Hi darling, and a very happy Birthday to you! Well, a day early ;)
Wow. You really want to break my heart, don't you? This was so powerful in such a short amount of words. The classic every word counts challenge is one of my favorite, and you absolutely did it justice here. I can't believe what an impact you managed to have on every single word, placing just the right one where it needed to be to just tug my heart out of my chest.
I think the idea of George having to go back to that shop, back to real life where Fred didn't exist, is such a painful one. He'd never been alone, and now he's forced to learn to live without half of himself. That's so terribly sad, and I can't believe how much this piece made all those feelings just dart to the surface. The part about life moving on behind him as he started at the building, until he ultimately turns around and decide to leave. UGH. :(.
Also, your section where you talked about George looking in the bathroom mirror trying to figure out how to create a smile, to get his lips to curve up, oh my god. That's such a small, minute fact -- but it's positively crushing. George should never be without smiling :(.
The only thing I noticed that sort of had me wondering is when he talks about the rest of his family being unscathed. I might have just read it the wrong way, or understood it incorrectly I suppose, but it felt like he was saying that none of them were hurt. I'm sure losing Fred hurt him more than any of his other brothers, but I think that losing their child would kill Molly and Arthur. Again, I probably just misunderstood. But that one sentence was the only one I wasn't sure about; everything else was absolutely amazing!
This was a really, really beautiful one shot!
And again, a very happy birthday ♥Author's Response: Thanks for the birthday wishes!
Well if this story got a tear or two from you, my mission is complete! I admit, I was snifflign while writing it, and even cried a bit re-reading it! Something about George without Fred is just heart breaking.. no matter how long we've had to adjust to it.
As far as the "relitivly unscathed" part.. he wasn't talking about emotionaly, he was mean physically.. there was damage, but everyone but Fred is still alive. Of course the loss of Fred killed them all emotionaly, but I think it wold be worse for George.
Thank you so much for the amazing R&R (as always)
Hey there! It's Molly from the forums, here with your review!
George-without-Fred stories are always really hard for me to read as they're always very taxing on my emotions, and this was no different.
It was a very realistic scene. Of course it would be hard for him to go back to work after all that he and Fred had shared together, building the shop from the ground up. I thought you did a great job portraying his sadness without getting too flowery about it.
I particularly liked the description of what the joke shop looked like on the outside - I felt like it was a good metaphor for how George must feel/look, even if it was unintended.
- MollyAuthor's Response: I think George-without-Fred stories are rough on everyone lol... but I'm glad you liked this one. I agree that broken down structure is a good metaphor for George's pain... because was all know that inside (at this point) he is broken beyond repair.
Thanks so much for the R&R!
~Moon~ Report Review
Why do people keep on making me read Fred/ George stories, don't they realize they make me cry! (sorry-exaggeration there)
As the stories so short I can't really review much about it but I like the idea of it, you really pulled George's emotions straight through in this and it made it come real to me (which sometimes isn't a good thing if you make me cry!)
I'd advise making the chapter more than 500 words, it seems too short for me and I think that other readers might see it like that as well. Nothing much can happen in 500 words.
Other than brilliant! I loved it and I really look forward to seeing more work from you. I'm not going to bother with grammar/ punctuation/ spelling because I'm terrible at spotting it. Please come get a requested review again because I'd love to read some more of your talent
9/10 from me- one mark of from perfection because of the length of the story
- kjp :DAuthor's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed this story and that the emotion got through ;)
As far as the lenght, it was written for the Every Word Counts - 500 word challenge - hence the lenght ;)
Thanks for the R&R
~Moon~ Report Review
Hey! I saw your status and figured I'd pop in and see what you've been up to writing-wise (hopefully you remember me?? If not discount this opening statement :P ). I have always had a very soft spot in my heart for George, especially now that I'm about half-way into a George and Angelina-centric novel. It's always very interesting to me to see how people handle his grief. This was a very touching moment, and I'm very glad you shared it!!
Excellent work and congrats on that 500 word count! I am much too wordy to ever pull something like that off. :PAuthor's Response: Of course I remember you darlin! I was actually going to message you the other day because I was going through my old reviews and wanted to see what you thought of some of my new stuff ;)
I'm so glad you liked this one... It was one of those things that just sort of hit me out of nowhere and was written, edited and done in under an hour. LOL
I've always avoided that 500 challenge becuase I tend to be pretty wordy myself... but Merlin's beard! I pulled it off ;) LOL
Thanks so much for stopping by! Hopefully I'll hear from you again soon ;)
~Moon~ Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection