~*~HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!~*~ I hope it is fun and sparkly and full of good things like cake and coffee and fun times!
And here is your review. :3
I really like that all of the conversations between Rose and Lucy start the way they do; the way that Lucy always says "nothing" says a lot about her. We can see that she's socially awkward for one, and it juxtaposes their social lives well. It's like she's being asked "What did you do today?" and Lucy has to confront the fact that she's done nothing and has few friends, etc.
Small detail, but I thought it was very nice!
Is Michael Seamus's son, then? And I think it would be interesting to go into more detail about why it "just looked that way," whatever he did. I think you can go into it without having to get too dark, but that's a hugely significant part of somebody's character, and it would show more about Rose as a person if she was supposedly so smart but could overlook something like that.
She considered this for a moment and said, "A sexy shark." Haha! I laughed aloud at this.
There are quite a few punctuation errors in this story, particularly with dialogue. For example, you say "What you said, it's true." she told me when it should be "What you said, it's true," she told me with a comma. I think a Beta reader would help you out! They can always catch the things that we don't notice in our own edits! :3
I also think it would be really nice if after Rose gave her "I get you" speech, Lucy corrected her and finally broke down and got her catharsis moment in which she was able to explain to Lucy how she really is. Unless Rose was actually spot-on with her description... then I think it would help if you made it more obvious that Lucy realized how Rose had really understood her all along. I just think the climax of this story should be made a little plainer :3
All in all, cute. It's nice reading stories that aren't driven by romance--and it's always so fun to see the relationships between the many cousins and siblings of Next-Gen.
Happy writings and another happy birthday to you! Report Review
This was a very different Rose than how I had pictured her in my head. But on the other hand I guess it is not unusual for kids with famous parents to be a little self centered.
It was a light piece, a bit humorous. I really liked it! Report Review
This was really good! haven't really read much about Lucy so this was interesting! Only thing was, got a little bit confused for a second, because when it said 'Michael Finnigan', all I could think of was the nursery rhyme, as in " There was an old man called Michael Finnigan, he had whiskers on his chin-igan.." But the fic was really good!Author's Response: Olivia, you scare me!
Yeah, but now that's part of out awesome song... 'You can be the greatest. you can be the best, then get dropped of at mallaig, and youcan be depressed.' Then your weird thing about ur jacket and ÃÂ£20 and then 'There was an young man called Michael finnigan, he was a sexy shark' :D So, yeah, he's in my Husband House (note the capitol letters) in Ireland and if it wasn't for me that song would never have been written:D
It's funny how my respose is longer than ur review... Hahahahahaha, I'm so halarious' as you would say, while sitting on your chair laughing at ur unfunny jokes while me and shadows' 'girl' have a sirius (Haha) conversation... I just creeped myself out by the... th - the 'S' word :p Report Review
I'm so sorry that I haven't been around to review very much lately! I've been really busy, and am now finally getting a break from the insanity that is my life so I can read and review some amazing stories! I loved this! It was a nice little snapshot of Lucy's life, and how she gets on with Rose. It seemed a little rushed in some places, just because I think their conversation wouldn't be quite so quick, because they're both smart and would be able to argue their points for a while. But your characterizations were awesome, and I loved how fun this was! The next chapter of TFD is in the queue, and I also have a MTA now, so feel free to ask me anything! 9/10
Cassie:) Report Review
This is very different to most next-gen stories. I like it.
You have written this story with a great flow and a good storyline; it's really nice to not see a cliche'd next-gen story with horrible humor and terrible characterisation. This story is different in a really good way.
However, there were a few things that I picked up while reading this. You made a few spelling errors; nothing too major but I feel as though I should point them out :)
"Her think, dark hair falling down my small back" should be "Her thick, dark hair falling down my small back"
Also, I got confused in this story frequently. Mainly about who you were talking about because you used so many 'he's and 'she's, maybe you could add more character's names (e.g. Rose, Lucy, Hermione, Ron) because I started to get really confused. Who is telling the story? sorry if this is really obvious but don't Ron and Hermione only have two children: Rose and Hugo? Lucy is Fluer and Bill's child.
May I suggest getting a beta for this story? They can be very helpful in pointing things out that the author doesn't see, because, let's be honest, how often to we, as author, find flaws and mistakes in our stories? Beta's are extremely friendly and can help you improve your writing a hundred fold!
Happy writing and congrats on a non-cliche'd next-gen story.
Jasmine, x Report Review
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