61 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ohmymerlin Slytherin's Office

10th July 2014:
*gasps loudly*

What I just what how I mean you explained it but what I would have never ever ever picked that out of anything! Talk about a plot twist!

But yay Albus defeated him! It was a bit weird it was with Petrificus Totalus but I guess he'd been alive for so long he just kind of deteriorated. Kind of like Mother Gothel in Tangled!

Poor Albus, thinking he was a murderer :( He isn't because it was out of self-defence and he didn't mean to kill him! He was just trying to protect himself. I WILL NOT ALLOW ALBUS TO FEEL DISTRESSED OR UPSET ABOUT THIS.

Also, poor thing passed out! Too much action for a kid, huh?

Oh, and I nearly forgot to mention but when Albus was swinging the ball and chain around to destroy the Horcurxes, it strongly reminded me of Miley Cyrus' 'Wrecking Ball' :P I really could imagine Al singing it as he destroyed them all, hahaha!

Great chapter! I can't wait to read the next one -- the last one! D':

- Kayla :)

House Cup 2014 review

Author's Response: Well, it is called "Slytherin's Office"... but yeah, it is meant to be a plot twist.

Your theory is billiant! And actually kind of true! Good for you! (That rhyming was unintentional.)

Yes, Albus certainly was only self-defending and didn't even produce a deadly curse, but he still feels guilty.

Albus passed out from shock. He got hit with the killing curse and survived, while Slytherin got hit with a body-bind and died. That is quite shocking!

I've actually never listened to "Wrecking Ball". I don't listen to most of Miley Cyrus's stuff, but I'll definitely check it out!

The last chapter! *sobs emotionally* But I do have six more books to do, so I'm not done with Albus yet. When I realize I'm only 1/7 of the way done, I feel like crying. But I'll do it, even if it takes me twenty years! Gosh, I hope it doesn't take me that long...

Thank you for reviewing!!


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Review #2, by ohmymerlin Down Near the Dungeons

10th July 2014:
Hello!

I'm sorry for taking so long to review! I'd read the chapter but I just hadn't had the time to review but now I'm finally here!

GO ALBUS! He made such a great achievement, making that potion especially seeing as he's still only a little fella! I liked that he felt the Potions exam was a breeze. I could practically hear his hair flick once he was walking out of that exam, haha!

Speaking of, you wrote the exams very well! I liked how nervous they got and how Rose studied in her dorm to get away from the boys :P

BUT OH MY GOD GO HARRY YOU GO HARRY YOU CAN DO THIS I BELIEVE IN YOU HARRY

DEFEAT ZAJECFER AND SAVE YOUR SON AND YOUR NIECE AND THEIR FRIENDS BECAUSE YOU ARE HARRY POTTER AND YOU ARE THE BOY WHO LIVED

And that's a mean cliffhanger! But luckily chapter 25 is already out for me so I can happily skip away to the next chapter! Well... not happily but worriedly because I'm so scared who this crazy psychopath will be! D':

I'll be back :--)))

- Kayla :)

House Cup 2014 review

Author's Response: Hooray for using the review to get points for Hufflepuff! I feel TERRIBLE for not doing reviews, but I am kind of busy. Argh!

Yes, I can imagine that at the end of the Potions exam, he made a LOT of people jealous. Ha ha.

I imagine before their first exams they'll be very nervous (I know I was).

HARRY POTTER! HARRY POTTER!

You are SO lucky you didn't have to wait. :)

Thanks for the review!


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Review #3, by MargaretLane Slytherin's Office

7th July 2014:
And I finally get around to reading this. *cheers*

Hmm, the man is somebody presumed dead. That did cross my mind when reading the last chapter.

Yi-i-ikes, THAT, however, is the last thing I expected. Older wasn't exactly an exaggeration.

This is a downright bizarre comparison, but the part about the younger brother reminded me of Padraig and William Pearse. Padraig Pearse was one of those who led the 1916 Rising in Ireland and William was his younger brother, who by all accounts, took part largely out of loyalty to the older brother he adored. Both were shot after the Rising, although there seems to have been absolutely no reason to shoot William, who wasn't even an important person among the rebels. He seems to have been killed solely for having a well-known brother.

This story explains some stuff I always wondered about, like how on earth did Tom Riddle find out he was descended from Slytherin, when it's questionable whether he even knew who his mother was and even more so, how did he find out about the Basilisk?

And I love the fact that the two men deliberately set up a mystery for Albus, assuming he'd be like his father. It makes so much more sense than that they'd have stumbled upon the clues completely by themselves and that none of the teachers or older students would have noticed anything. That makes sense if the villains WANTED them to be the ones to notice things.

This sentence seems to be missing something: "The best way of dealing with Harry Potter someone he loves."

Ah! It sounds like they are trying to prevent Harry from defeating them. That makes sense. Considering he defeated Voldemort at the age of 17 and without even completing his magical education, how much more dangerous an opponent would he be in his 30s or 40s, with Auror training and a good deal of experience behind him.

"I simply want the satisfaction to be the start of England's third wizarding war" sounds a bit clumsy. "The satisfaction of being" would probably sound better.

OK, I'm flummoxed, both as to how Albus survived and how Slytherin was killed. Looks like there's a lot of information yet to come.

I really love the way you have Albus react to Slytherin's death. Some stories just gloss over the deeds the good guys perform. And something like that is bound to have an effect on you. Even if Albus didn't intend to kill him, even if it would have been self-defense even if he did and even if Slytherin should have died long ago anyway, it's still a traumatic experience if he did kill him. Though I wonder if there's more to this.

Very surprising ending. Really didn't expect that.

And I am really interested as to what's going to happen in the later stories. I assume this'll mean Zajecfer will be on his own, but who knows?

Author's Response: It was meant to be surprising revelation. If you HAD guessed earlier that the man wass Salazar Slytherin, I would have been really surprised. Slughorn was not a bad guess.

Slytherin's brother is interesting. In canon no siblings are ever mentioned for the Founders, but it doesn't make sense for them all to be only children.

After I finished reading the HP series, I wondered what Voldemort did those 10 years of absence between working at Borgin and Burkes and re-applying for Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts. So I invented a reason with Salazar Slytherin, and planned to make an Albus Potter fic about it.

Since I know what I want to say, if a sentence is missing a word I don't notice. Thanks for pointing that out. I really should get a beta reader or something.

Looking back, quite a few of these sentences are clumsily written. I'll have to fix that sometime. I wrote most of this chapter in one sitting since I was so excited, so I didn't edit as I wrote like I normally do.

You'll see more of Albus's reaction about Slytherin's death in the next chapter. I was surprised at the end of Harry's first year that he hardly reacted to learning that Quirrel was dead. He just killed a guy! Even though Quirrel was bad, shouldn't an eleven year old boy feel guilty about killing a man?

A lot of answers are coming next chapter.


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Review #4, by MargaretLane Down Near the Dungeons

10th June 2014:
*laughs* Over here, it's more like April showers turn to May showers turn to June showers.

I think they are right to go to bed. There comes a point when lack of sleep is going to disadvantage you more than an extra hour or two's study is going to help.

LOVE the idea of the Death Eaters being the villains in a book.

*sighs* I think the Invisibility Cloak could be useful in case they run into Zajecfer. If there is a secret office, he could be waiting there. Or the potion could transport them to wherever he usually hangs out.

Well done Harry for figuring out something odd is going on.

And I love the way Albus believes Harry is unbeatable and has no worries at all that Zajecfer could kill his father or anything. It's sort of typical of how a twelve year old might think and really shows Albus's naivety.

Ahh, what a cliffhanger. I'm assuming this is the older man and I REALLY want to know who he is. I can't wait for the next chapter.

And I REALLY want to know what Albus thinks is impossible. That this guy could be a villain? But how does he know now that he's a villain? I guess he could guess, but you know, it could be somebody who is helping Harry try to figure out what's going on or something for all Albus knows. Maybe he just assumes whoever is in there must be in league with Zajecfer. Or maybe there's something else, like maybe this is somebody he believes dead or something. Since the older man appears to be at least as old as Voldemort, that is quite possible.

Though the only person older than Voldemort who died during the books I can think of is Dumbledore and somehow I doubt he's in league with Zajecfer or with Voldemort.

I'm sticking with Slughorn as my guess as to who the older man is.

Author's Response: I forgot that the UK gets a lot of rain. Oh well, it's just a saying. Maybe next year there will be lots of rainy weather.

I've learned the hard way that lack of sleep because of studying might make the test day difficult. I'm one of those people who tend to do all of their studying the day before.

Yes, the invisibility cloak would be useful. Rose is often smart, but sometimes she can make a silly mistake.

Albus has heard stories his entire life about Harry, and Ron probably took the liberty of exaggerating them. If Albus knew how Harry felt starting Hogwarts, Al would probably be shocked. To Albus, Harry's practically a god.

What Albus finds "impossible" is the identity of the man.

It would be an amazing plot twist if Dumbledore is a bad guy and hoped to kill off Harry by telling him that he's a horcrux, but Harry outwitted him. Yes, I also highly doubt Dumbledore is in league with Voldemort. They don't seem very similar.

Thank you so much for reviewing! I know you're super busy and it means a lot to me that you do this. :)


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Review #5, by MargaretLane Brewing Troubles

24th May 2014:
I giggled at the Easter bunny tasting like Brussels sprouts. I actually ought to have made mention of Easter being Fred and George's birthday in 1st year. I only realised it after I'd written the chapter and couldn't be bothered rewriting.

*laughs at them giving the candy from all three of them even though Albus had forgotten* Just because it reminds me of something that may happen in a couple of chapters in my story. Lalala.

By the way, "candy" is an American term. They'd probably say "sweets" or "sweets and chocolate."

Oh gosh, I didn't expect that. Putting in too much of an ingredient could send them right back to the start again. I hope they can find a way to counteract the effects of the extra ingredient.

He could probably claim he wanted to practice brewing Herbicide for his exams or something, if it's a potion they studied that year.

Aw, that's a sweet, and utterly believable reason for him to want to brew herbicide.

Author's Response: I like to know the dates of most of my events, so I pulled up a 2018 calendar online and found that Easter fell on April Fools Day! It was too good to ignore.

British people don't say candy? Now that I think about it, the word "candy" was never mentioned in Harry Potter. I learn something new every day!

The potion is very exhausting and difficult. Albus was bound to make a mistake somewhere.

Yes, he probably could have said he wanted to practice, good point. I didn't think of that. But Albus is really good at brewing potions, so Fawley would realize something else was up. Also, he needed a reason to keep it. Most likely, Fawley would have just kept the potion, which is what usually happens in potion class. In my head canon, the successful potions brewed in class Fawley keeps in case it is needed.

Thanks for reason!


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Review #6, by ohmymerlin Brewing Troubles

24th May 2014:
Hello! I love whenever I see a new chapter of this! I just want to know what's going to happen! :D

I LOVE the chocolate bunny/April Fools gift! It was pure genius! :D

Although, I noticed a teensy little error:

Unfortunately, Albus wasn't their most of the day, since he worked on the potion

You've just put the wrong 'there' in this sentence ;)

I feel bad for Albus. The poor guy has his whole schedule mucked up but the rest of them are generally fine! I know that he kicked Rose and David out but still! If only they were as good as him! :(

When you wrote that Albus needed to get seven shrivelfigs but grabbed eight, I was about to point out that you made a mistake somewhere but then I read on and was like, "Aaahhh that makes sense." :P

Anyway, I can't wait to read the next chapter! Exciting you say?! :D :D :D

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: I made up the chocolate bunny gift spur of the moment. That's what happens to most of my ideas, except for the ones relating to the plot.

Yes, I did put the wrong "there"! Usually I automatically correct that as I'm writing, but I must have missed this.

Albus does have a busy schedule, and thank goodness Art helps him out. Rose and David would have been way to distracting, and if you're doing a complicated potion you shouldn't have any distractions!

Yes, unfortunately, Albus did not realize his mistake of grabbing eight shrivelfigs. Lucky for him, Rose helped him fix it.

Yes, the next chapter is very exciting. There are only three chapters left!


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Review #7, by ohmymerlin The Hidden Room

4th May 2014:
OOOH THINGS ARE HAPPENING!!!

I'M SO EXCITED AND SO NERVOUS!

!!!

I'm sorry this is a really bad review but all I can say is EEEK THINGS ARE STARTING TO BEGIN!! THEY'RE SO CLOSE!!! :D

So yeah, sorry for this lame review but I can't articulate anything at this moment, haha!

Can't wait to read the next chapter! :D ♥

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Yes! Things are happening! Exciting things are coming! *Squeals happily*

Thank you for the review!


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Review #8, by MargaretLane The Hidden Room

2nd May 2014:
Well, yes, with Zajecfer around, Albus's life could DEFINITELY change for the worse in the blink of an eye, though I guess Neville doesn't know about that. I wonder if that line is some sort of foreshadowing.

At one point Art says "as long as you know the Gryffindor's", when Albus says he is bad with names. Since there is more than one Gryffindor, the apostrophe should be after the s.

Hmm, so it looks like I may well have been wrong about the hidden room being a room where Zajecfer is hiding.

This room could well continue to play a part throughout your series, if the adults don't find out about it.

And I LOVE the suggestion that it could be where Hogwarts began. I've been actually reading some stuff lately (long story) that involved the opening of the Sisters of Mercy's schools in Ireland and it was talking about how a lot of the secondary schools started in a room or a couple of rooms in the convent, back in the 19th century, when not many people went to school beyond the age of maybe 12 or 14. I really like the idea of Hogwarts starting off much smaller than it finally became.

*laughs* With the chapter called "The Hidden Room", being near the end of the story and when it began with Albus talking about how he wanted to begin brewing the potion, I assumed they'd find out where Zajecfer went by the end, but no, I've to wait a little longer. I guess it can't be MUCH longer though.

Rose says "Aunt Hermione brewed Polyjuice Potion in her second year." I think she'd say "Mum".

Looking forward to seeing what they find out.

Author's Response: Just about anyone's life can change quickly. Neville might have not been changed very quickly, but he went huge character development. Neville knows better than most.

Good point about the apostrophe thing. I didn't catch that.

Yes, I'm very excited about their secret room. It definitely can be used throughout the series, I'm already planning for its usage.

Yes, the chapter title was a little misleading. That was planned.

I doubt Hogwarts was as big as it was now. Where would the get the funding? I suppose one of the founders, or all, could have been rich, but they probably didn't know how sucessful the school would be. I like the idea of Hogwarts Castle evolving over the centuries.

You don't have to wait much longer. The exciting things start happening in Chapter 24.

Yes, Rose would say "Mum". Good catch! I usually just notice grammar and spelling and things.

Thank you for reviewing! Every review you leave brings another smile to my day. :)


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Review #9, by ohmymerlin A Talk With Japser

10th April 2014:
AL DO NOT GET INTO THE BLACK MARKET OF HOGWARTS OMG

THAT IS VERY DANGEROUS

But ahhh everything is slowly moving along! I just want them to be safe and happy but I have a feeling that that won't happen for a long time!

Anyway, sorry for this lame review but I'm absolutely exhausted at the moment but I still wanted to review :p I can't wait to read the next chapter!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Yes, unwise of Albus to get into the black market of Hogwarts. But it is necessary.

There is still some more excitement, but the climax is coming up soon-ish. It's not as far as along as you might think.

It's okay, I love every review I get!!! Thank you!


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Review #10, by MargaretLane A Talk With Japser

2nd April 2014:
I found this chapter completely by accident. *laughs* I was just flicking through the "recently added" to see if there was anything worth reading and realised "oh gosh, the next chapter of Albus Potter and Slytherin's Office is up. YAY!"

And the chapter title seems somewhat intriguing.

Yeah, that's intriguing all right - how Albus's magic works. I wonder if there's something to it or if you are just showing how different people have different strengths and weaknesses and what most people find easy can be difficult for somebody and something others find difficult can be easy for them. *pays close attention*

*laughs* I've just been writing about snow. I guess it makes sense that both our stories would mention it since Hogwarts is in Scotland, but it's still funny that both the chapter I was writing and the one I'm reading today had mentions of it.

And *laughs*, Slytherin were the worst team in my Albus's first year too, though things are changing now in my current story.

The wording of this paragraph in general seems kinda confused: "A few days before the match, Albus, David, and Rose ate dinner near the end of the day. Homework buried itself in Art, so Art planned to come down later. Albus found himself in a predicament, for he ate some pasta as Art came running into the great hall, eager about something."

You've also had Art saying that "people who are quiet are really good listener." It should be "listeners".

The word "promoted" doesn't really fit in the line "the next day promoted a nerve-wracking day for Gryffindor". Something like "proved" would fit better.

I actually laughed out loud and Louis saying he knows he's not supposed to be biased, but hey, he's a Gryffindor.

LOVE all the statistics. I'm getting the impression Ravenclaw, Gryffindor and Hufflepuff all have pretty much equal chance of winning.

Oh, yikes, I did NOT expect THAT to happen. When they were thirty points ahead, I was wondering would that be enough, 'cause I think they said they needed more than thirty points, but then I thought it was probably thirty OR more. I was sure Gyffindor would win the cup or at least get to the final. Especially when Ravenclaw were doing so well, I kind of thought Gryffindor were going to stage a massive comeback.

I think, though, it's good to have the house of the main characters not get into the final. It makes it different from other stories. Plus, when you're writing the whole seven years, it's a bit unrealistic if the one house wins every year.

Bet the Gryffindors will be annoyed at their Seeker for catching the Snitch then, when they could possibly have got another goal if they'd waited.

I'm with Rose on this one. A Dark Lord trying to kill you is a bit more serious than losing a match.

*laughs at the comment that sulking about Quidditch is a good use of time*

I thought of that just before they mentioned it - what Zajecfer intended to do if he hadn't killed Albus by the summer, but I guess he's planning to have it done by then. Maybe he even has something planned that they, and we, don't know about.

And ooh, this makes it sound like Zajecfer might have some other reason to be in Hogwarts as well. MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING IN SLYTHERIN'S OFFICE HE'S TRYING TO FIND.

Author's Response: Magic is a strange and beautiful thing. Part of the reason Albus has an easier time is that he doesn't have to pronounce the words, which is something he has trouble with.

Yeah, maybe next year Slytherin won't be the worst. I don't know. It was actually a coincidence they ended up the worst: I wanted Gryffindor to lose to Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, but beat Slytherin. So that's just how it worked out.

Yes, I agree, that is TERRIBLE wording. I'll fix it.

Yes, it should be "listeners". Good catch!

Louis does have a point, doesn't he? It'd be impossible for him not to be biased.

I love the statistics too. For a few of the numbers I actually had to do some *gasp* math. But I had a lot of fun writing it.

Yeah, and Gryffindor never won the house cup until Harry's third year. So why shouldn't Gryffindor win this year?

They'll be a little annoyed at her, but the majority of the Gryffindor team realizes she had to catch the snitch then or the other seeker would have gotten it. She's a good seeker, just not undefeatable.

Yes, I'm with Rose as well. Boys are ridiculous when it comes to Quidditch. Just because I write my main character's actions doesn't mean I agree with them.

Why is Zajecfer at Hogwarts? Will we ever know? *wink wink*





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Review #11, by ohmymerlin Two Peculiar Subjects

24th February 2014:
Hello!

This was such a good chapter, I love Al so much! And OH MY GOD HE CAN DO NON-VERBAL SPELLS AT A FIRST YEAR LEVEL! THAT'S AMAZING!

And Art! He's such a cutie, I love him! I had this mad thought that maybe he's secretly evil but he's just too cute for that!

I love reading Rose! She's such a great character!

I'm pretty sure your chemistry is right, by the way! I only did it in year 11 - I ended up dropping the subject - but I'm 90% sure that's exactly how it works! Obviously there are a lot more tiny little details (electrons/protons) but you're right in general terms! :D

Anywho, I really liked this chapter! I can't wait to read the next one!

- Kayla :)

Author's Response: Albus is impressive. :)

You thought Art was evil? *sobs* Not poor Art!

Yeah, I took Chemistry a few years ago, so I'm pretty confident about Fuchs's explanation. I just wanted to be sure. :)

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #12, by MargaretLane Two Peculiar Subjects

24th February 2014:
LOVE the title of this chapter. I love seeing classes and the suggestion that they will be peculiar intrigues me. *goes to see what is going on*

*laughs at Albus searching through a trunk for reasons you will appreciate*

Oh ONLY ten ingredients! That should be no problem, so. /sarcasm

I think you are missing a word when Filch asks if they are ordering dungbombs. You've written, "'no,' told him."

Yes, I think Hermione MIGHT get suspicious if they asked "by the way, how did you break into the Potions stores?" And the people reading the letters would probably be suspicious too.

*laughs at Filch getting more and more paranoid*

*laughs at Albus saying "um, not David" after worrying somebody'd be offended if he chose somebody else* I think it's more offensive when he chooses somebody as the person he'd least trust. I don't blame him though. David doesn't appear the most careful. I did laugh out loud at him blurting that out though.

Yeah, he can hardly say, "no, I need to get to Potions so we can steal something from the stores, can he?" It reminds me a little of this time our science teacher kept us late to tidy up the lab after an experiment and people started arguing, "but we haven't our homework done for x class (can't remember what class it was now). We need our break to get it done it."

I like the fact that Albus has a specific problem with the spells. It makes sense that different things would cause difficulty for different people and it gives more depth than just saying he's good or bad at a particular subject.

*laughs at the Forgetfulness Potion making them forget what step they were on* I used that for an eagle's question once with "what potion would you not know you'd taken?"

And of course, it would give Albus a great excuse for asking even slightly stupid questions. I hadn't thought of that. He can even repeat a question if he runs out of things to say to distract him and pretend he's forgotten he asked.

It might be better to make "don't worry about the fumes too much" and "they shouldn't affect you too badly" two separate sentences.

And I like the idea that the fumes become a problem as there are so many potions of it being brewed at the same time. That makes sense.

Oooh, cliffhanger. I wonder what they'll do now.

Author's Response: Oh yeah, I never really thought about how in our stories our characters both search through trunks. I never seem to realize the similarities until you point them out.

Well, the potion has quite a few ingredients, so 10 isn't that bad...

I missed a word! That's the doom of knowing what's supposed to happen when you proofread.

Yes, I know the feeling of needing to tell someone that you can't do something, but don't want to tell them. I don't talk about fanfiction much, so if somebody asks me to do something, I think "I really need to work on this one chapter!" but I don't tell them, and end up doing whatever they want me to do.

Oh yes, Albus could repeat questions. Good suggestion; I never thought of that.


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Review #13, by ohmymerlin Marauder Missions

12th January 2014:
This is odd because I don't have my alias anymore, you know who I am! I actually forgot to favourite this and then I saw it in the recently updated novels or whatever and I did a little jiggle because I was so happy that there was another chapter, ahaha :p

Anyway, this chapter was good! They have the book and the Cloak! Yay! And I'm a bit glad Al is starting to stick up for himself to James, and I liked he felt guilty using blackmail - it shows that he's truly a good kid :)

I also liked that Al felt uncomfortable with David and Art using the Map because they lost it, it shows that he really is an ordinary eleven year old boy :p They get very particular with things and I love that you wrote it so well!

And they're so cute making plans and saying that they could be detectives! It just makes me aw! :p

This was another lovely chapter, you're such a talented writer! I LOVE this story, I can't believe I'd never read it before Christmas!

10/10 :)

- Kayla :D

Author's Response: Yay! You came back! :)

I think when Albus is at Hogwarts he seems more confident, than when he was at home. And Albus is a good kid. :)

Yeah, little first-year detectives. I like writing about kids.

It's not surprising you didn't see it before Christmas, I don't advertise it a lot except for on my signature and my profile.

Thank you so much for the review!!!



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Review #14, by MargaretLane Marauder Missions

12th January 2014:
Yay, new chapter of Albus Potter and Slytherin's Office. And the chapter title is intriguing. Hmm. *goes to read*

Love your first paragraph. You really capture the emotions they are feeling, particularly Albus.

This is really, really nit-picky, but one thing I would say is there are a couple of places in it where you could replace the names with pronouns. Like you've already said David and Art lost the Invisibility Cloak, so you could just say Albus was angry with them rather than using their names again. As I said, REALLY nit-picky, but the paragraph is so emotional and powerful and I feel using their names again just slows it down that bit.

*laughs* I think you hinted at this part in a review to my stories - about James being unwilling to help them. I think he might help get the Invisibility Cloak back though, because he would want to be able to use it himself.

*laughs at Albus figuring out James would be in the kitchen* How typical of him!

And I love the planning they are doing. Plastering Trelawney's wall with itching powder and replacing her crystal balls with pumpkins are exactly the kind of things I could imagine James doing. I'd love to see some of his pranks actually.

Master Shafiq?

So THAT'S why Albus was eavesdropping. I couldn't figure out why he wanted to know what James was planning, though I should have guessed. It's so OBVIOUS now that it's been explained.

Aw, poor Albus. I mean I think it's good he doesn't like blackmailing people, but the part about not being used to standing up to James gives me sympathy for him.

I really like the indication Albus trusts Rose more than Art and David. It makes sense as they've known each other all their lives, whereas he's only known the others a few months. It makes sense he'd want to confide in her.

That mission went fairly well. I was expecting Filch to appear or something. Thought Art might have to distract him or that he might shout at them that Filch was on his way back and they'd have to rush things.

I like the mention of the kitchens being better known now than in Harry's time, because of course, things would have changed. The wizarding world seems to change fairly slowly, but still, everything is not going to remain the same. And I like the way Albus refers to "his father's time" as if it's the Dark Ages or something (or rather the Golden Art of Art and Learning as the same period was over here; Ireland likes to be different, it seems). It makes sense. After all, it happened before he was even born.

*laughs at the idea of Albus being able to use Snape's ability because he has his middle name*

And yeah, I can definitely see why they wouldn't want any of their cousins involved and if Hermione could brew the Polyjuice potion in 2nd year, I reckon Albus can do it.

And guess what: it is the 12th of January, so Happy Birthday Albus! *grins* Weird his birthday is around the same time in both our stories. I mean it's the 8th of December in mine, but that's only a month earlier.

And you know what I was thinking recently? I'd love to see Flitwick's reaction at the end of this story when he realises he's unwittingly been helping a Dark Wizard in his attempt to kill a couple of his students. You might already have planned to show that, but if it isn't shown in this, I'd love to see a one-shot about it or something. Although I'm sure you've enough to write with this whole series, without writing stuff just 'cause I want to see it. It would be interesting though. I mean, how horrific a realisation must that be?!

This is one of your better chapters, I think. Really enjoyed it.

Author's Response: You have a good point. I'm kind of paranoid when it comes to pronouns, because I used to say "they" all the time for papers and such, and my mom would be ask me who are "they"? But you're right, repeating Art and David that many times is a bit overkill.

Yeah, I did hint at that part. I did it knowing that you would read it in just a few weeks.

James's pranks are brilliant. Unfortunately, you won't see most of them for a long time.

Shafiq is the last name of James's best friend John. I should probably clarify that. Even though I'm sure I've mentioned it once or twice, but it's probably hard to remember things from multiple chapters ago.

I like having the reader not knowing what Albus is doing until he does it, even though it is from his point of view. I'm picky on what thoughts of Albus's you get to see. *evil grin*

For several chapters, Albus trusted them all completely, and I realized he shouldn't trust them that fast.

The mission did go well. Every once in a while, plans do go right. Not every plan or story has to be complicated.

Yeah, the same thing is happening with the Room of Requirement; it's become too well-known, since it was used by just about everyone in the Battle of Hogwarts and all. That's going to cause some problems for Albus.

Yeah, everything that happened to Harry are just stories to Albus. To him, it seems like a long long time ago (in a galaxy far far away... Sorry, Star Wars reference).

Albus doesn't have a lot of confident, but he does have a point. That potion is HARD.

I didn't think Chapter 19 would be up this fast! I submitted it to the queue last night right before I went to bed, and I saw the email that it was validated right after I woke up this morning. So, Happy Birthday Albus!

Yeah, I don't think anybody wants to wake up from a seemingly deep sleep and find out that you've done terrible things. Not ideal...

I don't think I'm going to write a one-shot. What I really want to do is write a novel or novella about Zajecfer's childhood, but that would be massive spoilers for the Albus Potter series. So I'd have to wait on that. *sighs*

Thank you for reviewing! You always leave AWESOME reviews. :)


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Review #15, by marauderfan Galleons, Books, Wands, and Jokes

30th December 2013:
Hi there! I'm back! (For the 12 days of reviewing, day 4.)

Loved this chapter! It was nice to see how close the family is, what a great family outing, despite James being impatient and Lily whiny :p The part with Lily and the chocolate chips was really cute. I can only imagine the mess that resulted from that. My friend spilled chocolate chips on herself once and they melted all over her clothes, so I'm just giggling at the thought of Lily putting chocolate chips in her pocket! :p

I also enjoyed the fact that Ollivander's son owns the shop now - and that he doesn't have the good memory his father had. That's a nice touch.

An elder wand? That's probably going to be very important later. Considering that Harry has probably passed down the invisibility cloak to his sons, Albus is in possession of an elder wand and an invisibility cloak- 2 of 3 hallows. Interesting... maybe a red herring but interesting all the same.

Albus's interjection into the adults "boring" conversation made me laugh too, kids are so like that! You write the young Albus, James and Lily very true to their ages.

This was a fun chapter! Great work :)

Author's Response: Ugh, I hate when chocolate melts. I didn't even think about the mess that Lily caused with melting chocolate. I just always imagined her coming home, the chocolate chips dancing around for about ten more minutes, and then the spell wearing off.

I wanted Ollivander's family to still be working the shop, since it has been open since 382 B.C. I also didn't want Ollivander's son to be his clone, so I decided to change that little tidbit. Memorizing every wand he'd ever sold? That's just a little unnatural.

I'm not saying you're wrong, it could be the elder wand, but there are other wands out there made out of elder. Not many, since it is considered unlucky, but Ollivander sells them.

Oh yeah, adult conversations are so boring. *laughs*

Thank you so much for the review!


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Review #16, by Secret Santa The Restricted Section

29th December 2013:
HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh god. Oh no.

THEY'VE LOST THE CLOAK.

AND THEY CAN'T GET THE BOOK.

NOOO!

I felt like it went too well. This is terrible! And Madam Pince will probably find the book and put it back in the Restricted Section. NOOO.

Oh god, I have no words for this. I'm too shell-shocked.

Although, I did like the little tidbit where David was missing because he was stealing fudge. I would probably be the same, haha!

They have to get James to help them nick the Cloak back! He has the map and would be able to distract Filch. And then they can get the book!

Yeah, sorry for the short review but I'm literally so shocked.

Anyway, I'm going to log back in and favourite this, because I can't wait to read more!

It was great being your Secret Santa. I loved it so much and I'm so glad I got you because otherwise I would have never read this wonderful story! :) I can't believe I missed it before!

Out of curiosity, did you ever work it out? :p

Anyway, I hope you had a good Christmas and have a Happy New Year! ♥

- Secret Santa :)

Author's Response: I am rather amused at your reaction. I don't feel depressed and shocked as you do, since I am the creator.

I had no idea you would be that shocked. But they'll think of something.

Oh yeah, I would be the same as David. Unfortunately, I do not have any house-elves under my command. I only get fudge twice a year. :(

Smart suggestion, recruiting James. They's have to get James to cooperate first...

No actually, I did not work it out. I didn't try very hard though, since I preferred to be surprised. And I most certainly was! Thank you for being the BEST SANTA EVER and reviewing EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER! I never expected that. Thank you. :)


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Review #17, by Secret Santa Research Discoveries

29th December 2013:
HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Well, it's closer to Happy New Year but I'm not stopping now! Again, sorry for the delay. I went on a holiday for three days. And I know that we have the reveal thread in the common room but I'm going to finish reviewing before I reveal myself ;)

Anyway, this was a great chapter. I really felt Albus' exhaustion, which is something a lot of authors struggle with! And even though I love Hufflepuff (I'm totally NOT biased ;)), I just want Gryffindor to beat them! I want Al to have another victory! It seems like he's going to need it, especially with Zajecfer!

And YAY they found the potion! And would you look at that? A Malfoy has something to do with it. Typical! :p

Oh god, Rose was in a bad mood this chapter, wasn't she? Was she going through 'womanly issues'? ;)

Ah, Fred and Louis are good fun, aren't they? They're exactly what you expect of them, hahaha!

Why don't they just use the Invisibility Cloak? They could sneak in then! THINK AL, THINK!

Unless that is Rose's plan - I wouldn't be surprised if it is - and if so, good on ya, Rosie, you definitely have your mother's brains, haha ;)

Anyway, this was a great chapter! Only one more and then the big reveal! :p

(The reveal will be in the thread, not in the review. I like having this mystery, ahaha)

- Secret Santa ;)

Author's Response: I was on holiday as well, so I didn't know they had the reveal thread until a few days later! So you're good.

I know exhaustion as well. Staying up late to finish homework after really busy days and having to wake up early in the morning is not fun.

Hopefully Albus will get a victory. No guarantees!

Typical Malfoys. I actually feel rather sorry for Scorpius; he has such a terrible family history.

Rose was just feeling plain crabby from being in the library so often. What you suggested hadn't even occured to me.

I love Fred and Louis. They are different, but go together like peanut butter and jelly. Okay, bad analogy, sorry. But you get what I mean.

Ooh, looks like somebody is smart. ;)

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #18, by marauderfan The Feast

27th December 2013:
For the 12 days of reviewing, part 3!

Aw, Albus fell off the stool? Poor thing, that's got to be the most embarrassing sorting moment. At least he's not entirely following his father's footsteps, that's what he wanted right? ;)

Hey! Uncalled for, Sorting Hat - no need to be calling Hufflepuffs clumsy idiots :p (Actually, I shouldn't be talking, because I am clumsy. Perhaps the hat is right. Tonks was a Hufflepuff too and she's clumsy. I sense a pattern. Anyway, I'm getting off track here.)

Haha, I love how even Art, a Muggle-born, knows about Harry Potter. Albus can't escape the stares even from people who didn't grow up in the wizarding world!

I like how you've written Rose. In the previous chapter I saw a lot of Hermione's personality in her what with finding all sorts of information in books, and here are elements of Ron as well (when she tactlessly asks Nearly Headless Nick if he is nearly headless - much like Ron did at first, I think.) So basically I like that she isn't a Hermione-clone, you've done well writing a girl that's influenced by both of her parents.

The Weasley twins' punching telescope makes a reappearance - love it.

James cracks me up - he seems to just appear out of nowhere when Albus least expects it. (I foresee this being a problem in about five years or so if Albus eventually has a girlfriend, haha) he stole the Marauders' Map! Oh, I love that Harry edited it. I hadn't really considered that he would do that, but I suppose after half the castle fell down in the battle of Hogwarts, some things probably got put back together differently and Harry needed to note the remodel. Though if he's keeping it updated, he's kind of just asking for one of his sons to steal it ;)

Great chapter! I am really enjoying this story but right now its late and I have to go to sleep. I will be back soon to read more! :)

Author's Response: That has to be pretty embarrassing. Poor Albus.

I feel I have to criticize the sorting hat as well. I think it might be biased.

Well, Harry Potter is possibly one of the most famous wizards. Art did spend time in Diagon Alley and get books, after all.

Rose is like her mother, and unlike her in other aspects.

I think Harry updated the map just because he could. But good point, that is asking for James to steal it.

Thank you for your lovely review!


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Review #19, by marauderfan The Extraordinary Arrival

27th December 2013:
Another review for the 12 days of reviewing!

Ok, one thing I have noticed so far that is really awesome: you have the same format of opening your story as JK does (at least GoF- on.). The chapter about mysterious things elsewhere to start off, and then beginning with the second one, a focus on the main character, and you remind the reader things like that there are four houses, Albus is a wizard... I really like that. Yes they are things we all know as readers of HP fanfiction, but it's like a little nod to the books and I definitely appreciate that.

I love the details of characterisation in here, like the fact that Albus doesn't like new foods. It's very realistic for an eleven year old! James is perfect as the annoying, older brother.. "see you in a million years. Your underpants are showing." He acts a little like my cousin was at that age :p so, I found him realistic as well!

Props to you for putting in a Sorting Hat song. It's easy to just brush over it and not include one, but I'm always impressed when people are willing to try their hand at poetry and add a song. Nice job :)

Ooh, you cut that off in a very sneaky place! Without any further ado, I'm going to find out what house Albus is in...

Author's Response: When I started writing, I wanted to do it in a similar format as JKR. I love how J.K. Rowling adds little prolouges in the beginning. I love it so much.

Actually, the reason I included some background was so my mom could read it, since she hasn't read Harry Potter! I didn't let her know I was writing it until many months later though.

I gave Albus a little bit of characteristics of myself, like the fact that I don't like trying new foods either. There is that saying, "Write what you know" so I did!

Thank you for reviewing!


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Review #20, by marauderfan The Rising Wizard

27th December 2013:
Hello! I'm here for the 12 Days of Reviewing, in which we're supposed to review a story with a feast in it... looks like there's a feast in the 3rd chapter, so I'll be reading at least until then tonight! (maybe more, but it's after midnight already and my reviews stop making sense when it's too late at night so apologies in advance :P ) Ok, now to the review.

This is a very chilling opening chapter, especially as they start out with a mass killing curse and then joke about it! That's never good :-( I like the anonymity of the two men though, and even though they go unnamed (for most of it anyway) I can still get a really clear picture of their personalities. The younger one sounds like he'll be stirring up a lot more trouble without really knowing what he's doing - all he's doing is copying Voldemort with less effective results. (I mean... Lord Zajecfer? I don't even know how to say that, lol. Actually I spent longer than I care to admit trying to unscramble that and figure out what his last name was.) He seems like an impulsive type who will do anything careless to try and make himself more important, while the older one is more concerned with strategy. Anyway, I am eager to learn more about them.

This is a well written chapter and really intriguing, I'm off to read the next one now!

Author's Response: Don't worry about being sleep-deprived, I've had quite a bit of experience with that!

Yep, Chapter 3 has a feast in it.

Zajecfer is sort of trying to be a copy of Voldemort, but he still is dangerous. I wouldn't want him turning up on my doorstep.

Another reviewer also just recently wanted to know how to pronounce Zajecfer. It is Zah-jeh-c-fur. Maybe I'll try to include that pronounciation somewhere in the story.

What did you come up with when you unscrambled the name? It isn't one recognizable.

Thank you so much for reviewing! I greatly appreciate it!


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Review #21, by Secret Santa Light and Dark

26th December 2013:
HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS! (Shh, let's pretend it's still Christmas)

I hope you had a great Christmas, though! Ate lots of food? ;)

Anyway, this was a brilliant chapter! I love Quidditch chapters so much! I enjoy them in every single fanfiction/novel and you write it so well! I was on the edge of my metaphorical seat - as I'm currently sitting on top of my bed :p - and I was just PRAYING that they'd win! I'm so glad they did!

AND STOP ENDING THE CHAPTERS ON A SAD NOTE! THAT'S NO FUN! D':

Anyway, this was another amazing chapter! I'll be reading on! :D

- Secret Santa ;)

Author's Response: It's still Christmas, right? 12 days of Christmas, remember? ;) I did have a good Christmas though, and the food was good. We ate at an Indian Restaurant, because most other places were closed.

I love Quidditch too; it's the only sport I actually like. You can't beat flying on broomsticks.

I'm glad you're pleased that Gryffindor had a victory! The lions pulled through!

I'm glad you loved the chapter!


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Review #22, by Secret Santa Streamers and Newspapers

24th December 2013:
HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS! I hope you have a great day!

Ugh, I know I told you I'd review all the other chapters but something came up (in the form of Christmas cookies and truffles) so I couldn't do them. I can't promise I'll finish these reviews today but I will finish them eventually! I'm so sorry! D:

Anyway, this was a wonderful chapter! I loved how Al spent his birthday and all his family planned the gifts. It was very sweet. :) And I'm guessing it's no coincidence that Al's best subject is Potions and Zajecfer has a mysterious potion? ;)

Also, out of curiosity, how do you pronounce Zajecfer? I pronounce it 'za - jess - far' but I was curious as to how you pronounced it?

Aw, Art is so humble! He kind of reminds me of a mini-Neville! Speaking of, I thought it was so sweet that Neville had the plant sing happy birthday and then again for Art! I really enjoyed that, haha!

But the poor kids, they still haven't found anything on Zajecfer! I just want to tell them that they probably won't find anything because he's so new! But I'm so super curious as to who he actually is!

And to be a bit off topic, the image of David having streamers out of his nostrils made me laugh so hard! You've really got a knack for humour! :p

Anywho, this was a great chapter and I can't wait to read more! Have a good Christmas and hope Santa gets you everything you asked for! :D

- Secret Santa ;)

Author's Response: It's okay, Chistmas cookies and truffles are a wonderful excuse! Totally acceptable, sweets. I actually made Christmas cookies last week, so I understand very well on all the time it takes.

Good Point, it's not much of a coincidence that Zajecfer has a potion and Albus is good at potions. *grins*

Another reviewer just asked the same question- how to pronounce Zajecfer. I should incorporate that into the story someway. I pronounce it Zah-jeh-c-fur. Good question!

Albus is so humble. I suppose I am too, since I was blushing throughout most of your reviews. :) I'm rather like Art when I get praise. But he is a little like Neville, I never really noticed that before.

If they searched Zajecfer by his original name, they would find him, but the kids don't know Zajecfer's original name.

Thanks! Most of the humorous things throughoutthe story I made up as I wrote, but I'm glad you like it!

Hope your Santa got everything you wanted too! *grins* This Santa certainly did!


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Review #23, by Secret Santa Research Time

24th December 2013:
HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE!

I am SO sorry for not reviewing in days! The Christmas season really is a busy time! But I'm back and am going to review the rest of the chapters (except the last one, that's for tomorrow ;))

Anyway, this was a fillery chapter but it was still entertaining. I love all of your characters, they're just so brilliant. Rose is bossy like Hermione but you can see a lot of Ron in her, it's great! :p And you gotta love David. He's such an entertaining character!

I loved how Rose was so eager for the research and the boys all complained. Typical boys. :p

Again, I'm so sorry for the delay of these reviews. But this was another great chapter, I can't wait to keep reading!

- Secret Santa :)

Author's Response: It is a bit fillery, but we don't want them in the library one second and find them the answer the next second. It had to be a long and tedious process, this is just a little snip of that.

Yes, typical boys. I'm actually surprised on how well I have been able to write boys. But I guess I'm around boys enough to know how they'd react.

Don't worry about the delay, I'm just happy to get them!

Thank you for reviewing!


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Review #24, by Secret Santa Birthday Discussions

19th December 2013:
HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

This was a great chapter! I absolutely loved it! I loved how Art is so quiet and calm, he really balances their little group, doesn't he? :p

I LOVED this line: "I pride myself on my idiocy. Being an idiot is my entire personality! And my best talent." Had me laughing SO loudly! :p

Oh god, I also laughed so loudly at this conversation. I nearly cried, ahahahaha!

"I'm glad David is my friend," Art said. "He provides great entertainment. We don't even have to pay!"

"Don't you dare let David hear you saying that," Albus said teasingly. "Or he'll make us start paying. I don't want to lose any galleons!"


That was literally the best. You've got a great sense of humour, I love it! :D

The theories are really intriguing! Every time they stated a theory I agreed with it! I'm just SO CURIOUS as to what the real thing is! I can't wait to find out! :D

Oh, I also loved how Al was happy to hit James with bludgers. True, brotherly love right there! :p

Anywho, this was an amazing chapter! You write fantastically! Have you ever thought of writing professionally? :)

10/10

- Secret Santa ;)

Author's Response: Art is calm, and loyal, and the group would fall apart without Art.

David gets some VERY amusing lines. I love writing David, he's probably my favorite character to write.

I'm surprised none of my friends have demanded money yet for all the entertainment they do. I'm sure many people could do a business on that.

I'm glad you like all the theories! I tried to make it so none of them could be false and unrealistic.

I really don't have to do much imagination in terms of Albus and James, since I have an older brother as well. I would love to hate mine with a bludger!

I have thought about writing professionally when I am older... that compliment made me joyful the entire day. I've never heard anyone ask me that before! Thank you so much!


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Review #25, by Secret Santa Nighttime Wanderings

19th December 2013:
HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Ooh, this was such an intriguing chapter! I'm really curious as to why Zajecfer is losing all his hair and has blood-red eyes? Is it because he's also using Horcruxes? Hmm...

But they use the Invisibility Cloak for the first time! I loved Al's excitement, it was so sweet! And poor Rose, being all motherly and Al getting annoyed at her, ahaha! And David's love of fudge is definitely something I can relate to!

The house elves were adorable! I could just imagine them basically bombarding them with food! :p When they let without the cupcakes, I wanted to smack them because they'd forgotten about it but it seems like Rose had that handled, ahaha!

And I love the name of the cat! It's extremely fitting, ahahaha!

Anyway, this was a very good chapter! I can't wait for all the action to start!!

- Secret Santa :D

Author's Response: Interesting speculation. Zajecfer's appearance is intriguing.

Rose would obviously be very nervous about David and Albus sneaking around at night, so she gets angry when she finds they have to go back out AGAIN. She's good in her heart though. Besides, I do think Albus and David need someone to keep them in check.

I love house-elves. I have a little LEGO Dobby who I love very much. If I attended Hogwarts, I would visit the kitchens frequently.

Thank you for reviewing!



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