That was beautiful.
I... just...okay, maybe I'll come back to leave a proper review when I'm not so in awe of a wonderfully-written story.
Really well done :D
PS. Loved how it swapped from her happiness to her pain. Great job!Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. It's the first new piece I've written since my return to HPFF, so it means a lot to me, knowing that you liked it.
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Awh, this was so sad! At the beginning of the story I thought he left her but as I read on I realised that he had died! D:
I've never seen this pairing, I think you pulled it off really well!
I just want them to be together, *sobs*.
Anyway, I love all your writing, including this. :)
10/10 :DAuthor's Response: Well then, mission accomplished! I didn't want to make the piece too angst-ridden so that's why I included the little fluffy moments, but I felt that they played just as big of a part as the present-day scenes did.
Thank you so much for your review! Report Review
Hi there! First I'd like to thank you for participating in my forum challenge; I really appreciate it! I've been very excited to read this since you posted it and it did not disappoint! You have written such a wonderful and absolutely beautiful oneshot. So brava!
The Marauders Era is my favorite and I find all of its characters to be fascinating, but for some reason I tend to just read stories about James, Lily, and Sirius (along with an OC love interests they have). I'm so glad that you chose to write about Emmeline and Benjy; they're characters I've always found interesting and wanted to read about but never did.
I think your characterization of the two of them was wonderful; they were so real to me and it was touching to read all of their moments together and heartbreaking to read the ones that they spent apart. A death is always hard and upsetting to read about, but I find it the most difficult to read about the one that was left behind. I thought that Emmeline's mourning was both realistic and well-written; I really felt her loss through your writing.
I really liked how you went back and forth between the past and the present; it was nice bursts of happiness within the heartache that made it both more devastating and easier at the same time if that makes any sense. Breaking it up was generous to your already broken readers but it was also hard because it gave a glimpse of what was lost.
I also really loved your descriptions and metaphors that were throughout the piece - particularly this:
"His heart beat a steady tattoo against her knuckles."
You have a wonderful way with words and there were plenty of other beautiful quotes throughout but this one stuck out to me in particular. I think it might be because it was in the dance scene which I was in love with (so cute ahhh - same with the part when he kissed the sauce off her face).
This brings me to the quote: I think you used John Green's words beautifully; Benjy's declaration was so sweet and I think you made the quote fit really well with the story. I really loved what you did with it so congrats! You did really well with this challenge! And that makes me so happy! :)
So I hope that it's okay that I just ranted about how wonderful this oneshot is; I've never been the judge of a challenge before so I'm not sure if I was supposed to add any constructive criticism. But I don't have any! I absolutely love this piece and I'm so glad that you entered my challenge!
Thank you so much and great job!!!
~Jess :DAuthor's Response: I think I need to take a minute to reread and fully process this review again because golly, did you say some really really nice things!
First off, thanks for making this challenge! I've had this idea for an Emmeline/Benjy one-shot for some time now, but I didn't know what I wanted to do with it/didn't have the inspiration to get it done, but then your challenge came along and BAM! So really I have you to thank for the existence of this one-shot.
Marauders is my favorite era, too, if you haven't noticed for the astounding amount of Lily/James on my author's page :P As much as I love writing about Lily, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, I've always been equally fascinated by the other members of the Order, the ones we don't ever get to know beyond how and when they died. Emmeline has always been a point of interest for me because she was in both incarnations of the Order, something that few people can say. And Benjy - well, he gets blown up, doesn't he? How is that not equal parts interesting and tragic?
I've said it before and I'll probably say it until my dying day, but characterization is always my biggest concerns because it's the characters that really make a story. Like no matter how imaginative a plot is, no matter how beautiful the descriptions are, if you don't have realistic, believable characters that come off the page then what's the point, you know? So yes, thank you for that!
Originally, this was going to be about Emmeline going through the 5 stages of grief, but then I realized that's been done before. So has the format I decided to put it in, but shh we don't mention that :P Anyway, I decided against the 5 stages because that'd be too much angst and I'm not very good at writing angst, so I took my chances and I'm glad it paid off! I loved writing the fluff scenes because they were not only easy, but really cute and yeah, I just love writing fluff, lol.
Oh wow, thank you! I'm not going to lie - it took me a while to figure out how I could incorporate the quote into this piece. I must have typed about five different scenarios where it could have happened and I picked the last one I wrote because, again, it seemed the most realistic, even if it's still a little cheesy. Everyone loves some cheese every now and again!
Are you kidding me? Of course it's okay! You have no idea how happy you've made me with this wonderful review. I'm sitting here with this ridiculous smile on my face, giggling as I type this because you've said such wonderfully kind things to me about my work and - well, it just hits the heart. So thank you. Thank you so much for your review, for reading, for being such a great person, and issuing such an awesome challenge.
â¥ Report Review
Gosh, this was just perfect. I love that you've really developed minor characters we don't know much about. It flowed really well and it really made you feel for both of them. Awesome job! :)Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much!
I love working with minor characters because of the exact reason you mentioned - we don't know much about them so we can fill in the gaps. It's great fun!
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
This is was beautiful! So emotive, so poignant, and perfect imagery throughout. You've brought these characters to life so perfectly and the past and present were perfectly balanced - the start of their relationship contrasted with the bitter pain of his death, her lone journey of grief contrasted with the journey of their relationship. Incredible, breathtaking writing and the purity of emotion is beautiful.Author's Response: Excuse me a moment, I'm blushing so profusely that I think the blood rush is starting to affect my head.
Wow, those are some pretty big compliments, I must say. I wasn't expecting that sort of response when I posted this one-shot. I thought that yes, perhaps it would receive okay feedback, but I never imagined anything like the caliber of your review. Just..wow, thank you so much!
While I've had someone I love very dearly pass, I've never been in love with someone who's died, so this was a little difficult for me to write, mostly because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to properly convey the emotional turmoil Emmeline was experiencing in the aftermath of Benjy's loss. So it pleases me to know that it struck you the way I intended it to.
Thank you so so so much for your kind words. I don't feel I deserve them, but I certainly appreciate them as well as the time you took to read this. Report Review
This is a lovely one-shot. I loved the back and forth bits of the past and present. The scenes between Emmeline and Benjy were cute and good, normal day occurences that made me smie, and made me sad, and even made me laugh once or twice. And the present scenes were heartwrenching, and I think you wrote her loss very well.
This was a really good little story. And I really enjoyed delving into the life of such minor characters, it was very refreshing.
xxEnigmaticEyes16Author's Response: I've always really enjoyed looking into the lives of the other members of the Order and just minor characters in general. There's so much potential there, so much unexplored territory that it's really quite fun and a lot less limiting than writing main characters where we know almost all of the details about their lives.
Emmeline had always been a point of curiosity to me. After all, she's one of the few Order members to be in both incarnations of the group, and when she does die at the start of HBP, it says that her loss was a great one to the Order. And Benjy! Well, he's got blown up, didn't he? How is that not intriguing! But even then I'm just limiting them to their deaths when they are very clearly so much more than that. It's fun to explore the potential.
Thank you so much for your review! It brought the biggest smile to my face. Report Review
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