Reading Reviews for The End
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Remus It's Dark

14th September 2012:
Heya! Perelandra here with the review swap!

I have to say...this was definitely an interesting read. Confusing but in a good way if you know what I mean.

First I wondered if 'She' was in a ward in St. Mungo's because her thoughts were very disjointed. Almost crazy? I'm curious as to what exactly made her get like that. If somehow feels like her soul was taken by a Dementor and this woman and her thoughts is the fragment that is left behind. So perhaps she is in Azkaban since you mentioned drowning.

I literally cringed when you wrote about writing with her fingernails. Ugh, even typing about it is giving me goosebumps! :S

I noticed that you change from first to third POV and I found that interesting. Almost as if she has multiple personalities or is seeing herself from far away...

Anyway! I did spot a few typos but nothing biggie. Just one quick read through and I'm sure you'll find them.

So yeah! I'm interested where this is going to go and what exactly she did or happened to her that made her go crazy!

Thanks for the review swap!

--Rosie

Author's Response: It's not really going to go anywhere, as it's a one-shot and I don't think I can keep up that kind of crazy without repeating myself, you know?

Well, her soul is still there, but she went crazy. From what is something I'll let my readers think up.

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it!


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Review #2, by SnitchSnatcher It's Dark

13th September 2012:
Hello! It's Molly from the forums with your requested review.

I know you mainly wanted feedback concerning the flow and I must say that I liked it a lot. It was a little choppy at times, but I felt like it contributed to the piece rather than took away from it. You used the style well as it mirrors her frantic, disjointed thoughts. The repetition was wonderful and your transitions from third person to first person were easy to understand and easy to read.

There were a few times where I found myself doubting whether or not she was in an actual prison or if she was imprisoned in her mind, driven there by her madness. It's very compelling. If she is in an actual prison I don't think it's Azkaban as she's clearly not in her right mind opposed to a criminal. I do have one question that I couldn't discern the answer from the text absolutely: what was it that drove her so extremely to the brink of sanity? Maybe I'm not supposed to know and if I'm not, that's good, that's great, you don't have to answer and in a way, I almost hope you don't because it's more fun to try and imagine exactly what started this whole spiral into madness.

I know this has little to do with the actual story, but my goodness, do I love your banner. It's gorgeous - and I might've squealed because it was Oswin but that's neither here nor there, though I must say that this story reminded me a bit of Oswin's plotline in 'Aslyum of the Daleks'.

Anyway!

There are a few typos throughout that a quick read-through would help with, but other than that, I didn't see anything glaringly wrong with the piece.

It was very good! Great job!

- Molly

Author's Response: Hi Molly! I love your name, is it wrong that I picture you in a lab coat working with a man who's got stunning cheekbones?

First off, as much as I love Dr. Who and Aslyum of the Daleks, I did write this BEFORE that episode came out, the banner was afterwards.

I did write a one-shot that was kind of based off of River/Doctor, that was All of Time.

I'm not going to answer you on how she went insane, I have the answer, but I'd rather hear what you think. :)

Anyway, thanks for the great review and I'm glad you enjoyed the story! :)


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Review #3, by Aiedail It's Dark

7th September 2012:
Hi! Thanks for agreeing to review swap, I'm glad you suggested this piece (:

The style of this is really effective; the repetition emphasizes the way the speaker's so trapped in her own mind and it's sad that she can really only feel cold--not just because this is a side effect of what she's been taking--but because as a writer who can't complete her masterpiece, it's sort of symbolic of the way that she's running in circles rather than towards something. The idea of not controlling her characters by not writing the ending of the story is strange and compelling, because in a way, the girl actually wrote her own ending before she even got to the others' story. That becomes really chilling as you point out "she made her own path as well." There's a tension between her not wanting to control her characters when she's so, so willing to allow a substance to totally control her and deprive her of her humanity.

I like that I never really knew for certain whether or not she was actually in a prison--it seemed more unlikely as I read on, although I believed it at first. I'm more inclined as I reach the end of this story to believe that the "prison" isn't Azkaban, more like it's whatever building she's in. I do think it could go either way, though; the way you switch between P.O.V.'s makes me uncertain, but the effect--of feeling how cold it is and all the blood imagery and the strange lucidity--in bursts--was really chilling, pun intended :P The main reason I'm compelled to believe that it's not really a prison, if it helps to have this feedback, is because I can't believe she'd get access to drugs in Azkaban and that someone would supply her with them who was also there, although it's a bit confusing when she talks about the "others" who merely smoke; because they could be inmates! Either way, I think you got into the character's mind really well and I love the attention you paid to how it felt to inhabit the narrator's skin. The attention to small sensations made this really--I don't know quite the word for it--moving, I think. It made me really sympathize and be interested in the narrator.

The imagery of writing out stories on the walls of the prison is really harrowing, especially when we find out that she's actually just typing them--it makes me feel this desperate quality to her writing these stories, and it makes them feel important to me like they are to her. I feel bad for her too, because she seems to want to write to get out of her body and into other bodies, which is the horror of substance abuse, because you just can't stop even if you wish it wasn't real. And then reality catches up to you even though you've wasted yourself away wishing to get out of it, and getting out of it. And that's so real in this fic, and I find the way you've written this--so raw and pulsing--makes me really care about what happens to this girl.

I do wonder about the guy she refers to, although I assume he's her boyfriend because he feels so bad about giving her what he does but he still has to because it "helps" her with the pain in the moment. I'm not sure it matters to the emotional impact of this story, saying who they are--I noticed in the story info you had "other canon," so I can't be sure, and I don't imagine it's anyone in particular, but I do sort of wonder about the relationship between the two--other than the obvious, how they matter to each other, specifically how she matters to him, because at this point, it's clear she values him as the supplier of what "calms" her and kills her, too.

Overall, I love how you played with style here and I think it really worked. There are some typos that you might want to consider changing just so it's easier to read, but you have some really, really lovely lines that just sort of give me goosebumps.

This was a pleasure to read, thanks for swapping with me! (:

-lily

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