I am so sorry for how long it's taken me to get around to actually reviewing this, but I'm here now, for what it's worth. :)
I definitely think that you have an interesting beginning! From what I gathered, this story is more of a medieval-AU than a straight-up Hogwarts canon and I really liked that- those sorts of stories are my favourite. You can have so much fun exploring the stricter society of the medieval era and with magic included... :)
As well, I thin kthat you've done a good job with setting up a solid base for the rest of the story. Already we can see that there's tension between Lucius Malfoy and the Grangers and that Narcissa has plans for the children to play together. In the sentence "he wouldn't remember the muggles, they wouldn't remember him" I can already see trouble brewing... The children will remember each other- Draco and Hermione in particular.
Even though I realize that this is a prologue, I wish that you'd expanded each section. You have such a great idea and I'd have loved to have been able to more fully meet each character in their scenes. As well, more detail would allow readers to better visualize the setting and plot of the story while also helping to smooth the transitions between sections so that they're not abrupt.
I'm also very curious as to why Hermione's father turned to his son for money... Is Alistor old enough to have a job? I'm very interested to learn more about the Granger family dynamics.
The wolves are an interesting addition as well. From your description of them they seem as though they could be some sort of werewolf or animagus... They're present and smart enough to be some sort of transformed human. I wonder what role they'll play in your story...
All in all, I think that you're off to a good start with your story. You have what seems to be an interesting idea for a plot and I'm interested to see where you take it. I'd just suggest that you include more details in your chapters so that the scenes are written more fully (so that the reader can visualize your characters and their actions). Great work and I'm sorry for taking this long to respond with my review!Author's Response: Thanks!! Right now I just don't have time to write but I'll try tomorrow, it's the WEEKEND!! LOL Report Review
This is an interesting start! A bit confusing for my wee mind, but I got it after a minute.
This definitely puts a new spin on our favorite bookworm and it puts the Malfoy's in a new light. I don't completely hate them here.
I would probably check it out if you put another chapter up, so let me know if you do.
soapman333Author's Response: OK, I'll maybe PM you the next chapter link. Is that OK? Thanks, I want to show that the Malfoys could be good, if they wanted to, hehe!!
Thanks for your positive feedback I'll deffo write another chapter now:) Report Review
Hi! Iím here from the review swap, and I was so glad to find it was a Dramione, as I love this pairing :D
The AU Granger family took a while to get used to, but once I did, I rather like it. Iíve never come across a Dramione like this before, and I thought it was a really interesting that you made them work for the Malfoys for two reasons. First it was strange to think that Lucius would employ muggles, but it was also nice to see that he didnít completely abhor them. And secondly it would be interesting to see how this would affect Draco and Hermioneís relationship.
I also liked how you change POV, as it meant we could learn more about how the characters actually were. When itís told just from one POV, it means we donít know as much about them, and their views can be biased, but I liked this idea. It would have been nicer to perhaps have more in the Narcissa and Lucius section, as it lacked in detail. I thought that your characterisation of them was very good though, and it seemed to be like them.
As for CCís, though it was only the first chapter, it would have been nice to have more details about each character, as they still feel a little unknown, and Iím not entirely sure how they connect to one another. You also had a formatting issue, as the space between each paragraph differed, and it looked a little odd, thatís really easy to sort though, so you donít have much to worry about.
I thought this was a really interesting start, and quite different to other Dramione stories, so I do think that you should carry it on.
-Kiana :DAuthor's Response: Thanks!! I will deffo start writing another chapter thanks to your positive feedback.
I'll explain in more detail the characters during the next chapter so thanks for pointing that out:)
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Hi! I'm Faux from the forums, here for the review swap!
This seems to be a pretty cool and original story so far, though it's a very short chapter. I have a few comments for you -
First off, you tend to switch POV (point-of-view) a lot, and narrate the story from the voices of many characters (Lucius, Narcissa, etc). I like this idea, and I think you can make it work really well if you give each character a bit longer to "talk." Lucius' and Narcissa's scenes were very short, and made the story seem a bit jumbled/confusing. I'd suggest you lengthen out those two segments with some description, dialogue, etc, to round out the characters and the story as a whole. Or, if you think those characters aren't really necessary to the story, you could remove their scenes and tell that part of the story through someone else's eyes.
The AU Granger family is also a bit confusing. I think you could improve the chapter as a whole by explaining each character's relation to the family, and giving a short description of that character somewhere in the chapter.
I'm definitely curious about the wolves! You've got a nice start here. Thanks for the swap!
Faux.Author's Response: You're welcome!! Thanks I really appreciate it! I'll review your chosen story tomorrow as I don't have time now.
Thanks for the advice!
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That was a very good one shot :) I have read Maggie Stiefvater's books (shiver, linger, forever) and I love them too. I liked very much how you made a harry potter version of this beautiful story! :)
~MissDramioneLover26~Author's Response: Oh, it isn't finished yet! I know, the books are brilliant (they really tugged at my heartstrings!) Report Review
i love it!!! keep goingAuthor's Response: Ah, thanks! I have just started school again so I won't get as much time to update, but I will try! Report Review
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