Ah please don't give up on this story!! I love your style, it isn't too cheesy AT ALL. And I love the idea for this. Please continue.(:Author's Response: Hello! Don't worry, I'm not giving up on this story. I've just had a lot of issues with my laptop and it spent a lot of time getting fixed so I couldn't access any of my work. I'll post a new chapter soon, I promise. I'm glad you enjoy the story and my writing :) Report Review
This seems like a really cute story-Lea is super sweet and adorable.
I think you've done a really good job with the narrative. The way you describe things, especially at the orphanage is lovely, and gives you a great feel for the direction the story is going to take.
I couldn't help but notice (and please excuse me if I'm wrong) that many of the lines seemed to very similar to those in the original Harry Potter books:) Especially in the first chapter, when Lea is talking to Dumbledore, I was very much reminded of the young Riddle in Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Of course, there's nothing wrong with this, I was just wondering if you were aware of it.
I think your characterization is really good, especially of McGonagall and Lea but I think it would be awesome if you put a bit more detail into your chapters, make them even longer.
You've made a really good start here. Well done!Author's Response: Hey!
The talk between Dumbledore and Lea was purposely written to remind of the one between him and Riddle. Especially the "is it magic what I can do" part. Dumbledore gets all stiff because he's reminded very much of Riddle. I probably lean too much on the book right now, but I'm trying to make everything my own so I won't have to rely on it so much. I'm so glad you like the characterisation and narrative - that makes me so happy to read!
Oh, I'm so glad you think my characterisation of McGonagall is good because I'm so nervous writing her and many of the canon characters. I always fear I won't do them justice.
I have a rather simple writing style, and I'm still new at this, so I'm trying to learn how to put more detail into my chapters.
Thanks for the amazing review. I hope you keep reading! :) Report Review
Very cute chapter, I loved it! I was really glad you had her meet Ginny. I have a feeling that Lea will be a buffer between Ginny & Alexis. Or maybe Alexis will loosen up? Either way I see an avenue for some drama. Lol!!!
Good job, keep up the good work, Happy Writing!! -Lauraf68Author's Response: Hey again! :)
I'm afraid Alexia and Ginny don't see eye to eye at all and I'm not sure if they ever will. They will warm up to each other, but they'd still keep that relationship. I have great fun writing their interactions. They are just so unhappy that they have to be in each other's company, and it's funny, because most of their animosity is just eleven year old girls overreacting. They aren't that different from each other, even though they have different view points on things.
And I wrote a whole paragraph on that. Sorry, I tend to get a bit carried away. Thanks for the continued support, I love to the reviews you give me. Hope you keep on reading.
Thanks! ;** Report Review
Great story so far... why was Lea being so rude, though? :( I suppose it doesn't really matter. I love your writing style, I really enjoy reading your work :)Author's Response: Hello!
I'm not sure to what you are referring to? Her scene with her friends and Betty? Well, if that's it - she feels that her friends are being bitter, although she wasn't entirely right to be snappy at them for that. As for Betty, she had endured her rude attitude for years, and now that she knew she had a way out, she felt like she could tell her off without worrying about the consequences. She was rude and a bit out of line, yeah. Also, she kind of feels superior to them because of her magic.
I'm so glad you like my style and you enjoy reading my story, that's what I'm aiming for, after all. I hope you continue reading!
Thank you for reviewing ;* Report Review
Good chapter. Too bad Lea can't get a bit more information, but I guess all in due time.
I was sad to see she had such a riff tight before she left. AND I'm looking forward to knowing was her "sealed fate" means.
Happy writing, Lauraf68Author's Response: Hey, again!
Professor McGonagall certainly is reluctant to give out information! She doesn't know what to tell Lea about her parents, because of the Sirius situation. She and Dumbledore don't want her to start her magical life with the knowledge that her father is a criminal.
Anyway, I'm glad you like it, and you'll find what her sealed fate means in due time :)
Hope you keep on reading! ;* Report Review
I like that you made it obvious that McGonagall isn't ready to trust Lea yet because of who her father is, without coming striaght out and saying it.
Your story is looking very promising.(:Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for reviewing :) Report Review
I really liked her cat :) I would have thought maybe McGonnagal would have loosened up a little more with her after getting a cat, since she can turn into one, but this worked too. I really wonder what year she'll end up being in, she seems like she could be a little older than Harry, but then you mentioned Gilderoy Lockheart. Lolol, that reminds me of my favorite line in this chapter :
"Gilderoy Lockhart…" Lea read out loud. "He seems important."
lolol. Great job, good luck with this, just remember to check for spelling and grammar and you'll be fine. For example you said "cloak" instead of Clock at the beginning of the chapter.
Good job :)Author's Response: She will loosen up a little bit in the next chapter, I promise. She just a little weary of Lea. Yes, Lea is born in the same year as Harry, but in december, which means she will still be in the year below Harry. Sadly. Ahaha, Gilderoy... poor bloke, there's going to be a lot of fun with him further in the story. I promise.
And I will go back and fix the mistakes I see. Thanks for pointing it out!! :)
And thanks for reviewing! You are wonderful!! Report Review
Aww, this is very cute. I'm very interested where this story could go :) I did notice a few spelling and grammar errors, the trick with the spelling ones are that they are still words, but just the wrong ones for the sentence. For example you said how the other kids in the orphanage were "resigned to their faith" when I think you meant 'fate' just things like that. I thought this was a great opening though, good job!Author's Response: Aww, thank you! About those spelling and grammar mistakes - I did download a grammar checker and so on, but it wants to fix my spelling of colour and favourite and those, you know? It seems that it's only for American English, so I stopped using it all together. I'll have to find a new one, or a beta. I'll go back and reread it though and fix the mistakes that I see.
Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
I loved this very much!Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! I'm glad you like it! Report Review
What an eventful day for Lea, huh? And it's only half over. I felt that Professor McGonagall was a bit curt with Lea, I would have thought that she would explain things a bit more thoroughly, like Hagrid did with Harry.
I did really enjoy the scene with the cat, great choice! It would have been my choice too, even though in real life Im allergic. I always thought it strange to have an owl when could use school owls and Toads and rats just arent very cuddly.
All in all this is shaping up to be a good story and I am looking forward to the next chapter to see if McGonagall answers some of Lea's questions or even some that Lea doesn't realize she has yet. :-)
Keep up the good work, Happy Writing!! ~~Lauraf68Author's Response: Hello again!
McGonagall is a little bit curt and distant, but she's a bit.. weary of Lea, shall we say. She will loosen up a little bit once they have the change to sit down and talk.
And yes, she will answer questions, whether she likes it or not. Lea's pretty persistent! :)
Thanks for leaving a review again!! ;** Report Review
Good Day Sundowner,
Very interesting chapter you have here. I would even venture to say maybe the beginning to an interesting story. I think this chapter it is well written, although a bit short. I would like to have seen a tad more interraction between Dumbledore and Lea.
I shall wait for more then? Yes! Happy Writing! - Lauraf68Author's Response: Good day to you too, lovely reviewer :))
Thank you for your kind words! Yes, the chapter is a bit short, sorry for that. The next will be much longer I promise. As for Dumbledore and Lea.. I still have difficulty writing Dumbledore so I thought I should end things in the quickest way possible before I messed up something. But I plan on having them interact more in the future, if that's what you're interested in knowing. :))
Yes, I have the chapter ready, but I have to wait for my other story's new chapter to be validated before I can post it.
Thank you for reviewing ;) :** Report Review
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