Reading Reviews for The Scars of Adventure
  
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by dtinch Chapter Seven: Learning to Knock

2nd October 2013:
are you going to continue this story

Author's Response: Hello! Yes I am I'm uploading a new chapter now :) Thanks for reading

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Review #2, by LilyEPotter Chapter Two: Nothing more than a little 'Spring Cleaning'

30th August 2013:
Another good chapter! The story flow is good.

I like how you updated the Burrow to include a few more rooms as well as a room for Harry.

Good job!

Author's Response: Thank you for kind words, a new chapter is on it's way!

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Review #3, by LilyEPotter Prologue and Chapter One: More Trouble than it's Worth

30th August 2013:
This is a very good start to a novel. The story flow is also very good.

There were only a few items that I saw. One is instead of "moleskin" it's "mokeskin". Another is "Hermione seemed to be reading face" making it appear that part of the sentence was left off. There's also a few punctuation errors.

On the whole, a very good job! I'm looking forward to reading more of your story!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I will correct these errors now. Hope you enjoy the rest of the story :)

Gwen


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Review #4, by 800 words of heaven Prologue and Chapter One: More Trouble than it's Worth

16th August 2013:
Hey there! I'm here for a review that you requested more than a month ago. I'm really sorry about that, but you know, life happens!

I usually write a running review, so bear with me if things sound a little incoherent. I just finished reading your prologue and what struck me was the way you structured your sentences. Using the simple past tense, but with present time markers made it sound like a journalist's news report or something. It really worked for me, although it might be a bit awkward to read for some people because the style's a little different, and it may get difficult to wrangle for other aspects of your story, but if it's the way you write, then it may work.

Another thing about the prologue: I would really have liked to see more "showing" rather than "telling". You really described everything in enough detail for me to picture it, but it felt a little expository and sterilised, rather than something that really involves the reader with all its imagery and vivid descriptive language.

So your chapter sounds more like a story, and less like a news report already, which is great. Still, I would've loved to have been shown rather than told what was happening. Also, I felt like you skipped over a lot of the description, which not only helps to set the scene, but also helps with establishing a good flow. When Harry was dreaming, the flow was disjointed, but that leant itself to describing his dreaming state, rather than taking away from the narrative.

I adored the little dash of humour that was the exchange of dialogue with the mirror. It really added some levity and texture to the overall mood of the chapter.

This was a nice introductory chapter, where you established Harry's character and your setting. As you're writing in canon, about really well-known canon characters, you sort of skipped a lot of the characterisation that you have to do for an OC, but I hope that you still give your spin on things and expand on the characters more, especially as you're writing in an era that isn't so well-defined as the other eras. Great job!

Author's Response: Sorry I am late replying on this review I have been travelling the world and not looking at my story! This review is really great, but it would be good if in your running review you could start each part with a quote from where you are referring too, but thank you for the really in depth review it's always so helpful! Please read the rest (if you'd like) would really appreciate a review on one of the later chapter like 4 or 5 thank you!

Gwen


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Review #5, by Joe Chapter Seven: Learning to Knock

5th August 2013:
Awesome! Though I think you should add more sexual details and content as well as conversations and noises during the scenes! It is awesome!! I like where it's going!best of luck to you!

Author's Response: Hi Joe! Thanks for your comments, I'm afraid it had to be censored for the HPFF screening process :( Glad you like the story!

Gwen


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Review #6, by BellaFan202 Prologue and Chapter One: More Trouble than it's Worth

10th July 2013:
Hi! I am so so so sorry for the long wait! I've just been surprisingly busy lately! D:

Anyway, I was really interested in this from the beginning, although I wish the chapter had been a little bit longer.

I think the trio were a little too... relaxed. They had just been on the run for almost a year and had just fought this huge battle and such. So many of their friends died. Ron's brother died. They should all be exhausted and grieving. Ron shouldn't really be "roaring with laughter".

However, under any other circumstances, they were very well characterized. Had the battle not happened, they would have seemed totally normal and very believable. Except that Hermione's dialogue seemed a little bit too formal. She never talked like that to Ron and Harry in the books or movies.

I would like to know more about this Archie guy at the beginning. Is he going to show up more? Does he have any real significance? These are questions I can't wait to learn the answers to by reading on, so I hope you'll request the next chapter! :D

That's really all I have to say at the moment, but thanks for requesting this and, once again, I'm really sorry for the long wait! D:

~BellaFan202~

Author's Response: Hi Bella Fan! Thank you for leaving this great review, yeah I'm thinking of rewriting the first few chapters a little bit, please do read and review the rest! I'll find your thread and leave a proper request, I don't want to disappoint but Archie was just a metaphor really for how pain takes a long time to heal, to explain what had happened in a different way, but maybe he could be important I don't know, any thank you for leaving a review :D
Gwen_Prewett


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Review #7, by BookDinosaur Chapter Three: Unlikely Advice

26th June 2013:
-BookDinosaur- here again.

I liked this chapter - I think it was much better written than the other two, there are noticeably less grammar mistakes and the flow was much better, so well done there.

However, I think your interpretations of Harry and Ginny are starting to get a bit skewed; Harry never swore once explicitly during the series, so why should he start now? And Ginny isn't acting right either, so I think you might need to go back and change that.

Also, that thing with the speech marks is still bugging me. :P

I loved that you added in some werewolves and Andromeda and Teddy, I have soft spots for them all, so I'm glad you did that! However, I think that Andromeda would be showing a little more grief than she does now and George definitely would be.

Anyway, this was a good chapter I liked. :)

Author's Response: Hello, Glad you liked the werewolves, I plan to incorporate a lot more OCs they add originality I think. Thanks so much for your time, I will read yours!

Gwenevere_Prewett


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Review #8, by BookDinosaur Chapter Two: Nothing more than a little 'Spring Cleaning'

26th June 2013:
-BookDinosaur- here again!

So, I quite liked this chapter. I think that you have managed to keep Harry, Ron and Hermione pretty canon, which I always like.

Again, my CC would be to add more description and either find a beta or give this a very thorough read through and grammar/spelling improvement.

For this chapter though, I feel like Harry and Ginny are taking things too fast - they've barely been back with each other for a day, they haven't resolved their unfinished relationship, unless they're mindreaders, they don't know about the other person's feelings, but they're still sleeping together? I'm sorry, but that doesn't quite make sense to me.

In the review request, you said you thought you were losing people after chapter one. I don't think so, after all, both chapters had one review between them, so I don't think you're losing reviews. Also, it's a bit of a habit with readers, especially with a game like review tag, to only review the first chapter, so I don't think you have anything to worry about. :)

Author's Response: Hello! Firstly thank you for your extensive reviews, it's good to know that a lot of stories loose readers at this point, plus Ginny and Harry aren't actually sleeping with each other, it wasn't meant to be like that, but I've re-read it and see the confusion, I'm going to rewrite that bit. I'm not very traditional in my beliefs which is why I'm happy for them to swear and be intimate but it's good to know some people don't like that, I will keep it to a minimum. I've been away so only just got a chance to write a reply, thank you so much for your honest feedback and extensive critic!

Gwenevere_Prewett


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Review #9, by BookDinosaur Prologue and Chapter One: More Trouble than it's Worth

25th June 2013:
Hey! -BookDinosaur- here with your requested review!

So I quite enjoyed reading this, the plot picked up almost straight away after the end of the last book, not including the epilogue. I liked how Harry, Hermione and Ron behaved, they were pretty in canon, and I always lke it when an author manages to do that, so well done there.

I'd like to see some more sensory things. What did the air taste like? What does the stone look like? Does Harry hear anything? Just small details you can throw in would make the story a lot more descriptive and believable.

Also, there are too many spelling/punctuation/grammar mistakes in here, and you probably need a beta. Something small, but which you did a lot and so disrupted the flow of this were the speech marks. When you close of a speech mark but you want to continue the sentence, a comma has to go un the inside of the speech mark, like:
"blah blah blah," said Sarah.
If you want to finish the sentence without adding anything else, you replace that comma with a full stop.

All in all, I did enjoy reading this, and I think your story has a lot of potential. :)

Author's Response: Hi thanks for reviewing! Just seen this on my phone so will Lear you a decent response later at my computer :)

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Review #10, by Fighter24 Chapter Four: Beyond the Burrow

19th March 2013:
A nice start to what seems to be like a great story. Noticed a few small errors while reading but not enough to be annoying. Keep up the good work, looking forward to seeing more.

Author's Response: Thank I'm you very much for your review, I'm currently finding a beta reader so sort out those pesky errors, hope you enjoy the next chapter :)

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Review #11, by draco_lover12 Chapter Four: Beyond the Burrow

24th February 2013:
I saw this on the forum and I've got to say I love it. Normally I don't read Harry's stories after DH but from the first sentence in the first chapter I was hooked.

Love it and keep updating.

Laura (A fellow Gryffindor)

Author's Response: Thank you very much, currently working on the 5th will be here soon :)

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Review #12, by Magicalis Writer Chapter Three: Unlikely Advice

15th January 2013:
Huh, the private message thing isn't working. :p
Great chapter by the way! Very heartfelt.

Author's Response: oh dear I'll try message you and thank you!

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Review #13, by Aurorofthelight Chapter Four: Beyond the Burrow

14th January 2013:
Nice story so far! keep it coming. And just for the record, it's Kingsley not Kinsley! :)

Author's Response: Arghh! Yes it is, I really need to edit the grammar, I get excited I've finished writing and publish too soon! But thank you, next chapter will hopefully be soon!

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Review #14, by moody s friend Chapter Four: Beyond the Burrow

13th January 2013:
Great story,close to JK,but with your touch.Keep writing.

Author's Response: thank you very much, don't worry I've got 6 and 7 written so should be soon!

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Review #15, by Magicalis Writer Prologue and Chapter One: More Trouble than it's Worth

12th January 2013:
Great start!
I loved how you described the feelings that were going through Harry's head, and the beginning.
You do, however, have many grammar mistakes and a few others as well. I would suggest looking into finding a beta, or, if you would like, I could help with that.
Good start though, and I cannot wait to read the rest!

Author's Response: Thanks for you're views, yes I do need a beta, I often write large portions or finish it off late at night and can't spot the mistakes till it's already out there, private message me about beta?
Thank you!


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Review #16, by katie Chapter Two: Nothing more than a little 'Spring Cleaning'

27th September 2012:
Oh my God this is a amazing story the best i have ever read i can't belive it! Its so descriptive and very very entertaing! you should start making a novel on harry and ginny and send it in!! You are such a good author i beg you to write mor and Publish it please, i beg you!!!

Author's Response: Thank you Katie that is really kind, I'm already writing the third so I hope you'll like it

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Review #17, by Gwenevere_Prewett  Prologue and Chapter One: More Trouble than it's Worth

6th September 2012:
Hello there thanks for reading! Please leave reviews :)

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