"A snake sheds its own skin," Snape observed. "Nobody else is going to help you."
- Perfectly stated! You have to be the change you want to see.
I commend you for writing a post-Hogwarts fic from the point of view of a Slytherin. It's so much simpler to write about a Gryffindor - a Weasley or Potter legacy Gryffindor, at that - and just brush the Slytherins under the rug with the blanket view that they are all nasty people. I think that the reverse prejudice shown in this one-shot is extraordinarily realistic and not often dealt with in fanfiction. Honestly there would be so many orphaned children who arrive on Hogwarts's doorstep with anger problems, with frustration. They are going to want to find someone to take their anger out on, to "avenge" their loved ones, even. There would most likely be a very high percentage of students who waited years to go to Hogwarts just for this purpose: Voldemort is dead, remaining Death Eaters are also dead or locked up in prison, and these kids don't have the maturity or the tools to see that Slytherins in general were not the problem. It was a belief that was the problem. Continuing prejudice that has turned the tables - Gryffindors hating Slytherins - is just as dangerous as the Slytherins hating Gryffindors in the past.
I felt so badly for Matthew and Oscar. Poor little eleven-year-olds! They're both Muggle-born, and if anyone pointing fingers at them stopped to think about it, this already means progress and evolution for Slytherin House. Muggle-borns used to be extremely rare for that House. And of course since they did not grow up with magic, none of their relatives had anything to do with the Battle of Hogwarts (or so I assume). In fact, THEY would have been the ones targeted by Death Eaters had they been in school during that time period, just because they weren't pure bloods.
There's so much counseling that needs to be done, so much healing. I liked the memorial, and for some reason the part I liked best was that you gave Myrtle a last name. It's easy to trivialize her and laugh her off because she cried so much but she was just a girl when she died. And she was a real person with a real future.
Severus's characterization was spot on, by the way! He's a very difficult character to write and you balanced him quite well. Still a little bit cross, still impatient, still eye-rolling at first years, but underneath also well-meaning. I'm glad Slytherin students have him to look up to, as a reminder that not all Slytherins were bad. And in the grand scheme of things, out of hundreds and hundreds of years, not even most of them were bad. Just a tiny fraction, really. And all the Houses had their bad eggs.
The only suggestion I have for improvement is to nix the bit up top about characters/genre/author, etc. Readers will come to realize what era it is in context, as well as characters; they already see what the chapter title and warnings are before they click, and it's a bit distracting to have that information preceding the story. And I'm not sure whether you realized you called this a one-shot on the forums, but you've got it marked as a short story collection and is a WIP. :)
I really liked this story. Thank you for linking me to it.
- Sarah Report Review
Hey!! Here for your requested review!! I am so happy you asked me to read this, I loved it (of course I may be a tad biased, being a Slytherin myself) xD
Since you asked for general comments, I am not going to go into much detail, and anyway you can't really edit this, so it's okay. Moreover, I really don't have any CC to give you - this was such a nice piece!
I really liked your plot and concept, of setting this in a Post-WWII Hogwarts, prejudiced against the Slytherins. It was a great idea to take on! I also liked the way you had crafted your OCs, they were very much like realistic 11-year-olds who felt so lost at all the apparent dislike they got. I liked how you incorporated both the good and the bad of our house in this piece, it was well-woven and thoughtful. I liked the ending especially, of Severus as the talking portrait, and the whole "shed your skin" thing. That was just perfect and I really loved it!
The grammar was a little off in places though, but I think that is acceptable. Apart from that, I didn't see any flaws at all. This had a nice pace and flow, and of course good characterisation, and a lovely narrative.
I think you did a great job with this, and it is fitting to be the first chapter to The Slytherin Project. I enjoyed reading this a lot, could totally connect with it, and think you're an awesome author.
(AditiDraco95) Report Review
I just loved this one. I saw it as a sort of exploration of Narcissa's honor v. love. Your writing was lovely and seeing Andromeda through Narcissa's eyes made me feel so desperately sad for her.
I particularly liked this section here - "Some people felt sympathy for her, they might even say that she had seen the light and redeemed herself at the end. They were fools." The haughty, slightly hostile way that she explains why the family broke from Voldemort - because she loves her son - seemed especially fitting.
I think you've realistically written how Narcissa and Andromeda could be brought back together. Narcissa has lost so many, but she still has her husband and son. As you go on, Narcissa slowly begins to see that her sister has no one left but her grandson. I get the feeling that Narcissa knew this before the funeral, but now that she is actually seeing it, it begins to affect her.
10/10! Report Review
Adventure-Obstacle team-building and the Banquet Committee! Teehee...
I was reading through this, generally amused, until coming to "I remembered that fiasco" and I lol'd. Unsure what it was in particular about that part *shrugs*
Anyways, I loved reading the sorting hat's antics and your well-meaning (spirited) OC.
Cheers for the read :-) Report Review
That was an hilarious address of a very serious problem. I love this character! The prose was so well done, and as witty as Ravenclaw. So was the shakeup with the Sorting. Excellent read! I was laughing most of the way through it, while at the same time pondering the seriousness of it. Report Review
Great capture of misery. I felt genuinely sorry for these boys as I read this. Children, especially those drive by grief and loss, can be exceedingly cruel. The bit with the portrait of Snape was a perfect bit of advice and a great ending. Sadly enough, one has to wonder if this is not exactly how it would play out "in real life". Report Review
Your writing style is impeccable, and I absolutely adore Matthew and Oscar. You depicted the whole topic so amazingly (the idea of shedding the skin), and *eek!* you incorporated Snape's darling words...
The world you've created is so believable, with the history book propped open on Oscar's bed, the description of the memorial and the Slytherin common room... It's wonderful; I absolutely adore this story!
All in all, Sheriff, this was absolutely beautiful. Thanks for the amazing read and I'll definitely be checking out your Lion, Eagle, Badger, Snake just to see how Matthew and Oscar turned out. Report Review
I really like that both Oscar and Matthew are muggleborns, and were sorted into Slytherin based on their personalities rather than blood status ... Makes me think that the sorting hat wants to help the house shake off its evil image.
I also like that Snape's portrait talks to them, and is a little snarky even when being helpful. :) Your writing hooked me enough to be curious about Oscar and Matthew's fourth-year adventures -- I'll have to give them a look sometime!
You've also filled me with shame for neglecting the Slytherin story that I said I'd write. Report Review
Hey! Perelandra here! Finally, right! Haha! I'm glad that you gave me the first chapter of the Slytherin collab to read. I wanted to participate but alas, no time and too many WIPs. I'll settle to just reviewing though! :)
I have to be honest...I was immediately sucked right into your writing style. It happens once in a while, but your description, flow and detail made me really like your style. I really like how you give us little detail which makes me want to keep on reading to find out what is going on and what's going to happen to your characters.
This Kevin guy...he sounds like a real class act. Haha! However I have a question. You said that there was a bit of sunlight so why would Kevin say something about detention? Shouldn't it be dinner time or close to it? In my own honest opinion I always thought students should be in their common room around 8pm. But the way you wrote it, it feels to me that Matthew is sneaking around the castle.
I really liked this! There's more to being a Slytherin. We're not evil...just ambitious about what we want and are willing to do what needs to get done to achieve it. This is definitely a nice start for the collaboration.
Thanks for the read!
--Rosie Report Review
I feel sorry for Slytherin after reading this- I think they would certainly find themselves the scapegoats after the war. I can see how kids having lost friends and relatives at Hogwarts wouldn't be feeling too friendly toward them...
I love the idea of the sorting hat taking a hand in Slytherin's redemption. Makes me wonder what the hat would say in his welcome songs after the war :-) Report Review
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