Reading Reviews for {insert evil laugh}
  
28 Reviews Found

Review #1, by navyfail four. detention with a dipwad

20th January 2014:
Wow, this chapter had a lot of character development in it. I'm starting to like Laila more and more. And Zabs is a great friend! Oh and we finally get to meet James.

Who's the blonde boy though?

Lovely chapter!

~Sama

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Review #2, by navyfail three. not fit for this class

20th January 2014:
Oh, first day of classes! And she already has detention... poor her. And Professor Penderghast doesn't seem fun. I mean now that I think about it he has 'ghast' in his last name like ghastly which means horrid, lol. And I still ship Al with that camera.

She wants to be a Quidditch player. She should definitely try out. I mean it doesn't hurt to try, right?

Also I noticed a couple things with dialogue:

"Oh, shut it Al." I said, exasperated.

"Fine." I say throwing my hands up.

you feel better." I said.

You see, the quotations can be fixed slightly. Usually when there is dialogue followed by 'he said' or 'she said' or 'she exclaimed' there is a comma beforehand. So it should read like "Oh, shut it Al," I said, exasperated. And "Fine," I say throwing my hands up. And:...you feel better," I said.

Also one more thing:

"father from the library" I think you meant to say 'farther' instead of 'father'.

Anyway, the story is coming along well!! I can't wait to see what's next. "D

~Sama

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Review #3, by navyfail two. moose poop

20th January 2014:
Hi, I'm back again!

Draco being scared of car rides. Well.. isn't that cute, haha. Oh, and Al is introduced. He seems sweet and very, very smart (getting all O's and an E). Jasper sounds like the person you would want to hug and Zabs seems like the burly guy who has a kind heart. I can't get much of a feel on Scorpius yet since he was only there in the beginning.

And Laila and I definitely have a similarity... our love for chocolate! :) She seems like she's bright in school but just doesn't try hard enough. And wow she got an O in Divination!

Great chapter. :D

~Sama

P.S. And I totally ship Al and the camera. ;)

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Review #4, by navyfail a beginning of sorts

20th January 2014:
Sankavi! Hey, it's Sama (rebel_heart@tda)!

The username/penname sounded familiar and then it clicked. And your summary is very good too (it also helps that Genelia D-Souza is on the banner haha)!

This is a short chapter but a good introductory one. I like how easy going your character seems. Even though I don't know her much yet, through the words I can tell she's great. Gryffindors and their pride. Come on guys, it isn't that hard to be friends. But I'm glad she had Scorpius and found Al too. And she is not Astoria's kid? Hmm... then who's kid is she? Is there some sort of scandal in all of this?

Overall, super first chapter!! :)

~Sama

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Review #5, by Loop four. detention with a dipwad

17th January 2014:
IVE MISSED YOU!!! (I didnt mean for that to sound as creepy as it did hahaha)

IM SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER and TRYOUTS!! I can't wait!
Please UPDATE SON!!

Author's Response: HELLO *waves enthusiastically*

nope, not creepy at all! :) i hoping to update more often now (an you know, not leave you hanging for like six months haha)

just started writing the tryouts scene. I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO READ IT :D i have final exams this week, so it'll probably be at least another two weeks before i can update.

but so glad that you're excited!

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #6, by maskedmuggle two. moose poop

29th December 2013:
Hey again Sankavi!

First off, I have to apologise for the super long wait.. I was sick and just ended up taking a break pre and during christmas from reviewing.. but I'm back now! Aside from that though, I was definitely looking forward to reading chapter 2 and finding out more about Laila! :)

Plot - I'll be very frank and say that I've probably read a chapter like this many, many times before, (traveling to King's Cross, boarding the train, meeting the other characters, etc), but I guess you can't really avoid that if you really want to start right at the beginning of the year. However, I did quite like how you wrote it here. You managed to keep it quite interesting to read though, it flowed well, and I particularly liked how bits of it was quite comical, such as Laila waking Scorpius up with the horn. (I can just imagine how amusing that would be!)

Characters - I'm getting more of a sense of Laila as a character which is great! The one thing I'm a bit doubtful of is how her friends just happens to be 3 males - this kind of thing seems to happen quite a lot in fics that are similar to yours, so if you were concerned about how 'cliche' or unique your story might be, this is probably something to be aware of. As for the other characters - I like Al, Zabs and Jasper - kudos to you for their cool names (I really like how unique Zabs is in particular, without it going overboard). I definitely felt a strong sense of friendship and closeness in their OWL conversation, which is great. I'm not sure if I ship Al and his camera just yet :P (probably need to see a bit more of that before I do), but I do really like it - I don't actually see cameras featuring that much in hpff at all, apart from with Colin stories! Oh, and Penderghast sounds really delightful :P I'm looking forward to reading the potential conflict in Laila discussing her schedule with him (assuming this might come up in the next chapter).

I only picked up 2 little things throughout this chapter: In "Scorpius.. is total bore" it's just missing and 'a', so that it reads "is a total bore". Secondly, you're missing the capital on the second time you mention "Kings cross" ;) So yay this was a well written chapter!

Overall, the main issue I'd have with this chapter/your story is that the first 2 chapters bear quite a strong resemblance to many other next-gen fics that I have read. I guess there's not too much you can do about that unless you completely restructured your fic.. which would take a huge deal of effort (and I'm pretty sure you probably don't want to do that), but disregarding that, this is a solid chapter. It does feel a bit dull because I'm not reading anything super new.. I would say that I'm engaged in this story, but I probably won't find myself super hooked until the "main plot" comes into play - as in, when Laila starts proving that she's not the Malfoy everyone thinks she is. So your opening chapters both feel quite introductory and "filler" type chapters before I reach the main plot, but nevertheless, they are interesting to read through and they do serve its purpose well in introducing the characters and the situation for the rest of your novel :)

So I really hope that wasn't too harsh - I do think you're off to a good start for the rest of the novel - my main critique was that if your main aim was a super original or unique novel with this, then you should probably be aware of the stuff I pointed out.. but if your main aim is to write a great fic to read, then so far you're well on the right track! :) Let me know if there's any problems/feel free to discuss anything further with me, etc. I did really enjoy reading this though and I hope this helps!
- Charlotte/maskedmuggle :)

Author's Response: Hi Charlotte! I hope you got better and had a wonderful holidays :)

Ah, yes, the plot. I may have been going for original when I first started writing this fic, but now it's like you said, just writing a good fic to read. The beginning won't be changing abytime soon (as I have no idea how else to start this story XD ) but maybe sometime in the future I might edit it into something different :)

I wasn't aware that the 3 males thing happened a lot. :P (well, now that I think about it, i kind of see it) For this story, and you'll probably notice as you read more, it's laila and al who are the closest and then the 'trio' is scorpius, zabs,a nd jasper. Zabs and Jasper are more like family to Laila (and i don't think i've mentioned it yet and it's not really a big fact but jasper is pansy's son). I'll keep an eye on it though and make sure it stays pretty realistic and not too much like other stories.

I'm glad you like the characters and their friendship! I loved writing the train scene because that was their first interaction you got to see and you get to read about the different dynamics and stuff. I put a lot of thought into how the five of them would be with each other because I wanted each person to kind of bring something different to the group with out making all of them follow a certain stereotype or have them be too extreme :P

I'm suprosed that the camera doens't get featured more often in stories. I find it really interesting that in this world that is so magical, you have this device that's just super muggle-y. You will ship it. Eventually, you will. THAT IS MY CHALLENGE >D. Yup, Penderghast comes up in the next chapter!

Thank you for pointing out the grammar mistakes. No matter how many times I read it through, i still miss things . . .

Yeah, not much I can do about the beginning at this point . . . but hopefully it'll get better? The next chapter should start getting into the plot a bit, or at least get the ball rolling a little.

Thank you so much for this; it wasn't harsh at all! I like how you tell it as it is (it's what I prefer). These reviews are very insightful and helpful for me, and totally be on the lookout for a request ;)

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #7, by LightLeviosa5443 four. detention with a dipwad

16th December 2013:
Hey! Round 2!

This chapter was way way way way better than the last one! Ah! I loved it!

I can't wait to find out how Laila does on her quidditch try outs!

Oh and was that blonde hair that put the plate down in front of her Scorp?

I hate how mean everyone is to Laila, I felt so bad when her bed was all torn apart! Though when I read the words wrecking ball I could think of was the song. Darn that Miley Cyrus. What's up with her and James? Does she like him?

Anyway, this chapter was incredible, I honestly can't find a single critique to give you, other than be careful when making edits because you have some extra spaces especially before and after the line breaks! So just keep an eye on that!

Can't wait for the next chappie! Great job!

xoxo LL

Author's Response: Thank you!! Tryouts are in the next chapter, which I'll try and get into the queue once it opens up again. Yup, that blondie was le Scorp (maybe i should make that more clear *runs off to edit it*) As for James, I can't say anything . . .

No edits? Really?!?! Sorry about the spaces, not really sure how that happens :/

Thank you so much for this review and can't wait for you to read the next one!!

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #8, by LightLeviosa5443 three. not fit for this class

16th December 2013:
Hi! Thanks for the re-request and I'm glad you liked my reviews!

I really loved the banter between Al and Laila this chapter, they're such cute friends!! I really like the dynamics that you showed between them and I can't wait to see how their friendship (or maybe not friendship?) develops!

Is Laila going to try out for quidditch? Ooh can't wait to read that scene!!!

On to chapter 4.

xoxo LL

Author's Response: I LOVE writing Laila and Al's freindship. In this story they will be only a freindship and nothing else, but that doesn't mean Laila won't have someone else ;) And yes, she will tryout for quidditch! (in chapter 5 i think?)

thank you so much for this, off to read your other one!

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #9, by maskedmuggle a beginning of sorts

12th December 2013:
Hi Sankavi!

Here from the forums for your requested review. Sorry about the week long wait, I hope it wasn't too much of a bother! Firstly, your opening chapter definitely does a good job of introducing Laila to the reader. I think I do get a good sense of who she is as a person which is awesome, and I do feel quite intrigued on reading on and finding out more!

There's not really that much on to comment on, plotwise, as this chapter is quite short and generally focused on Laila's personal thoughts/narration. You do set up a vague idea of what the plot will be for the novel with how Laila has decided to show everyone "that I'm not the Malfoy everyone thinks I am." as she enters sixth year, with is great because it gets readers interested! I do hope that somewhere in your story you mention why it is in her sixth year that she has finally decided to reveal her real identity and what has influenced her to decide this. Hope that makes sense!

Characterisation... I have to admit that Laila does seem like a character that I've probably read about in other fanfics before.. but this is only the opening chapter and this small glimpse probably doesn't reflect her whole personality. However, I have to say that her personal voice in this chapter is definitely very strong and interesting to read - and she seems like quite a likeable character. The thing that made me feel as if I've read about a character like Laila before is how I've read plenty of other fanfics starting out in a very similar way: a personal narration introducing the character/family/background, etc. So to specifically answer your concern about whether it seems like you're just telling facts in this chapter.. it does seem that way to me, but there's nothing wrong with a chapter of facts and minimal plot if it's written well enough - which I think yours is. As such, despite how there's a lot of facts and how I feel like I've read this type of introduction before.. I find this a solid opening chapter that does the job well enough in convincing me, as a reader to read on (which I personally think is the main aim of an opening chapter).

A few quick spelling/punctuation/grammar errors: I believe death eater and quidditch should both be capitalised to read Death Eater and Quidditch. With the phrase "a charmer among girl" this would make better sense with the plural girls. With "...bullied.No", a space after the full stop is missing. Lastly, I think "But my eyes, those were Malfoy." sounds a bit strange as following "those were.." you'd be expecting an adjective but instead you've got Malfoy there - a noun. Maybe it might sound better reworded like this? But my eyes, those were of a Malfoy.

Lastly, this might be just a personal preference.. but I found that the multiple gaps between every line was a bit distracting. I feel like you could perhaps group two or three of the lines together sometimes? Or maybe reduce the two-line gaps to a one-line gap? This isn't really that much of an issue, just pointing it out (not sure if other people feel this way too or not). Overall though, I found this to be an interesting first chapter and you've written it quite well! One phrase that I absolutely loved was "I was a snake in red and gold robes." I never intend to write so much in my reviews but I hope this helps somehow! I enjoyed reading this :)

- Charlotte/maskedmuggle :)

Author's Response: That's fine! Sorry about replying to this so late :S

Yup, this isn't really a plot chapter as it is a prologue to get the ball rolling! I get what you mean. Her reason for doing it in her sixth year is kind of explained in the third (i think?) chapter.

I wrote the beginning to this a couple years back, hence why it may not sound so original (i was a 7th grader who was super into the cliche next gen stories(not that they were bad, but they were kind of repetitive)). I've just never been able to find a different way to start the story, which is why i'm keeping it like this for now, Hopefully I'll be comfortable enough later on to edit it because I feel the same way as you do about it.

Thanks for spotting the grammar error, will fix that ;)

Thank you so much for writing this review. I can tell you put a lot of thought into it, and sorry for being so late with my response >.<

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #10, by LightLeviosa5443 two. moose poop

10th December 2013:
Round 2! Woo!

I really enjoyed this chapter. I'm very pleased with your portrayal of Draco and Astoria, and I love how Astoria was talking to Harry and Ginny, brilliant job. I think Draco was especially spot on.

I like your introduction of characters, it's very interesting to see how everyone interacts. I feel bad for Laila, that no one wants to be friends with her, she seems like such a nice girl. And that teacher is so mean, but way to show the Professor up with those grades!

You said your Area of Concern was the characters and the introductions. Your characters are well introduced for the short amount of time we see them, and I think you do a good job of interwebbing everyone so that they interact realistically.

I really enjoyed reading this story, I hope you re-request! Thanks again for the request! Brilliant job!

xoxo LL

Author's Response: I wasn't sure how I should portray Draco. I didn't want him too be too cold, but at the same time I've read one too many stories where he's chums with the potters and weasleys (which canon wise probably would never happen), so thank you!

I really love writing Laila's friends and all their different dynamics and whatnot, so I wanted to make sure I introduced them properly. Thank you so much for doing this and a rerequest will be on its way shortly ;)

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #11, by LightLeviosa5443 a beginning of sorts

10th December 2013:
Hi! Thanks for requesting a review in my thread! I'll leave a longer review on chapter 2, but just wanted to do a couple of housekeeping things first.

I liked this chapter, it's definitely interesting! I can't wait to find out WHO Laila's mum is! I love how she's different from a typical Malfoy, the second she mentioned Scorpius being in Slytherin I knew she was going to get sorted into a different house, I just couldn't figure out what one.

Just a quick spelling error:

-In the first part of the story the main character is talking about Scorpius and she says someting that ends with "..and a charmer among girl." I think you need an 's' after the word girl.

Your ending to this story is wicked strong, great job!

xoxo LL

Author's Response: Ack, thank you for spotting the spelling error! I can't wait till people find out about her mum (but it'll be a while till we get to that . . .)

thanks for doing this and can't wait to read the next review!

(sorry i responded so late)

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #12, by 800 words of heaven a beginning of sorts

6th December 2013:
REVIEW TAG!

So sorry for the sort of late review - I had to go have dinner.

I think this is a very promising start to your story. It's very much like a prologue, rather than a chapter one. As readers, we know where we stand with the main character. She seems quite the loose cannon, which are my favourite types of cannons, incidentally.

Not funny? Okay. That's fine.

I'm looking forward to seeing how she fits into the Malfoy family tree and how she really handles being an outcast at school. I'm also excited about getting to know Scorpius and Albus!

Good start!

Author's Response: That's fine :)

It is actually a prolouge, but earlier I didn't like having the chapters not match up with the numbers and it was really irking me :/ (i did for a while have prologue/chapter 1 but thought that didn't look so great either . . )

She is kind of a loose cannon (and don't worry, you're totes funny ;) ) and you'll see a bit more of that in the chapters to come! I can't wait till you meet albus! (is it bad if i like him more than my main character? haha)

Thanks so much for the review!

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #13, by skylar three. not fit for this class

22nd September 2013:
Great story! Hope you update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Next chapter's up ;)

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #14, by Leannadrobisforever three. not fit for this class

21st September 2013:
I liked it. Please update soon.

Author's Response: Thanks love :) Next chapter is up ;)

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #15, by AlexFan a beginning of sorts

13th March 2013:
Even if this was short I already know a little bit about your main character which is great. As far as I saw there wasn't any grammar or punctuation errors so good job on that and I sincerely enjoyed reading the Prologue.

Author's Response:
Thank you, and thanks for the review love! xx

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #16, by Tonks1247 a beginning of sorts

7th March 2013:
Hello! I’m here from the BvB review battle [Welcome to Ravenclaw by the way! I am usually active on the forums but school likes me a bit too much this semester so I’m not on a lot…But I had the urge to review something…so here I am…and you probably didn’t need that whole explanation. Anyways. xD]

I absolutely adore how you opened this chapter.

“Lets get one thing straight here: there's nothing wrong with me.”

I mean, it’s a classic line that has me interested almost the second the words register in my brain. It leaves a million questions exploding in my brain [who is this character? Why should people find something wrong with her? What did she do? Etc.] and you only build off of it as you continue talking about the stories and rumour and how she’s normal despite those. I also love how you continue with this inner dialogue and put in place relationships before you name the character. It really helps me as a reader to get the feel of the character before learning too much about her. Though I will admit…you leave a lot of dangling pieces of information. She’s Scorpius’ brother but her mother isn’t Astoria. I can’t…who is her mum? I’m so curious. And you mention very few names [Scorpius and Albus being the only two, really] and you mention she’s not well liked by other Gryffindor’s…and all I can think is what caused this? Why is there such a…resistance to liking her by the other Gryffindor’s?

And don’t read that wrong! It’s definitely a good curiosity! All these questions swim around my mind and make me want to go on to the next chapter to learn more about Laila and her family and just everything. You really do give just enough information to pull me into the story and want to read more.

I do have a couple of grammar-y flow things that stuck out in this first chapter [I tend to be a bit nit-picky…but I mean it all for the best!]. First is the amount of fragmented sentences. I totally understand that fan fiction kind of loosens the reins when it comes to sentence structure but I found at some points the sentences seemed really disjointed because they would start with verbs and wouldn’t really have a subject…I’m not saying to cut them all out either. I’m just suggesting maybe cutting them back a bit to help with the flow of the chapter.

And this one is really nit-picky…in the first sentence, ‘lets’ should be ‘let’s’.

But despite both those things, this was a really wonderful chapter! I absolutely loved it and hopefully will have some time to read some more soon!

~Grimmerz

Author's Response: It's awesome that it perked up your curiosity! It's exactly what I wanted this chapter to do :) As for the grammar stuff, I'll read over it again and see what I can change.

Thanks so much for this review!

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #17, by Aphoride a beginning of sorts

5th March 2013:
Hey there - just popped over from the review battle (incidentally, welcome to the forums/archives and Ravenclaw, of course, since I don't think I've said that before ;D).

I have to say, first off, that reading this is slightly nostalgic for me, since the first fanfic I ever really wrote was a long-since-deleted story on another site about Scorpius Malfoy's older sister (who actually went to Durmstrang, shock of shocks) and ended up dating James Poter II. So yeah, it's kinda odd in a nostalgic, this-seems-somewhat-familiar way.

I really like the way you're using first person voice to do this. It's really allowing us to get to know Laila and her voice - the way she thinks, what she thinks, how she works, her personality, etc. Also, Laila herself seems like a good character. Although we haven't seen too much of her in this chapter, she seems fairly solid and pretty well thought-out, though I have to warn you away from making her too 'quirky'. OCs are nearly always quirky, you know - and she grew up with Draco, so that's not necessarily going to have been a bundle of laughs. Just something to keep an eye on, maybe ;)

I think it's really interesting the way that, while you've mentioned Scorpius and Al so far, you haven't mentioned any other friends (she must have some people who she talks to on occasion, right?) or her parents - in terms of what her relationship is with each of them. Particularly her parents, tbh. I'm really curious as to how the fact that her mother isn't Astoria, but she clearly lives with the family works out - it's going to make for a pretty interesting family dynamic behind the scenes, and probably quite a bit of angst, I imagine.

The one thing I would say is that, while you definitely leave us with a lot of questions after this (what is she going to do? How is this year going to be different from others? What's going to happen? How does James come into it?), you might want to give us a few more hints about what's to come. Yeah, we know she gets with James, but anything more than that? Does she take up Quidditch, get in trouble, become a prefect? Just coz I'm not too sure what's really going to happen - there's not that many hints, other than what's in the summary.

Also, maybe you could explain a bit more about how everything thinks she's such a Malfoy? Coz you said she doesn't look like one, she's only Scorpius' half-sister, she's in Gryffindor, friends with Al... I'm not really quite sure where that's coming from, tbh, and if you include mention of maybe people gossiping about who her mother is, why she looks so different, assuming that she's snobby because she doesn't want to talk to them or whatever, it would make that a little clearer.

Still, this looks like a really fun story. I like Laila's character and how she's not the typical OC or Malfoy's daughter, and I'm pretty interested in seeing where you take her from here... what exactly happens? How does she get with James? Where do Al and Scorpius come into it? Who's her mother? You've left a lot of questions in this... ;)

Aph xx

p.s. I hope I wasn't too harsh with what I said - I really didn't mean to be. I always try to give constructive criticism and review the way I would like to be reviewed (and offer suggestions and advice and stuff, you know), so I hope I was helpful - in some small way, at least :)

Author's Response: Hello! (and thank you)

Wow, was it really? I think I'll check it out later ;)

As for Laila, I will try not to make her too quirky. If you read farther on, you learn more about her character and who she is as a person :) (hopefully this answers your next question as well?)

Because this was the Prolouge, I didn't feel the need to get into to many details. I wanted the reader to learn these things about her as the story went on. Same thing goes for the mum thing. They way press perceives her will actually play a big part in the plot later on ;)

Thanks so much for the review and you were not harsh at all!!

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #18, by soapman333 a beginning of sorts

4th March 2013:
Wow, what an intriguing start.

Hello, I'm here for the review request :)

The narrative was quite smooth and very humorous. I see a lot of potential in both this story and your writing!

Now on to your characters:

Poor Laila, I feel for her :/ being an outcast at the school does not sound like a trip to a park.

Her mother isn't Astoria? Wow, this part really intrigued me. This just flares my wee curiosity friend that sits around on my lap, waiting for me to read mystery stories (That didn't make sense...I'm running off of coffee at this moment).

I think the part that really caught my attention (and I know it's just a small detail in your work) is where you mentioned that Gryffindors have too much pride to ridicule her, so they just ignore her. I don't know why I like this part so much...it just a unique aspect to your story!

Now, I hope this review wasn't complete rubbish,
soapman333

Author's Response: Hi :D

Intriguing? I have a wee friend as well named ego and you just fed him and, err, made him really fat. Yeah, we'll go with that . . . MOVING ON.

I love seeing people's reaction to the whole Astoria's not her mom thing because it honestly wasn't terribly jaw dropping to me when I wrote it. (but I must've thought so at the time because of the bird comment -.-)

As for the Gryffindor thing, I just don't think they're bullies even though many fanfic writers write them as such. But it's nice to see that you find that interesting :) There'll be more of that pride showing up later!

Thank you for this totally non rubbish review love! xx

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #19, by Bobby Dazzler a beginning of sorts

2nd March 2013:
Hi Sankavi, here for the BvB battle :)

So, this is your first fanfic? Welcome to the wonderful world of fanfic, you'll never leave now - not never want to leave, you will at some point, but its harder than it looks. Trust me, I've been doing it for nearly 10 years now lol. So, wishing you all the best and many, many fun times writing and many, many late night coffee induced insomniac sessions that are more fun than what they sound - they do happen. A lot.

Now, onto the story. First of all, you should remove that huge AN - I actually don't know how it got approved as it does kinda violate the ToS, so you should delete it before a validator comes across it and could potentially remove your chapter!!! Your first little AN is fine, but all the edits and snippets etc, they really do need to go :S

Now, onto Laila. She is obviously your OC, you've done a little bit to show us her character so far in terms of looks, history, likes and fears. You've done a good job telling us that so far in such a small first chapter. I'm looking forward to watching her character develop in the following chapters. I will admit though, I am not entirely sold on the mysterious sister/brother plot (as I said, I've been doing this a LONG time, I've seen it done many, many times before lol), so I'm hoping you can breathe some fresh air into a very overused plot bunny and give it your own unique spin. Wishing you luck! :)

Mysterious mother eh? That part confuses me, as obviously Draco knows she's his daughter, but therefore so would Astoria and Scorpius, but as for the rest of the wizarding world? Do they know that Laila isn't his, or are they under the assumption that Astoria is in fact her "mother"? Interesting to find out.

Would love to see a little more description find its way into your writing, just to build up the foundation for your plot and drag us readers more into your world. I will just say I am crossing my fingers and toes for you that you avoid turning your character into a Sue, as just from the generalized plot alone, this plotline does have the tendancy to breed them a lot. I hope you're one of the lucky few who avoid that fate :)

Keep up the good work, and enjoy your time writing fanfic, have fun! :) Bobby xx

Author's Response: Hi!

This is the first fanfic I've written, but I've been part of the hpff world for a good 8 years now :)

I've removed the edits, sorry about that!

Okay, so Laila IS Draco's daughter but is NOT related by blood to Astoria. Of course, after living pretty much her entire life with them, Astoria has become her mum to her. As for the press, they are under the assumption that Astoria is her mum and the thought of Laila having a different never even crossed their mind :)

It's funny because I'd never thought the whole mum deal would turn out so mysterious! The mum part was never a pivitol role in the plot in my head so it was strange to see everyone react to it in that way.

Thanks so much for the review. The crit helps alot!!

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #20, by patronus_charm a beginning of sorts

2nd March 2013:
Hello there I’m from the Ravenclaw review tag! I’m excited to read yours, as you made an awesome banner a couple of weeks ago, and whenever I see it, I still things it’s the coolest one ever. So thank you for that, and on with the review!

I have to admit I at first thought this was from Scorpius’s perspective, but I was pleasantly surprised, to see it was from his sisters. I’m not a big fan of the whole ‘Draco had another child’ stories, but this one seems to be off to a good start, due to the differences you’ve shown between them. I liked the idea of Laila and Scorpius not getting along, and there seems to be jealously there as well.

You seemed to have included some mystery as well, with Laila not being Astoria’s daughter, and the whole eating and hanging out with the Slytherin’s thing. I did find it a little confusing though, if she’s good friends with Albus, why was she always with the Slytherin, so that perhaps needs some clarification.

Other than that, I can see this story is off to an interesting start!

-Kiana!

Author's Response: Hello! Glad you liked the banner ;)

Laila and Sorpius do tend to fight alot (something you'll see in some upcoming chapters) and being in the same year doesn't help them at all :/ Somehow, i was able to make them keep the peace for two chapter but as I was writing the 4th i realized they were back at it again XD

and as for the Al thing, it's because he's in Slytherin :)

Thank you for the review!!

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #21, by ThebachelorisSTUPIDandiwillkillyouwiththepowerofmydisappoint a beginning of sorts

26th February 2013:
'K my inner, not so secret nerd can't handle not correcting you. Bear with me, not Bare with me. If there's other stuff I passed over, forgot about it, but I can see this one while I type the review so.
I'm totally reviewing your chapters in backwards order cuz I am Just. That. Freaking. AWESOME. So ha.
Gawd I don't want to go write that paper. But needs must and I really can't afford to become more sleep deprived than I already am so toodles!
*HEART*
P

Author's Response: yeha, uhm, you totally didn't put the thing that i need to correct in the review (expect a message on FB about that). and yeah awesome. he. hehehe. hehehehe. AND WRITE THAT PAPER WOMAN. if i can get off my butt to study for ap bio, you can totally write that essay. did i ever tell you how i'm gonna do the business pathway? well, the thing is, i HAVE to take computer apps 1 and 2 for that (this came up cuz we is starting forcasting soon) and ugh I DON'T WANT TO TAKE THAT STUPID CLASS >P

TOODLES M'DEARIE AND SHMANKS FOR TEH REVIEW

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #22, by The Blunt Phoenix a beginning of sorts

18th December 2012:
Hey Sankavi!

It's Rachel! I really like it so far! I can't wait to see how th characters and everything else develop. As I was reading, it was like I could hear you in my head haha (A good thing). I was also starting to remember all that you told me about it so many years ago and I was almost cackling in my head cause I'm like "haha I know what's going to happen next!!!"

Anyway. I can't wait to beta for you! Bye now!

Author's Response: Hahahaha, I kinda wonder what my voice sounds like to you now :D and oh god what have i created O.O

can't wait for your feedback on chapter two ;)

i would totally type more but these stupid keyboards at school are sticky >p i type like a cave man.

*sigh*

-Sankavi ^_^

ps. totes knew it was you because i is a ninja ;)

pps. actually its cause you told me your username

ppps. but i'm still a ninja.

pp.pps.okay bye.


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Review #23, by Meg a beginning of sorts

17th December 2012:
This is great! I love this idea. Who is her mother? Hermione? DRAMA CENTRAL!! Please keep going! :)

Author's Response: Thanks love!

I have i small idea of who her mom's gonna be but i'm not giving anything away now ;)

next chapter will be up after hols xx

Sankavi ^_^


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Review #24, by TimeSeer a beginning of sorts

17th December 2012:
This looks like it is going to be a great story by this opening.

The characters, and the little plot that has shown up, all look like this is going to be a good story.

I hope that you update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

After some serious writer block, i have finally finished the second chapter! it will be put in the queue when hols are over ^_^

glad you like it so far!

-Sankavi ^_^


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Review #25, by lol a beginning of sorts

5th September 2012:
Poor Laila... she seems awsome though. I liked it a lot and hope you'll update soon!

Author's Response: Haha, thank you love! I'm trying my best to write the next chapter, hopefully in before the queue closes?

Glad you like it so far!

-Sankavi



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