.

I'm interested in seeing whether you'll try more female point of views any time soon or just stay with the boys. Your take on Lily would be fun to see. I'll be thrilled to read your fics either way. I would say that this was your best one yet. =)

Author's Response: I'm glad you think so.

It was fun trying to get James to be a character who at least somewhat understands himself, because teenagers don't really lend themselves to that framework well, but I really like doing character analysis.
I can't stand the woe-is-me stuff in slash fic most of the time; it's relevant sometimes, but mostly it's just boring. So I try to avoid it.

That's what I see the positive side of James as being like: honest, straightforward and determined. I'm honestly really glad you appreciated that, because I just love James.

As it happens, my next one-shot is entirely narrated by a female character - in fact, there are no male characters in the fic at all - and I'm thinking I'll write a Lily one at some point, which will be fun to write.
And... wow, thank you so much! :D


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Review #15, by javct I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

11th October 2012:
javct45 here with your requested review!

I really enjoyed this! I liked the style of this: as an open letter. It's really interesting.

I'm curious: where James and Sirus actually... together or not? Because he mentions how they held hands but it never actually states if they are "in love" (hmm, *thinks deeply and cleverly, which of course fails because I am in no state of mind to think deeply and cleverly*). I like the way that is puts Severus in the story for like, a line (SNILY FTW!); I wonder if Lily and Sev where ever "together" (if you know what I mean *hint hint nudge nudge*).

My poor ship! Jily! I don't know what I feel about James/Lily right now. You have given me confusing feelings about Jily and snily! (Do you know how hard it is loving two ships at the same time!)

On your comment on "James being Jamesy enough" I think you did a good job. Honestly, it took me a while to really warm up to the way this is written (seeing inside James' head because, let's face it, the Marauders aren't really written as being deep and meaningful) but after I re-read a second time i really liked it. It's really nice to see inside his head and see what he is thinking.

I really enjoyed it and I'm also sorry if this review makes no sense: i'm really tired haha :P
Jasmine, x

Author's Response: Hey there! :D

The style was a bit of a happy accident tbh: what happens, apparently, when caoty starts writing without thinking too hard.

You know what, I have absolutely no idea. I don't think even James knows, and he was there at the time. Their relationship is infinitely complicated, even without shipping.
I don't ship Snily - then again, I don't ship James/Sirius either, so make of that what you will. ;)

It's weird 'cause Lily/James is my second favourite ship in the entire fandom, and it was kind of heartbreaking writing this.
But no, I don't know what it's like shipping the same person with two people who completely hate each other at the same time. :P

I'm one of those people who thinks that the Marauders should absolutely be written as being deep and meaningful as well as humorously, so I'm glad you warmed up to that part.

Thank you so much for your review. :D


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Review #16, by CambAngst I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

9th October 2012:
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

Clever. Very clever.

Let's start with the obvious: slash (or meta-slash, I think, might be a better term here) isn't usually clever. At least not in the cerebral sort of way. This piece was really got inside of James's head and attained a depth that is very uncommon for Marauders fics, period, let alone one that's shipping James, Remus and Sirius in fandom's oddest love triangle with Lily dangling off of one point like a fourth wheel. Is "fourth wheel" even a legitimate way to describe somebody? At any rate, it was sy-ko-loj-ik-ul in a really humorous, inspired sort of way.

I love the way that James vacillates between really exploring his own feelings and having these "manly", profane outbursts. He's marvelously conflicted in several different ways throughout this piece. He's lying there, enjoying the one thing that he's wanted since he was a First Year, yet he can't quite let go of this very volatile, fleeting thing that he seems to have with Sirius. As much as he realizes that Lily is his future, he is drawn to something that is risky and dangerous. Honestly, that sounds a lot like James Potter.

In spite of what you say in your author's note, I thought that the way you characterized Sirius was great. He came off as being high-spirited and mercurial. Temperamental and impulsive. Intense, overly attached and more than a bit childish. Again, it all sounds just about perfect to me. This is easily the guy who said, "I'm gonna kill Peter, I don't care about the consequences," followed by, "I'm such a screw-up, I deserve to be in Azkaban, even thought I did nothing wrong." He's an emotional loose cannon, and it took 12 years of Dementor-flavored prozac to finally bring him down to the same frequency as the rest of us.

Remus. The father figure. The stable one. The voice of reason. It's the classic characterization, so there's really nothing I can fault you for.

And you end it with a bad pun and James sticking his relationship with Lily in Sirius's face and flaunting it. A great note!

Your writing was great in this. Everything read like an uninterrupted stream of James's inner thoughts. Nothing broke the flow and it was a smooth, easy read. Whacked-out ships aside, this was probably one of the more conventional pieces you've written and I thought you did a good job with it. You have a lot of range as a writer and I would love to see you write something multi-chaptered to see how you would manage longer, more involved plot lines. Bravo!

Author's Response: Oh God, it's you again. I'm actually going to have to attempt to write an intelligent response instead of the normal overused sentences and exclamation marks.

I really like James, and I feel like his character in particular is sort of marginalised in the Marauder fandom; he's The Hate/Love Interest, someone to admire, a double/bestie or an enemy, but there seems to be relatively few fics on the boy himself told from his POV. So this was fun to write, and he was fun to get into the mindset of.
And if you think that's fandom's oddest, you're adorably innocent for a guy in his thirties or thereabouts. :P

The language vacillation was a happy accident actually, that came from learning the pitfalls of writing in first person, namely that analysis is pretty much impossible. No-one explores their own feelings without feeling a little bit stupid, and so I was basically writing my own thought/editing process as I realised that.
(I may have ruined that for you now. XD)
But the conflicted feelings were intentional, so I'm really glad that that didn't come off as overly emo or anything.

What I was trying to say in my A/N is that in this fic, it's like Sirius has got a harem or something - that's the one thing I don't like about this fic, to be honest - but apart from that, James is pretty much spot on about Padfoot. And I am going to use the phrase "Dementor-flavoured Prozac" IRL at some point, and it'll all be your fault.

Yeah, Remus was a bit of a footnote here, wasn't he? And Peter barely existed. (Which is another thing I'm mildly annoyed about in this fic.)

I couldn't resist the pun. It doesn't get old. XD

I'd love to write something multi-chaptered starring my pet character Teddy, and I'm in the process of trying to figure out what this plot thing is anyway, so... watch this space.

And thank you for your wonderful, wonderful review. :D


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Review #17, by PsychicallySpeaking I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

7th October 2012:
Wow. I don't know why, but I actually loved that. It didn't make sense in some bits, it was oddly phrased in other bits, but something about it was still charming.

The end was perfect, and the whole... feel, it was just entrancing. I really, genuinely, liked it.

Now you should just get an amazing banner for it, and it'll be perfect. :)

Author's Response: I'm not surprised by the lack of sense or the odd phrasing, 'cause I sort of wrote it without thinking too hard about anything. So, erm, I'm glad you like it anyway.

I'm considering getting a banner, actually. Thanks for your review! :)


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Review #18, by Remus I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

6th October 2012:
Heya! Perelandra here from the forums! So sorry it has taken a while to get here. I've been sick then I went to visit my parents...but I'm here!! :D I picked this one out of the bunch because it was the one with the least reviews. Hope you don't mind.

I have to be honest, I got a tad bit confused when I hit the second paragraph. I was like "why is James talking to me" but then I realized that it was like an open letter. Perhaps its my early rise and not enough coffee in my system that I didn't get it...but perhaps if you had an opening that told the Reader that it was an open letter then it wouldn't read weird...Does that make any sense? Or is this my lack of coffee talking? Hahaha! XD

I'm lying with my head on the soft and lovely chest - i.e. boobs --That line made me laugh!

Anyway, despite this being a bit odd for me to read since Lily and James belong together and James doesn't think of Sirius that way. This story felt random but in a good way. It feels like an open letter but the more I read, the more it felt like we were literally stuck reading what he's thinking right at that moment. In some parts it felt like the paragraphs were loaded with commas but then again, that added the 'charm' of this since, like I said, it feels like we're inside James's head.

I also like the last line. Despite almost coming to the realization of his feelings, he is still determined to marry her.

This was an interesting read! Thank you!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hey there! It's fine, and I'm glad you're better. :)

Considering it's in second person since the first paragraph, it may be just the lack of coffee talking, but I'll maybe/hopefully get around to adding a note saying that the 'you' in this story is not actually the reader. Thanks for that.

Yay! I'm somewhat okay at this whole occasionally-humorous thing!

I'll have to agree with you about James/Sirius - James *doesn't* think of Sirius in that way, but apparently plunnies don't take into account headcanon. I tried to make it as stream-of-consciousness as possible, hence the wanton cruelty to the common comma etc., and so I'm glad it worked for you.

The last line was a bit of an afterthought, actually, and I wasn't sure if I should add it or not. But he is a child of a heterosexist society, after all.

Thank you for your review! I really do appreciate it. :D


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Review #19, by Ron 4 Hermione I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

5th October 2012:
Hey there!
This was intersting and it seemed kind of deep to me too but also kind of random, in a good way.
I did enjoy it, I don't think I've read a story like this before and it was a nice change.
It was nice the way you got so into his head and i know it was jumbled up thoughts but it flowed well, a really good job! :)
A nice story, interesting idea! :)

Author's Response: Hi!
Yeah, that's what I was going for, so I'm glad you found it interesting.
I've never even read a story like this before, to be honest, so it was a bit of a gamble.
Thanks so much for your review! :)


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Review #20, by Jess the Enthusiast I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

5th October 2012:
This was a really interesting read for me because my favorite ship is James and Lily, so the fact that they've both been with Sirius in addition to each other, it was definitely different for me. But I really liked it! I think that you pulled it off and James' thoughts were really interesting.
Great job! I really liked it :)

10/10

~Jess :D

Author's Response: Lily/James are my second favourite ship, and my favourite is Remus/Sirius, so I know how you feel.
I'm really glad you liked it regardless - especially after reading your own fantastic one-shot!

Thanks so much for your lovely review. :D


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Review #21, by ohmymerlin I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

4th October 2012:
This was really strange for me to read. I'm a MASSIVE James/Lily shipper (it's my OTP) and to read a James/Sirius is very... odd for me.
But you pulled it off really well! I think this is really good!
I've never really read a James/Sirius story and if I ever do read it again, you've put the bar really high up!
Anyway, I really liked this one-shot, it was very different to what I usually read! :)

Author's Response: It was really strange for me to write, too. Remus/Sirius are my OTP, but I ship Lily/James really hard, but plunnies don't care what you ship apparently.
I'm glad you think so - I've never read J/S either, so I was just riffing off the song in my head and my imagination, so it could have been a complete disaster.
Thank you so much for your review!




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Review #22, by Jchrissy I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

3rd October 2012:
Okay. I have to say right now, I'll eventually forgive you for writing this. You know my Lily and James. Anything that contradicts their love for each other, like James being in love with Sirius or Sirius and Lily being together, I can't completely like. One of the many reasons I despise Snape and Lily. SO! I will eventually forgive you, but for this review I'm going to focus on the style of this.

The way you wrote it was so completely awesome and raw. The ability you possessed to truly get in his head was awesome, because it made the piece. We all do that thing where we start thinking something then we don't want to be so we tell ourselves to shut up, but I've never seen it written as well as you have it. You didn't force anything, it was all so natural and his internal narration just flowed perfectly.

If this was two different people, and not *my* people, I would be fangirling all over you right now. Can't it be Snape laying on Dorcas's chest thinking about Avery? Or Dumbledore laying on McGonagall thinking about Gellert?? Haha, jokes aside though, this was a really raw and in your face kind of style that I absolutely loved.

And your descriptions were perfect; the way you contrasted Lily's gentle, smooth hands with those of a Quiddich player, and had him surprised though not willing to admit what he preferred, was also perfect.

I would like you to put up your first chapter to the long awaited novel, my dear! PLEASE!

Author's Response: Oh, dear. I don't think *I* will ever forgive me for writing this. I know your Lily and James, and believe me, I ship them just as much as you do. I actually broke my own heart while writing this. (Now *that's* getting into a character's head.)

Awww, thank-you darling~
Stream-of-consciousness is way fun to write - even the incredibly giant sentence of Carelessness was fun to write - and it was a chance to let out my not-so-inner teenage boy.

It could be... oh, I don't know... a bunch of Next-Gen kids who were named after war heroes - and one unfortunate boy named Peter - and decided to be the Marauders II? That makes a frightening amount of sense, actually.

The novel and I are not getting on too well right now, I have to admit. I'm putting Teddy on hold - he's lazy, it's not like he's going to complain - and focusing on a couple more one-shots and an entire one-shot collection before actually trying to find a plot for him.


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Review #23, by EverDiggory I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

3rd October 2012:
This was hilarious and some times yet it seemed really deep to me at others.

At the boobs comment I nearly spit out my tea it was just so hilarious for some reason. Oh gosh, and the wormtail and frank comment! I nearly died!

I really loved James/Sirius AND James/Lily...hell, I love Sirius/Lily too so this was my cup of tea! But...I'm not quite sure if James and Sirius were actually a thing here. Because obviously James is laying with Lily and holding hands and the whole nine yards, but then something about liking his quidditch hands was brought up? So I wasn't sure if they were uh...ever in a relationship that wasn't strictly platonic? And then James wondered if Sirius and Lily had ever...oh how to phrase this in a 12+ and ladylike way, been intimate with each other? So I'm assuming Sirius and Lily had been together. I really love the thought of all the drama that would unfurl.

I think you captured James really well! He's very...guyish? XD He's got a list of things he would never actually say to Sirius' face (good lord, I bet all guys do it too) and he tries to harshen his words by adding a phrase or two of vulgar language! I really enjoyed reading this!

The only off-topic suggesting thingy that I have is that you bold the authors note? It just looks better:P Or, you can just put a page break after the authors note, either one works. It looks better and prevents any confusion!

Good job, I loved reading this!

xx

Ever

Author's Response: Hey there!

Wormtail and Frank are twu wuv. Look within yourself; you know it to be twu.

Well, that makes one of us who ships them. XD
No, but really though. I don't know if James and Sirius were actually a thing here either - I don't think James even knows, and he was there at the time! And Sirius and Lily... you're right, that'd make for some Siriusly good drama. (see what i did there herp derp)

I'm glad you like my fauxmacho!James, he was fun as hell to write, with his lists and his random swearing.

The formatting is not as awesome as I'd like because I wrote and published this on my phone - I didn't have access to one at the time - but I'll maybe get around to editing it. Maybe. (I'm a total procrastinator.)

Thanks so much for your review!


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Review #24, by HappyMollyWeasley I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

3rd October 2012:
Oh, am I first to leave a review?! :-)

I like this short story. I'm not very into the Marauders era, but when I do read it I like James/Sirius. I love how you describe James's mixed up feelings of love, jealousy and confusion. He doesn't know what he wants, and yet he does. I guess lots of teenagers have felt like he does some time or another.

Despite the shortness you give us a lot of information of James's feelings and about how the friends are interacting. It would be interesting to know how much of this Lily knows too? Probably nothing, I guess...

I like your style of writing too. It is a good mix of common language and poetic feeling. That's rare!

Over all: Great job! :-)

Author's Response: You left a review just after it was validated. That's fantastic timing. :D

I'm glad you enjoyed it! I've never actually read a James/Sirius before, and I've certainly never written one - I generally view James as completely heterosexual. But anyway.

I tried to make this as much pure feeling/thought as possible.
I don't actually know how much Lily knows. I'll leave it up to you to decide.

Thank you so much for this review!


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