Reading Reviews for Of Saints and Monsters
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SilentConfession I

11th January 2013:
Hi! It's Zayne from the forums finally responding to your review request! I'm so sorry for taking so long. I think i just needed a break from my thread and reviewing in general for a while and it wasn't till the holiday review swap that got me back into a semi groove of reviewing again! I'm again, really sorry that you've had to wait months :(.

Alright so i think this is an interesting start. I like stories that explore minor characters and the motivations to their actions. So, you choosing someone like Gellert is really fascinating and i can see how this story could be absolutely brilliant. I've always wanted to read one that explores him more so i'd be interested to see where this goes.

I do have a few CC's however if you don't mind. It was a bit weird to see him have a wand in prison. I highly doubt they would allow Gellert to keep a wand as he could use it to escape. Think that they even broke Hagrid's wand when they thought he opened the CoS.

You asked me how Gellert was as an evil character and a person in general. I think you have some really good lines that characterize him well. Like the one about his twisted idea of love and trying not to feel remorse. Also, I especially liked the line about monster making was everyone else's job. However, there were quite a few times that your wording was a bit off as well. - 'darling dear' is one example. It seemed too soft and didn't make it seem plausible for it to a. come from a man. b. come from someone who's committed the atrocities like he has.

I'm all for trying to find the human side of someone like him and i think there are times that you strike gold but all i can suggest is to watch your wording carefully that you don't make him too nice or too lovely. There was an inner darkness in him that even if he in love would have still been there.

Another small suggestion i could give is italicize his thoughts throughout the piece. It would make the flow of the story better and less confusing when he thinks.

There was a few grammatical errors I noticed with incomplete sentences or run on's. I would suggest going over this again so the flow of this is smooth. For example: The town, seemingly large in portion, held only several hundred tenants with over of the land owners being elderly. I'm not entirely sure what you meant here but i feel like it is probably just mistaken word.

On an overall note, the transition from the monologue before he dies? (does he die in that moment that part was a little confusing to me) and the part where it flashes back to his life with Ariana. This is only a question but why did you decide to keep them both in the first chapter? It might have been clearer if the two parts where split into different chapters.

Thank you so much for requesting me, again, i'm so sorry for how long it took but I hope you find this review helpful.

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for getting around to my story. Don't worry about the time, it probably took me longer to respond then it did for you to reply!

thank you for such an amazing and constructive review. I'll take everything you said into consideration when i write the next chapter. thanks again!

- Jasmine


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Review #2, by SnitchSnatcher I

23rd October 2012:
Hey there, it's Molly from the forums with your requested review. Sorry for taking so long for getting this review to you. I've been really busy, so I apologize if it's a little abrupt.

I believe characterization was your first and primary concern. I'll say that I was surprised when I saw that it was Gellert-centric fic. You don't get many of those, so I was very eager to dive in. I wasn't disappointment with what greeted me. You did a really great job at getting into Gellert's mind. The only thing I noticed was the mentioning of Gellert having a wand whilst in prison - I thought it was confiscated and broken. I'm probably wrong, but that's really the only glaring thing that stuck out to me as potentially being not right to me?

I'll admit that I was a little wary of the pairing, but it's not the pairing that makes the piece, is it? It's the writing and you have a knack for it. That said, even though this is just the first chapter, you wrote it believably, which is really the only thing that matters. I'm interested to see where you take this. Very interested indeed.

Sorry this review isn't more helpful. I wanted to get this to you so you wouldn't think that I had forgotten about it.

Great job!

- Molly

Author's Response: Hello!

That's okay; sorry it took so long to respond!

I adore Gellert! He's underloved AND a villian. He's like the Loki of the Harry Potter fandom (just without the fan-girls haha).

Thank you for such an amazing review!
Jasmine, x


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Review #3, by True Author I

23rd October 2012:
Hello! I'm True Author with your requested review! =]

Actually, I don't really like Gellert/ Ariana, so I was planning not to read this and tell you so, but somehow, I decided to go through this once and- I'm glad I came here. =] Though I don't fancy the pairing much, I found that Gellert may have loved Ariana after reading this. You have a realistic plot, I must say. =]

Other thing I liked is the way you unfolded the plot. I always love flashbacks and memories, so that way makes this story more interesting. Gellert was completely in character throughout the chapter, so just don't worry about your characters. They are very believable.

You asked me if this has an interesting beginning so I" must say it has! I've already told you how I was absorbed in this. :) One thing, I'd like to tell is that, just go through the chapter for some grammar mistakes, typos and stuff like that. They're not hard to fix...

Otherwise, a great story, =]

Author's Response: Hello!

Fair enough, not many people do but thank you for reading this anyway. Thank you!

Believable characters? me? really!? *happy dance*

Yeah, I've got a new beta.

Thank you!
Jasmine, x


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Review #4, by LoopyLemon I

22nd October 2012:
This is beautiful!

The first half was a wonderful insight into Gellert's mind. It was hugely enjoyable to read. You started it perfectly. Serendipitous is a really awesome word with a unique meaning. How did you decide to put it in there? You caught me completely by surprise with Ariana being the one he loved. I'm really interested to see how you progress his relationship with Albus.

The line where Ariana leads him to paradise was beautiful and perfect. It tugged on my heart strings.

The second half was a little slower going, but as this is longer than a one-shot, there is nothing wrong with that. In fact this chapter left me with just enough of a taster, I really want to read the rest now. It was a brilliant introduction.

This story most definitely follows logical order. It is really nice and easy to follow and a complete pleasure to read.

As for grammar and spelling. I wasn't watching too closely but you have missed words in a couple of places and a couple of sentences could be re-written for better flow and easier reading. Considering the length of this chapter, you have made a very good effort. To pick up these few remaining errors I suggest you read through your work one paragraph at a time, looking at each individual sentence on its own. Don't start reading the story, but simply read each sentence out and clarify that that individual sentence makes sense.

A couple of specifics I picked up:
- People passing in the street smile and greeted one another. (Should be smiled)
- held only several hundred tenants with over of the land owners being elderly. (I think you're just missing a word)
- You would get along quit well with (Should be spelled quite)

Don't worry too much about that though. It didn't affect the reading of the piece greatly.

I liked the parallel to the weeping angel, though it did make the setting more sinister than I think you intended (That's assuming the weeping angel was a reference to Doctor Who). And the reference to the bible quote was well done, I find writers tend to ignore the large influence Christianity had on JKR and therefore on her world.

All in all I really enjoyed this piece. It tugged on my heartstrings and made me feel a deep sense of compassion with the older Gellert, and then gave me just enough of a taster for younger Gellert's story that I am now hooked and can't wait for more :D

Author's Response: Wow, a long one!

I didn't really. I have a doc on my computer called 'cool words' and I found that word on it so I just integrated it into my story. :D

Thank you for pointing out those mistakes (I'm awful at picking them out myself).

Thank you!
Jasmine, x


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Review #5, by caoty I

21st October 2012:
So I've never read an Ariana/Gellert before, so I might be quite useless at this whole reviewing thing. You have been warned.

I like how you've portrayed Ariana as, yes, slightly mad, but not broken. In the few Ariana-featuring fics I have read, there's always been some element of brokenness to her characterisation, which I personally find unrealistic and a little bit offensive. And it also makes it seem believable that, yeah, Gellert would fall in love with this wonderfully happy, strange girl.

Though speaking of his recollection of her:
>Gellert let out a loud scream as he remembered that night.
To me, that felt a little bit... incongruous? Like, the tone is quite quiet and introspective and then "AH!", you know what I mean? Maybe that's just me, though.

Apart from that, your way of leading up to Gellert's death is lovely and sad, and I really like it.

Your characterisation of Bathilda was pretty much exactly what you can infer from canon, so I can't fault you for that, and teenage Gellert was perfectly in character as someone who's easily angered, always polite and completely alienated. Or at least, that's how I read it.

I've got a couple of technical critiques for you: you've still got a few typos and some huge paragraphs, and it'd maybe be worth proofreading again or asking your beta to go over it again, just to make it a tad easier to read.

Anyway, good luck with writing this, and I'll see you around. :)

Author's Response: I'm sure you won't be useless. Your reviews are always amazing and helpful!

I don't believe Ariana was ever broken. She was just different in my opinion. I believe that if she hadn't of gone mad she would have been quirky and kind of like 'Ruby Sparks' (have you seen that movie?)

Yeah thanks for pointing out the typos. I actually got another beta (because my other one was MIA) and she is going over it now so hopefully there is no more typos.

Thank you for such an amazing and helpful review!
Jasmine, x


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Review #6, by Veritaserum_Girl I

20th October 2012:
Hi there! It's Veritaserum_Girl from the review thread. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you; it's been a busy week.

But, I think that you've set a very good foundation for a story, so far. I think that you've got a very strong opening, and that you've captured the essence of getting the readers' attention. Your spelling and grammar look pretty good to me. You've got a nice flow, and I think that this has the potential to be a really good story! c:

Author's Response: Hello!

That's okay; sorry it took me so long to respond.

Thank you!
Jasmine, x


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Review #7, by CharlieDay I

18th October 2012:
Hi, it's me, here for the review swap!

wow this is such an original ship but not in a creepy-deepy ew what is this? way. In a wow that is so clever why didn't I think of that? way
your writing style is also really pretty and delicate, you use a lot of description, but it wasn't heavy at all.

I really liked your vocabulary use as well, and Gellart seemed really well developed. I can't wait to read more

Charlie
xx

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you! I found the ship via a challenge on the forums actually and I've been in love with it ever since!

Thank you so much!
Jasmine, xx


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Review #8, by LadyOrobourus I

17th October 2012:
Absolutely lovely writing style... I look forward to reading more.

Author's Response: Thank you! The next chapter should be up soon :)
Jasmine, xx


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Review #9, by ginerva_molly_weasley I

16th October 2012:
This is so intense and so angsty that I can't help but love it! I've read quite a few of your things and I must say I have never been disappointed with what I've found!

This story is a rarity on HPFF because it focuses on quite a strange relationship which isn't explored often. I love the idea of Gellert and Ariana though as it adds an extra dynamic to her death where as Gellert is seemed not to be heartless but he is as tourtured as we saw Albus to be about her death.

I felt like I was in the prison cell beside Gellert when you were explaining everything that went on. It was so realistic and I could almost imagine him crying out in some form of pain as he remembered his beloved Ariana.

The line about her being murdered by either her brother or her lover was heartbreaking :( I also think it was made amazingly better by mentioning what she'd been wearing and emphasising her childishness which made her death seem to be more of a disaster.

The flashback as well was amazing as it helped us see the context and as you've mentioned this is a novel I can see you going into the whole reason for their relationship which I think you will do brilliantly at!

I also wonder why they all knew he was there... did something happen or was Esmerelda just a gossip? I wonder!

Author's Response: ANGST FTW! Thank you! * secretly fan-girling*

The unexplored relationships are usually the best (in my opinion at least) because it gives the author more leg-room and less cliche's (which is a rare gem when it comes to writing fan fiction).

Thank you so much! This review really made me smile :D Esmerelda was just a gossip I'm afraid; nothing sinister there (this will play a rather large role in chapters to comes)
Jasmine, x


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Review #10, by spontaneous I

15th October 2012:
This is so different from almost everything I've read before- Gellert/Ariana is so unique. I loved it. You've characterised Gellert really well and this part: 'the boy who never quite became a man' was just brilliant.

Ariana is such an interesting character. The little bit of her relationship with Aberforth that you've shown was precious and I think I just really, really loved everything about this chapter.

I can't wait to read the next chapter and see where you're heading with this story. Instant favorite.

Author's Response: Gellert/Ariana is quite a unique shipping I must admit but I do really like the idea of them being together. It's just so poignant in a world on the brink of a war :)

Thank you! I'm so glad that you enjoyed this. Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon :)
Jasmine, x


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