So i know its been what ten months since I you asked for a review and I'm so, so, sorry for not coming sooner, I havn't been on the forums in ages. But i'm coming back around to it :D again i'm so sorry.
Anyway back to the story, I think its amazing, i didn't spot any grammar or spelling mistakes and your characterization of James is incredible, i like your version of all your characters, its like you've switched the two around and I'm really excited to read more about what happens.
I must be honest it did get a little confusing when it first changed to past and present and I found myself having to re-read it again because I wasn't sure where I was. But once I got into it I found it incredibly easy and it seemed to flow.
I loved it though :D
p.s. Sorry again for the lateness :D Report Review
You said chapter 1 for your prizes, so this is just extra. :)
I imagine Lily is not happy getting cake in her face, and then wildly exaggerated by James. As James seems to do (I love James' stories :D).
This was a great chapter, really made me laugh. I'll be keeping an eye out for another chapter. :)
Sam.Author's Response: Wow, thank you!!
Haha James is amazing with his exaggeration. I've just seen it as a part of him playing the victim because he's always been so adored and loved that he could never be seen as the bully :P
Thanks again, Sam! Report Review
Hey, it's SamMalfoy93 here for your challenge prize reviews. :)
Haha, I don't think I've ever read a James this funny. It's refreshing to see, and I really enjoyed this chapter and seeing James' viewpoint on Lily. I loved the added humor from the other Marauders, going back to the present where James is telling the story. I think you wrote it well. :)
Sam.Author's Response: Hey Sam!
I've always thought that the other stories I've read were a bit biased about that so I thought I'd throw a different spin to a story that's been done a million times :)
Thanks for telling me you liked it and that it was refreshing!!! :D Report Review
Thank you so much for reviewing my story, I'm here to return the favour! ;)
Wow, this was amazing. Seriously /such/ a good beginning to a Marauder's and so original too! Not very canon-compliant because James did actually fancy Lily but seriously no-one would care about that because it's so fantastically written! I was laughing so much as well, lol!
"The fiend girl had my mother in her clutches! I must rescue her!" Awww what a little mummy's boy! James was so cute in parts of this.
I really like the way you've set things out too - the occasional one-line paragraphs and things. Usually I'd think this interrupted the flow a little but it didn't here.
Anyway, a very interesting take on Lily and James's relationship! I loved it :)Author's Response: Hello there!
Intrinsically it is canon because he's just trying to hide the fact that he's head over heels with her :P but that'll become more apparent throughout the story! :P
He was a sweetie :P But I only made him that way because he's telling the story and he wants to be seen as chivalrous and all that :P i don't know if you've noticed (yet) but a lot of it is twisted to suit his point of view :P so just be conscious of that if you're reading the next few chapters! (once they've been posted!)
Thanks a lot for your review! I really love YOUR story! Just telling you again! :P Report Review
Well, I think you've got more then three lines copied directly from the book, I'd check that over because that's against the rules--I could be wrong though--
I'm going to start by saying that your time skips were pretty distracting and uneven for a while, other then that I think you have an interesting thing going. :)Author's Response: Hey there!
Yeah, I need to get that checked because it's just a part of dialogue I guess but it wouldn't work otherwise!
thanks for reviewing :)
Hey, it's Molly from the forums, here with your requested review!
In a word, this was hilarious! Not exactly the typical Lily/James format, which was very entertaining to read and also very refreshing. The humor was ridiculous enough that I was laughing out loud but not so out of line that I felt weighed down by it. It definitely helps that James is the narrator and we know that he's exaggerating the details!
Now to touch upon the things you were concerned about!
Characterization - Aside from the high level of ridiculousness, I thought the characterizations of the four boys were very spot-on, mainly in the present day sections. They had a very relaxed, very easy give and take. They weren't being obnoxious in their teasing of one another; there was just the right amount. Also, you did a very good job at conveying the depth of their friendship. I know that sounds odd, but I don't think many people outside of his best friends would sit around and listen to him boast about himself - playfully, of course - for a few hours. It's hard to explain but I felt a deep sense of camaraderie among them.
Tense switching - I didn't have any trouble distinguishing between the past and the present. And even if you didn't provide the breaks, I don't think I would have if only because you utilized the present tense as well as the past accurately. I've tried searching for slips, but I couldn't find any. It's very amusing, hearing James talk about how lovely and perfect he was as a child and I must say, hearing him refer to Lily as 'the devil' is not only amusing, but very strange! In a good way, of course! It's a new spin on a story that's bee told many times in many different ways. As an avid reader and writer of Lily/James, it's refreshing to see a different take on it! Very refreshing indeed!
Try as I might to find things to criticize, I couldn't. The characters were original but still very in line with what we know about the Marauders. Though this is only the first chapter, I'm already intrigued to learn exactly how this is going to play out, mostly because I'm very amused by James' point of view on the matter. I do wonder what, exactly, Lily did that's made James suddenly feel the need to tell his version of the story!
Great job! If you wanted to come back and request a review on the next chapter, I think you'll find I'd be very eager to fill that request :P
- MollyAuthor's Response: Hi Molly! Thanks for getting back so quickly! I wasn't expecting it until so much later! :)
Yeah I'm glad you picked up on that! I was actually hoping the summary would tell anyone reading it that this story probably wouldn't be an accurate description as to what has happened, despite James saying it is :P
I'm always so concerned about the way the Marauders are portrayed. There are just so many different variations of how they are and it's hard finding the right depth to their friendship. In saying this, I always have this idea that James doesn't leave much room for anyone else to speak sometimes because that's just how he is (for me) hence the story :P
It's my first time writing from past to present tense so I was a bit nervous in case I made some mistakes! Haha! I was grinning so much when I wrote about James' description of himself, so I'm really happy you enjoyed that part! I'm quite excited about this one so I really, really appreciate the fact you find it refreshing :D
The next chapter will be up soon since I've finished writing it so I'll definitely be coming back to you to re-request!
Again, thank you SO SO SO much for taking the time to read and review my story! I really appreciate the feedback Report Review
That's a great start to the story ! It made me laugh XD I liked the way you started the story with a story - it made a nice change :) And I love how the character of James describes things :D Please update soon !Author's Response: Hello there! :)
I was smiling the entire time I was writing it :P I just thought that maybe this was James' way of thinking and I had a lot of fun writing it so I'm really glad you liked it!
I've finished writing the 2nd chapter so it should be updated soon!
Thank you SO much for reviewing!! Report Review
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