Hey there - dropping by from the forums with your requested review! Sorry for the slight delay - I got caught up in a whole bunch of things the past few days, but I'm here now! :)
I love that you chose to tackle Snape - and in a one-shot too! He's such a difficult, complicated character to write, but he's absolutely fascinating - so difficult to get right, though, so kudos for taking him on! I liked the way you presented him, as well, with his thoughts about James and Sirius and Lily running throughout this continually. He seemed so lonely for so much of it, when Lily had gone or wasn't there at the beginning, and it does kind of make you think about his childhood and school days, you know? But yeah, I thought you handled his character really well - you didn't avoid the darker elements of his childhood, like his becoming a Death Eater, but you didn't completely make him out to be some kind of justified angel, either. I thought you dealt with his complexity really well! He was very much Snape throughout this and I liked it.
I liked how you characterised Lily, as well. Again, she wasn't totally perfect, and it was a little harder with her to gauge her character since we only saw moments of Snape's life, but I liked the way you presented her, focusing on the idea that Snape loved her. It reminded me of reading about Ginny in the books when Harry fancies her, you know.
However, I was a bit confused by some bits you included. I really, really don't understand why, in the middle of a violent war, Lily would invite someone - former school friend or not - who may be working with a terrorist organisation who want to kill people like her and James and the rest of them to her wedding? O.o I get that you wanted to have him there, but it honestly seems a little odd plot-wise. Also, I think it's established in canon that Snape's father is the cruel one, and his mother is nicer... some of their reactions and the way Snape talked about them implied it was the other way round...
I thought the style you wrote this in was great! It's definitely unusual and doesn't always work, but I thought it went well enough here, with glimpses of moments Snape and Lily had shared and little insights into his character. I would say, though, that it seemed a little odd to be reading a one-shot about Snape, from his point of view, where you refer to him as 'Snape', and James and Sirius as, well, 'James' and 'Sirius'. Maybe change it around? Refer to James and Sirius by their surnames and Snape by his first name? It would make more sense in the context of this one-shot, I think.
The flow and the tone of it were excellent, though, and your wordchoice was great, too - 'boathouse', though, should not have a capital letter ;) - and I liked how you ended it. It was such a nice link to the canon series and the way he actually died and the moment in the memories he gives to Harry with Dumbledore...
I definitely don't think it was too soppy - if anything it was more angsty than romantic/fluffy, you know? It probably has something to do with how you chose the moments and where you placed them. Keeping his death for last kept it from that.
So yeah, I enjoyed reading this! I hope I didn't come across as too harsh - I just wanted to let you know because some things were a bit odd for me! :)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Hey there! Thank you for getting back to me so quickly, with such a lovely detailed review as well! It's so useful and helpful, and I will be going back over it to improve it! :)
Snape is a very complex character, and it just struck me while I was reading the books how little kudos he does get for all the brave deeds he does. I'm so pleased I got the characterisation alright! He's such a deep character, hard to capture, and in all honesty you can't place him as a bad guy or a good guy, as he was a bit of both. His childhood I always though must've been quite bad to put him in that grey area! Yes, I actually read those bits in the book between Harry and Ginny when I was thinking of writing this!
Thank you for pointing that out! I don't think James would let Snape come either, actually, so I'll go back and edit it. Maybe he can sneak in to it, and it can be a quieter service or something? I'll work on it! Thank you for telling me! And the whole 'Severus' thing is an awesome idea! I don't know why but I didn't really think of that at the time - definitely go back and add that in.
Thank you for all your lovely compliments, and your tips'll really help me improve my writing! I'm glad you enjoyed reading it, and you didn't come across as too harsh at all! Thank you for taking the time to review - a long one too!
Sophie :D Report Review
You know, I've read surprisingly few stories about Snape on the archives, even though I know there are a lot of them. This story really made me want to read more about him, though, and I even liked him and felt sorry for him at the end (believe me, that's an achievement)!
I actually really liked the format of this one-shot; it would have been very easy to repeat or rework some of the memories that we see in the last book but I liked how you've created new ones here.
One thing you conveyed really well was the complexity of Snape's character. He was always the outsider and it was almost like he never had a chance of winning, especially when we see his parents bullying him just as much as other children. I can understand why he might want the power that he seeks at Voldemort's side because of that, although of course it backfires on him in the end.
I think my favourite part would probably be the memory about the doe that they saw in the forest, because maybe Lily's Patronus wasn't just the female version of James's, but a memory of a shared experience with Snape. I wonder if she ever looked to see what his was?
There were some really lovely descriptions in this piece. I think "Her silky flowing red hair, waterfalls of fire" probably has to be my favourite of them.
Oh goodness, the ending! It's so sweet and lovely, and it kind of sums up what Snape has spent his whole life working towards. Lily was the most important thing to him and even when she was dead he couldn't stop loving her. I think it takes a really deep-rooted love for him to risk everything so that he can protect Lily's son in her memory.
I also loved how you brought the one-shot full circle, so that we could see all Snape's memories in the time it took the tear to fall, and then it became Lily's turn to wipe his tears away, just as he had done for her. The tie-in with the canon version and Harry's green eyes was really effective too.
As far as CC goes, I think Snape would be more likely to call the Marauders by their surnames rather than nicknames or first names. There were a few typos as well but nothing that really affect the story and all easily sorted with another read through.
Really lovely, Sophie! I'm glad I read it!
Sian :)Author's Response: Sian! Hey there! I'm so flattered by all of your comments, and it's so so lovely of you to stop by and give me such an awesome review ;)
I'm pleased you liked the format! I tried hard to structure it that way, and I find it hard to know went to start a new paragraph and stuff. Yay! Snape is such a HUGE character, and interesting to explore, so I'm so amazingly thrilled you think I did that well!
Yeah, I think the whole patronus idea of Rowling is so clever and awesome, so I had to jump at any chance I got to include that in a story :) And, awh thank you, that's so sweet!
Yes - I wanted it to be resolved at the end, and to make it get somewhere - so Snape died sort of happy, and just to honour his memories really. Plus, the 'always' bit...I just HAD to use that quote several times.
Yes, looking back I think so too! I will go back and sort out the typos, as well as the nicknames. I'm so glad you enjoyed it, I must say I cringe when ever I read this one! Thank you ever so much for stopping by - it really has me grinning for the whole day! Thanks!
-Sophie :D Report Review
Hello there Iím here with the first of your three reviews!
I really liked the format of this story it kind of reflected Snapeís currently jumbled thoughts, and added to the confusion he must have been feeling.
I liked how much you referenced to the fact he didnít have a great home life and that he was bullied, as I really do believe that Snape is a rather tragic character, and I was so glad to see that this was picked up on here, and it made me feel even sorrier for him.
You really showed what a complex character Snape was in this story, with him having conflicting views over the Evans sisters, and how even though he was called names by people he still did the same to them. Then the importance Lily held over him, and how that affection he felt for her overridden everything, it was a poignant moment.
I loved the timeline of how Snape and Lily grew closer. The scene with the doe and the stag was adorable and it made me aw, and how it was interconnected with their patronus forms was great. I also loved Lilyís determination that they will still be friends even though they were in different houses, as it shows how wrong she was.
The way you tied in canon facts into this story was great as it added so much to the story. I liked the idea about how affected Snape was by seeing Harryís eyes, as that reflected the love you showed he had for her throughout the one-shot, and it was a really touching scene.
It was a really lovely one-shot!
-Kiana :DAuthor's Response: Eeeek! Thank you so much for such an awesome review!
I've always really felt sorry Snape - he didn't have a good time at Hogwarts, or home, and his life was all in all quite depressing actually.
Snape is one of the most complicated characters in the whole book, I believe, along with Peter Pettigrew and a few others. Lily was probably one of the best things in his life, if not the best things, and I wanted to write how effected he was by Lily and Harry.
I always pictured Lily as a tiny bit naive when she was younger - especially towards Snape - and not understand how hard it is for Snape.
Thank you so much for such a long, lovely review - your reviews are always so nice and your compliments are so lovely.
~ Sophie :D Report Review
I'd write a longer comment but I have to sleep (lol, but I couldn't resist just reading finish this story) and I'm just speechless with amazement and awe.
But I love this one-shot so much. :D
10/10Author's Response: Thank you very much for having the time to review - and such a lovely review! Awh, that's so sweet of you! Very generous to give up some of your sleep-time as well - I could never give mine up!
You're awesome :) Report Review
I am also a fan of Snape although his story before Potions Master is not the time of his life I like to read about very much.
You did capture much of what I thought he was like.Author's Response: Thank you very much - Snape is very awesome isn't he!! :D Report Review
So, here I am.
I think this is a beautiful one-shot. Some things to say though.
I doubt Snape would ever call the Marauders by their first names, let alone their nicknames.
A few typos here and there, misplaced capitals, nothing too major.
Other than that, I think this was good, and I enjoyed reading it! I would perhaps recommend having it beta read, precisely for the previously mentioned tiny mistakes? In any case, if you want on expert on Snape to give you her opinion, you should contact Rachel/TenthWeasley - she will be able to help you really tweak this, and I know she accepts to proof-read one-shots!
In any case thanks for asking me to read this, it was a lovely distraction from a dull essay on modernism :)
&heartsAuthor's Response: WOO!
Thanks for reviewing - it is truly awesome and kind of you Val :)
I will take up your advice, thanks for being honest - this is such a lovely review!!
Thanks again VALDIMMIDUS CONRALIGUS SEFREOONA THE THIRD :D Report Review
omg really good job I absolutly love it! 'Her silky flowing red hair, like waterfalls of fire' was my favorite line the whole story, but overall good job!Author's Response: Thank you very very much, this review made my weekend! You deserve a really big hug, thank you so much for such an awesome review! :) Report Review
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