Reading Reviews for The Wolf With The Yellow Eyes
  
27 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LilyLou The Lone Wolf

7th August 2013:
LilyLou here!

Sorry for such a long wait, dear. I've been traveling, and I'm sure you at least have an idea of how busy I've been. I love the idea of this plot. It's a bit different and unique.

Firstly, I'd like to talk about Jessia and James' relationship. It's confusing. If he hated her, then why'd me joke in the beginning and apologize and whatnot about Freddie? If he's supposed to be mean to her, then you should stick with that into the relationship gradually shifts. Other than that, it's alright in that section.

Everything happens so... Abruptly, if you will. All of a sudden, she smacks into the boys. And all of a sudden, a bunch of people knock or move her hood or something spontaneous. It doesn't have a nice flow.

I don't like the way she treats Neville. He wouldn't take her crap. She's all 'run along now' with him. You write her as if she is one of those popular, pretty bimbos that have the guy before the main character who is infatuated by that guy gets him. You know? The blond bimbo. If you get what I'm saying. I just can't picture someone with no friends to be so arrogant and cocky.

You describe the surroundings and details around very well. I think your weak spot is human interaction. You lack in that particular part of the story. It just doesn't flow nice and doesn't want to sound natural and such.

I hope I wasn't too harsh with this short yet (hopefully) helpful review. I just want you to know what my opinions are. It's an amazing story so far, and I'd love to see how you fix it up and continue on with it.

Keep writing!

- Janelle

Author's Response: You weren't too harsh, and the joke bit is because he doesn't know who she is. She acts like that to Neville, so he doesn't care
~ Macy ;P


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Review #2, by Siriusly_ VIII- Howling

30th July 2013:
What's wrong with Lily? Why does she hate Jessia so much? Idk maybe you explained it but I forgot so yeahhh anyways wow poor Jessia I actually think Lily is super judgemental why does she want her to tell her family she hates them? That's a bit strange but she's a strange girl so yeahhh love this story! Can't wait for the updates

Author's Response: In the next chapter, Lily's antics will be explained. I'm happy you liked the chapter!
~ Macy x


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Review #3, by Sutton Raines The Patronus

29th July 2013:
i like this a lot! please write more!

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm just waiting on the next chapter to be valiated
~ Macy x


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Review #4, by MadiMalfoy The Lone Wolf

27th July 2013:
Hi there! MadiMalfoy with your requested review. :)

First off, let me just say how refreshing your characterizations of the next-gen Weasley/Potters are! They're almost all stuck-up snobs, which is way off of canon! I do actually like Rose though, how typical she'd take OWLs a year early. Now, Jessica Greyback and Ciara Green. They are your original characters, and you've taken that to a wonderful extent! Some people simply forget they write their own characters and don't give them depth, forgetting we readers don't have all the details inside the writer's mind. So very well done on their character development. I think if you even went deeper as to how the werewolf gene was passed down to Jessica (since it wasn't to Teddy Lupin), that would earn her even more sympathy.

With grammar, I don't think you have very many problems. Just a few mistakes throughout that you probably will have missed on a once-over but with careful proofreading you can catch and fix. :)

A great start, this is very interesting and I'd love to read on and see how this all develops and plays out! Re-request if you'd like! :)
~MadiMalfoy xx

Author's Response: Thank you, this really made my day! I'm glad you liked Jessia and Ciara, It took me a while to think of their personalities.
Thanks for the kind review,
~ Macy x


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Review #5, by Albus Potter's Woman The Patronus

26th July 2013:
Hi there!
So I have read your story before and I hope you don't take my constructive criticism offensively. This story has the potential to be amazing. It really does. The plot is pretty good from what I've gathered and with work, it can be fantastic.
The story started out really strong when Jessia is first introduced but I think that in your eager to continue the story, you have forgotten to put in the same flow and edge to the writing. The following chapters aren't up to the same standard and the range of POVs and the lack of proper description and explanation is affecting this.
I don't mean to offend but I do hope that you take this into account. With this advice and maybe some from other reviewers, I am sure that "The Wolf With Yellow Eyes" will be incredible.
P.S: A pet peeve of mine is incorrect spelling and grammar. Please correct yours in the future edits. It's just one of those things, ygm?
Again, no offence.
-Albus Potter's Woman

Author's Response: Hi! I have been over some chapters, up to #3 - Wolfsbane. I will go over the other chapters and keep your advice in mind whilst doing so. My eight chapter, called VIII - Howling, is currently in the queue, and I think you might like that one better. Maybe you could take a look at it when it is published?

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Review #6, by MC_HK Wolfsbane

25th July 2013:
"it makes the suffer a werewolf." I don't really know what this sentence is supposed to mean, so maybe change it to make better sense. The spacing is also really wonky, as there are huge gaps. Again, the constant POV changes and short chapters cause confusion. You had a strong start, but it kind of dwindled with the three different POVs, and made me wonder what Teddy had told everyone specifically. Yes Dom mentions it later, but that couldn't have been the only thing he said. There needs to be more detail in what you're writing. This story has potential to be great, it has a good plot and you could really take it places but you have to fill your reader in on what you're thinking.

As always, MC_HK

Author's Response: Thank you for the critisim, I make my meanings a bit clearer. I am also going to change it so its just Jessia's POV
Thanks again,
~ Macy


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Review #7, by rozen_maiden Wolfsbane

22nd July 2013:
So these last two chapters have been pretty emotional for poor Jessica, and it really stands out. She seems like a real troubled soul (sleeping in the kitchens!), but I like that Teddy is looking out for her. Just curious, is Teddy looking out for her because he is her 'blood brother'? If so, I think it's a great concept and thickens the plot well. I had no idea she was actually a werewolf though! That's quite sad, and if she does end up sleeping in the dorms, I'm wondering how everyone will take her lack of presence on full moon night, as they already know her history (not to mention the scene in Potions - that was really well done).

I'm interested about Dom as a character, as she sounds like a harsh but sensible and fair girl. The fact that she felt sympathy for Jessica after finding about the kitchens shows that she isn't hating her because of ignorance, like everyone else; however it is obvious she is still befriending her out of obligation.

There was nothing I could see that you could change. I have read some of your reviews and noticed people are getting confused about the view points, but I don't really find it that hard to follow. The last chapter was all in italics though. I don't know if that was planned, but I was reading it as a flashback when it wasn't (I don't think), so you may want to alter it slightly.

Other than that, the story is still flowing nicely and I haven't spotted any inconsistencies :)

- Mahalia

Author's Response: Thank you for such a kind review! I didn't mean to put it in italics and when I try and fix it, it just goes back again:/
However, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
~ Macy x


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Review #8, by rozen_maiden The Lone Wolf

22nd July 2013:
Hey RavenclawGirl11, it's Mahalia here from the forums.

First things first, I have to say that this is an excellent idea for a story and plot. It has SO much potential, it's crazy. Greyback having a daughter is an original and clever idea, and I think that your main character Jessica fits the role perfectly. She had a good start in this chapter, but I feel like there are a few more things you could add (these are just suggestions, mind):

The beginning bit with Ciara and Jessica is a really strong scene. You convey Jessica's fear really well, with how you have locked her in the bathroom and with her talking to herself. As I was reading it, I couldn't help but think that maybe a little more description about what Jessica thinks, and what may happen when she opens the door and sees Ciara, would excecute the scene really well - like, what has Ciara done to her in the past; does Ciara have friends who hate Jessica too? If you put something like this in, readers will be able to feel Jessica's fear a bit better, and it would flow along with her attitude towards others in the rest of the chapter.
I found the next part with Headmaster Longbottom quite sad - it's obvious (and you've made it perfectly clear, so well done), that Jessica pushes all help away because she feels she either doesn't deserve it or doesn't trust. I think it would work well, too, if you have stronger reactions from the characters she talks to - particularly Neville. It's obvious that he is looking out for her, but his responses are very calm despite her snarky attitude.

James was also a great character, but I found his hate and disregard for Jessica surprising. I'm interested to see where you'll take their relationship, and if he'll join in on Ciara's taunting or just leave her to it. With the others around him so watchful and worried about Jessica, I think it will be a good addition to see James sway to their worries about her.

Ciara's cruelty towards Jessica is sad and very emotional, and I think you've done a really great job in this chapter to capture that feeling of hopelessness and loss in Jessica. I really can't wait to read on; as I said this is a great idea and you've opened the plot really well in this beginning.

- Mahalia

Author's Response: Thank you! That kind review's really made my day! I'm looking for a beta, so if I find one I can go over the chapters like you suggested!
~ Macy x


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Review #9, by MC_HK II - Nightmares

19th July 2013:
I find that the character's personalities are kind of hard to follow. The constant change of POVs are also kind of hard to keep up with. I think if you could chunk them together, then it would be an easier read. Also, did you mean to make the whole chapter in italics? If not, it's really hard for me to read it that way. It's more of an annoyance than anything really, and a formatting problem. I do like some of the dialogue you have between Jessica and Teddy, and I would suggest looking through the story for some spelling errors. Still a good chapter, looking forward to reading more. MC_HK

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Review #10, by Some that really likes this The Patronus

18th July 2013:
This is really good. I was nervous to read this story, but I love it. It's well written and just the plot to it is amazingly awesome. Please write more soon!

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Review #11, by truehufflepuff The Patronus

12th July 2013:
i like the length of the chapters and the way you vary it mabye do some more pics ;D

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Review #12, by truehufflepuff The Lone Wolf

12th July 2013:
wow this is amazing . your such a good writer macy . its a shame as your soo good but sometimes you cant read your rushed writing.:( but his is true art

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Review #13, by MC_HK The Lone Wolf

7th July 2013:
Hello, here with your review!

To me, I feel like this needs more descriptive detail. I know you have a picture of her up, but what does Jessica look like? Does she look like her father, her mother, etc. I'd even really enjoy finding out who she is as a person even more. I didn't really get a good feel for her in this chapter, which is important in a first chapter. I'd also like to see more background on her and her relationships with the other students in Hogwarts. What was it like in her first year? How did people react after finding out who she was? I want to know why James hates her so much and what that hate stems from. Basically, I'm asking a lot of questions in this chapter. Of course, it makes me want to read more, but it also kind of leaves me confused. I also find the constant back and forth POVs to be a little much and its hard to keep up with what is happening and who is talking.

There were a handful of spelling and grammatical errors, so I would suggest you use a quick beta to review your chapters. Overall, I believe your story has potential. You've got a good start, but with a little extra work it could be that much better :)

Will look forward to your re-request in the future :) MC_HK

Author's Response: Thanks for the constructive critism! Taken it on board!
~ Macy x


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Review #14, by abc The Patronus

10th May 2013:
I love the idea of your story a LOT and I think it could be amazing,if only you got a beta or something and spiced it up a bit?
Just my frank opinion,sorrry; but it really is a good plot ! x

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm currently looking for a Beta, and if there is anyone you would recommend, please tell me. Thanks for the review, chapter eight will be up shortly :P
~ Macy x


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Review #15, by bethany VI - The Quidditch Match

2nd May 2013:
i like j+j dom and fred are made for ach other. i ove this so hurry up and write more!
luv bethany

Author's Response: Ummm, Dom and Fred are cousins so I don't know how that would work...
but thanks for the review, and maybe you could check out my other story, #TheTruthBehindTheFreckles, I think you'd enjoy it!
Thanks again,
~ Macy x


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Review #16, by koalagirl2000rules Ciara Green

7th April 2013:
I really love your story.
I really do.
And thanks for reviewing mine.
=^.^=
meow.
(Oh, comment on your review: I don't know how to make a banner.)
~Ems~

Author's Response: Thanks for the nice review! Next chapter in the queue now! As I said, check out TheDarkArts(.net) and make yourself an account. Its quick, easy and free . Go on hpff banners and click "Complete Rule Guide and Review Form" it'll explain everything there.
Thanks again
~Macy x


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Review #17, by LumosEmi Ciara Green

2nd April 2013:
I like the plot of your story but you really need to go into depth to take your story to the next level. Maybe, tone down the drama and build up your characters especially the original characters like Ciara Green and Jessia Greyback. Show us information about their past, what they are like by themselves or what they think. Though don't get me wrong I think you are doing a great job and I am intrigued to see where you are going to take this story.
Happy writing!

Author's Response: Thanks! I have a chapter in the queue that has a back story to Jessia.
Thanks again, and please continue reading.
~Macy x


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Review #18, by limwen IV - Full Moon

16th March 2013:
I like it. Good story.




Jk I freakin love this story! Update with hast! I really don't like cliff hangers :( lol

Author's Response: Haha lolz I have the fifth chapter in the queue so will probz be up by monday thanks 4 reviewing and just 2 let u no the next chapter has the return of Ciara Green, Jessia's bully :( xx
Thanks again,
~Macy x


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Review #19, by ~IceCubism IV - Full Moon

15th March 2013:
Hi there! I just started reading and I love the story so much! It's the best I've read in ages and the plot is really great. Ypur writing is really good too and brings out all the emotions in the story really well. Keep up the amazing work and update soon because i can't wait to read on! Your story will be fantastic, i can feel it in my bones. (and trust me, cause I've got an O in Divination :p )

9.5/10

Author's Response: Thank you ! I haven't had a review that is so nice before! I'll add another chapter by monday
Thanks again x


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Review #20, by hailee IV - Full Moon

9th March 2013:
I like it. Good story.

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing, will add another chapter soon x

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Review #21, by TheUltimateHarryPotterFangirl Wolfsbane

20th February 2013:
PLZ ADD MORE DETAIL!

Author's Response: Will do, thanks for reviewing

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Review #22, by TheUltimateHarryPotterFangirl II - Nightmares

20th February 2013:
Love the werewolf factor!!! But there's a LOT of going back and fourth between characters...:

Author's Response: Thanks for review I will tone the character changes down

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Review #23, by Lympha Wolfsbane

5th February 2013:
I think this story has potential. Even though you might want to give your characters more depth and tone down the drama a bit. Still, I think the idea is rather good and thank you for sharing this story with us. :)

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing

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Review #24, by limwen Wolfsbane

4th February 2013:
I love it! I think it's interesting and I look forward to seeing more!(:

~Claire

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing

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Review #25, by LumosEmi II - Nightmares

7th January 2013:
Intresting beginning to the story, I'm intrigued to see where you are going to take this story.

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing.

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