Reading Reviews for Enchanting Chaos
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by classicblack Faded Glamour

14th September 2012:
Hi there it's Ali with your review!

I really like Spencer's sarcasm and wit. It truly demonstrates her fiery personality and a very fun main character. I enjoyed reading the little part where Spencer and James Potter were talking because it was full of sass and sarcams. Nice job!

Speaking of James Potter, he seems like a bit of a prat. But not a James Potter I prat, more like a Percy Weasley prat, you know what I mean? He could dislike Spencer and Scorpius because, being an older sibling, he doesn't like Albus's friends or it could be because he's actually a prat. It doesn't really sit well with me because I feel like Harry wouldn't have raised James to be that kind of person, but I'll have to see where you go with his character. I can't exactly base my opinion on James on about three lines of dialogue, haha.

I think the main thing that you should focus on is explaining things and including details. For example, I would have liked to know how the rocket prank was supposed to work. You mentioned something about the carriage fillling with sherbet something, but I didn't really know what went wrong exactly. In addition, when Spencer went to talk to Rose in the Great Hall how/when did she get there? One minute she was fighting over garlic bread at the Ravenclaw table and the next she was talking to Rose, who had either been joined by Spencer at the Gryffindor table or joined Spencer at the Ravenclaw table. My point is, how did the two girls get next to each other? Unless, of course, they were just shouting the conversation across the Great Hall, which somehow I doubt ;) It doesn't hurt to add more detail and your chapters aren't that long so you can get away with it!

In the future, ensure that you give more detail as to why Spencer was chosen as prefect. As a prankster, she had to have shown some kind of potential and I'd like to know what it is because I haven't seen it in her character yet.

I loved the humor of the garlic bread fight! It was really funny! I also liked how you ended the chapter on a cliffhanger, leaving a reader wondering what kind of devious thing Spencer has come up with this time.

Nice job! Have a great day!
Happy writing,
classicblack from the forums

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Review #2, by classicblack Planning Chaos

14th September 2012:
Hey there it's Ali with your review!

The opening line was really brilliant. It immediately caught my attention. I wanted to know why and what was always her wand. It just opened up a world of questions and questions, when coming from the right source, are always excellent in a story.

The dialogue felt a bit forced in the beginning of the chapter. You seemed to loosen up a bit towards the end but it didn't feel totally natural. It felt like someone was writing dialogue as opposed to the characters speaking it. I'd suggest practicing writing scenes, but you'll always improve the farther you get into the story :)

I love that Spencer is a troublesome Ranveclaw. So many times the Ravenclaws are portrayed as goody-two-shoes and just the generally geeky kids (Luna is an entirely different category). I liked how Spencer sort of defied the stereotype, especially as the role of prankster and troublemaker is so often reserved for Gryffindors.

I noticed a few typos and mixed up words. You switched words (like "weather" and "whether") and misspelled a few things. Nothing too major, though.

Sometimes you mention ideas and occurences and then don't elaborate on them further, which can confuse a reader. For example, you mentioned that something happened "last time" with the House Point counters. What happened? Was Spencer responsible for it? Also, why was Spencer's family fussing over her brother? Is he a first year or is it just because he's younger? Just little details help fill up Spencer's character better.

I really enjoyed how you provided an insight into Spencer's character without actualy coming out and describing her. She's impatient because she didn't wait for her family, forgetful because she keeps losing her wand, and strong-willed because she pushed through the crowd. She's also a prankster, but that was more told than hinted at.

Overall, very well done chapter!
Happy writing,
classicblack from the forums

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Review #3, by WickedMind Planning Chaos

27th August 2012:
This is amazing

Author's Response: Hey Vicky!
That was an amazing review!
I'm joking, it was lovely and even if HPFF didn't send me the whole thing, you did. I love it and I have already replied to it but this is just another way of saying thank you.
Emma


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Review #4, by academica Planning Chaos

25th August 2012:
Hey! Stopping by for Review Tag :)

I like your OC, and I like the concept of the story. Next-gen prankster stories aren't really anything new, but it's nice to see Scorpius being portrayed as a jokester instead of James or Fred II. I also didn't notice any big problems with technical errors (grammar, spelling, and punctuation). I think my main critique at this point would be that I think you could include more imagery and slow the action down a little to improve the flow. For example, I would have liked to see more detail about what kinds of ideas Spencer and Scorpius generated on the train. I also felt like the ending sentence was a little bit abrupt and might have served better as a starting sentence to the next chapter. Overall, though, this looks like the start of an interesting story :)

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you for stopping by.
They really aren't are they? I hope later though, mine will escape a few cliches.
I was really worried about that actually. I know in my next chapter I explained things a bit more but I'll go back and edit through this one. I have a bit of a problem with being too concise.
I'll take a look at that sentence, if I re write part of it anyway, I would end up changing it anyway.
Thank you for taking the time to review. It was really helpful. :)
Emma


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