Reading Reviews for Road Works
  
23 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Crescent Moon  Avoiding Consequences

11th November 2013:
I'm loving this story. So funny, I really can't wait to see what happens next.

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Review #2, by AriesGirl40 Avoiding Consequences

29th September 2013:
WoW, I think girl needs an intervention. One kiss really has her unhinged lol
Very good chapter :)

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Review #3, by randomwriter Sanders, Gemma Sanders.

28th September 2013:
Hello :)

I really liked how you started off the story. It's really interesting and funny! Nextgen is my favourite era, so I was really drawn to this.

Can I just say that I LOVE your OC, Gemma. Her voice is so refreshing and funny, and I love the little witty remarks she makes :P Also, I think I can relate to her because I think like how you've written her. A lot.

And I HATE MORNINGS. Forget 10! Anything before noon should not exist.

I alos love my toast, though I certainly am not creepily obsessed with it like she is. Of course, toast+butter is heaven, but I wouldn't kill for it :P Most people are scary to be around before they get their morning fill of caffeine. It's funny to see how toast has the same effect on Gemma :P The part about her wanting to steal a crumb off a plate if possible, got me laughing :D

James is so typical and I love him too. Mischievous, scheming and conniving... what's not to love, eh?

Anyway, there are a couple of typos here and there (for example, there's a 'no' instead of a 'not' somewhere and you've left out a word or two in a couple of place), but apart from that, this is a great story and I really enjoyed it.

Great work :P

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Review #4, by SexyDoorFrames Unexpected

3rd September 2013:
Oh Gemma, why does thou have to run away! She should have kissed him! I did like his confession, filled me with fuzzies. You need to write the next chapter, I will poke you until you do. You have nothing to worry about at all. Your story is perfect and there is nothing to worry about how it is written. I'm really enjoying the characters you've created. So get writing the next chapter missy!

-snuggles-

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Review #5, by SexyDoorFrames Mistakes

3rd September 2013:
Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Oo, they kissed! I like it! I wonder what James meant when he said 'remember what I said little bro' And I wonder why Albus kissed her. Things have gotten very interesting and I can't wait to see how all this turns out! Xxx

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Review #6, by SexyDoorFrames Herbology Turmoil

3rd September 2013:
This is amazing, you're amazing. I like this. It does not suck, you lied to me! I love it. Gemma is my new bff. Okay! And I like your versions of the boys, they're interesting and this story is making me giggle and cheering me up. Love you lovely! Xx

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Review #7, by Lady of Tears Traumatized Collars

3rd September 2013:
I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this review! But I'm here now!

I thought you did a good job with the flow of this chapter. With just two scenes, that really don't have a lot of action, I thought you balanced things well and gave us a good amount of information. I liked the shorter paragraphs, as one of my pet peeves is really long blocks of text. I just get really distracted that way.

I think your characterization is consistent, and I think Gemma is very likeable.

I was confused with Albus having grey eyes, and I think the biggest thing you could work on is your sentence structure. It will bring a lot of clarity to your story, I think!

Great job!

-Lady of Tears

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Review #8, by AlexFan Party Prep

27th August 2013:
It turns out that I'd already reviewed the first three chapters of this and this was the closest one that I hadn't reviewed so here I am! Anyway, I'll just leave a review on this chapter since it's the one that I'm focusing on.

I can't really comment a lot on the flow because from my point of view it was pretty good. There were only mild interruptions throughout which just small typos like 'noise' instead of 'nose' and other things like that.

Now for how realistic it is that's a yes and a no for me. The realistic part is that roping in your friends to help you plan a party is something that I can understand and that any teenager throwing a party has probably done. The part that I find a little bit unrealistic is throwing a part because you broke up with a girl.

To me it just doesn't really make any sense to have an entire party around that with your entire house there to celebrate with you. I would understand it if the girl was horrible and mean and James and his friends were glad to see her go (I can't remember if she was mean, it's been a while since I read the story) but even then, would it really be necessary to have an entire party and alcohol just to celebrate that?

I like the characterization that you've got going on in the story. Your characters have normal personalities, they're regular teenagers. I've seen so many stories where the characters are either too dramatic or quirky or something like that so this was a breath of fresh air.

None of the characters are mean and rude for no reason at all, they all get along and even when they do argue it's the way that friend's argue. I'm trying to put this into words but basically what I'm saying is that I like the fact that everyone gets along and there isn't any unnecessary drama happening.

I'm not the best person on sentence structure and all that but I like the fact that you have sentences of varying lengths, they're not all long or all short and your paragraphs aren't huge either.

Anyway, good job and I gotta go now!

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Review #9, by Lady of Tears Sanders, Gemma Sanders.

19th August 2013:
I'm here with your requested review.

Right off the bat I have to say that your characters are enjoyable. I liked reading Gemma, and she's certainly got spunk. I can relate to her love of toast.

I also enjoyed James and Al. You asked about being cliche, and I'm not a good judge of that since I don't read a lot of Nex-Gen stuff normally. But I've been reviewing quite a bit, and so for James and Al are different from most of the others I've read. So that's a good thing.

I think you can just really flesh them out even more, and put lots of good description to beef things up. Really make us excited to see the world the way Gemma sees it.

Your structure looked good; I think you're doing a good job!

-Lady of Tears

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Review #10, by Callum Unexpected

9th August 2013:
I Love This Chapter Can You Please Update Soon

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Review #11, by Calypso  Sanders, Gemma Sanders.

3rd June 2013:
Hello! Here from the Ravenclaw Review Battle!

Ahaha- Gemma made me laugh! She was very relatable (I totally understand her problem with mornings! And hot buttered toast is the best thing :P) I love her chatty, relaxed narration, and the way it's sort of like she's talking the reader. That doesn't always work, but you pulled it off!

You intrigued me right away with that description of her lying in the Quidditch stands trying to spy on the Ravenclaws! I really liked the way this chapter was structured, with the majority of it being an explanation of how she ended up where she was at the beginning- that was clever.

I'm shocked that James would resort to such dreadful blackmail :P He seems like a very interesting character so far, although I did think that you could have explained him and Gemma a little more- like are they friends? How well do they know each other?

Just spotted a typo: "Facing the head of biased head of Slytherin"- I think there's an extra "head of" there!

Another think that I really liked about this was how you really brought details of Hogwarts into the narrative- like when the staircases wouldn't take her where she wanted them to, and the reference to Professor Binns! I think Hogwarts works in the books because it's so chaotic, and random, and you really managed to bring that through!

I thought this was a really great first chapter! I already like Gemma, and I'm sure that being trapped between Albus and James where Quidditch is involved is going to make things interesting for her!

-Bethany

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Review #12, by -BookDinosaur- Sanders, Gemma Sanders.

3rd June 2013:
I'm here for the Ravenclaw review battle. Team Blue every time!

I really liked this chapter. Gemma was a fun character to read about and I think your writing complemented her very well. :) The writing was light and easy to read, I whizzed through it and got to the bottom of the page in no time.

I liked your characterisation of Gemma-at the moment she just seems like an adorable, overgrown child. Commando crawling? And I completely understand her love of buttered toast, I share some of it myself. ;)

The CC I would give you, though, is to try and stop all the run-on sentences, because I noticed a lot of sentences which lasted three lines or so, where it could easily have been a couple of separate sentences.

All in all, a good first chapter that made me want to keep reading.

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Review #13, by AlexFan Herbology Turmoil

22nd April 2013:
You know how Gemma said that she knew she didn't taste good because she'd tried it. I'm interested to know what happened that caused her to, for lack of a better word, take a bite out of herself. At the same time though, I'm a little bit scared of what the answer will be.

Author's Response: Haha, that's a long story, a funny one but a long one. I might make a collection of one-shots from around this story so you never know, you might find out about it then :)

Thank you so much for the review it was lovely :)


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Review #14, by potter number 1  Mistakes

22nd April 2013:
this is a great chapter i hope the next chapter is even better.

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Review #15, by AlexFan Traumatized Collars

22nd April 2013:
Wow, Gemma is a really bad liar, really bad. I'm surprised the Ravenclaws didn't eat Gemma on sight or anything (no disturbing images meant, I didn't mean it literally).

Just a couple of CC, you had some awkwardly phrased sentences in there that made it difficult to understand what you were trying to say that I would suggest fixing. Also, why does Albus have grey eyes?

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Review #16, by AlexFan Sanders, Gemma Sanders.

22nd April 2013:
The entire time that James was bribing Gemma I kept chanting in my head "GRAB THE TOAST AND RUN!" That's what I would've done. Just grabbed the toast and ran away laughing like a maniac. I'm with Gemma though, butter on toast is so good!

Anyway, awesomesauce first chapter and I can't wait for the rest!

Author's Response: Haha, that's exactly what I would have done aswell. Though with Gemma, common sense and intelligent plans sort go out the window when toast is involved. It is more of a "That's toast, I want it. Must get it now." It leaves here rather easy to bribe cause she doesn't understand that grabbing and running is far easier then agreeing.

Glad you liked it and thanks for the review :)


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Review #17, by Wistful Sanders, Gemma Sanders.

20th April 2013:
I approach with the full intent to fulfill my pinky swear and write a review for my beloved Stephy who apparently writes quite amazingly although she's never told me her of her brilliant writing skills. I feel slightly deceived.

This was a brilliant read, and I could definitely, definitely connect with our lovely main character. Following her through her little Quidditch-y adventure that gets her between two siblings, son of the most famous man in the Wizarding World, is bound to be fun - or at least interesting.

From what I've seen or heard, usually this ends up with nothing but trouble, and it looks like this might just apply in this chapter. Looking to see this trouble - just can't wait. Of course, doesn't look like I need to.

Like I was saying earlier, I adore this main character. She connects to me, and she probably connects to most readers which is a good thing.

I'm sure we can all agree that anytime before 10 AM (or maybe more of 12 PM) should not ever, ever exist, and I was delighted to see this character shares my view. Reading the books, I always felt sorry for the characters during morning. As it's school, they have to wake up at a ridiculous hour, get dressed which takes longer for girls according to polls, and then have to run down a magical castle with moving, long flights of stairs to breakfast. Doesn't sound like a blast, does it?

So I love you gave us a glimpse of this perspective - was a fabulous idea.

Although I'm going to disagree with the whole 'bias'd head of House.' As this is the next generation, one can reasonably assume that Snape's dead and Slughorn is bound to be either retired or dead by now, and Professor McGonogalll (or whomever is the headmistress or headmaster) is unlikely to hire anyone like Snape's bias'd-ness. Maybe an unpleasant figure might be the Head of Slytherin but maybe not bias'd. Also have to add - the Potions professor isn't always the Head of that House. Really, if this professor was recently hired, he probably isn't the Head of House at all.

To finish this up, I would fix some grammar errors with quotation marks and capitalization, but altogether I really loved your story and it put a smile on my face. Keep updating! :3

-Wistful

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Review #18, by MaryAnn Party Prep

4th April 2013:
I really like the story so far!! Gemma is a Hilarious character that you love right away! I wonder what unfolds in the next chapter!!

Author's Response: Aw, I'm glad you like it. Gemma is definitely amusing to write and I'm glad that other people can see how entertaining she can be :)

Thank you so much for the review. :)


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Review #19, by mrsronaldweasley262 Party Prep

4th April 2013:
OMG IS IT AL WHO WANTS TO PROFESS HIS LOVE FOR GEMMA?!

I love the story by the way! I like Gemma, she's a cool character :D

Author's Response: Telling you would spoil the next chapter wouldn't it... I couldn't possibly do that. :P
I'm glad you like her, she is definitely one of my favourite characters to write as. She just has so much spirit and is a joy, she makes writing interesting.

Thank you for the review, it made me smile to know you like the story :)


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Review #20, by Callum Party Prep

3rd April 2013:
Please Update The Last Past Was Cryptic So I Think It Involves Something With Albus So Please Update Quick.

Author's Response: Well you never know ;) it could be some completely different person that James and Rose happen to be great friends with.

I'll get the chapter up as soon as I can and thank you so much for the review :)


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Review #21, by Me_is_Anni Party Prep

3rd April 2013:
I love this story. It makes me happy.
But that end bit (I know its supposed to be like cryptic and stuff) it kinda sounds like theyre gonna rape her or kill her or something. Im scared for her. Apart from that, brilliant work. Keep it up ;)

Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad you like it, trust me, nothing bad will happen to little Gemma, I just like suspense too much (Guilty pleasure). I shall hopefully have another chapter in the queue by the end of the week so everything will be explained soon.

Thank you so much for the review, it made my day :)


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Review #22, by BeaJerry Sanders, Gemma Sanders.

2nd September 2012:
hey! it's beajerry from the ravenclaw review battle, here with your review!
(can i just apologize in advance for my lack of capitals, the 'shift' button is broken.)
so it's a good start to a next-gen; quidditch, the two potter boys, a funny narrative and a plot already. i've only read the first chapter, but it's shaping up to be like any other next-gen romcom- quidditch, the two potter boys, a funny narrative and a plot. this is good and all, and don't get me wrong, i'm excited to read the next chapter, but i just wish that you'll avoid the typical next-gen potter/oc stereotypes in this story.
the narrative is funny, but not funny enough to the opening seven paragraphs of an un-interrupted monologue. personally, i like the opening chapter to really draw me in- humour, an introduction and sly description of the narrator and her relationship with james- which will make me eager to read the next chapter. all this chapter has going for it is a slight cliffhanger.
but hopefully all will be introduced in chapter two?
anyway. it's a good start, but i'm just hoping you'll avoid the typical nextgen cliches in order to make this really special. hopefully more characters, wit, descriptions and humour will be featured in the next chapter, too.
TEAM BLUE!
bea xo

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Review #23, by louise_loves_hp Sanders, Gemma Sanders.

20th August 2012:
AW this story has just pulled me in. I really enjoyed reading it, I could really see the realness of Gemma. But I just cant wait to see what Al says to her. Oh and commando crawling that's very different. I loved that there was so many moments that I really had a laugh at but there wasn't too meany to distract me from the story. I cant wait for the next chapter.

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