That was unexpectedly intense in an uncliched way, so I'm pleasantly surprised after all the Draco post-war stories. You should write more stories, good writing like yours shouldn't be wasted :)Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so, so much! Sorry I took so long to reply; life has been hectic and I sort of had to cut hpff out for a bit. Thank you! I'm really pleased you like it! Report Review
Lucky for you I love the darker stories!
I particularly liked this one, your descriptions are very deep and vivid! Also, I love the irony in Draco becoming a Healer- an occupation in which you help others and usually save the lives of others... a
radical change to the Draco we knew in the series.
Excellent job!Author's Response: Wow! Thank you!
I thought about it for a really, really long time. I wasn't sure I wanted to do it, but I thought it would be Draco's sort of redemption of himself.
Thanks so much, I'm sorry I took forever to respond.
Shindig :D Report Review
Hey! Look at me! Reading! Reviewing! All of the above. First of all, I'm honored you would dedicate a story to my husband and me. You are so sweet and thank you again for all of your support.
This story was definitely dark, but I don't think it was as dark as you thought it was. I really loved the way Draco cares for his family. You can tell throughout the story he has a big heart, which has only strengthened since the war. It was very believable having him as a Healer. I liked that.
I also have a love/hate relationship with his internal reasoning for blaming himself. Obviously if it's a disease they couldn't cure, at least someone else would be on it or doing research, etc. But at the same time, I believe his reasoning because the guilt is consuming him. I love it. Doesn't matter how true it is, it's that he believes it.
Make sure you watch your commas. When you put a line of dialogue, there is a comma before the quotation mark if it is followed by something like "he said," etc. Like: "You are the only reason I'm alive," he whispered.
Also try to balance the wording as much as you can. For example, in the beginning there were several casual phrases and then they were mixed with big, authoritative words. It made me believe it a little less. It got a little wordy in parts, but you are definitely having a great start!
I think this story was excellent. I like the way the series of events unfolded and the way Draco justified things to himself. I also really loved Scorpius and his nightmare. The moments with Scorpius were my favorite in the story.
Keep up the good work! I'm very excited you are working on a humor novel! Thanks for writing :)Author's Response: GAHGAHAGAHAGAH THANKS! Thank you so much! You guys deserved it, honestly. All that work!
Right. Well, firstly, it could be slightly depressing. At the end.
Hmmm... about blaming himself, it definitely isn't rational. He's sort of stuck with a personal attachment to the girl and so he's taken it upon himself to fix it single-handedly. Yeah, though, they'd probably put more people on it.
Meh. I should really probably know that by now. I learnt that when I was about seven, so honestly, I should be doing that by now. I'll watch out for it.
Yeah. I tend to do that myself, and then my friends look at me like 'What are you doing'. I just sort of smile sheepishly. Okay, though, I see it. So, should I just separate the word use? Maybe use casual and then use other, more complex words in different contexts?
Thank you. Thanks so much. I'm really glad that you liked it. Scorpius is a cutie. Loved making up his nightmare.
This humor novel is going to be my NaNoWriMo so I'll need to edit and things at the end.
So, yeah. Thanks, dear. I'm chuffed (see, see this is an in context example of 'to be chuffed'. I don't think you'd find it in the dictionary, but still). Thank you!
Shindig :D Report Review
Wow! I really think this fic is good! A little dark, maybe, but I suppose that was the point. I'm just suggesting, but maybe in the future, you could make your paragraph spacing a bit bigger? Because its a little hard to read through thick blocks of text after a while. I think it would have mad e the climax before Draco comes to the conclusion of ending his life more effective.
Yeah, I think that's it! Well done though!
:)Author's Response: Wow! Thanks! I would totally credit this as my first review as an author, but you aren't logged in. Sorry :S
Yeah, I see what you mean, there. I read through it recently and it could've been better with the spacings. Chunkalunkas are pretty darn hard to read. Yeah, maybe I should go to sleep. Chunkalunkas is not something that any sane person should be saying.
But really, you are so awesome that you reviewed! Happiness agh! Yay!
Who is so absolutely happy with their first review. And should really stop speaking in third person. Report Review
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