Reading Reviews for Revolution
19 Reviews Found

Review #1, by kjp Chapter Two: Hold Me Tight

21st April 2013:
I think so far in this story you have a really intresting plot going. its kinda a love square, with Ginny loving Harry, Harry sort of between Hermione and Ginny and Ron in love with Hermione. I must admit i'm kinda confused with what Harry is feeling, its not very clear but other than that its really good :D
Sorry its just a short review and also it took me so long to get to this review (8 months i think, i'm sooo sorry) :D
- kjp

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Review #2, by FallenAmaranth Chapter One: Girl

1st January 2013:
*Shuffles in embarrassed* I am so sorry! I honestly had it in my head that I'd reviewed this and it'd be cool me taking a break, and then I realised I hadn't so erm, I'm hoping to make it up to you now :) So here is your review, almost 4 months(eek!) late...

Well, in total, I liked it! It was fairly well written and well characterised, although there were a few places I felt you had missed words out, such as:

"He didnít have any place particular to go, but it was the last week of summer holiday"

^ I though this would flow slightly better if it was - "He didn't have any particular place to go, but it was the last week of the summer holidays

Some of the sentences could be altered so that they are not all the same length by using connective words(or of course, losing the connective to shorten the sentence). Sometimes the length of the sentence can alter the mood and meaning of the words within it.

Enough of that though ;P

I love 'The Sniff Test', I totally do it all the time(my clothes are probably generally cleaner than Ron's though) and I don't know why, but it made me chuckle :) It definitely adds to the characterisation and realism of Ron though, as well as Mrs Weasley ordering him to check the pockets - we have a similar problem with people leaving tissues in their pockets, which then disintegrate in the wash.
I think these give your characters a very realistic and 3D feel, and help the reader relate to them easily. :D

I think it's a brilliant story, and am really quite interested to see how Ron (hopefully)gets over these terrible flushing fits of his, especially around Hermione... ;)

Good Job!

- Emily

Author's Response: LOL, no worries about the delay, I'm just glad you made it here eventualy ;)
This was written very quickly during NaNo a few years ago, and editing is the bane of my existance, so I tend to miss small typos and sentence struction.. but over all it seems like you enjoyed it, so thanks!

I really loved writing Ron in this chapter, so I'm glad it worked for you!
Can't wait to see what you think of future chapters!

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Review #3, by Jchrissy Chapter Two: Hold Me Tight

3rd December 2012:
Hi darling!

Oh goodness we have a tangled web! So it's obviously set during Hogwarts, prewar. Harry and Ginny haven't been together yet, though now they both realize they like one another.. Neville likes Ginny, Ginny like Harry.. and Harry *may* have feelings for Hermione. I think it's honestly natural that he would wonder if he likes Hermione, having spent so much time with someone it seems natural to think that maybe there is something other than friendship. But it didn't seem to come up in more than the dream, and I do hope Harry wouldn't date Ginny while being conflicted about his feelings for Hermione, so maybe it's nothing more than a small idea that he needed to shake.

I really like that you've set this during Hogwarts BEFORE the war. I don't read many of those stories, so it's fun to get be here and enjoying one!

I would do a read through, just because you have some small typos (here for here, change for chance). Nothing huge, but getting rid of those would really give this that polished feeling.

Okay, I do have a rather large comment. Although you've already written 10+ chapters, so I doubt you'll want to take this advice.. I feel like I should point it out anyway. This goes VERY quickly. Sometimes that's good and keeps us glues to the story, but the speed of this (we cover months in under 5,000 words) kind of just made me feel detached. That with the mixture of using third omniscient really didn't let me feel much for the characters. You have so much room to let us inside them if you slowed down a bit. Do a Chapter from JUST Harry's perspective.. show us his time at the burrow before you take us to Hogwarts, dwell a bit more on his conflicting feelings.. do a chapter with Ginny and let us get to know your version of her. How does she feel about Harry now? She likes him obviously, but how much? Has she been thinking about this for someone time? And at Hogwarts, what about their classes, their friendships... again because you already have ten chapters I highly doubt your going to do a rewrite, but this is such an original story and I do think it would make an amazing difference just to slow down a little bit and let the reader become part of it. Your first chapter just had me completely enthralled and I felt like I was part of Ron's emotions, part of the way he cared about Hermione, so maybe this just felt like an abrupt switch to that. I haven't read the third chapter, so you very well may go back to that slower pace in that one and just needed to pass a bit of time quickly.

I really like that you seem to be sticking to canon characterizations so far, and I think this is a very hard group to do that with!

Regardless of the pace, this first chapter still kept me interested and guessing :) Like I said, the slowing down is just a preference, and you seem to understand your characters very well, which I think it is an extremely important thing. Awesome second chapter, m'dear.

Thanks for requesting m'dear!


Author's Response: I'm glad you're enjoying this so far.. it really is a tangled web, but I think that's pretty standard for "teenage dramas"
As far as the typos and pace, I wrote this for NaNo like 2 years ago. I've been editing as I go, and I've written like 28 chapters to date, but somehow I always manage to miss little typos... stupid brain! LOL

I look forward to seeing what you think of future chapters!

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Review #4, by magnolia_magic Chapter One: Girl

28th October 2012:
Hi! Maggie here from the forums with your requested review :)

I see that you've gotten a lot of comments to this effect, but I have to just say that I love the way you start this chapter off. The details are great, and starting off with the mundane aspects of Ron's morning are a good way to ease us into things. I mean, sometimes I enjoy being plunged headlong into the action, but I found your calm, unhurried beginning to be a nice change from that :)

I also love the way you voice Ron's thoughts about Hermione. We all know that he isn't really the sappy romantic type, and I think you do a really good job of reflecting that. You show us how his feelings for Hermione have developed, and what his memories of her mean to him, but you don't go over the top with emotion. You really do a great job making his thoughts realistic (but still precious ;)

I saw a few minor grammar issues (mostly leaving out commas where they need to be placed), but nothing terribly distracting. Still, I'd suggest looking into a beta reader. We've got some great ones on the forums, and I think that could really help this story become the best it can be.

The little glimpse we get of Molly is spot on, I think, and I like the way you write Ron and Hermione's interaction. He's obnoxious, she's just classic Romione, and I think you execute it really well

Great job so far! Feel free to re-request; I'm excited to see where this one goes :)


Author's Response: Thank you so much for the R&R.
Every time someone says they liked my characterization of Ron I do this little happy dance inside, because out of all the characters I probably write him the least.. so that's always a nice little boost ;)
And as far as Molly... I just adore her.. how can you not? LOL. But again, she's another one I rarely write so thank you so much!
I'll definitely be back to request the next chapter!
Can't wait to see what you think!

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Review #5, by javct Chapter 4: I Want To Hold You're Hand

18th October 2012:
javct45 back again.

Ohh, does Neville have a crush on Ginny and Luna on Harry? (No, no, no! Neville is suppose to be Luna and vice versa! *sad*) and what's up with Hermione? She's either got a crush on Harry or her and Ginny have had a fight *is plotting*

I really enjoyed this chapter. Anything that makes the storyline more complicated is just brilliant! Any story that has unrequited feelings towards a certain character is just brilliant (give me angst on a plate and I'm one happy girl).

and Ah! I love that song! The Beatles are just amazing and 'I want to hold your hand' is up the top with my favourite Beatles songs :)

Good luck on your future writing!
Jasmine, x

Author's Response: So many horomones flying around here ! LOL
I'm glad it's keeping you guessing here, though it all gets spelled out soon ;)
And I agree... The Beatles are just amazing!

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Review #6, by javct Chapter 3: All My Loving

18th October 2012:
javct45 here with your requested review.

Okay, so now that I know that this is Hogwarts-era and not post-hogwarts the story is bit easier to follow :P

I found this quite enjoyable. Harry/Ginny is a good pairing if written well and I think that you have written them well together so kudo's to you!

One thing that I did notice was that Mrs. Weasley signed her letter 'love, Molly' but throughout the books Harry never calls her Molly but always Mrs. Weasley, now, you can correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think that Mrs. Weasley signed her notes to students with her first name. Now, I might be completely wrong because I haven't read the books in a while but that's what I remember off the top of my head :P

Apart from that it's really good. The characterisation was quite good and the storyline is really good so far.

I wonder how Harry is going to survive New Years with the Dursley's.

Jasmine, x

Author's Response: Yeah I'm not sure why I decided to go with Molly, but I don't think her signature is ever refered to anywhere in the books (though I admit it's been a long time since I've reread them) so I figured Molly is as good a signature as any ;)
I'm glad you like my Harry/Ginny pairing.. but don't get too used to it. LOL
Anyone who has read my work knows it's not a pairing I particularly like, so it never lasts for long ;)

Thanks for the R&R

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Review #7, by Jchrissy Chapter One: Girl

17th October 2012:
Hi there, darling!

I love that you took us through the paces of Ron's morning, er, afternoon. It just made it seem so much more realistic for him to be a bit stricken when he spots Hermione, because you don't start with that. You start with his late wake up, his need to find clean clothes, and then naturally smooth that in there. It was an awesome tactic!

I love feeling Ron's excitement that Harry would soon be there. It's something that I always loved about the books, because who wouldn't want to have weeks of a sleepover?? The times when they were at the Burrow were my favorite, and you brought all that to life with this first chapter.

This is just a small thing, but I enjoyed your idea to choose soup as their lunch. We know the Weasleys don't have a lot of money, and they do have tons of mouths to feed. Soup is a cheap, filling, and healthy meal. I make homemade chicken soup sometimes, it's under fifteen dollars and lasts days. Like I said, this was something small but just so true to these characters, that I loved it.

And! Ron still sucks at having feelings. Haha. I like how he just leaves, it felt so Ron-ish. Way to show Hermione that you don't have the emotional capacity of a teaspoon, Ron!

I really liked this first chapter, and will be back very soon for the second :).

Author's Response: I'm so glad you made it over here so quickly! I started this novel for NaNo back in 09 and finally dug it out of the WIP box so rereading as I'm editing and posting has been quite an adventure for me.
The Ron/Hermione this is so hard for me to write, because I'm really not a fan of it.. lol.. so the fact that the situation feels relistic to you is an amazing compliement!
I really can't wait to see what you think of the direction this story takes! And as always I look forward to your reviews!

Much Love

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Review #8, by ScorpiusRose17 Chapter Two: Hold Me Tight

7th October 2012:
Hi there! I am here with your review on chapter 2! :)

First of all I want to get my only criticism out of the way... I did notice some sentences that were confusing because of word choice. These are easily something that can be improved by just reading the chapter over again. These are just simple words for example... here should be changed to her.

Okay now that I have gotten that out of my way I can continue on. I really liked this chapter!! :)

The way that you characterized Harry is brilliant. I love how natural he is while I read. Ron is perfect especially when he finds out about Harry and Ginny. Ginny is very natural too and I am able to get that sense of spark and spunk she has. That is such a Ron way to react! Hermione is fun because she always has this subtle way about her and that comes out in this chapter. Neville and his toad...oh Neville. Then Luna...goodness that girl is so much fun to read about and you do a great job bringing out her unique personality.

I also liked all the descriptions in this chapter. They provided a great picture in my mind as I read a long. I look forward to reading what will happen next! Keep up the great work! :)


Author's Response: Borrow scenes are always so much fun to write, probably because they're usualy family based and I enjoy giving Harry that feeling of being included.
I absolutly adore Luna, and love writing her, and the same for Neville!
I can't wait to see what you think of future chapters!
Thanks again!

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Review #9, by ScorpiusRose17 Chapter One: Girl

7th October 2012:
Hi I am finally here with your review! Sorry it has taken me a lot longer than anticipated.

I really enjoyed this chapter and the start of this story. It was one that held my attention all the way through. I really liked the descriptions that were in this chapter and I thought you did a wonderful job helping create a vivid image in my mind.

I liked how Ron snuck up on Hermione in the garden. It was a very Ron thing to do. I really enjoyed the way the the characters were characterized. Ron was perfect and I loved Hermione. They just seemed so like the ones that we all know and love. Mrs. Weasley was just as wonderful in her small appearance about the washing. :)

I look forward to reading what comes next! Keep up the great writing!!


Author's Response: Thanks for making it over here ;)
Its so odd that I enjoyed writing this Ron/Hermione scene because I'm not really a fan of the ship, but I'm glad I did it justice in your eyes.
Mrs Weasley is one of my favorite characters, and I don't write her nearly enough... might have to do something about that! LOL
Thanks for the R&R!

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Review #10, by Moonyxluna Chapter One: Girl

7th October 2012:
Hi I'm here with your requested review :)

Your details with Ron in the beginning are very nice! Since you said that this has a bunch of different ships I am curious to see where his emotions towards Hermione will eventually go; it seems like he still likes her here so I think you did a good job setting those things up.

I liked how you captured his insecurities about his looks. In comparing to the way Hermione matured to himself you really dove into that familiarity of Ron for the reader; it was nice to see that. I suppose the one thing I would be careful of - which, I'm sure you are aware, I'd just like to point it out ;) - to watch out for changing Hermione too much. Part of the reason I love her so much is because she isn't that typical 'pretty girl', she's just average and it helps the reader relate to her. I do understand that they all have grown up here, but it's just something to keep in mind :)

of his twin brother's sitting-- You don't need the apostrophe in brothers.

a thin, nearly clear broth pouring out of the end of her wand --Just something small, but technically it's impossible for wizards to conjure food; I think it's a neat touch being Mrs. Weasley, but to keep it real to the books I would probably change it to water ;)

The moment for Ron when he realized he had his arm around Hermione was really cute. I think it fit him so perfectly!

Overall this was a really neat first chapter. Great work!

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter! I had a lot of fun writing Ron and his insecurites and as far as Hermione, yes I believe that as she gets older he grows into her looks, but the discription is also given by Ron, who is going to be a bit bias for obvious reason ;)
Thanks so much for the R&R!

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Review #11, by kjp Chapter One: Girl

3rd October 2012:
I am no sorry its taken me so long to get this review too you. I'm kjp from the hpff forums. I'm just all over the place at the moment and it just slipped from my mind. So again i'm so sorry.
I'll stop saying sorry now before I end up not saying anything else.
You have a excellent start here, I can see you have the basics down for all the characters and seem to be able to write them well. I would advise getting a banner because you have no idea how much that draws people towards the stories (shamefully I usually only read stories with banners- yes its bad I know)
Another thing to point out is that towards the beginning of the story I think you're paragraphs are too long too many times. I think its better if their are loads of short ones rather than not so many longer ones (Am I making any sense right now?)
Other than that its a great start and i'll be interested to hear more from you.
I'm not going to bore you with grammar because i'm terrible with spotting that but I just want to say sorry again and If you want another review please come ask again i'll try as best as I can to get it done sooner.
- kjp :D
9/10 from me :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed the begining of this story, and as far as the banner I have one.. I've just had a hard time posting it because the the link leeps breaking :( But I'm working on getting it up ;)

I'll be back requesting the next chapter soon ;)
Thanks for the R&R


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Review #12, by thatsassymaster Chapter 3: All My Loving

28th September 2012:
I'm really enjoying what you've written so far, and you're doing a really great job of making the lyrics fit in with the feel of the chapter.

Can't wait to see what happens next with Harry and Ginny!


Author's Response: The Across the Universe soundtrack is one of my all time favorites so I was extreamly excited when this concept hit me!
I'm glad I'm still managing to hold your attention ;)
See ya next chapter!!

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Review #13, by thatsassymaster Chapter Two: Hold Me Tight

27th September 2012:
Things really started to progress in this chapter and it's made me even more excited to read on!

So Neville fancies Ginny, who is dating Harry, who also fancies (I'm guessing) Hermione, and Ron fancies her - I can sense a lot of drama coming on!

I also loved the start of the chapter where Harry and Ginny were alone, and how she would have at one point ran away wheras she now feels comfortable with him; it really fit in with the song :)

Another thing that it is one of my favourite things about this story is how you keep the characters perfectly in character, as a lot of stories don't really do that.

Oh and also, unless I missed it somewhere: when is this story set?

Loving the story so far :D


Author's Response: It feels like full on high school drama does it? LOL
Personally, I am NOT a H/G fan... at all.. and very rarely write it, so I'm glad that the scenes work for you ;)
Even though the situations are going to be changing soon I really hope I am able to keep the cast as close to "in-character" as the situations allow... and if I don't, I'm sure you'll let me know! LOl
As far as setting, it takes place between 5th-6th year (I believe... I don't have my outline in front of me and I'm not fully awake yet, but if I'm remebmering correctly that's where we're at)
So glad you're enjoying it so far!

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Review #14, by worship the nargles Chapter 3: All My Loving

22nd September 2012:
i love how all these chappys are beatles songs! i love the beatles and H/G so this AWESOME!

10/10 for awesomeness

Author's Response: LOL.. I love The Beatles too ;)
I'm glad you're enjoying this so far, but I wouldn't get too attached to H/G ;)
Can't wait to see what you think about what happens next!

Thanks for the R&R

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Review #15, by javct Chapter Two: Hold Me Tight

17th September 2012:
This story has really good potential; it really does but I do have a few things to pick out with this chapter that didn't quite add up.

Are they on the train to Hogwarts? Or at the Burrow? Or both? Because I honestly thought that they were at The Burrow until Neville walked in and then I was like "Wha?"

Is your story set in an AU world, because Snape is dead and I saw that you mentioned him as a returning teacher in this chapter. Snape got killed by Nagini in the battle

And there was this line: "She had noticed the change in his reactions toward her near the end of term" which also confused me. What exactly do you mean "near the end of term"? Because Harry, Ron and Hermione were all galavanting throughout the UK trying to find Horcruxes for the past year, there wouldn't have been any changes in reactions there if he wasn't around...

There were also one or two grammatical mistakes: missed questions marks, no capital letters -- things everyone screw up on.

Might I suggest, if you haven't already got one, getting a beta for this story? They're super helpful and can help make your story better. Beta's are also really good at picking up little mistakes like I just did, because, let's face it, we never notice plot holes in our own stories! Well, at least I don't...

Feel free to re-request!
Jasmine, x

Author's Response: I'm glad we got the fact this this isn't post-war or post-Hogwarrts via PM. Hopefully that clears things up for you and you will be able to enjoy the rest of the story without confusion.

Thanks for the R&R

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Review #16, by javct Chapter One: Girl

17th September 2012:
javct45 here with your requested review!

Interesting start. I really like the realism in this story, because, in most stories post-war the characters suddenly become the most brilliant heros with no trace of their former self, I mean sure, they can shell-shocked from the war but they don't come out without normal teenage problems (maybe even more so) like self-doubt and I ADORED that paragraph when Ron was looking in the mirror. The realism in this story is brilliant! Your imagery, also, is really good.

One thing, however, that did confuse me about this chapter, why did Hermione get so mad at Ron? At first, I thought she was joking but then she was really mad and I got confused... If I may make a suggestion, maybe you could clarify that paragraph better :)

Onto the next chapter!
Jasmine, x

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. And as far as Hermione, chalk it up to teenage hormones. LOL I know I get a bit snippy when someone startles me when I'm reading.. so maybe I injected a bit of myself into Hermione in that scene. ;)

Thanks for the R&R

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Review #17, by daretodream Chapter Two: Hold Me Tight

16th September 2012:
So, Harry's having some conflicting feelings this chapter, no?

And poor Neville. I feel so bad for him, kind of like he is the oddball out in this situation. I mean, he's crushing on Ginny but now she is with Harry and in his mind, just like in Ron's he can't compete with the boy who lived.

Plus, Ginny's been obsessed with Harry for ages, I'm pretty sure it's going to have to be something big for her to end it and give Neville a chance.

Something big like Harry being in love with Hermione, perhaps?

Ron would be so unbelievably angry, wouldn't he? First off, Harry hurt his sister, which would be a big issue in and of itself. But not only did he hurt Ginny, he did it for Hermione, who Ron has feelings for. If this all doesn't have the right timing (and what are the odds it will?) I can see this being a big mess for everyone for a bit until they get it all sorted out.

I liked your description of the Weasley home, and how it remained the same over the years even when everything else changed. The familiarity is something that would be important to a kid like Harry.

Good work!


Author's Response: Lol, yeah the conflicting emotions are starting to show in this chapter. It's easy to see how Harry's male friends could feel inferior when competing with "The Chosen One"... but we know that both Ron and Neville have their redeaming quilities, they just need a chance to let them shine.
And just maybe they'll get that chance ;)

I agree with you about The Burrow. It's always been a constant throughout the books, and I felt no need to change that. With everything going on the trio needs that safe place to call home, no mattter whatelse is going on in the outside world.

Thanks so much for the R&R!
I can't wait to see what you think of the next chapter!


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Review #18, by daretodream Chapter One: Girl

12th September 2012:
Hi! Daretodream here from the forums with your review.

I can't even explain how excited I got when I saw that your request had Ron/Hermione in it. I absolutely love that pairing, but hardly ever read them for some reason, so this was a nice change of pace.

I also noticed in your pairing list that you mentioned some AU pairings. I don't think I've ever read an AU post Hogwarts pairing besides Dramione, so this should certainly be interesting, no?

I like your characterization of Ron, and that your main characters don't automatically become sex gods just because you've moved them into the realm of fan fiction. The paragraph in which Ron wishes he was classically good looking has such a ring of truth to it, especially for him. I can clearly picture him doing exactly that.

I also felt so badly for him during that last paragraph, though you captured the hints of his resentment well. It's true that with Harry's arrival Ron and his quirky behavior WILL be all but forgotten, and I can't help but have sympathy for him. Can you tell Ron is one of my favorites in the series?

Good work with this story!


Author's Response: I very rarely write R/H... Mostly because I'm not a fan of the pairing.. lol But it was a good starting place for this story ;)
Hopefully you enjoy the AU ships just as much!
As far as Ron, it's so true. He gets over shadowed by Harry so much even I feel bad for him on occasion, and when I wrote the bit about him wishing to for the "classicly good looks" all I could think of was him in front of the mirror of Erised in the first movie...
Can't wait to see what you think of the rest of the story!

Much Love

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Review #19, by thatsassymaster Chapter One: Girl

12th September 2012:
I really enjoyed this and I think you did a great job on making the lyrics fit in with the mood of the chapter.

The characterization was dead on and I also loved your style of writing; I had a clear mental image of what was going on while I was reading.

This is a really good entry and I can't wait to read more! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I can't wait to see what you think of the rest of this ;)


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