This one-shot was great! There was no places in the story that I thought "when did this happen" I wouldn't have realized that this was a spin off from a longer story if you hand't of told me.
There are a few errors that need sorting out, while there are no grammar or spelling mistakes (I think, i'm terrible at spotting them ;) ) I feel as if in some places you should have made a new paragraph rather than just starting on a new sentence, here for instance; "Itís easier to find good-looking clothes in Paris or Rome nowadays, I think. I walk up to the entrance and hand..."- where the sentence ends after ", I think" you should have started a new paragraph, this in some parts made the story drag a little to much.
I love how you didn't put any Speech into the one-shot and made it all from entirely Narcissa's head. I also feel as if her thoughts were believable. Any mothers thoughts after their son has just turned gay would be confused in thinking "did they ever know their son?" which i thought your brought across very strongly.
The characters that you created were excellent. I always thought of Draco having a wife who always follows what he says and its very imaginable that he would storm off after finding out he had a gay son and then finally realizing that they should talk to him about it after a few days/weeks/ months.
I give this story and 8/10
- kjpAuthor's Response: Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad that you found it easy to read and understand this without reading the original story.
Thanks for pointing out about the paragraphs. I will look at that and maybe change some things.
that was wonderfull really enjoyed itAuthor's Response: Thank you! :-) Report Review
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