72 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Infinityx 03 Better Off Dead

5th September 2014:
Hello! Ok, so I know you requested in my thread ages ago, and I am so so sorry for not getting to this in time. Everything just snowballed and I got so much work piled up that this was the last thing on my mind. Anyway, I'm not here to make excuses. I hope there aren't any hard feelings.

I'm a bit rusty with this story, so I'm so glad I came back to it.

So, the part with Alex in it was a bit confusing because of all the questions that arose. But that's a good thing! My curiosity was piqued completely. I like how you give out subtle hints about his age. His reaction the Jack and the Beanstalk story revealed that he was magic, and he wasn't old enough to hang out with the older kids so probably someone just entering the teens? Hmm. Ok, so Alex is a year away from the Hogwarts going age. And Nico seems to be much older as they talk about him not having gone to school. A bit more detail would help give a stronger background to them, but I guess that'll happen as things progress.

The way you've shifted years is great! And starting off with a more professional kind of auror-detective setting made the next emotional part a lot more effective. Poor Luna and Ron. I can't imagine how Ron's going to tell Hermione. And Luna. You really brought out the grief that she felt. It was incredibly powerful and touching, and you've done an amazing job writing it.

And Lysander. Twin. Fred and George. Agh, that was the worst. I teared up reading it. I really hope he gets through this! I hate you for killing off his twin. :( (ok, I don't haaate you but why.)

Cassandra. I don't know what to make of her. On one hand, she's part of that group, and on the other, it's as though she doesn't know about the ruthless side to it that's going on. And she recognized Harry's name so maybe that means Hugo will be spared out of fear? Or tortured even more because they know who he is... That final line was chilling. Crazy, but true. Poor Hugo.

Your characterizations were wonderful in this, and the sentences were structured perfectly. The dialogues were natural and brought out the emotions and manner in which each of the characters spoke. Your plot is terrific and has a depth to it that I'm in awe of. The flow was a bit bumpy due to the pace of each section I guess, but was effective nonetheless.

This was brilliant! I am so sorry once again for not coming sooner. I'll be reading on as soon as I get the time. Good luck!

 Report Review

Review #2, by SeverusLove 03 Better Off Dead

30th July 2014:
Hey Hey Hey Panda! :D

Now, here I am at the last chapter. Wow. Already? :O Kidding, I've put this off long enough. So here goes!

Oooh. This year thing is new, isn't it? I figured it would denote some sort of time difference. And there's a new character again introduced into the story! The thing is, I'm actually somewhat excited to know what role Alex is going to play on the overall story, which is an odd reaction from me considering how wary I am of OCs. Yes, that's a compliment. Kudos!

The pacing was easy to follow in this chapter, but a bit off. Maybe because the tone was all over the place. This isn't necessarily a bad thing.

As for the flow, the timeskip from 2014 to 2033 itself transitioned nicely, in my opinion. But then there is the bit where you jump a little back into the past again just one sentence into the 2033 picture. I was still getting adjusted from the 2014 timeskip so, although it was a small rewinding of time, it still threw me off guard a bit.

Again your description and sentence structure was easy to comprehend, which is really all I need. I like how you drop the little hints and imply on things a bit before outright telling them. It gives the reader some credit to come up with their own deductions.

Like when Alex was introduced in the beginning, there was the small things where first, he saw some older kids who told him to go play with the little kids. That was the first hint that he might be younger than I had initially assumed. This piqued my curiousity. You didn't reveal it right away though. You gave me some time to guess myself before he later revealed that he was going to Hogwarts the following year. That gave the readers the solution to calculating his age. It's like a fun little discovery.

Also his naivety and attitude to the common 'Jack and the Beanstalk' tale gave me the suspicion early on to his magical nature, which was later confirmed, much to my glee. There's that feeling of achievement on picking up on those little things and pleasure that you're allowing us to try and deduce for ourselves before you actually reveal the fact, no matter how little it seems to be.

I can't help but think that you have some potential of getting yourself published with your storytelling abilities. I think this plot seemed well thought out. It showed some promise throughout its progression and has been well-executed thus far.

I like how the death of Lorcan and Hugo's dangerous situation demonstrates that it can't be all peaceful even after the death of Voldemort. Despite how hard Luna, Harry, Ginny, Hermione, and Ron worked and won in that war, there other dangers and evil out there that could still threaten their families in these years after. And the possibility that the very belief they were fighting against before may have been justified by the present situation. It's a very clever plot!

For characterisation, boy, where do I start? You made Lily fancy Lorcan here? Woah, that's certainly interesting. Especially ironic considering Lily's second name and all. I think it's fitting. Destiny. :P

There's also the little things about Harry and his mates now. I feel like Ron matured, but still has the flaws that define him. Luna certainly seems more maternal, which I assume is because she has kids now. :') Cruel as I may seem, I'd had also wanted to see Lysander's reaction to the news. What with him being the twin and all. Did he have that feeling his other half was gone is what I was wondering, cliche as it may seem. And despite of my reservations on Lorcan and his whole role in this building war, I do pity Luna and the tragedy she's facing.

I can't wait to see more of Cassandra though. From the prologue, I had the distinct impression she's going to be one of the main characters here. She's also one of the OCs I'm most interested in, right aside Braxton and Miller and their dynamic with Harry and Ron.

For a while, I had this crazy theory about the Nicolas in the 2014 scene being Nicolas Flamel and Alex being the Director. Since you introduced Alex and mentioned the strong bond both would have, I figured it would be vital to the plot and then started guessing perhaps Alex was Nicolas's friend and wanted revenge on Harry because he was indirectly the cause of Nicolas's death. But then I remembered 2014 is donkey's years after Nicolas Flamel was actually born. So, no, that brings me right back to being clueless. He. (Oooh, but that could be a plunny though)

Overall and in general, it was a fun read. At least, we have some questions answered now. But also even more questions are raised at the same time. Most likely for this reason, I felt the length was a bit lacking. :P

The scene where Hugo 'informed' Cassandra who she was dealing with - son of Hermione and Ron Weasley and nephew of Harry Potter - had to be the most vivid for me, probably because I felt the same pride at the mention of their names.

It was not much of a cliffhanger, which I am really grateful for. This story is really intriguing and I thought to check up on it from time to time. That was a merciful end (I wouldn't have to suffer otherwise) and I think I can hold out now until more chapters are uploaded. I probably will never really read it until its completion though because I'm impatient and would rather read everything in one sitting than not be able to find out what happens next right away? :P

Well, that is, unless you rerequest again sometime in the future. *hint hint* (Right, like you would risk this sort of delay from me again. xD) But no really, I can't stress how much I enjoyed this story. It's such a fun, mysterious little project and I'm really thankful you enlightened me to its existence. I suppose I'll see you around the forums, yeah? Look forward to a PM from me shortly.

Best Regards,
♥ Sevvy

 Report Review

Review #3, by Gabriella Hunter 01 For Crown and Country

26th July 2014:

Hey, its great to be back! I was hoping that I would get another request from you and thank goodness that you decided to ask for another review because this is fantastic. I think that this has to be the most unique story that I've read in a LONG time! I'm really enjoying the group of characters that you've created, their backstories and the subtle things you've done to show the passage of time. The opening scene with Ron and Hermione was my favorite (Because that last bit had me all up in my poor feels) and I love how you have their relationship. Usually they argue and fuss a lot with one another but you can see the depth of their love and friendship and I thought it was very well-done. There was a bitter sweet quality to their conversation, however and I liked that Ron wasn't really able to give up on what he'd enjoyed for the past few years. The fact that you're not afraid to age them and even make them apprehensive about getting a bit older was very realistic. Gray hairs and wrinkles aren't the usual things that you see in these sort of stories, some people make it seem as if time just stops and everyone keeps their smashing good looks. Hahah.

Anyhoo, executions?! These peope are insane and I can't help but wonder how far they're willing to go! Its scary but I think you wrote that very well and the introduction to new characters and faces was nice as well. There wasn't alot of information on each one but it give them a bit of mystery that I think is really fascinating, I'd love to be in their heads for a while to see how they tick.

Ah, Hugo! No! I am so terrified for him and what happened to Lorcan?! Who kidnapped him and who is that dead body?! D':

Gah, I loved this to pieces so I hope I hear from you again! No major CC's either, keep on writing and pumping out those chapters!!

Much love,


 Report Review

Review #4, by hangingwallflower 00 Prologue

25th July 2014:
Wow! This seems like a super interesting and unique story, I like it already.

The mystery at the opening really pulled me in - the entire chapter is full of unanswered questions which make me want to read more already. Plus, your writing is amazing. The entire piece contained really detailed description, and I could really feel how nervous Cassandra was.

Anyway, I can't wait to see what happens next, wonderful job with this first chapter. Thanks for pointing me in the direction of this story!

 Report Review

Review #5, by SeverusLove 02 Cassandra's Gift

22nd July 2014:

Now here I am at the next chapter! *pats self on back for the mini-achievement*

So I thought I should mention this, but I really like your style of the chapter titles. I don't know why, but the two-digit numbers and then a capitalised short title format appeals to me, and your choice of chapter titles is splendid as well.

I'll start with the characterisations since I noticed a lot of nice things I enjoyed reading about in this one. Harry's distrust of the Ministry despite his working there for example, shows you have a lot of forethought as well as psychological insight towards the characters of the story.

I like how you incorporate the subtle -- [not jump into any conclusions; something he was very guilty of doing in the past] -- into the story. Especially because in my headcanon, it references to the whole issue with Severus and Harry jumping into conclusions with him since the first book. I'm glad he learned from that.

The part -- [Harry aimed his wand at Ron but resisted the urge to hex him into St. Mungo's.] -- made me laugh, but shame on Ron's supposed 'Auror reflexes' to the prank Harry played on him. What if there was an actual attack while he slept? Then again, he is rather tired and lacking sleep so I suppose he could be excused. He isn't Alastor Moody after all. (CONSTANT VIGILANCE!)

I like Dolohov's end. I mean, it's a shame for the families of those lost to his attacks, but I'm glad they eventually managed to catch him anyway. It's incredibly ironic that he could have been killed by the invention of the very creatures he'd always considered inferior. The description -- [Dolohov had been killed by either a rogue spell or bullet to the head;] -- sure paints a very pleasing image in my head about that irony and muggle and magic working together.

At first, I imagined Braxton and Miller to be select connections the magical world and muggle world had to keep tabs on each other just like the Prime Minister is, but was then disappointed to find out that Harry had decided this on his own.

It does seem like Harry to offer the portrait to the two muggle investigators instead of erasing their memory like they were assigned. You can't underestimate the bond of partnership forged by chasing a murderer together for two months. It still seems a little impractical however, to risk the International Statute of Secrecy and Harry and Ron ought to have known that. It may seem a bit small, but it is rather risky and I imagine they should have issued a little more caution and gone through the right procedures to establish them as connections.

As for Sir Podmore, it is a bit odd to have him in a portrait as opposed to the headless ghost that he is. His personality seemed to resemble a more indignant persona of Sir Cadogan in that scene. Also, the whole 'I'm not an owl' thing reminded me of the row between Ron and Harry in the fourth book with Hermione as their acting messenger. I assume you got the basis from there; I'm surprised Harry and Ron didn't seem to remember. :')

Oooh, M.A.L - I wonder what that stands for. Concerning the two hired to 'eliminate the problem'...wow, I am just in awe of their airheadedness. As much as I love Hugo and am relieved he is still alive, this seems almost too convenient. (Lucky guy.) I mean, everyone knows it's never a good idea to risk letting anyone live after an elimination mission. Especially the professionals. (Are they even supposed to be professionals?) I agree with Marion, any amount would be serious overpay for men like that.

Anyway, the plot seems to be progressing nicely. The end to each scene especially, all seem like cliffhangers, tsk, but it makes the transitions flow easier and the pacing consistent. Maybe it's because I watch too many crime movies like CM and CSI, but I was particularly drawn to the scene in the morgue. All those familiar muggle terms and pathology briefing procedures were very comforting, as grotesque as the details were.

[I was just finishing up with him the moment you walked in.] -- that phrase was chilling to read and the most vivid because it almost seemed to objectify the cadaver. It made the death all the more final and sad because he's already distanced, treated as just another corpse on the autopsy table. That probably is just me tho. :')

Anyway, when they pulled back the sheet and there was no immediate reaction from Ron or Harry I was instantly relieved because no matter how mangled, surely Ron would recognise his son when he sees him. That lack of reaction meant it wasn't Hugo. But then it got me wondering who it was and the mention of blonde hair made me try to recall all the characters in the HP books with blonde hair. Only Luna seemed to stand out so I began panicking again because what if it was Luna's Lorcan?

AND IT WAS LORCAN SCAMANDER. Whooops. XD I originally dismissed the idea because he seemed so normal and didn't seem to display any of the unique qualities Luna or Rolf possesses, not that I'd know that much about Rolf... But I also thought he was suspicious for kidnapping (unless there's another word for tying up and putting in the trunk of his car) Hugo and would Lorcan Scamander, son of Harry's close friend really do that? Was he a villain? But finding out he got killed changes things and there's surely a lot more to the story than you're letting on - I certainly would like to find out and have some questions answered... (I just noticed - Lorcan Scamander drives a muggle car? :O)

[stupidity had hardly any bounds.] -- is easily my favourite phrase in this chapter. You can't deny the laughter in that bit of sarcastic sense of humour. Great job again on another interesting and fun overall read! And the mystery builds! Who must be The (never-referred-to-by-name) Director? I hope I find out soon.

♥ Sevvy

 Report Review

Review #6, by Gabriella Hunter 00 Prologue

14th July 2014:

Hey, there its Gabbie! Its been a long time since I left a review for you, hasn't it? I am SO sorry about that! D':

Wow. So this is a completely different way to start a chapter and the plot of it is really fascinating, I've never even thought of doing something like this. How did you do it?! So, the scenes with the patients were not too graphic but I was able to gather what had happened to them and there was just enough detail for me to cringe a little. Excellent work. Hahha. Anyway, Cassandra kind of had my jaw dropping at how she viewed the subjects as just part of an experiment and not as actual people. Oh, dear. I couldn't quite like her that much after that but I'm hoping that there's a reason for her strict rules of believing so much in science. But, gosh!

Anyway, I was able to grasp just a little bit of her world and I'm curious to see more. I know that this is only a prologue so I can't ask for too much but it really did have my mind twisting, I'm REALLY eager to find out what else you've done. The world she lives in seems very sterile and cold but I'm thinking that was done on purpose?

Now, her boss was someone that gave me the chills. He was just as apathetic as some of the doctors that I've encountered and it really made me feel rather angry. But, I loved the way you wrote him, he seems like he was thought out well before you wrote him down. There's a lot of mystery behind him and the fact that Cassandra is scared of him just makes me want to learn more. He's intimidating for sure and his murky past is something I'd like to know more about.

PLUS! Experiments!! What?! That is what is making my mind spin, I can't believe that they were playing around with science in order to create magic? What?! Fascinating. Really unique way of bringing both worlds together. I can't wait for more, especially with that ending...How could Harry be involved? Hm...very nice cliffhanger!

I didn't spot too many mistakes but a few words are missing for a few paragraphs. Everything else is just fine! :D

Thanks for the read!

Much love,


Author's Response: Gabbie!! It's been so long! I've missed you!!

I was inspired by Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood anime. However, instead of human transmutation, I started to think of human experimentation and the evolution of science. I started to think of "what if muggles found magic? What if intelligent muggles found it?" and it just sort of snowballed from there. Cassandra here is my favorite OC. If you continue reading, you'll learn that she's not just evil and will hopefully will start to see her in a different light.

Her boss is my secret. Mwahahaha!! He is rather apathetic about everything and has tunnel vision, but again, he's not what he seems. There's a reason why he's doing this and why he feels hatred/dislike for Harry.

The science part is the tricky part! hahaha!! And yes, they're playing with magic to create magic!

Thank you for your kind words!!! It makes me happy that you enjoyed this.

Until next time, dearie!!

 Report Review

Review #7, by SeverusLove 01 For Crown and Country

14th July 2014:

(Can I call you that? Well, I know you're Rosie, but I want to call you Panda

anyway. :P) Wooo! Lookie, the next chapter. This is rather exciting.

The starting sentences were a bit cliche, you know, about looking into her eyes and knowing she was too determined to sway. But the part after that where Ron knows and lists the steps Hermione would take in his mind - that was so them. They know each other really well and it would be such a Hermione reaction to get mad and list off her logical reasons and then give him the silent treatment. I swear, she's been doing that about anything she disapproves of since the first HP book. :')

The plot is progressing well and soundly. Again, not too much crammed into one chapter, and just enough to keep me interested. I liked the pacing. The transitions from one scene to another - muggle to magic - were a bit disruptive to the flow, but could be easily adjusted to. It had all the tones of the beginning of a story with curious questions that were raised and reaffirming the current states of the characters. And then there's the foreboding.

Merlin, I saw you status over on the forums about this story that included something about the death of one of the Next Gen characters and as soon as I got to the part about Hugo not answering their calls I got this sick sense of foreboding and hoped desperately that it wasn't going to be him. I mean, you aren't going to kill off one of the Golden Trio's children, right? I may not be very fond of Next Gen, but I do feel for the Hogwarts-era characters. :'( [If you have to kill him off though, that would make for such beautiful angst, lol.]

Your sentence structure is very simple and easy to understand, yet there's something about your descriptions that can evoke emotions and bring up images as well. It had me feeling nostalgic too going over Harry and Ron's conversation even when I haven't read about it during the fact; well done! I admire your creativity throwing in new names of OCs and giving them some sort of personality. I almost believe you have character sheets and backstories for all of them filed away. Also, perhaps it's because I enjoy reading and watching mystery books and shows that I like coming across titles such as 'Detective Chief Inspector' in the chapter. It definitely helps give off a more muggle feel incorporated in there. Also, how did you know growing out long hair is hot? Definite bonus positive points for Hugo and Charlie there.

For characterisation, as far as I know for all the canon characters, you did a very good job. The nature of Ginny and Hermione's relationship plotting together about reeling their husbands into retirement is something I could picture happening.

Everything about Ron especially I think you managed to capture perfectly. The part about him trying to not giggle like a school girl when his wife sits on his lap for example, or where he thinks his eggs and toast look naked without bacon and that his son had a lot of cheek for taking them, and the part where he notes Hermione not bothering to acknowledge that he had been ready long before her - all seems exactly like how Ron would think and are pleasantly quotable.

I like how you have Rosie calling her little brother 'Hughes' and the fact that she's together with Scorpius. Hugo's response to Ron's complaint about no one saying good morning in their house made me laugh. Very quotable. I'm starting to like this Hugo.

At first, I'd assumed the Lorcan you were referring to was Lorcan Scamander, one of Luna's twins. But then as I read on and found no mention of this nor reference to her mother or father's personalities, I remembered that the twins' names were released only recently and you might not have known during the writing of this chapter. Quite the coincidence, huh? This might bug me later on about an antagonist sharing the name of one of the DA's children. :'D

Regarding format and style, like in the first chapter there were some nitpicky stuff about consistency and dashes that can easily be mistaken for hyphens -- [when he first joined-too annoyingly] and [that had asked-almost begged it seemed- to meet] -- but if that is your personal style and you'd like to stick to it, I might just have to get over it.

For spelling and grammar issues, I may have to send to you over PM on the forums since the character limit doesn't seem like it's going to accommodate.

The length was just right and again this ends at a terrible cliffhanger. I'm starting to dread catching up with the story if only I might be left sleepless wondering about what happens next. :P

The most vivid part for me from the previous chapter has to be -- [She did, nonetheless, appreciate their sacrifice, for they had died for the sake of science. Something she could only hope for in the end of her own life.] -- that. It was chillingly intriguing especially on the part of the character. Makes me wonder how she could even think that. :') I would have told you that in the last chapter's review, but it wouldn't fit anymore, smh.

From this chapter, it has to be -- [Ron tried his best to not start giggling like a silly school girl as his wife sat on his lap and continued to kiss him,] -- that. Call me immature, but this was incredibly quotable and so humorously Ron, I couldn't not love it. Overall and in general you're doing great so far! I'll see you in the next chapter, yeah?

Best Regards,
♥ Sevvy

 Report Review

Review #8, by SeverusLove 00 Prologue

14th July 2014:
SURPRISE! Guess who it is? 8D

Yep, it's me with your (extremely) overdue reply. (Hey, at least I got around to it, right?) To make up for that, I'm going to review all four chapters, just for you. What do you say? :3

Okay, first things first, I must tell you that the summary itself had me hooked from the first moment. Putting aside the fact that I haven't been properly reeled in until now, I must commend you for a very interest-piquing summary. The idea that the purebloods' prejudice towards muggles was justified is the kind of mind-engaging twist I enjoy. Kudos on the originality. I'm sure many others have been reeled in by it too, if the review count is any indication. :'D It is especially intriguing in the way you promised to merge science, technology, and the muggle world trying to trespass on and harness the magic of the wizarding world - two very different worlds about to impact on a very strong and earth-jarring collision sure to warrant a place in history. At least that was the sense I got from reading the summary. :')

Right...what if muggles knew magic existed and tried to mimic it? Does that mean the traditional pureblood families were right to be wary of them all along?

Alright, back to the chapter at hand (which isn't actually a chapter more than the prologue), I must say, Dan has done an incredible job at tying up the loose ends on the spelling and grammar part. I know this because I've scanned over the prologue when you requested this months ago (except, I hadn't been able to get to the 'reviewing' part, imsosorry) and you did warn about awkward sentence structure back then which I did take note of. Now it seems a lot more comprehensible and flows into each other much better. Also, the soundtrack thing is new, isn't it? (Well, not really new, more like 'updated'...ugh being so late sucks, I hope I'd still be of some use tho.)

I did happen across a few slips, though. Like the part -- [in precious quick (movement.The) file] -- where there's a lack of space after the full spot.

Here also -- [a rectangular compact mirror but (in in) fact it was both her mobile] -- there are two 'in's in it where it could do with just one.

And lastly, the sentence -- [And Iím sure youíre well aware of the (activities the) first successful offspring?()] -- I believe it would flow better with the word 'of' in between the words 'activities' and 'the'. This also marks the end of Cassandra's discourse before the other person replies so there should be a closing quotation mark after the question mark.

The pacing and descriptions were very good. It wasn't rushed, nor did it drag on with unnecessary details - giving us just enough facts that would be deemed important. It was just right to keep me on the edge of my seat, eagerly reading on. I loved the mysterious tone of the whole thing. The length was just right for a prologue and ended in a terrible cliffhanger. (I'm glad I hadn't read this before the next chapter was updated. The wait would've been agonizing after that cliffhanger.)

The sentence structure was easily comprehensible, which is all I really need. As it is still the prologue, I can't say much about the progression of the plot and will have to get back to you on that. I can say, however, that for an OC, Cassandra is very interesting. Acceptable, in my standards, which is saying something considering I'm not very fond of OCs. :') She seems to be a cool, practical, science-driven young lady. Well, not entirely sure about the accuracy on that since I don't remember mention of her age, but I'm eager to follow her character development throughout the story.

The moment the door unlocked on its own and opened before her to her fascination was very relateable. I'd probably be fascinated too if magic were real, maybe even a (tad) envious. This phrase -- [They went against everything science stood for but it was real. The directorís magic was real.] -- sums up my whole fascination. I look forward with great enthusiasm to how you're going to merge these two opposite elements of magic and science.

I'm also rather curious about the director. What does he mean Harry Potter took everything from him and in return, he's going to take Harry's magic? Up to that part, the preceeding sentences sounded like something that could be taken out of a sci-fi book and suddenly I'm spiralling back into familiar territory with Harry's name being brought up. (Smh Cassandra, what do you mean 'Who is Harry Potter'? Everyone knows Harry! Shame on you.)

Based on his antagonism and magical nature, I can only assume he's related to one of the villains in the books, maybe even a son of one of the Death Eaters. But then that wouldn't make any sense because he'd have to hate muggles if he were related to anyone supporting Voldemort's cause and it would be a drastic change to find out he's now working with them to help steal the magic out of the world they were fighting so hard to protect. I suppose I'd have to wait and find out in later chapters.

For format and style, I'm probably just being nitpicky but this part -- [Mr. Alex Pettridge-subject four of that particular experiment- has] -- lacks consistency to me. The first dash has no space between the word before and after it while the latter dash has a space separating it from the word after it. You could fix that by placing spaces on both sides, or no spaces at all, in which case it might be easily mistaken for a hyphen. It would probably flow better if it were phrased as so -- [Mr. Alex Pettridge - subject four of that particular experiment - has] or [Mr. Alex Pettridge, subject four of that particular experiment, has] -- any of the two would work well.

That aside, congratulations on a very enjoyable read overall. It was a generally fun and interesting story to dwell on, I can't wait to see what you have in store for us. I'll see you in the next chapter, yeah?

Best regards,
♥ Sevvy

 Report Review

Review #9, by crestwood 03 Better Off Dead

12th July 2014:
The first part of this chapter was a really sweet story with Alex and Nico. They remind me of Ron and Harry when they first met even. I wonder how they'll connect into the rest of the story.

Harry explaining to Luna about Lorcan and then the comparison of Lysander to George...just broke my heart. I have the softest spot in the world for the Scamander family and I am just an emotional mess after reading that part of this chapter. I hope Hugo doesn't get himself into too much trouble and I hope Ron and Harry find a way to overcome the Academy.

This idea is amazing and it is absolutely well written and executed. I'm very much impressed with your work here. I'm adding this to my favorites so I don't miss the next chapter, in fact. Thank you for the opportunity to read this!

Author's Response: Hello!!

Ah, Alex and Nico! I love them!! And soon you'll see who they really are and what they have to do with the whole story. I hope I can make it clear to the readers what they'll be here without giving people too much information.

Luna here has been the hardest to handle. I have no idea how a grieving mother will and should act. And trying to keep it realistic to our Luna was definitely a challenge. Hugo in just in a lot of trouble. There's no denying this. I've been thinking of ways to "lessen" his upcoming chapters but I don't think there's a way. He's in a very bad place here.

I'm glad you liked the idea!! Thank you for adding this to your favorites! It makes me happy and definitely motivates me to continue writing!! Thank you for your kind words!

Until next time

 Report Review

Review #10, by crestwood 02 Cassandra's Gift

12th July 2014:
I LOVE the banter between Ron and Harry at the beginning. I'd like to think that their friendship is just as strong as ever, even years after the end of the series. The story of Dolohov's difficult capture was actually quite exciting. And his manner of evading the law is genius! Disguising himself as various Muggle's would've worked for him if Harry and Ron never got involved. I like that Harry decided not to cut ties with Braxton, as he was supposed to since it definitely helps to have Muggle's in law enforcement who know when there's something magical going on, doesn't it? I'm upset that Lorcan is dead, but at least Hugo isn't...yet. Their matching tattoos were a really cool little idea as well. The mood of this story is kind of chilling. I can't wait until all of the secrets unravel!

Author's Response: Harry and Ron are still the same. Older and perhaps a little more mature but technically still the same. I HAD to make a way to bring the muggles into play, to make them meet Harry and have them work together before so the Dolohov part developed very quickly! I hate to give myself a pat on the back but I actually thought it was a brilliant idea as well. Not that he would've done it himself because of his never ending muggle hatred, but because a fugitive trying to evade the aurors would definitely think of doing that.

I see Harry having a lot of respect for Braxton and doesn't want to admit it, but also wants to be like him. He was sort of a role model to Harry in that short period of time. Braxton and his partner are the only ones that still remember magic, everyone else Harry and Ron did indeed modified their memories.

I honestly think that the Next Gen would have sometime to symbolize their parents' sacrifices. I got the idea from the cast of LOTR. After the end of the shoot everyone but the actor who played Gimli got a tattoo in elvish. I thought the idea was so cool that I had to add it.

Thank you SO much for your kind words!!


 Report Review

Review #11, by crestwood 01 For Crown and Country

12th July 2014:
I usually don't read stories in which Harry and Ron are of retirement age. It seems that people stray from writing about that age in general, actually. I like the idea of Ginny and Hermione getting together and planning on getting their husbands to leave the force and they definitely do have a point about how long they've been stressing over fighting dark wizards. The Muggle-born school actually sounds like a good idea, other than the fact that it seems to be some kind of shady underground training school. Maybe training them to hate those Wizards born into the Wizarding world? The Muggle police investigating the body know about Ron and Harry as well! It seems they've known about magic for awhile too, considering that they allude to Voldemort. The barrier between the two worlds is much thinner in this time period, apparently. I really can only hope the body the Muggle police found wasn't Lorcan or Hugo.

I'm very impressed by the sheer amount of events you were able to fit into this chapter. Your writing is amazing so far and the idea itself is really original and intriguing.

Author's Response: Heya!! Finally a reply! :D

Truth be told, I've read only one fic in which it features the Trio and old. It was called Conspiracy of Blood by Cambangst. It was such a fantastic story! Got me hooked! And it was the reason I decided to write a Post-Hogwarts fic that's set in the distant future.

I really see Ginny and Hermione being the sisters that neither of them had. While Ginny is still a tomboy, she relies on Hermione to get Harry to do something and vise versa. So of course those two witches were going to conspire against the two males!

And yes, there is indeed a Muggleborn school!! *evil laugh* you may have hit a nail there...

Yes, the two muggle cops do know of magic but only know Ron and Harry. There will be more of those two so I hope you like them!! It isn't that the wall is thinner, in fact, I would say it's the same. He had his reasons that you'll soon see!!

Thank you so much for your reviews and I hope to see you again!!

Until next time

 Report Review

Review #12, by crestwood 00 Prologue

12th July 2014:
Hey, crestwood from the forums here for our review swap!

I love this idea so much! A wizard attempting to find a way to give Muggles the magical gene by way of scientific procedure. That's definitely a unique idea that I've never seen before or even thought about.

The director is an interesting character so far. I'm crossing my fingers that it's Draco Malfoy, since he's the person that would hate Harry the most, but it just as easily could be someone else that feels Harry has wrong them either during their time at Hogwarts or after, seeing as he wasn't always unanimously liked.

This is a really good start here, I'm drawn in and I'm glad there's more than just this prologue to read. Can't wait to find out more about these characters!

 Report Review

Review #13, by Hogwarts27 00 Prologue

28th June 2014:
Hi, I haven't checked to see if anyone's tagged you from the forums yet, but I'm reviewing this regardless. I checked your page to see if I might like one of your stories, and I'm so glad I did, because I thoroughly enjoyed this. It was fantastic. The writing was absolutely superb from start to finish. I couldn't ask for better. I thought it was pro quality.

The chapter quickly grabbed my interest and held it all the way through. I was captivated by both the story and the excellent writing, which was a joy to read in and of itself. Everything flowed well, and the descriptions add a lot of detail that made the characters and the setting come alive.

Everything was clear and easy to understand as well. Even the background details were interesting about the lab experiments. I especially like that you kept the background information short, concise, and only what the reader needs to know. You didn't bore us with a lot of info-dump. You focused on setting up the plot, and briefly introducing characters.

The pacing was good for an introductory chapter, and it didn't need to be any longer. It gave us enough of an introduction to the characters that we get a sense of who they are and what they do. And the deaths add intrigue to the plot. Then just when I thought that would be all, Harry gets mentioned with a hint of sinister intent. That was marvelous! You ended on just the right note to hook your reader.

This story already feels very promising. The first chapter definitely makes me want to read more. It's going on my reading list.

 Report Review

Review #14, by luciusobsessed 02 Cassandra's Gift

16th June 2014:
I had to read the part about Luna's son dying a couple times over. She's already been through so much with her mother dying and now her son dying as well. This chapter was amazing. Harry's reaction to his door being open was so realistic and the fact that he doesn't trust the Ministry makes sense as to why he would cast so many spells on his door. I'm so glad Hugo is alive but I wish we knew more about what was happening. I'm sure it will become clear in the future chapters. Great job, feel free to re-request :))

Author's Response: Yeah, Luna has definitely been through a lot and I think after Lorcan's death I might leave her alone. I honestly don't think that Harry would trust the ministry after everything he went through. Every though he works for them I see Harry trying to keep them at arms length, or definitely keep important information to himself.

Everything will slowly come to place and you'll get the clear picture coming soon! Thank you so much for your reviews. And I apologize for taking forever to come and give you a proper response.

Until next time

 Report Review

Review #15, by marauderfan 03 Better Off Dead

13th June 2014:
Oh my goodness... calm, unbreakable Luna breaking down in sobs just shattered my heart into tiny pieces. Gah, I just can't. And Lysander wow, that analogy of him being like George just made it that much sadder because I'm kind of still denying Fred's death. Way to wield the sad feels here in this chapter. :(

Hugo is being so brave at the end! But uh... I think he probably just dug himself into a deeper hole, or else put a target on someone elses back. Now Cassandra and her Academy team have a way to get to Harry, because they'll probably use Hugo as a hostage and extort information from him to get to Harry. Uh oh. So yes... poor Hugo!

Wow, I'm really wondering about this part in the beginning though. Who are they? Is one the Director at a young age, since it's ten years earlier? No, he'd be too young... I'm curious what the kids had to do with everything. Way to keep the suspense.

I had a really nitpicky thing I wanted to point out, if that's okay, this phrase: in the books the old man that lived a few houses from his grandmother had. -- the way it ends is a bit awkward in terms of the wording, I think it would sound better as 'in the books owned by the old man that lived a few houses from his grandmother.'

That aside though, this was a really good chapter. You do really well writing the detective part of everything, and it's interesting to see Muggles and wizards working together to solve it. And now I think I'm going to go cry for the Scamanders. Great chapter!

Author's Response: Luna here was the hardest character to write, and the following chapter she became more of a struggle. I didn't want to overplay her pain but at the same time I wouldn't know what it's like to loose a child. And hope I get to never experience that in real life. Lysander now has someone to talk to, which was different for George who had no one to help him out through his pain...at least that's how it see it.

Hugo, poor guy...there are times that I feel like I need to back off the poor boy but I just can't...he's going to go through bad things real soon. Cassandra is not worried about Harry...you'll see later on.

You'll see the kids back and forth through out the story...!

I'll go back and look through the wording, thanks for pointing it out!

Thank you for reviewing this!! I still owe you a review! So I'll be there shortly to give you one! XD

Until next time


 Report Review

Review #16, by DoctorUnderwood 03 Better Off Dead

13th June 2014:
The Director will be very interested in HP's nephews, methinks.

Can't wait for an update!

Author's Response: Mwahaha! You'll soon see what happens! The Director may or may not be involved in this...

 Report Review

Review #17, by DoctorUnderwood 02 Cassandra's Gift

13th June 2014:
Ah, Lorcan we hardly knew you... Poor Luna though...

On to the next!

Author's Response: Yeah...we hardly knew poor Lorcan! And yeah, definitely Poor Luna!!!

 Report Review

Review #18, by DoctorUnderwood 01 For Crown and Country

13th June 2014:
Uh oh... Is Hugo dead? That's certainly one way to start this story with a bang!

Again, I'm very impressed with the details. So many small, little things that make an impact.

Great job!

Author's Response: Hahaha first off...thank you for reviewing this!!! :D And thank you for your kind words!! I hope to hear from you soon once again!

 Report Review

Review #19, by DoctorUnderwood 00 Prologue

13th June 2014:
I LOVE THIS! I'm so glad I saw your review swap on the forums.

Some of the things that stood out to me:

The amount of detail in the first few paragraphs is superb. Not only do you set the scene well, but you also draw the reader in. I love the detail of the hot pink heels. Also, the detail of how Cassandra wants to examine the wand characterizes her beautifully. Really shows off her analytical and curious mind.

But who is the Director? My first thought would be Draco, but he would never stoop to working with muggles. My guess would be a muggleborn or half blood who has ties with the muggle world and enough knowledge of science, which most wizards lack. Hmmm...

Can't wait to find out more - to the next chapter!

 Report Review

Review #20, by Cassius Alcinder 00 Prologue

1st June 2014:
Review tag!

First of all, this definitely accomplishes the primary goal of a prologue, which is to leave a hook to build interest in the rest of the story.

There was a great sense of mystery and foreboding, as I was instantly wondering what this experiment was. While that hasn't been revealed yet, the fact that the subjects were dying was enough to let the reader know that it is something very dangerous and help build more suspense. There was also just the right amount of description that I got a sense of the setting and what the characters looked like without getting too bogged down in it.

The hook in the last paragraph was excellent. It left me wondering who this man is, what happened to him in the past, and why he has it in for Harry, which obviously I will have to read on to find out. All in all an effective start to what seems to be an intriguing and very original story.

 Report Review

Review #21, by Veritaserum27 01 For Crown and Country

30th May 2014:

I'm tagging you from review tag! I read and reviewed the first chapter of this ages ago and I was so excited to see that it has been updated. I remember that you had set a nice tone of mystery and darkness with the prologue, but I figured the story had been abandoned. I really hope you continue with it.

The first thing I really liked: the setting. I think this is a very original idea to have the story set when Harry and Ron are in their late forties - about to retire (if their wives have their way). There are so many stories about the golden trio right after they left Hogwarts or even when they are in their twenties, this was so refreshing.

You also have done a nice job keeping the characters to their original personalities. Ron and Hermione still argue, Ron still likes to eat, Harry still loves to save people... nice job with that.

You've set up a lot of different mysteries and intrigues here. We have the mystery of the muggle-born school, that is apparently run by some rogue wizards who have very little morals or flexibility. I haven't yet worked out how the Brigadier and the Sargent fit into this part, but I think they are from the muggle army? So perhaps the muggles and some old death eater wizards are working together.

Also still trying to figure how Hugo fits into this. I don't believe he is just an innocent bystander who was at the wrong place and time with Lorcan. There must be a reason why Lorcan brought him into this. Hmmm.

Then there is the mystery of the dead wizard. The description of his wounds sounded a lot like the wizard from Ron's report. I feel like the two of them are connected.

And lastly, we cannot forget how all of these tie in with the prologue! That chapter had another muggle/wizard interaction going on. There is a lot to consider.

You did a nice job with this chapter by writing short, descriptive scenes that flipped between the two stories.

Unfortunately, you've done such a fantastic job, I can't make any predictions right now - other than I predict that Harry and Ron won't be retiring anytime soon!

Thanks for the great read!


 Report Review

Review #22, by Unicorn_Charm 00 Prologue

28th May 2014:
Hiya! I'm here for the review swap. :) Yikes! I have chills after that Prologue.

Well this seems like an extremely interesting plot. There's no way I could just stop now. I will most definitely be reading on. XD

I really enjoyed your style of writing. It's flawless and sucks you in immediately. I love that! You can feel the dark and tense atmosphere of the story in almost every word. Well done on that!

I absolutely cannot wait to find out who the director is! Ooh I'm so happy I saw your post! Keep up the good work and I cannot wait to read more!

xoxo - Meg

Author's Response: Hello!! Thank you for doing the swap with me!

I'm happy that you like the plot. I definitely want people to not stop so I had to give it a cliffhanger! Haha!

Thank you for your compliments. Trust me, you think it's flawless but it took a long time to get it like that (and there are still some tweaks to make!!)

The Director is my ace, so it'll be a while for me to reveal him but I hope that people enjoy the reveal.

Thank you for your compliments!!!


 Report Review

Review #23, by lumos_knox 00 Prologue

27th May 2014:

I'm here for the review swap (finally)!

Sorry if it took too long to get to your story, but this chapter was definitely worth the wait.

I really like the idea and flow of the story, it really worked well. Cassandra and the director's reaction to the deaths of the victims were quite sad. After all, it's all in the name of science! A typical fan fic would include a gushing woe is me account from the main character over the virus, saying how disgusting it is and etc. etc. What I like about this story is the fact that it is straight to the point and snappy so there is no excess information that takes away from the story.

Your descriptions are fantastic! I learnt enough about each character to have a clear, sharp image in my mind of exactly what I look like. Through your well chosen words there is a run down of the characters appearance without the rambling. As for the descriptions of the virus- sustaining third degree burns!? You've got a deadly one here! Very original and fresh. As well as horrifying (in a good way).

The cliff hanger at the end of your chapter is especially captivating. Harry Potter, usually described as all around good guy has been viewed as someone basically evil. I can't wait to read what happens next!

Brilliant story, you're really on to something here.


Author's Response: Hello!!

Hey, don't worry about being late...I took my sweet time to come and give you a response!

Cassandra and the Director view the deaths and people are "sacrifice for the greater good" and not really as people. IF you read ahead, you'll see a bit more of Cassandra and her way of thinking along with her process. oh, Cassandra LOVES the virus. She doesn't think it's disgusting but something that can be controlled and made better. As for the Director...he has his own motives but he too is that way.

I'm a very description oriented person so I want to give the readers the picture that I have in my head...because in my head...it's a totally awesome picture!! Haha! The virus can kill some while help others...basically some bodies are strong while others don't have the immune system for it. If you continue to read the fic, you'll get more info about the virus and what Cassandra and the Director have planned.

Your review made me smile so thank you so much for it!!! Seriously!! I hope to see you soon!!


 Report Review

Review #24, by TheCloak 03 Better Off Dead

26th May 2014:
OMG! This is such an awesome story! very dark but interesting to read about the futere of Harry, Ron and the others. Really like it. Keep it up ;)

Author's Response: Yay! Thank you for the first review on this chapter!! And thank you for your kind words! Future Harry, Ron and Hermione are definitely fun to write and I'm glad that you like to read about them! Thank you for reading and reviewing!!

 Report Review

Review #25, by TheCloak 00 Prologue

25th May 2014:
I really like the story so far! It has a bit of an creepy yet interesting feeling. The song really helps ;)

Author's Response: Aww! Thank you!! I'm happy you hard it with the song cus you're right...it really does help! Thank you for your kind words and for your review!

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>