16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Father Christmas (Louis) Wizards vs. Wild

27th December 2013:
So I really liked that this was from Louis' perspective rather than Adrienne's because it gives us much more of his side as well as really fleshing out the story well. As a reader we're able to see more of his emotions and also his attachment to Adry too. I hope that in future chapters we get to see him dealing with his Angry Veela rage from his point of view! Although I do wonder whether they could have placed some kind of cushioning charm on the rocks to make it more comfortable? ;)

Sneaky Louis looking at her diary when they were younger! That's actually quite a big breach of trust right there, thank goodness she didn't find out about it or this story might have had a very different plot.

So we've got a kind of Castaway situation going on here. Love it! I also loved how Louis didn't really think to use their wands at first, and I don't blame him, it wouldn't come naturally to me either! Poor fish though :( at least they ate. Also, yay feminism! Weaving is for everyone and not just for girls! *waves flag*

I loved the little moment that Louis and Adrienne had here. It was so cute! I was all ready for it to happen but then... that ending! I am so wondering what is going to happen here. Perhaps it's something from their imagination or something that was meant to happen to bring them closer together? Whatever the thing is, it doesn't seem to be friendly. I really wonder what's going to happen here!

So far I have really enjoyed this story and I look forward to the next chapter!

Merry Christmas!

Author's Response: Ergh... this chapter o.O I thought I had updated it earlier, but I hadn't. The new version doesn't have all that rambling about fish, so I like it better, but thank you for your input on it!

I agree about the cushioning charm but you've maybe noticed that Adry and Louis aren't all that bright (shh don't tell them I said that) ;)

I'm glad I have you confused, although cliffhangers are maybe not great when it takes me months on end to update? ;/

Thanks again for your reviews! They were all lovely and insightful and I'm so glad you've liked what I wrote :)
~Gilly


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Review #2, by Father Christmas (Adry) The Incredible Island

27th December 2013:
Ooooh, so the broom cupboard is some weird secret imaginary island! I LOVE it! Thank you for proving my useless theory hopelessly wrong, because this is MUCH more interesting. I'm very interested to see how this plays out and just how exactly the imaginary island even got there. I thought you added some very nice touches to make the place seem so surreal by describing how it looked like it wasn't quite finished. Very interesting.

I also enjoyed that the true relationship between Louis and Adrienne has come into play with this chapter. I realise now that in the first chapter I would have perhaps liked a little more grounding between the two of them and the dynamics of their relationship, but that's just me. As for this chapter they seem shy even though they have known each other for years, which I enjoyed reading. I also liked the little details you added in about them knowing each other so well as friends, like the potato joke. (Which was hilarious by the way!)

Another thing I liked was the fact that these two just seem so real. I once again praise your ability to create characters. The fact that Louis blushed when snogging was mentioned was just so typical of a teenage boy that most fanfiction writers forget about when they write this age. You have done it so well so far!

Can I also just say that their friends are so incredibly evil for doing this, even with the best of intentions?! I would so totally be annoyed if this were me, haha. Louis and Adrienne actually seem to be handling the situation very well considering. I really liked the ending scene of this chapter with them falling asleep together. It was very cute and leaves me with high hopes for them in the future chapters!

Author's Response: So, I've decided to respond to my reviews finally...

Thanks so much for the feedback! I'm really glad you enjoyed what is there and thanks even more for pointing out what needs to be in there! this is an old and perpetually unfinished WIP so I'm always happy to get a fresh view on where it should go.

Haha, I know, people write these teenaged boys who are smooth as heck and I'm like... what about the shyness and awkwardness and acne and immaturity? Have you been to a highschool lately?

Thanks again for the review! It's a gift that keeps on giving :)
~Gilly


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Review #3, by Father Christmas (Adry) The Closet Conundrum

27th December 2013:
Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas! Father Christmas has come to leave some reviews on your story, although he apologises for the slight delay. He's been rather busy lately, what with delivering presents and that...

So I really enjoyed the start of this story! This is definitely a well-rounded chapter. I like the style you immediately set into with the whole 'so it was just a regular day...' fix without sounding too cliche. The set up is obviously one that has been done a lot so I really appreciate how you're trying to change it up and make it into your own!

So there are lots of instances in said changing-it-up here. I love that they're all Hufflepuffs and not the usual Gryffindors. This is what next-gen is for really, playing around, because nothing is set in stone at all. So kudos for that! I also enjoyed how Dominique is a boy here! It's something I hardly ever see really, although I do wish JKR would shed some light on that. It makes for a very interesting dimension to Louis' character, interacting with a brother rather than a sister. I hope to hear more of this in future chapters!

As for Adrienne, I like her character. I don't feel too attached to her yet as a character, but it's the opening chapter so I am not expecting to. What I did enjoy was how quickly you've set up her personality and with such little effort too. You have a way with establishing characters quickly! She definitely seems intriguing although a little meticulous to the point of annoying, which brings more depth to her character. I also loved the Angry Veela situation! Haha.

I am also completely intrigued by this broom cupboard. What is in there? It's definitely enough to make me want to read the next chapter and more. I'm guessing it might be the Room of Requirement or something but I might be wrong!

I thought this was a very witty opening chapter. Well done!

Author's Response: Jenny, thank you so much for the review and I'm so sorry it took ages to respond. Real life is a real kicker sometimes o.O

I got this trope in a cliche challenge and I groaned because it's probably the most used device in fanfic... at least from what I've read. So it means so much that you think I've done something original here.

I'm glad you like Male!Dom. I'd like to explore his and Louis relationship more, but perhaps in a companion novel. The more I read this over the more dissatisfied I am with it, so I'd like to finish it off and start fresh :)

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! Adrienne gets more real for me the more I write her, so I'm glad she appeared as more than just a re headed jumble of traits.

Again, thanks for the lovely and insightful review :) This made me so happy to read and I'm sorry again for the late reply :)


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Review #4, by maraudertimes (Adry) The Closet Conundrum

20th October 2013:
Hello!
Okay so I am here for your first requested review by me, and boy is it a doozy!

Just kidding!

I really liked this chapter! A lot! Thanks for requesting it!

Okay, so first, I really liked Adry's punctual nature. She seems like if she's a second late, she'd freak out and jump off the deep end. But I say that in an endearing way :)

That said, she also seems *too* punctual. I mean, it's completely your call, but it seems just a smidgen forced.

Also, I liked how you made Dominique out to be a boy. It's never really stated that (is it?), but I'm glad you took creative liberty with that, seeing as Dominique *is* a French name for either a boy or a girl. Very different, and although I love girl Dominique stories, I really love how Dominique in your story is a boy!

Now, a few CCs, other than the one above:

There actually wasn't all that much 'tension' between Louis and Adry. When you rewrite it, maybe try and amp that up?

Also, I realize that Louis might (almost definitely considering the premise of your story) fancy Adrienne, but why would he get so angry over her talking to Markus. Maybe you should also play that conversation up, to amp the whole 'Markus coming onto Adry' vibe. Otherwise, it seems like Louis really does get angry over nothing.

Rolling with that topic, why would he have beat up the Ravenclaws? Maybe add in that they took a jab at his and Dom's mother (she is *extremely* pretty
after all) or something that would explain *Louis's* outburst.

Also, at the breakfast scene, I noticed an inconsistency:
"...Allan proofread Morty's Transfig essy.
'Sweet Merlin on rollerskates, Al, how do you spell 'rat' wrong?'"
I thought Allen was proffreading *Morty's* Transfig essay, not the other way around.

Other than that, this chapter is extremely good! Some of my favourite quotes included:

"Mortimer 'He's a Keeper!' Wood"
and
"The most important meal of the day was not to be interrupted by silly things like social interaction."

So, all in all, amazing job! I really, really liked it and I'm excited to read more!

Feel free to re-request!

Lo:)

Author's Response: Hey, thanks a lot! I really appreciate the compliments, and I'm super duper thankful for the CC! This will help a lot when I rewrite.

You're right about the Ravenclaw incident- there should be more provoking before Louis gets so angry, I'll definitely include that in the rewrite :)

Louis and Adry actually aren't meant to have too much tension - first and foremost they're best friends, and I was going for a gradual conversion into a romantic pairing, rather than what i think (for these two at least) would be an improbably passionate romance.

Thanks so much for the feedback! I'll probably re-request soon, and I'll get to reviewing your story asap :)
~Gilly


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Review #5, by BookDinosaur (Adry) The Closet Conundrum

13th October 2013:
Hey Gilly! It's BookDinosaur here with your requested review. :)

I really enjoyed reading this first chapter. A lot of the time, fluffy next-gen is a little bit tired - the case almost all the time is that it's been done before. However, your story stood out to me as different. I don't know why, but there is something about it that makes it stand out to mew, and I want to read on.

Your characterisation of Adrienne was good, and I love how you characterised her group of friends. Right now I can tell the difference between them and they all have the beginnings of different and unique characters. I especially love how you've given them all diferent traits, and excuses for those characteristics, for example how Louis' Veela blood makes him very temperamental, or how Adrienne's unattentiveness makes her prone to rambling. I don't know if that made sense, but there you go, and the basics of it is that I love how you've characterised your characters. :P

I like the plot you've got going for this as well - broom cupboards are a very cliche cliche, but I really want to know what makes this broom cupboard so unusual. Also, I appreciate how she's not mooning over Louis (consciously, at least :P). It helps make the narration more interesting and prevents al the 'oh my god he's so handsome I'm in love does he like me' nonsense. Speaking of narration, I like how you've written Adrienne's narration, she's perky and cheeful and does a good job of being random but still narrating the story well - I've read some stories where the main character is scatterbrained or something and then they talk about completely random things which do nothing to help move the story along. You didn't do that, which is good, and now I think I'm doing that, which is bad. *ahem* Moving on.

My only CC for you is a tiny nitpicky mistake near the beginning 'Lily was finishing up an astronomy chart, the ends of her bright red hair turning black with ink, while Allan proofread Morty's Transfig essay. "Sweet Merlin on rollerskates, Al, how do you spell 'rat' wrong?" I heard him mutter, making me chuckle a little into my pumpkin juice.' If Allan is the one proofreading Morty's essay, wouldn't he say '...Merlin on rollerskates, Morty, how do you...'? Because he said 'Al' which kind of mans he's talking to himself? Yeah. I hope that made sense.

Anyway, all in all I love this story so far and I can't wait to read more. Keep writing!

Author's Response: Hey BookDinosaur! Thanks so much for the awesome review :)

I'm really relieved you didn't find this (admittedly pure fluff) next-gen to be too tired. It was written for the overdone and overused challenge, so I thought i'd follow the well-trodden path of the first person rambly OC.

I'm so glad you like my characters! Adrienne quite scatterbrained isn't she? But I did try to avoid the inconsequential rambling as much as possible. Ugh, the first draft of this story involved a rather obscene amount of tangents (it was mare tangent that plot by an embarrassingly wide margin :P)

I don't think you're rambling at all! Although you may notice, if you ever decide to read the next chapter, that yes, this cliche of all cliches has undergone a bit of a revamp in my version ;)

Thanks for spotting that mistake! You've got eagle eyes- i'll go fix that right away :)

thanks again for the great review
~Gilly


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Review #6, by ScarletEye158 (Adry) The Closet Conundrum

12th May 2013:
Hey there! I'm Amanda from the Gryffindor Review Exchange :)

This was a really cute, fun chapter! I really like how well you were able to introduce all of the characters. I didn't get lost or confused or anything and sometimes having a few different "main" characters does that to me :P

The way you wrote Adrienne was really nice. I liked her personality and characterization a lot; she's definitely the kind of person who loves her friends to death and the way she described them was really sweet. Usually people have a few bad things to say about their friends but I liked that they all have good happy relationships with each other :)

Also, while I'm on the topic of characterization, I really liked Lucy and Louis as well! We didn't get to see them tooo much in this chapter but the parts that we did get to see really stuck out to me. Louis getting angry really fast because of his Veela blood was hilarious and I can assume that's only going to intensify with the continuation of the story :P. I really liked Lucy's hyper and random personality too. Her waking up Adrienne every morning, humming to herself at breakfast and her randomness with throwing Adrienne and Louis into the broom cupboard had me cracking up. She seems like a sweet girl ;P

Ah, now onto the broom cupboard! What was Lucy thinking!? I'm guessing she and the rest of the gang want Louis and Adrienne together or something? It sure seems like it! How cute, I do too even though I don't know too much about their relationship/friendship yet ;D

I'm interested to see what's so different about the cupboard, too. Did they like set up a bunch of lovey dovey stuff to get those two in the mood or something? lol. Gah, I gotta keep reading! :P

One thing I did find a little bit unrealistic about this story (and it's very minor) is that Slughorn is still teaching at Hogwarts. I would think that he'd probably be dead around the time that this story takes place... lol. He did retire a while before Harry came to Hogwarts didn't he? Oh well, if he plays a big part in your story you can totally ignore me but I did find it a little unrealistic.

Other than that little bit, I thought this was definitely a great chapter! I'm glad I got to read it and you can totally expect to see me back for the second and other chapters when you post them!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey Amanda, thanks so much for the awesome review!

I'm really glad you liked Adrienne- i'm always really worried that my OCs don't have enough personality, or that everything is just too plot-driven- it's so nice to hear that they're not :D

Louis is definitely getting a lot more screentime soon enough- I'm thinking of writing a chapter from his point of view, and hopefully I get to write more Lucy, as she's quite the nutter.

Ah, the closet. The cliche to end all cliche's. I'm really glad i got this challenge, because I've always wanted to write this particular trope with a giant twist. I don't think anyone who read the second chapter predicted what it was. Neither did I!

You are right about Slughorn. I was thinking he would be Horace Jr. - I mean, the man wore a silk dressing gown, in my head that means he's gotta have some sprog running about somewhere. I admit that that was mostly due to lazyness on my part, and I'll probably go back and change it to someone a bit more believable.

Thanks so much for the review! I'll be R&Ring overcoming obstacles any day now.


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Review #7, by EJHope (Adry) The Incredible Island

19th April 2013:
This was great! Your description is really amazing, you can totally picture the scene and I like how the characters aren't cliché at all. The reactions are completely believable. Good job! :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the wonderful review! I'm really glad you liked it :D
~Gilly


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Review #8, by willow1 (Adry) The Incredible Island

16th April 2013:
oh my god this is amazing and amazing and amazing write more!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! And I will :D

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Review #9, by WildCat (Adry) The Closet Conundrum

11th April 2013:
Hey, great story and I'm really enjoying it! There's only one thing, ummm... I think Dominique is a girl because she is in all the other stories and Dominique is a girl name! Otherwise, great story and update soon!

WildCat

Author's Response: Thanks for your reading and reviewing! it's much appreciated :D
JKR actually said that dominique could be either a girl or a boy, and i have met a boy named dominique. I know most stories prefer to make Dom a girl, but I decided to chose the less popular option.
Thanks again:D
~GIlly


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Review #10, by Dominique aka I'm a GIRL (Adry) The Closet Conundrum

11th April 2013:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Darling. Dominique is Louis' sister, and is a girl's name. Sweetie please get your facts right before you write x

Author's Response: Thanks for this, but JKR actually stated that it could be either a boy or a girl.
I did do my research, an decided to chose to make dom a boy.
I know that dom is usually written as a girl, but "she" can be a "he" as well.
Kthnx!


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Review #11, by willow1 (Adry) The Closet Conundrum

10th April 2013:
Well, to be frank, I LOVE IT. However, Please, Please, PLEASE WRITE MORE!

Author's Response: Well, i'm glad you've been frank :D
The next chapter is in the queue! It's so exciting! My first ever second chapter :O
Thanks so much for R&Ring
~Gilly


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Review #12, by slightlyobsessedwithfanfiction (Adry) The Closet Conundrum

10th April 2013:
Hi!
I'm already hooked and this is only the first chapter... so you may deduce that you are a very good writer! I really like this story: it's fun, light, and engaging. I like Lily, she's really funny.
Please update soon! i want to know what happens in THE CUPBOARD!!! :O
Please please please please please please please (well... i think you get it :P )

Please!

a new fan :)

Author's Response: thanks so much!! the next chapter is in the queue... it might not be exactly what you're expecting ;)
Thank you for your kind words and for bother ing to read this!
~Gill


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Review #13, by Flaming Phoenix (Adry) The Closet Conundrum

14th March 2013:
Can you write more soon Please ! :)

Author's Response: I'll try :/ I've been really busy/lazy at alternate times so not much is getting done xD the second chapter is written though, and I'll submit it to my beta at some point in the near future... probably.

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Review #14, by academica (Adry) The Closet Conundrum

22nd February 2013:
Hello there! I'm here for the TGS Review Exchange :)

I have to say that normally when I run across a next-gen story that's full-on zany like this one, I put the brakes on and turn in the opposite direction. But something about the style here just worked--maybe because there was a clear basis for Adrienne's rambling in the identified trait of inattention. Anyway, I really liked the pacing of the chapter and the very abrupt end in the closet. The way it all played out, it was like watching a sitcom or similarly funny movie. It was really entertaining.

I think if you wanted to toy with this more and make it even better, there are a couple areas for growth. One is just in terms of proofreading--you sort of lose the punchy effect when there are interruptions like typos and incorrect punctuation. I think if you went back and messed with that a little bit, you'd have an even stronger first chapter here.

The other thing is that I think you could fill this out with a little more plot, just to give it more substance and help balance out the zany somewhat. For example, maybe you could add to the characterization by having Adrienne and her friends hang out on the grounds or attempt to sit quietly in the library between Potions and the walk to the closet. To me, the closet thing would be even more effective if it was happening after dinner, so that they might be stuck there all night.

This is definitely a nice start, and if you get another chapter up before the month is over, I'd like to stop by and see what comes next. My time is unfortunately severely limited, so I won't make any promises. Regardless, I am looking forward to seeing what you think of The Middle Man :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Thank you so much for stopping by and reviewing so quickly! I've just read and reviewed the first chapter of the Middle Man for you. :)

So, I feel I should let you know that this chapter was posted hastily to enter a challenge and I am very unhappy with the state it's in at the moment, so I entered it in the review exchange in order to get some solid constructive feedback. Thank you very , very much for your valuable advice!

I have recently found a beta for this story and this chapter will most probably be in for a rewrite as soon as we co-ordinate our efforts.

I've just reread this chapter with your comments in mind and I agree completely about fleshing this out quite a bit. There is almost no substance to this chapter other than what it has set up plot-wise, and I think having the closet incident happen later would be a better idea.

I have written the next two chapters in a rough format, and they have a bit more substance (I hope) than this one.
Once I put those up, any further input you have will be invaluable.

Thank you again for the thoughtful review, and sorry for the rambling, lengthy response xD
-Gill


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Review #15, by Pottergirl7 (Adry) The Closet Conundrum

2nd November 2012:
Hey there! Well I loved the first chapter, I thought it was very humorous and I chuckled quite a bit. I'm in love with Louis! He seems adorable! I thought this was really good!
One thing though, I forgot to put it in the original post but I did mention it in one of the comments, could you please put for Pottergirl7's Broom Cupboard Challenge? Thanks, and great story, I can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks for the great review! truly made my day. I will certainly go do that right now.. sorry i forgot xD

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Review #16, by sillylion (Adry) The Closet Conundrum

2nd October 2012:
oh wow... are they in the ROR??? Please continue!!

Author's Response: I certainly will, and maybe, maybe not.
Thanks fro R&Ring


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