Well here are my thoughts! I thought it was beautiful. It made me sad yet happy that Neville still loves his parents and that he's so sweet with his mother. I love how you showed the fact that in his mind they have Christmas traditions whereas in Alice's she's all about the cornflakes. It was sweet and very fluffy, I liked it a lot.
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-Pottergirl7Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely review! I certainly enjoyed writing this one-shot and it made me really feel this gut-wrenching feeling of sorrow for Neville and all that he's been through. It was both fun and sad to write.
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Hello, here for the Holiday Review Swap! :)
I love your characterization of Alice, and in turn, that of Neville. It must have been quite a challenge to try to get inside the head of someone who has been so cruelly tortured as to permanently lose her mind. I bet it was really special for Neville to get a small glimpse of her in a softer moment, since she otherwise behaved almost as if he wasn't there. I love how you used the quote to build this one-shot; I think it's a very unique perspective.
The use of the cereal, tea, and gum were interesting, too. It's almost comical to watch Alice toss the candy on the floor and toy with the wrapper, and to imagine her crunching through a bowl of cornflakes, but then I remember that she's in a hospital and why she behaves so strangely :(
I liked the background, so to speak, too, the way Hannah and the children were there but only in a mentioned sense. Usually, the Hannah/Nevilles I read (and the one I wrote) are all about the ship and her helping him to cope, but here she's only a small part. And yet she's still there, at the end.
This is really lovely. Very nice job! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for the wonderful review- it made my night! I'm glad that you liked the story. It was really hard and quite depressing to write only because I kept thinking of what Neville must go through every time he visits his parents. I wanted to make the focus more on Neville and his mom, which is why Hannah was only in there at the end. I just felt that she ought to be there at least a little bit, as they're married and all, haha.
Thanks again for the awesome review!
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Really beautiful, well done! You wrote Neville so well, and captured the relationship with his mother in such a touching way. Loved the moment when she asked if she was pretty...so tender and vulnerable. Liked how you worked in elements from the books (the bubble gum wrappers) but added to it as well with the cornflakes etc. I'm a big fan of The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and you worked in the quote really well :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! I'm so glad that you think I got Neville right and that you liked how I incorporated parts of canon. Thanks for the lovely review!
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I'm so sorry for the delay in reading and reviewing this! Especially because this is amazing. I think you had one of the more difficult quotes to work with, but you did it seamlessly - and in such a unique way I honestly can't even imagine how you thought of it. It's very different from the circumstances of the quote in the novel, and I absolutely love that. I am sort of in awe of your awesomeness.
I also think it's really incredible that you told such a heart-wrenching story in so little words. Sad stories about Neville and his parents have been done over and over, but this one is different; it doesn't drag on unnecessarily and it actually has something more to offer than Neville just throwing a giant pity party for himself over his parents, which is fantastic :)
In fact, I think my favorite part about this is how accustomed Neville has become to the situation he's in. That's not to say that he still isn't upset about it, but I like that he can appreciate and enjoy his simplistic relationship with his mother, because he understands that it's all he will ever have. I think you've truly shown how strong he has become since the war in the way he can objectively remark on everything. I think my favorite example of this is this quote: "It's something that I tended to think about while I drank tea and read The Quibbler during my visits to St. Mungo's. Is it better to have parents that are dead or insane? Parents that you will never see or that don't recognize you?" I don't know why - there's just something about your Neville here that I absolutely adore. I'm glad he's one of your favorite characters to write because you're good at writing him (:
One criticism/typo thing I should point out before I continue my gushing hehe:
- in the sentence, "I crunched cereal one Christmas with my mother when I just heading down the road of middle-age," I think you're missing a 'was' between 'I' and 'just'.
Otherwise, I didn't see any mistakes and I honestly think the pacing and flow of this was perfect. Not too much detail and not too little - the bit about the cornflakes was perfect, and I think including that in your title draws attention. I also really like how you started this. I'm a sucker for good openings and I enjoyed yours; it definitely made me want to read the next sentence and find out what exactly they had discussed. And when I found that out I definitely had to read more hehehe.
And, like I said in the beginning of this review, your use of the quote was phenomenal. It's such a curious thing for Alice to say, and (this might just be me) but I picture her saying it with a childlike innocence. The type of innocence that young girls have before wars and Unforgivables - as Neville points out, "it's as if she had never met Bellatrix Lestrange," which is absolutely touching to imagine. I love that Neville got to have that moment with his Mum and I love that he can at least bring her cornflakes because these are basically the only times that he can see what she would've been like and gah if Neville's not gonna throw a pity party for himself I'm going to throw one for him. I really just want to give him a hug after reading this, even though it ends on a somewhat-happy note (well, as happy as a story with Neville and his insane parents can be, anyway). It's a bittersweet sort of happiness, I suppose.
I wish I had more to say so that I could make up for all the reviews this story deserves but hasn't yet received, but I think if I continue I will venture into the realm of incoherency and start rambling about whether or not it is better to have dead parents because at least Harry never had to see broken shells of his parents and he gets to know that his parents are proud of him but Neville doesn't even get to know that because his Mum can't even remember that he's the one that brings her cornflakes.
Anyway, thanks so much for entering my challenge and giving me the pleasure of reading this story! You really did an excellent job with the quote and I think Stephen Chbosky would be proud ;)
Cherry BearAuthor's Response: Aaah! Stop, you're making me get all warm and fuzzy inside!! I loved this review and don't worry I don't mind that it was a little late. Thanks for the awesome challenge and this opportunity! Oh and the fabulous review, haha.
PS I can't wait to see the film! :D Report Review
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