I have loved absolutely every second of this story! And the name confusion was really no confusion at all. I simply thought his name was Seamus ;) haha
Really brilliant though! I've fallen in love with this Storm. Report Review
I absolutely love this fic! I've been around since Chapter 1 so keep going! This is quite the little development isn't it/ But it adds to the drama. I love Milly though! Report Review
I really love this! Great story.
I have to know who's the girl in your banner, she's
beautiful! Report Review
THIS IS AWESOME :) Milly is such a cutie and I cant wait for vic + teddy to get together!
please update soon, the story is addictive Report Review
i love this story its really funny please update soon!!! Report Review
Hi Prea! I saw your link to your new story in the status updates, and thought I'd come by to leave you a review. :) Welcome back to HPFF, by the way!
Milly seems to have a very well-defined voice. I like that she keeps to herself and has a mind of her own. It's also nice that you've balanced out her pessimism and jadedness by revealing that she is an optimist at heart.
I also love the potential for further conflict that you've set up in this first chapter. There's the Teddy and Victoire situation, which I sense might cause some tension, and also the fact that her little brother is in Slytherin.
The only thing I would suggest is to work on getting the dialogue to sound a bit more realistic, particularly in the scene between Milly and the Slytherins. It just stuck out to me a bit as sounding too...slick, or polished, or something like that. For example, when Milly said, "It's my brother therefore it did," I think it might get across the same point, but sound more natural, if you just had her say, "He's my brother." Even if you were to break up some of your lines of dialogue, it might give it a more natural rhythm. That line could instead read something like: "He's my brother," Milly countered. "Of course it concerned me." With that break, it just sounds more realistic than having it all delivered in one slick line. (Also, on another dialogue-related note--the swearing towards the end seemed a bit gratuitous.) One thing that I find really helps with dialogue is to say the line out loud, and ask yourself whether it's something you (or one of your friends) would really say in normal conversation.
Anyway, though--it's a great start to the story! It's great to see you back and writing again, so keep it up! :)Author's Response: Hii! Gosh it's been a long time! Thank you hehe :)
Anyway, onto your review! Milly is definitely a different sort of character than I'm used to so really, thank you for that comment. And yes, there will be quite a lot of conflict.. I hope anyways. My other fics are a lot more humour-based but I would like this to be a nice balance between humour and drama. But then again, planning has never been my forte.. my characters just write themselves lol.
I struggled with that argument scene for awhile, deleting and adding and deleting. It has always felt awkward to me but you're right, I really need to fix that! Thank you for pointing that out :P
And thank you again for the review!! I have definitely missed you and everyone in HPFF! It has been too long xD xx Report Review
So. I saw on the forums that you had written a new story and because you said you were wanting a review, I decided to give you one! I haven't read any of your other work so forgive me but I'm trying to broaden my horizons and such! :D So, its nice to meet you!
Anyway, I don't read many stories that deal with Teddy and an OC character so this was a pleasant surprise! Millie sounds like a very interesting girl and I thought it was pretty funny that she tries so hard not to have too many friends, in fear of panic attacks and disappointments. Will you go into why she's that way later on or are you just going to let it be? I'm really curious though! Anyway, I enjoyed her descriptions of Teddy as well and the way that he became her friend was pretty out there but I don't blame her for standing up for her brother. And THEN he got into ANOTHER fight and was completely mad that she came to his defense? I can understand why she was angry about that and her getting a slight irritation in the form of Geoffrey calling her sweet was a good show of her character. Silent but strong. :D
Anyway, I'll be back! Please feel free to respond and all that jazz!
GabbieAuthor's Response: Hii Gabbie!
Aww thank you! You are my first review!! And don't worry, I haven't updated any of my other stories in a whole year so... no point in reading them till I get my muse back lol.
Oh goody, I love being able to surprise my readers!! It's such a hard feat when there are so many great HPFF stories out there! And yes of course I'll go into it ;) She's a feisty character but also very timid. Teddy and her brother are the only people that really know her though so I'm glad you liked Teddy's descriptions and understand her protectiveness over her brother.
Please do feel free to come back! Thank you again for a lovely review! xx Report Review
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