Wow... I'm so impressed! :D This was so... beautiful. The vision Lily had made me sad though I didn't cry. James was perfect, thinking that she was perfect.
Oh I'm glad you didn't waste much words! haha
Anyways, a nice meaningful one shot. :)Author's Response: Thank you! It's very nice to get such nice reviews, especially for something I just jotted down one night! Thanks. Report Review
This is really really good!! I really enjoyed it. I liked the way it flowed with a dreamlike quality. It was easy to drift from paragraph to paragraph and see the dream unfold through Lily's eyes.
I liked James' musings at the end. They were a nice touch to round off the piece and give it some grounding.
I noticed a spelling mistake "He sore again..." It didn't detract from reading the piece, just thought you might want to know about it.
Also, to get rid of the extra blank space, use the plain text editor when copying your text from word. The extra space wasn't bad in this piece, but once you start adding lots of dialogue it can get vaguely annoying. I had to learn this one the hard way :)
All in all, good piece. I enjoyed reading it :)Author's Response: Thank you for bringing that spelling/spacing issue to my attention! It really does help. Surprisingly enough, I find spelling/formatting a big role in what I choose to read these days!
I really loved writing this because my style is more dreamlike, but I don't often get a chance to write it, so this was fun for me. I'm glad you liked it.
~Elle Report Review
I thought that the first and last lines of this were incredibly poetic--definitely one of my favorite parts!
I loved how you characterized James. The line "The wind picks up, and he shifts to protect from it. He wishes it were as easy to protect her from the world" is so perfect and says everything about James's relationship with Lily (especially at this point in their life) for me and just conveyed his love for her in such a small sentence. I loved it.
I also liked how you concentrated on how it really was such a dark time for them. You did a good job showing the reality of all their fears and worries about the future, and how they couldn't just concentrate on themselves. I was really able to understand that. James's emotions especially for all the people he wanted to avenge was very genuine.
I enjoyed reading this, great job! :)Author's Response: Thanks so much! I really enjoyed writing this because while a lot of Jily is fluffy, and I love fluffy, it's just that not many of them address the fact that it's a dangerous world! Of course, they do put in a snippet about Voldemort here or there, but it's mostly just filler. No offence to people who write Jilys, I've read some great ones with Voldemort in it as well. I just enjoyed addressing James and Lily's feeling about it :) Report Review
Awww. I never thought of that bringing them together. Great job.Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
I really like this, it's a different depiction of Lily and James, how they came together and the torment that plagues their lives. I really like how James covers Lily protectively as she sleeps, but it also shows that even he can't protect her from everything as she dreams of their parents deaths and his as well.
Like no matter how hard you might try to protect someone there is always something that is going to get in to destroy the happiness you have worked so hard to keep.
I also like the different way that James and Lily came together, usually you hear about James pursuing Lily until she finally gives in for some unknown reason in 7th year. Here you actually give a reason and I like it, it makes sense and is believable.
One thing I would work on is maybe how well the sentences flow into each other, some of them are a bit jagged and stiff but it doesn't affect the story overall.
I would also like to suggest a little technical thing, maybe less spaces between the paragraphs, it makes it hard to read the story from one paragraph to another. Try using the simple editor if you are having problems with spacing.
Otherwise lovely one-shot. I really enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work. :)Author's Response: Thanks! I really loved writing this and I always thought that it should be more than just peer presure that got Lily to give into James :)
I'll look back and fix the sentences, spacing ect. Thanks so much for the feedback and the review!
~Elle Report Review
Wow. I loved it. The language is creative, dark, and beautiful. "Two figures... plagued the world"-- that's James and Lily, described perfectly. I cried a little bit, but Jily most always makes me cry when it's well written, and this was extremely well written. Favoriting!Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! Report Review
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