This was amazing! The narrative structure with the seasons and then the snippets of Lily and Snape growing from that initial vivid imagery led to a totally immersive read and I felt compeltley surrounded by so many sides of Snape. There was the innocence in the childish swinging and his memories of such small times that were so deep and well portrayed.
You also really captured his obsessiveness and the different shades they took in a totally dynamic way. All the analogies and memories and different applications made me feel like I really got to know a side of Snape that is usually painted in a flat way. It was a troubeling depiction in some ways, but brilliantly done and incredibly deep.
Overall, I loved this and thought the way you laid the story out was so careful and beautiful! I didn't catch any spelling or grammar mistakes, and I thought the whole thing flowed beautifully! This was gorgeous and I just love your writing so much! :)
Annie Report Review
You wrote this really good! I liked the four seasons thing. Keep on writing!Author's Response: Thank you for this! I will :) Report Review
javct45 here with your requested review!
Yay for snily! Honestly give me a good Snily and I'm sold. This story is defiantly dreamy but in a good way. I've always thought that in the last few moments of Severus' life he was always bound to be dreamy. I also like how you referenced Lily to the different seasons of the year.
It made sense to some extent, I mean, I could see that Severus was reflecting over his love for Lily but maybe you could add some flashbacks or reflections of moments when she was summer, spring, autumn and winter. It's just a suggestion but it might just give some insight into Severus' unrequited feelings for Lily.
I love the way you wrote this though; you managed to capture Lily's feeling towards Severus and Severus feelings towards Lily brilliantly.
Jasmine, xAuthor's Response: hello!
Thank you for this! haha yay for snily, though im so new to it!
I might add some flashbacks of a sort alright, especially for winter, you're right. Thanks so much for the advice and praise :) Report Review
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!
As a Snape fan, I enjoyed this piece a lot, because you provide some fresh insight into his motivations and feelings that we don't get from the books. I'm always happy to read something that shares a new perspective on his mind. :)
Most Snape/Lily stories tend to just take the fact that he loves her as a given, so I especially like that you show why he is so drawn to Lily in the first place: "Her first attempts at exercising her new power are not dangerous, are not crude, but make the natural world weep with envy at her majesty."
I also like that you show that he has some issues from the very beginning: "He will lock her away and worship her until she loves him, until he is good enough."
And you also show how he struggles later on: "He will crush down these impulses with all the strength he can summon, and he will guide her to a place where she can love him. He will flourish in the shelter of her courage. Always." He's simultaneously sympathetic and off-putting in passages like these, which I find refreshing. I think there are many Snape fans who will enjoy your perspective, as I did, and others who will not (some can be very particular about the way that Snape is portrayed).
I think your story makes sense; I liked the circular movement of the seasons from spring to spring. The cycle of the seasons is a common motif, but I don't think that makes your writing cliched.
There's one sentence that struck me as slightly off: "She is hopelessly ignorant to the danger her blood has damned her." I like it, it makes sense, but it seems like a fragment and I'm not sure how to fix it.
The voice in the piece doesn't feel too dreamy for me. It's written in third person rather than first person, so although it's Snape's head that we're peering into, I didn't interpret the writing as his voice but rather an omniscient narrator. First person might be harder to pull off just because he's so much of a puzzle, but even then I don't think the Romanticism would be too heavy-handed.
If I were to wish for anything, it would be for you to add a little more to the winter section to cover the years between Lily's death and his own. Did he mature during the intervening years? Did he change his views at all?
Overall, I really like this piece and hope you find my review helpful! :)Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for this!
I'm glad you liked this as a Snape fan, and that it makes sense to you.
What you say makes a lot of sense - the ending was vague, as was the sentence you pointed out - I'll have a look at these, thanks!
That was very helpful, thank you! Report Review
It's Roots in Water here with your review!
Wow. I can certainly see why you said it's a little different but I liked it. In particular, I really liked how you divided up their lives into four seasons- it definitely fit in a way I hadn't though about before. Spring represented the beginning of their relationship perfectly, just as summer did the "height" of their friendship. And then the fall was a great metaphor for the period when their relationship began to split down the center, when she became cooler towards him because he was doing things that she didn't approve of. Finally, winter suited the final stage, not because Lily was any colder than she had been before but because Snape himself had become more bitter and hard-hearted.
However, in the recollections I do think that they were a tad too "dreamy". Though you did a great job of getting across the feelings that Snape would have felt, I feel like the descriptions could have been bigger. I did understand the incidents that you were describing, since they're probably the most significant ones in his life, but I felt that you could have expanded on them a little. It would ground the sections a little more, I think.
For example, in the winter section you could describe his bitterness over Lily's life with another man in greater detail as well as how she constantly puts her life in danger because she's a part of the Order of the Phoenix (I bet that her insistence on being a part of it really made him worry at times and he wouldn't like the feeling of being worried). On the other hand, I will admit that I'm not overly familiar with the concept of Romanticism and perhaps it's meant to be more floaty than solid and down-to-earth...
As well, I do think that the first section is good as it is- you've clearly identified the event that's happening and it has a childish grace to it.
I also loved your ending. I've always liked it when authors are able to relate the endings of their novels to their beginnings, bringing the books in a complete circle, and the last sentence does this perfectly. As well, in the last sentence you did a brilliant job of describing Snape's death and exactly what Lily means to him. He continued living after she died so that he could make up for his betrayal of her, so that he could live up to the promise she asked of him, but he was far from happy. He looked forward to the time when he could be reunited with her- a new beginning, another spring. :)
All in all I think that you did a great job with this story. It definitely wasn't cliche, since you took the incidents and gave your own spin to them. And they were definitely the instances that had great influence in shaping his life; they represented the four seasons of his life, as you showed here. Thanks for requesting and I hope that my comments were helpful!Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for getting to me so quickly.
I'm really glad you had time to review this, since I know you've read some of my other stuff. I'm grateful for the praise and your honesty!
The romantics were all about moments of overflow of powerful feelings (often recollected in tranquility), and thats what i was going with, but at the end of the day I do want the reader to enjoy as well as myself.
I really like what you suggested about the Order of the Phoenix, I had thought about this before but didnt think to put it in here, I think that (and your general suggestions) could help solidify the pieve.
Thanks again, I really appreciate it! :) Report Review
Hey! I saw the link to this story in the status updates, and I thought I would come by to read and review. :) This is my favourite type of Snily. Well, okay, it's actually the only type of Snily I like: unrequited! :P
Your descriptive language in this was really lovely--it was wonderful how you used the seasons as metaphors. And in each section, I knew exactly what you were trying to get at, which is pretty amazing. I imagine it would be difficult to hit upon all these different aspects and make them ring true, but you've done a great job. The best part, in my opinion, was that I didn't feel like this was OOC for Snape. It was all twisted with a sort of bitterness and sting that kept it from being too flowery or romantic. Even the title gets that across--it's not necessarily about love; it's about greed.
Great work!Author's Response: Hello! Thanks so much for this :) And same - this is the only Snily I can get into!
This is totally different to my other stories, so I'm so glad it came accross well. I was so worried Snape would be OOC, or too "flowery" like you say. And you hit on exactly what I'm going for - I was never totally comfortable with Snapes love for Lily because I thought it was based on that greed, and idealism.
Thank you so much for reviewing, its made me feel more confident about the story :) Report Review
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