Ho ho ho!
Santa shares your love with all things that involve Moulin Rouge. It might have something to do with everlasting love, bohemians, cheesy songs and the gritty beauty of Paris in turn of the century... *blushes under the beard* Anyways. Since I know the movie so well, I can't wait to see what you have in store for the characters. It's interesting marriage between two universes, and as AU as it probably will be, I can see it happening.
The little details about the pocket watch, crooks that could be out of a Dickens novel and the visit to the wrong side of town, set the tone nicely. You have the stage set and ready for play. I'm hoping that once holidays are over, you'd update this story. It's a very interesting beginning for sure.
You never mentioned by name your main character, but I'm going to take a guess and think that it will be darling Jamie, since he already knows Severus by his first name. Owing money to Riddle, well that is quite intimidating thought. I keep thinking that if James is a poor bohemian, whether he has gambled his fortune away or what has happened? I can't wait to see how you will cast the rest of the Marauders and other prominent characters. Bellatrix would be perfect Miss Havisham type of character, if you ask me.
Remember that elves will be watching whether you're naughty or nice. I will be back with more prezzies later.
Your Secret Santa :)Author's Response: Oh my God, I love you already.
Ahh, stressing that I won't live up to your expectations now. Love the Moulin Rouge. Best movie (even if I spent the last half bawling my eyes out.) *ahem*
Yep, deffs a marriage between two universes. I'm really interested in what you'll think of my plot, but:
1) I don't want to give anything away, and
2) I don't actually know who you are (yet!)
An update is certainly in order. It's not my main priority (that's Canis Major, which needs an update even more) but I'm determined to update before the end of my holidays. Hopefully before the New Year, at any rate. (Christmas is a busy time of year, and finding time for oneself to sit and write is difficult.) And I was totally picturing Dickens when I was writing this! Creepy. Maybe I'm not a subtle as I thought...
Oo! Interesting guess. Unfortunately, I can't tell you if you're right or not. I'll just have to get my act together and update so you can find out. The next chapter introduces wayy more characters, and you meet every one properly and start to understand the plot more, etc.
Ahh, this review has totally got my mind racing with ideas about the next chapter. I'm totally iching to write now, but it's 11:58pm, and it's Christmas in 2 minutes, and I really need sleep for tomorrow. Gah.
Thank you for the review, my dear Secret Santa. You're brilliant. ^_^ Report Review
Don't you hate it when you think that you've reviewed something and then it turns out you haven't?!
Adele this story is just asdfjfghfgll;fk (very profound for a wanna-be-writer I know) but this is just so amazing.
So many questions running through my head: will Lily be rich with all the money; will she be poor with Sev at her best friend; what about Petunia? AH!
I may have to watch Moulin Rouge now though; I've always wanted to see it (Ewan McGregor!) but just never got round to seeing it. Would seeing the movie make this story a little easier to understand in later chapters or not?
Anyway, please update this quickly! (Kill me in Jily feels!).
Jasmine, x Report Review
Hey hun! First off I have to say the name of the story, banner and chapter image are all beautiful! Makes for a very intriguing start.
Man you really have me hooked now. Your descriptions really make it feel as though you're watching it instead of reading. &You were also able to fit a lot of background with not that much dialogue which was great.
I'm assuming that the character you introduced us to was James? But I could be wrong. I wonder what types of things he will deliver for them. Doesn't sound like a pleasant job so far.
One thing that caught my eye was that in the sentence "He needed to money, regardless of how it was earned." Instead of "to" it should be "the". =)
Also I love that this is influenced by Moulin Rouge! One of my favorites. My thread is up now so definitely drop by when the next chapter is out!
Very nice prologue my dear!Author's Response: Giola and mixer did a wonderful job on the banner and CI, didn't they? I got so excited when I saw them! I had issues coming up with an original name for the story, but I'm glad you like it. It was something I was worried about. :/
Haha, thanks. It's so different for me - writing in a different historical era - but it's a good challenge, and it helps with my writing. That said, I'm constantly paranoid that I've over done it, or missed something and it doesn't make sense. I'm glad to hear that it's got you hooked though. That makes me very happy. ^_^
Haha, can't tell you that - spoilers and all :P You'll have to wait and see. No, it's not a pleasant job at all, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oops. I'll fix that up ASAP. Cheers for pointing that out. :)
I'll pop by when I finally upload the next chapter. Thanks again for the lovely review. It's very appreciated. ^_^
- Adele :) Report Review
So there are two things I should say before I start this review.
a) James/Lily are my OTP.
b) I love Moulin Rouge SO MUCH.
I'm thrilled that you requested a review from me! I suppose I might have worried you by saying I didn't like AU stories, but that's not always true--I like the type of AU you've written here, where you take familiar characters and just transplant them into a different world. Especially when said characters are James and Lily (and I do have a soft spot for Alice and Frank, too)!
The first thing that struck me as I was reading this prologue was that your descriptive language was great. I like that you brought in more than just the visual when you were describing that scene, like with the clinking of coins and the watch snapping shut. It makes the description so much more vivid.
Whoever this main character you've introduced us to is (I suspect maybe James?), I thought you did a great job at introducing compelling pieces of information about him. It's interesting that he's of high social standing, and worried about his reputation...but meanwhile, he's dealing with thugs and hiding gambling problems.
I also thought this was a great line: "He'd solved one problem by causing another."
Tiny little things:
"least Snape sense his fear." - I think you meant "lest" at the start.
"'I'll be on my way then,' he smiled nervously at the taller man" - Here, it would have seemed more natural to me to end the dialogue with a period/full-stop, and then have the next part of the sentence stand on its own. What you have functioning as a dialogue tag here is really more of a description of the action following it.
I think you did really well at setting a mood for the story with the descriptions you employed, and I'm intrigued to read the continuation of this character's story. So, in that respect, I think it was a great prologue. When you post a new chapter, I'd definitely be interested to read more!
And now I think I might go listen to "El Tango de Roxanne", since I have Moulin Rouge on my mind... ;)Author's Response: James and Lily are my OTP, too. Honestly, i'm so pathetic when it comes to them. Someone so much as mentions James Potter and I begin to hyperventilate. It's a serious issue.
I have so many Moulin Rouge feels. I sit there sobbing through the whole thing just because I know how it ends, but I love it so much I can't not watch it.
Fangirl problems. *sigh*
Phew! I was worried that it might not be your cup of tea. I know a lot of people don't enjoy AU stories but I thought I'd take a gamble and request anyway. I'm glad it payed off and that you like it. It's rather different but hopefully I'll do both James and Lily and Moulin Rouge! justice.
Description is an issue for me. I either provide not enough, or too much and often struggle to find the balance. I'm really happy to hear that you liked it and found it lifelike and vivid. It's what I was aiming for, although I wasn't sure if I'd actually gotten there.
Spoilers :P Although James is a good guess, I will neither confirm nor deny anything in regards to this mystery character.
I've gone through and fixed up those errors. Thanks for pointing them out - I'm useless when it comes to editing my own work. :/
I'll re-request when I've posted the next chapter. Thanks so much for the thoughtful review, Penny. It's hugely appreciated and I'm so glad you like it so far!
- Adele :) Report Review
Hello! Duckie here with your requested review. :)
First, I have to say how intrigued I am by your plot in general. I don't normally read AUs, although I have no aversion to them. I've never seen a plot like this before and I really enjoyed reading your prologue.
I also have to compliment you on your correct use of the semicolon! I so rarely see that used correctly (and its misuse so often coincides with the comma splice, another pet peeve of mine). I got very excited when I saw that you did in fact use it right. Anyway, I'm getting off-topic...
I only spotted two very slight grammatical errors. The first is in this sentence- "He'd be hidden better in the buildings shadows than he would on the main road behind him." You're missing an apostrophe on "buildings." The second is in this sentence- "He needed to money, regardless of how it was earned." If I'm interpreting the quote right, you don't need the "to" between "needed" and "money." Again, very nit picky things, but I thought I'd point them out.
Your description was very good! I found it very easy to imagine exactly what was happening as I read. I think you had just the right amount of description, because it didn't bog down the plot. You had just enough to give the reader what they need.
I'll be interested to see a bit more characterization in the later chapters. There seemed to be a lot of mystery around the main character, and I could tell that was done on purpose, but I feel there needs to be more characterization on him in the next few chapters. I did really like how you kept his identity a secret throughout this chapter. It really hooks the reader! I know I want to know who he is.
I think you have a wonderful, unique plot on your hands and this prologue is certainly compelling! I think you gave just enough information to grab the reader's attention and keep them wanting more. Feel free to re-request when you update! :)Author's Response: Ah, this has taken me too long to respond to. I'm so sorry. I've had the craziest few months, and I totally forgot I had unanswered reviews. :( I didn't mean to be rude.
Ohhh, good. Haha, AU's are some of my favourites (when written well), as they can really give you so much more room to explore the characters then the traditional setting can. This story, for example, is completely without magic, which means I really have to think through how everything is going to fit together, etc. But it's fun to write and hopefully it'll be fun to read as well. :)
I did fix those up. Thank you for pointing those out. I'm terrible with apostrophes. They're my biggest weakness, as they always move around and I forget where they go for what tense, etc. D:
Oh, our mystery man isn't our main character. He's just setting the scene for us for later down the track. The next chapter (when I find a spare moment to write it) starts to introduce the characters with a lot more characterisation, and setting, etc. :)
Thank you so much for the wonderful review, and again, I'm so, so sorry it took me so long to reply. I'll be sure to re-request!
- A. :) Report Review
Yey, a new story ♥
I'm so excited about this and all the plans you have for it! You need to write faster, and once again divide yourself into more parts so you can write all your WIPs!
Anyways, this was amazing (like everything else you write)! I love it how you kept it as a mystery who the man in the chapter is, that's great. Even though I already know who it is (;
Also, I still haven't gotten rid of the image of Voldemort in a top hat! That's just priceless! You should've had that in your banner! (No, not really, I love your current banner! Aaron&Karen ♥)
Update soon, okay? ^^
~EAuthor's Response: Woop woop! New story time!
Haha, seriously. I have WIP issues. If I wrote all of my ideas, I'd never get anything finished. D:
Hahaha, yes you do. Now shhh! before someone guesses :P
Ah, yes. Voldy in a top-hat. I'm going to have so much fun with this story... ;)
I shall try! (Maybe if I have some Gwames, I'll be more motivated, yes? Yes. >:D )
Love, love, love. Report Review
Oh my I absolutley love love love the Moulin Rouge! I'm pretty sure I know the entire movie by heart and the soundtrack! Anyways I think it's wonderful that you're writing a story based off it and I can't wait to see how you change it up and fit it into the Harry Potter World. I'll definitley be waiting for an update! I already like the beginning and the mystery it has plus I love how you made Snape and Riddle thugs haha seriously I'm excited to read more! Great job (:Author's Response: Hi hi! ^_^
So do I! It's just the most brilliant film, even though I was sobbing like a child throughout the whole second half... :(
It's only loosely based off it, obviously I've made changes already, with the inclusion of Snape and Riddle, etc. but I'm using the soundtrack as a large part of my inspiration and obviously, the setting :P
Anyway, I'm trying to get the next chapter of my other Novel written, and then this will be updated (unless I end up with some crazy strike of inspiration (I could do with one of those, actually)) and then this one will be updated first :P )
Thanks so much for the update. I'm so nervous about this one, so hearing positive feedback is so encouraging.
- Adele :) Report Review
I like this story so far. :) I can't wait to see what you do with it next. :)Author's Response: Thanks! Hopefully I'll get a chance to write the next chapter soonish (I want to get the next chapter of my other story done first, however). Seeing as I want to use the soundtrack as inspiration throughout the story, it'll probably be only 13-15 chapters in total, although they will be very, very long in order to include everything. (This story has just run away with my mind. D:)
Anyway, haha, thanks for the review, and I'll try and get the next chapter up, ASAP.
- Adele :) Report Review
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