So excited about this chapter! I love AJ!! :D
Look at all of that trouble he's caused by escaping, Harry is not a happy bunny, especially because he knows that he won't be able to go to Louis for any information really.
Harry is a good boss, he's just generally good at everything but he is a good boss, calming them all down and making them all focus on the other crimes as well.
YAY!! OMG! THEO! MY HUSBAND! I mean er... guy that's really cool ...and awesomely awesome.
Uh-oh dark and dangerous looking Theo, how has Harry not backed down from that? I would have.
Angry Theo is scary! I would hate to be on the recieving end of that.
I wonder if Louis would be able to get AJ? Or if he'll help him out? That's going to be tough for him.
Who is this gorgeous sounding Alejandro? Because Louis only has the best :D He was a criminal? Oh Louis with the bad boys :p
Ahh AJ was there when the Hit Wizards were searching, they should have checked the garden hehe.
Oh AJ I really hope you can stay uncaught for a while, and not get into too much trouble although he totally is going to when they catch him finally!
How is Louis going to do this with Theo breathing down his neck the entire time? It's going to be so good! I can't wait for the next vision!
A wonderful chapter my lovely! I love AJ! Report Review
He's breaking out of prison? Oh my god! Best opening chapter ever!
What? He wasn't! That was sneaky! Very sneaky! I really love how you blended the two dreams together, that is really clever writing right there and very believable.
Why is he in prison? Who is this woman? He has a son? So many questions! haha
It's Lucy! Ooo I can't wait to see her face if he ever breaks out of prison and goes to her.
I love that they can't touch Louis in this story, I love him! I love all of your male characters haha they're amazing!
I love that AJ is antagonising Briggs :D
Albus is a bounty hunter? Okay that's the best family ever to have a bounty hunter and a hit wizard in it.
I need to read more! I hope you're going to continue this one too :D
This is so great! I'm hooked on this one as well. I've found so many new favourite stories reading all of yours :D Report Review
Great work with this story so far! I've been eyeing it, and I'm glad to finally have had the chance to read it. You have an amazing idea, a strong leading character, and so much mystery that my head is spinning (in purely a good way, I assure you!). How have things gotten to this point for AJ? Why was he arrested and charged while others remained free? You've given tiny hints, enough to make readers hungry for more, like a dangling carrot.
The next-generation world that you've created for this story is fascinated. It's dark and filled with deception and intrigue, all the wonderfully juicy things that make a story an exciting read - and that's exactly what you have here. I'm especially interested in AJ's Sight and how much trust he places in it. Even though he knows that it's a slim chance of success, he still attempts escape, all because he saw it in a dream. This reveals a lot about his character, more than one could probably ever put into words - you make use of "showing" perfectly, letting AJ grow into a fully-fledged character before the reader's eyes (and, not to forget, within a single chapter - that's fantastic to see). But the question still remains - why? Why does he need to break out? He doesn't seem to think himself part of an injustice or a conspiracy, and he knows that his sentence might even be shortened. Yet he Sees it and follows through. I need to know more!
My one critique is that this chapter could use a good read-through to check for typos and flow. There are some sentences that repeat themselves, especially at the beginning - you overuse the "further and further" or "over and over" within a short span of time, and you also have a line like this: he reached the end of the old escape tunnel; the way out. If it's an "escape" tunnel, then I assume that it'd be the way out. Things like this get in the way of the narrative and slow things down, which is a problem in an action-suspense story.
Other than that, I really enjoyed reading this and I'll be on the lookout for more. You keep coming up with very creative plotlines and interesting characters, both canon and original - I don't know how you do it, but it's amazing to see. ^_^Author's Response: Hey, Violet. Sorry it's taken me so long to respond.
Ah, I'm so glad. And all good questions that will be answered as the story progresses. :D
There was once a time when the only thing AJ had in the world was his Sight... Yeah. ;) It's led him to where he is now and even though prison is a three year bump in the road, he trusts it. Why he needs to break out, we'll find out soon. :D
Oh, thank you. The line is me not editing. I wrote a sentence, then changed it and mustn't have seen the mistake (I didn't want escape in there :P). That's gone now. I'll definitely be reading through again, hopefully I've got the typos. :)
! You should see the "world" inside my head, it's insane. :P Thank you so much for leaving a review!
Wow this was a really great beginning!
The opening dream grips the reader straight away. It's also a good way of getting across some of AJ's back story without having to spell it out.
I found this chapter really engaging all the way through; it moved really fast and kept the reader's attention. I did have to read it quite carefully and there were a few parts I had to go back on, but that's not such a bad thing, really.
AJ seems like a really interesting character and his voice already seems to be quite defined. He's obviously got some bad stuff in his past to be serving time in Azkaban, but you've proved by the incident with the man at the train station that he's not a wholly bad guy. I think it's really interesting that you made him a father- it adds a whole new angle on things.
Amazing beginning- I can't wait to see where you go with this. Louis and Alejandro sound like very intriguing characters as does Lucy. And it was odd but sort of refreshing to hear Harry spoken of so scathingly.
Wherever this goes, I'm sure it will be just as gripping and action-packed as this first chapter is!Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you like AJ. Him being a father is the crucial point in the story, from going to Azkaban to why he's breaking out. And no, he's not a really bad guy... Just a thief. :P
You'll get to meet Louis, Ally and Lucy soon, ad well as Harry. It's both fun and odd writing Harry this way, but things will be revealed.
Thank you so much for leaving such an amazing review. :)
Sam. Report Review
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