Hey. It's SamMalfoy93 here, for the challenge.
At first I thought flying would be the obstacle Albus had to get past, whether it was finally getting the hang of it or admitting defeat. But then he told James the truth and asked for help, and it just made me love this one-shot even more. It was so simple, but, like with you and your sister, so real. Expectations like that is something lots of people can relate to (not me in my family, though :P). And I love Albus and James and I too like to think that he would still be a good brother and be supportive.
The way you started the story with Al and Harry in third person was really interesting. A nice touch, I think. And I really liked that the rest of the story was in first person from Al's point of view, knowing exactly how he feels about the situation and realizing why he's so determined was great this way. There are things you may never know in third person.
This was amazing, I loved it. Thank you for entering this into my challenge. And I'm sorry I've been so late with this; I started college and now I'm sick. But it will not be an excuse today. The results should be out soon. :D
Sam.Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you for reviewing :)
Flying was originally the only obstacle that I had decided on, but as I started writing it became more about Albus gaining confidence in himself especially when he talks to James. I'm glad it turned into something that people are able to relate to, because it definitely adds more dimensions to the character and makes the whole story more believable. And yay! I'm glad you liked it! :)
I don't usually write in third person because as you said, there are things that you can find out in first person that aren't always apparent in third person. So I'm happy the flashback didn't take away from the story!
Thank you so much for creating this challenge! It was the first one I entered and I really enjoyed writing this :) And no worries, I totally understand. I hope you feel better soon!
Thank you again for leaving such a lovely review :D Report Review
Hi! I'm here with your requested review :)
I think this is such an adorable idea for a story. It reminds me so much of when I was little and learning how to ride a bike! Albus' determination is the cutest... I found myself going 'aww' quite a few times reading this :)
I noticed in the beginning part you had Harry reference Ginny by her first name to Albus. I thought that was a little strange; I think you should change it to 'mum'.
Make sure you capitalize class names like Potions :)
You did SUCH a beautiful and heart wrenching job capturing the way Albus looks up to James. I think you did a really great, and accurate, job writing his uneasy feeling of talking to his brother about his situation.
I thought the Chloe parts were really sweet, and I loved how nervous he was. Through the whole story I think you gave Albus such a real characterization that made him so easy to relate to. Everyone has things that they aren't good at even though they wish they were, and everyone has people they look up to. I loved that you took them both and applied it to his situation.
I was the oldest in my family, but I definitely know me and my little sister had a few moments like this :) This was so wonderful, I'm so glad you requested it so I could read it!
-JulieAuthor's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!
The plot is very similar to those childhood troubles of i.e not being able to ride a bike :) But I must say, I think I would have been in the same boat as Albus if I was trying to learn how to fly! :p
Oh, thank you for pointing that out! I guess I was too concentrated on showing Harry's side as a father lol. I'll fix that and the capitalization asap :)
It was never a problem with me and my sister, but I felt like especially with brothers, there's a different amount of pressure and more fear of being teased because of it, so I'm really glad I was able to convey his worries correctly!
The parts with Chloe were really last minute actually so I'm happy you liked it :) Albus experiences things in this that are so universal that we all go through, and it definitely helps my writing to know that I'm able to add depth to the character and show him as someone to relate to.
Aww! My sister and I have had so many moments like this--I go to her for everything!
Thank you again for leaving me such a lovely review! :D Report Review
Wow. One of the first one shots that I've ever read about the relationship between James and Al and I really really enjoyed it. I love the spin you put on it, it makes you feel all warm inside when you read the parts where James helps Al overcome his fear and learn to enjoy flying. Normally James is teasing Al or pulling pranks on him but in this fix, that side of James took a back seat and I think we got to see what James's core character is. I didn't think the romance side was strictly necessary as you pretty much sold the relationship to me without even having to go into humongous detail but it was a nice touch. Really adored this fix, I hope you write lots more in future.Author's Response: Thank you so much for this amazing review :) I don't even know how to start responding lol. I'm so glad you liked it! James usually is characterized as always pulling pranks and what not, and while I can totally see that side of him, I love to think that James is very caring, especially when it comes to his family.
The flashback with Chloe was actually a really last minute addition--I'd only planned on mentioning her name but I'm glad it didn't take away from the plot! Thank you so much again for taking the time to read and review! :D Report Review
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