Right that was weird. Here's what I was meant to say on my actual acount haha:
Oh em gee let's be friends hehe why did you dedicate it to me?!
Yet another amazing piece of writing. I'd be interested to read a longer (maybe novella?) length story by you, but in saying that - your writing is so clear, concise and incredible that you don't need a long story to get your idea across.
As per usual, your metaphors are incredible. I loved the way you wove history into a Harry Potter fanfiction story. Latin and the Roman senate! You're not a history student, are you?
I also enjoyed the way that you still added in background information (ie 'you were never spoilt as a child; your parents could never afford it') in the midst of turrets and flags... and speaking of flags, the stag flag next to the doe flag was such a cute moment! Perfectly described James and Lily without even mentioning them properly.
Thanks for being awesome and writing and stuff ^.^Author's Response: Kate! Why shouldn't I dedicate it to you? You're only my first ever and most supportive and dedicated reviewer, nothing special about that, haha! Just felt like doing it, I'm spontaneous like that sometimes! ;)
Bawww, you're too nice!!! :3 A longer story would be great, but it would require a plot and lots of planning, which I never do when I write and I find rather intimidating! I guess I'll have to venture it at some point, though!
Nope, I study sociology, but my studies do require an extensive knowledge of history, which luckily I love! The whole history-hpff mix was accidental, to tell the truth! I had already written the story when I realized that it bore resemblances to Troy and Carthage, so that was a last minute add-in. I was more interested in the cities-people metaphor, but then the whole Latin extravaganza came up! o_O
If I love one-shots, it's because you're free to avoid background information altogether if you like, or add only a few well-chosen details which allude to people and situations without being too direct. I'm super happy that it worked here and you liked it!
Thank you so much for this wonderful, wonderful review!!! It put a huge smile on my face, as your reviews always do... I keep reading it over and over and it feels like a snugly, fluffy blanket! ^.^
And thanks for being the kindest, fab-est, BESTEST!
:D :D :D
Ok I wrote a super long review and it won't post?! I'm going to post this, and if it shows up then I'll sign out and leave another review heheAuthor's Response: Perseverance is a virtue! If it's any consolation, I had to rewrite my response to your other review because I accidentally went off-line.
Me+technology=disaster ! Report Review
Kudos on the Carthage reference. It's a little short for my tastes but the title caught my attention.Author's Response: Glad to know that the title is an eye-catcher, I actually thought it would discourage people from reading!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and leave a review! Report Review
So, I spotted this story kind of randomly. The first thing that jumped out at me was the title, because--Latin? I thought, "Well, anyone with a title in LATIN must be a pretty good writer." After the fact, I realized that was probably a silly blanket statement, but it turned out to be true in your case.
I really liked the style this was written in, and I liked that you maintained the metaphor right through the end, instead of trying to shuck off the metaphorical and get literal. It was very effective, and I loved the imagery you used. I had to think for a bit (and go back and re-read) when you asked about the tenses, but I think I quite like what you chose. I didn't really notice the switches when I was reading at first (which is a good sign, I think), but when I thought about it more, they seemed significant. It's like when you switched to "would" (which I guess is conditional or something? *I know other languages' grammatical terms better than English*), it was all hypothetical. Because, of course, in the end, he didn't come after her. It was like all the "would"s were conjecture, and in the end, none of it ended up happening.
Anyway, basically, the metaphors were very effective, and I like the tenses, personally. I wouldn't change much of anything, really. (I noticed that you had "loose" and "lose" near the end, and was wondering if the first one was meant to be "lose", or if it was a deliberate choice to write "loose"--it could work that way.)
Great writing; keep it up!Author's Response: Well, I'm impressed! I thought that the whole Latin thing would be rather off-putting for the average reader, but you actually read the story /because/ the title was in Latin! I have this undying love for Latin, so... wow!
I'm very happy that you enjoyed the story and that you liked my style! Praises on style are the highest a writer can get! I really appreciate your comments on the metaphors and how everything is hypothetical, because you totally got what I was trying to say!
Glad that you found the tenses OK too, because I was really torn between using past or present.
Also, thanks a lot for pointing out the spelling mistakes; "loose" instead of "lose" - I can't believe I missed that! :/ I'm going to correct it asap.
Thank you very much for reading and of course for leaving such a wonderful and incredibly helpful review! :) Report Review
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