Reading Reviews for Burning Comets
  
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by teh tarik torn between two

2nd October 2013:
Wow. So terrifying. You've written Narcissa's sense of disorientedness so chillingly, and my goodness, I can't imagine what she must be feeling, being suddenly aware that she's changed, that so many years have passed. It's such a disconcerting, strange chapter, and it's a very dramatic shift from the first one. I can't even tell which chapter is told from the present moment; is Narcissa perhaps an old woman in St. Mungo's hallucinating or perhaps reliving her past? Or did those years really pass since the first chapter, and Narcissa has been living her life as though it were a void, empty, unfeeling and un-remembering? And the brilliant question is: is Peter Pan real? Honestly, your story is just so thrilling and so discomforting because it isn't grounded in a specific time; as a reader I simply can't pin down when everything is taking place, and this, I think is one of the strengths of the fic. This awful timelessness/time lapses/ time shifts/etc. also give such startling and grim insight into Narcissa's unstable emotional and mental state.

And of course, I love how Pettigrew is mentioned here the instant she calls for Peter. It really brings things back to the post-Hogwarts wizarding world, which is itself in an uneasy state, especially for the Malfoys.

I love this story! I really do hope that you haven't given up on this and that you update soon ^.^ And if you really need help with ideas and such, feel free to PM me as you did before! I'll be more than happy to help. Great work, my dear.

-teh

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Review #2, by teh tarik stick-on shadows

2nd October 2013:
Hi there, Hannah! Remember you asked me to read this a few months ago? Well, it's taken me such a horribly long time to get back to you, but here I am, and I'm so, so glad that I did! I love a well-written crossover fic, and yours was so unique, stylistically and character-wise.

You've really put quite a dark twist on the Peter Pan story. Peter is pretty much a cheerful, reckless, happy-go-lucky boy, at least in the J.M.Barrie novel, but wow! Here, he's dark, twisted and mysterious...and in a very unsettling manner. That opening scene gave me so many chills - his watchfulness (so creepy!), and how he appears suddenly next to Narcissa, covering her mouth and at the same time consoling her in a very sinister way. And the way he tucks her into bed...wow. I remember Peter along with his Lost Boys in the original novel, where they were all seeking a mother to tuck them into bed and read them stories; well, you've certainly taken that idea and warped it eerily, and it's great.

Your dreamlike style is also very effective in conveying the blur between reality and hallucination; your sentences are sharp, spartan, and repetitive, and it's almost as though Narcissa is caught in cycles of shifting reality, dreams that go on and on and round and round...sorry, I'm being a bit incoherent here, but I hope you understand what I mean!

Anyway, this is a fab story, and I'm definitely favouriting and reading on to find out what happens. And hopefully you'll finish this? :)

teh

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Review #3, by WeasleyTwins stick-on shadows

2nd July 2013:
Hello Hannah! Shelby here for the review exchange!

I'd like to tell you that I love your title. I love to see fanfiction authors use unique and interesting titles! It's one of my favorite things about a story, besides the story itself!

I also really like that you've taken the story you've been given and explored the options of the challenge. I love that "Wendy" is Narcissa. There are just so many little things that I just adore. The repetition creates not only a lovely pattern and is a great technique for this story, but also mirrors Narcissa's naivety, youth, and innocence.

I'm so intrigued that I can't even handle it. I love your style and the particular style you've used for this story. I just don't even know what else to tell you, Hannah. I'm very interested to see where you take the story, if Narcissa ever goes to Never-Neverland, why she's special, how Peter knows she's special, and where magic comes into play, if at all.

I've got no CC for you (none needed!) and it's probably be a terrible review - I just enjoyed the story so much I'm a bit speechless which is hard to do, let me tel you! Overall, I'm just really ecstatic and I can't wait to keep reading! So glad the review exchange lead me to this wonderful gem!

Shelby ♥

Author's Response: Hi lovely! ♥

You gave me such a lovely review and I love you for it and my head is way too big, because my smile simply stretched it out far too much.

The title is funny, actually, because I was trying to find a title that would sum up exactly what was going to happen to the characters in the end rather than what happened in the middle like I usually do. There was a lot of consideration put into it, so I'm glad you picked on it. :D

I have the tendency of giving lots of middle information and shoving your way questions instead of answers - its better that way I think... I like to see what everyone asks about when it comes to the same kind of approach in the stories I've read, too, and if I could emulate that in anyway.

I can't with this review because its so shiny and pretty and when you get to the next chapter (soon, I hope!) you'll have a lot more questions (and answers, even if you don't think there are) and it will be great to see YOUR reaction to it. :D

Hannah


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Review #4, by soufflegirl99 stick-on shadows

7th February 2013:
Hello! This is your gryffie present review!! :)

This story is absolutely beautiful, unique and definitely mesmerising. It grips you - the suspense you build is brilliant with the repetition at the beginning and the fleeting and subtle smile. This adds more a childlike theme to it, creating an innocent and adventurous atmosphere.

You built the foundations of such an amazing story - it's totally unpredictable and original - which is quite hard to achieve. I love the short sentences - just the way a child thinks in short sharp bursts of thought that really give that realistic child feel to it. I love the cliffhanger all the way through - you constantly have the reader asking questions the whole way through - leaving us half satisfied.

I think you've picked a creative and interesting perspective - from Narcissa as a child. You wrote her very well, making her come across as quite a naive and curious person which is lovely to see in comparison to some other nasty protrayals. I love how at first she is scared - which then develops in to trust - and then in to fear again. You transformed the emotions very smoothly, all the while keeping up the certain reptition. the way you simply phrase 'I was scared' is very effective - it certainly made me scared for her!

Also, I love how the smile (fleeting and subtle) reflects his personality. I don't know if you deliberately did this, but it definitely reminds me of Peter Pan. The characteristics are similar and the nature - I think it's very clever if you did base Peter on Peter Pan.

Overall, a fascinating, unputdownable and throughly enjoyable read - with great character development just through short sentences. The way you repeat things works really well with this piece and it is extremely awesome!

Happy Birthday for the 23rd!!! :D

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for your lovely review and I'm so sorry for my late late late response - honestly, I just like keeping all the lovely reviews because I don't want to let them go wah.

I think this is probably my first "original/crossover" story that I haven't seen around. I wanted to do something a bit different and Narcissa came to me and the timings of it all was really quite helpful in canon.

Here we have a very young, small and timid Narcissa who doesn't know anything about lfie apart from the fact that she's from a well to-do family, she has to be educated and she's going to grow up and she's going to be just like her parents. There is nothing else in sight for her - she cannot comprehend other possibilities even though she may imagine and humour herself with them. It's why, I think, that she definitely feels scared when Peter comes about because he's the sort of person who's not normal - she doesn't know anything about him. Throughout all the exchanges she feels like she knows things but have no gravity to them in reality. She's very much stuck with no way of getting out and nor does she want to either.

I'm so glad you like this and hopefully I'll see you again at some point in the near future!

CDF ♥


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Review #5, by CambAngst torn between two

14th December 2012:
In...tense...

It's hard to even begin to process everything that happened -- or didn't happen -- in this chapter and begin to formulate anything meaningful to say. Reading it made my chest tight and my heart beat faster and I had the distinct feeling of suffocating at times. Everything was incredibly vivid and real. You had some typos here and there; I'll try to find them again and note them at the end of this, but they didn't do much to shake me out of my focus. This piece connected like few things I've ever read on HPFF.

For starters, your description of "dream paralysis" was amazing. I've experienced the sensation from time to time. It's never fun. But you brought this terrifying sense of being trapped and having your sanity torn from you by the experience. Poor Narcissa has no idea where she is or why and she's struggling so hard to break free but her body refuses to release its hold on her mind. The low hum of voices around her makes the entire scene even more frightening. Reading this gave me the sense of the whole world collapsing in on me.

These two sentences were my favorite, by far: "The destruction of a soul is not a light thing. Subtle, perhaps, but not light."

And then she wakes up. All of the lovely descriptions and feelings aside, this was a brilliant way to end the story. Was the first part with Peter just a dream or a feverish delusion? A recollection of past times? Or has something damaged her mind to the point that all of the intervening years have been erased? We're left with so much to ponder.

I really liked her thought process as she starts to realize that there's something very wrong with the world that she can perceive as she begins to wake. She knows that she recognizes Draco's voice and she instinctively wants to comfort him, but she can't remember why. She can hear the love and desperation in Lucius's voice and feel the tenderness in his touch, but she does not know him. There's no context, and she knows that it will hurt him if he finds out.

When her memory finally does begin to come back, it's incomplete. She's been ripped out of time and all she can think of is finding Peter, her friend and companion. The way you wrote this was equal parts intense and sad. She must have seemed so crazy to the people around her. No wonder they were all giving her such a wide berth. The hurt they were surely feeling must have added to the awkwardness and the sadness. It's horrible to watch somebody you care about lose their mind.

The way she reacts to seeing herself in the mirror was genius. The crowing jewel on this amazing chapter. What a horrible shock. The final cruel blow. I can't even imagine...

OK, so I'll try to find the typos and awkward things that I noticed:

-- "The voice was very calm that if I was certain that I had not heard the voice before then I would say that the person behind it was completely at ease." - "The voice was so very calm"?

-- "Why do you cry single day without once opening your eyes?" - "every single day"?

-- "In those painful words and before I registered what I was doing..." - I think maybe you meant to say something else after "In those painful words"?

-- "The man was confused and he had an odd expression on my face..." - "on his face"?

-- "as if I was some mad person going around and having a hiss fit." - "hissy fit"?

Like I said in the beginning, this chapter was amazing! You have a way of connecting with your reader and making them feel what the characters are feeling. It's rare and powerful. Nicely done!

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Review #6, by CambAngst stick-on shadows

12th December 2012:
Ho, ho, ho! This is your Holiday Review Swap Extravaganza Thingee review.

I noticed a while ago that you had marked a couple of my stories as favorites, and I kept meaning to check out some of your writing. Then I saw your review swap thread and it seemed like the ideal time.

I don't usually like cross-overs, but I think that's because they're usually crossed with some other fandom that people are obsessive about, like Dr. Who or (ick) Twilight. My hat is really off to the person who dreamed up this challenge. Never in a hundred years of trying would I have thought of crossing HP with Peter Pan. Even if I had, there's simply no way I would have come up with such a clever way to portray him, nor a foil as interesting as little Narcissa.

I'm almost at a loss for adjectives to describe your Peter. Cheerful yet haunted? Comforting yet creepy? Reassuring yet mercurial? There were so many contrasts in the way that he behaves and the way that Narcissa perceives him.

In the beginning, I was more than a little convinced that Narcissa was imagining Peter. I think that having an imaginary friend would have been pretty consistent with the sort of upbringing she would have had in the stuffy, aristocratic House of Black. And letting her thoughts and feelings on that imaginary friend run away with her a bit would have been very consistent with the image I have of a very frail, sensitive little girl whose older sisters are a bit of a free spirit (Andromeda) and a nutjob (Bellatrix).

Then her mother sees Peter for the first time and almost loses her mind. Aside from being nearly the only element of humor in the whole piece, it showed that Peter was indeed real. Narcissa was really adorable and a little bit pitiable as this very quiet, introverted little girl who plays with her dolls and just wants to have a friend who tells her that she's special.

So I'm left with a lot of questions, most of them pretty obvious. Who is Peter and what is he playing at? Why is Narcissa special? Why is Peter's magic wearing off and what does that mean for their friendship?

I really liked the use of repetition and short, spartan sentences. It made the story seem very matter-of-fact and kind of abrupt, if that makes sense. It sounded like a little girl's perspective, one that tends to be very intuitive and not talk much. I couldn't find any typos or grammatical problems. Everything flowed very nicely.

Who the heck am I kidding? I'll definitely be back to read the second chapter, but right now work beckons. Nicely done!

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Review #7, by Cleopatraa stick-on shadows

11th December 2012:
This seemed like an intriguing idea. A crossover with Peter Pan. I can imagine she was terrified. I would probably be. I liked the fact no one believed her and the different reactions to it. I really liked the fact she was the onky one who was able to see him. Iím intrigued. Why is she the only one who is able to see him? In a way this is rather disturbing, but disturbing in a good way. That sounds strange but I mean. I get the fact they, her parents, send her to Mungos and I like the fact her mother was able to see him several times. The fact he had magic in a strange way and it was wearing off is just so great. I know this is not really a decent review but I really really loved this and Iím still shocked by the amazing idea you got here. Iím so curious what you are going to do with this.

Author's Response: This is horribly late and I can do nothing but apologise and reply to this lovely review. I am so sorry. D:

You've been so lovely in this review and I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter! There's lots of questions to be answered, which hopefully will be in the third and fourth chapter as it comes to an end.

A cross with Peter Pan wasn't quite the initial idea, but this has bloomed and everyone's taken it in so wonderfully and I'm so happy you're one of them!

Thank you again you lovely person ♥


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Review #8, by my_voice_rising stick-on shadows

8th December 2012:
Oh my gosh! Narcissa/Peter Pan?! THAT IS AWESOME.

Wow. This story. It's really disturbing and beautiful and sad. I love that you described Peter as having grey skin and brown eyes; I'm very intrigued by your characterization of him. At first I thought that this a metaphor for some kind of abuse, but I'm not entirely sure.

Peter is all at once interesting and terrifying; it reminds me a bit of Joyce Carol Oates's Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been? and The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman. I know that Narcissa's parents can see him, but I keep feeling like she's entirely imagining him. Your use of repetition of sentences, especially "he smiled but it was subtle and fleeting," really gives us the feeling that poor Narcissa is going mad.

All in all, I think this is a brilliant take on Peter Pan, and I'm so glad that you chose Narcissa--I don't think we hear nearly enough of her in canon. Wonderful job so far!

Author's Response: I AM FANGIRLING OVER THIS REVIEW AND ITS BEEN SO LONG AND I SHOULD ANSWERED THIS LIKE YEARS AGO AND I'M SO SORRY BUT ITS YOU.

I love Keep Calm and Carry On okay and you have to write it all and I don't care you are FABULOUS. HOW DO YOU WRITE. TEACH ME. /endfangirling.

Eeeek, I'm so glad you like this, because this turned out completely odd when I was initially writing it and I wasn't so sure on how this was going to be recieved but ack its been so great that people like it enough. ♥

I've only heard of the books that you mentioned, so I must look them up and see what they're about soon!

See, I want you to have lots of questions and keep them going up until the last minute so I'm glad that you still think differently despite what I've told you. Narcissa is a very unreliable narrator in this!

Thank you so, so much for this wonderful review - you have no idea how much you made my day when I read this and now when I got the pleasure to re-read it once more!


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Review #9, by AC_rules stick-on shadows

6th December 2012:
So Hanzi, my bestest forum buddy to whom I've been mst terrible to, the thing is that I've already read this and did you the injustice of not leaving you a review! I am surely the most horribleist person that ever did exist, and I am now here to rectify such a miscalculation of justice (although, it is prompted by the holiday review swap, which just goes to show what a horrible creature I am).

SO what I love about this story is that... well, for one I have no idea where you're going to go with this. Your stories are always like that though, even though I've attempted to help you out with your fair share of plots and stuff i'm never sure what's actually going to happen... and this, this... with Peter who is such a creepy figure and your repetition of 'subtle and fleeting' still stays with me. And probably will do forever.

I really like the fact that at first you didn't let on that Peter was real, instead letting home only seen by her... but then threw in that her mother saw him too and it's like WAIT WHAT and yeah. I just really like this and I cannae wait to read onwards my dearest loveliest Hanzi dear :)

-AC

Author's Response: DON'T SAY THAT BECAUSE IMAGINE HOW HORRIBLE I AM WHEN I'VE READ PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING YOU HAVE WROTE AND I HAVE STILL NOT REVIEWED IT AND NOT EVEN COME CLOSE. Promise, I am and will get there one day and lol I'm supposed to be showering you with reviews and comments and ugh this has been such a crap month I miss you.

Erm anyway.

I have this horrible habit of just giving you absolutely nothing and not giving anyone any indication of what they should expect next and I feel very sorry for anyone (including myself) who has read my first chapters and then proceeded to delete said stories, because they went into that small place in my brain to die.

THIS WILL BE FINISHED SOON OKAY BECAUSE TWO OR THREE CHAPTERS AT THE MOST AND THEN FINITE.

I'll leave it up to you what to make of that tidbit. ;)

Love you


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Review #10, by academica stick-on shadows

5th December 2012:
Hi Hanzi! Here for Holiday Review Swap :)

So I've actually been wanting to read this for a while, having been intrigued by the pairing. I'm glad the review event came me an excuse to finally stop by.

The first part of this was sort of whimsical and sort of creepy, I have to admit. It was cute to imagine little Narcissa dragging her sisters and mother into her room to show them her new friend, and to see their odd reactions to the boy who wasn't there. On the other hand, though, him constantly watching her reminded me a little of Edward Cullen, haha :p Also, the way she said that she didn't lie and enjoyed him watching her was pretty creepy, too. I don't know if that's exactly the effect you were going for, but it was definitely interesting!

The rest of this was interesting, too. It's still quite creepy for me, watching Narcissa's family do so much to try to get rid of her fantasy friend and listening to her just blithely go through the motions. I kind of wonder whether or not he's really real, and moreover, if he's really a friend. I'm definitely interested to read on and see what happens in the next chapter with poor Narcissa.

Nice work!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hello Amanda!

I'm so sorry for the late reply - I have no excuse except for the fact that I just want to have all the pretty reviews and look at them forever without them being ruined by unsatisfactory responses.

Oh dear... Edward Cullen was definitely not in the frame of mind when I was writing this, but now that you mention it Peter is definitely having some sort of twilight syndrome going on throughout all of this!

I was definitely going for creepy - I was trying to give the separation between reader and Narcissa to see how truly enamoured she is with Peter even though he's blatantly just weird and extremely questionable.

Whether he's real or not is something for you to judge at the moment - for all you know this could be all a ~dream~ :P

Hannah ♥


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Review #11, by PunIntended stick-on shadows

3rd September 2012:
Hi! PunIntended here from the Fairy Tale Challenge!
Sorry for the inexcusable delay!

Thank you so much for participating in my challenge! Wow, this was such a chilling entry. I love your interpretation of Peter Pan. It was kind of dark and sinister and I really liked it. Your use of repetition was really powerful. This was a very unique and intriguing take on the challenge.

Fantastic job :)

Author's Response: Thank youuu! I'm glad you liked it so much and I hope it'll continue to be just as powerful and unique in future chapters (although I'm planning that there are only 2/3 left!)

Thanks so much for making your challenge because it helped me write this and its become one of my absolute favourites!

xx


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Review #12, by Ghetto-Percy-Weasley stick-on shadows

30th August 2012:
*FIFTH REVIEWER COMING THROUGH*

HEHEHEH. I LOVE THIS. :D. This was so sweet with the overpowering sinister edge it holds and just genuinely brilliant. I was listening to Taylor Swift's 'Safe and Sound' in the background which was just the perfect lullaby to go with the whole creepy-yet-so-endearing idea of this story. Writing it using that fairytale tone gives it this certain rhythm, the way fairtytales should be written. I LOVE IT. THE REPETITION IS SO BEAUTIFUL. IT'S SO FITTING AND IT MAKES EVERYTHING SO WONDERFUL. The short sentences really worked themselves into this, again, beautifully grasping the fairytale concept. I'm going to read this story to my children instead of the original or whatever they'll have twenty years from today. I honestly had no idea to how you were going to work this. You're so brilliant! This is lovely. This is art. You've pulled this one off wonderfully. :D

I think there were just a few typos around, but nothing off-putting. This was brilliant and I can't wait to read what's coming up next. :D

Muchos love xxx

Author's Response: I know you do. Which one do you like the most though: tale of war, or burning comets?
o
perhaps not something to read to your children they might get nightmares about bare haraami tings ok. ok byEe


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Review #13, by Jchrissy stick-on shadows

28th August 2012:
Hi darling! I was creeping around TGS and thought I'd check one of your stories out!

I am confused!! But, kind of in a good way? This was so insanely creepy, that doesn't even being to describe it. Part of me felt like Peter was evil, did his slipping magic have to to do with her? What did they do to her at St. M's?

This was such a strong and emotionally teasing story. You got my heart rate pumping, then would slowly lower it, then again and again. I LOVE your choice to use repetition to strengthen this, absolutely love it. A lot of people can't own that talent, but you have mastered it and it forced this foreboding kind of fear that just circled me the entire time.

I'm not sure if I'm supposed to understand exactly what happened, if I'm not, that's totally fine because I love pieces that are open to interpretation.

This is kind of a small thing, but the way the sister's reacted, perfect. It just gave us such a good feel for their already developing personalities.

Ahh! I just really, really loved this.

Jami

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Review #14, by slytherinchica08 stick-on shadows

26th August 2012:
Oh wow! I have never read a Peter/Narcissa story before so this is very original and very intriguing. Im interested to see how this will all play out and what exactly Peter is up to. I only noticed a few minor spelling mistakes such as using to instead of too in one spot and I had noticed and I that wasn't needed in the setence but it was nothing that really detracted from the story.

The one thing I was confused on in the beginning was why you had repeated the first part twice. It just seemed out of place to me, though maybe it was supposed to be there but to me it just didn't seem right.

I thought Narcissa was very interesting, being the only one who can see Peter but then later her family is able to start seeing him and then he ends up disappearing altogether. I can't wait to see what the explanation is as to why she is special and that she can see him and hopefully that will also clear up why her family couldn't see him and regularly can't.

In my opinion, Peter seemed kind of creepy. Almost always there but never really talking, just staring at her and then towards the end when he began to hold her hand it just seemed like thats what he wanted from the beginning.

As none of your warnings really come into play quite yet, I'm also interested to see how those will be tied into the story. I really think that you have a good beginning here. It's something very interesting and orginal which is always nice to see. Good luck with your challenges! Great Job!

~Slytherinchica08~

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Review #15, by Remus stick-on shadows

17th August 2012:
Heya! Perelandra here with the review swap! :D

This, first of all, was trippy in a way. Not in a bad way...it was just...weird! Hahaha!

I thought this was going to be a cute story, with Peter Pan and Narcissa instead of Wendy. Boy was I wrong! :S Peter not only is a creeper but even a little on the scary/creepy side! At first I got a bit put off by the repetition but then associated it to like Mother Goose and child fairy tales so the repetition added to the story line and the underlying creep factor it had! If this had a soundtrack, I would imagine the music from the wind-up jewelry boxes girls have playing.

Peter was...I don't know. I'm sort of confused! Was Peter a figment of her imagination? Specially when she's in St. Mungo's and she sees him again! Also, what was the point of the room? I may be reading way too much into it but what was with the change? At one point you had that her parents allowed her to move back to her room after a month and then she's allowed to go into the guest room.

Anyway! Grammar wise this was near perfection. I did spot a 'to' that should be a 'too'. I would point it out but I can't find it in the body any more. :S

One last question! Why was Peter NOT suppose to be there? O.o I just read that there's more so please let me know when you update! I want to know what happens!

--Remus/Perelandra

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Review #16, by shadowycorner stick-on shadows

17th August 2012:
Was this supposed to be as scary as it was? If yes, then great job. Seriously, I'm still shuddering from Peter and his staring. I first thought this would be all pretty and frolic-y just like Peter Pan, but it was different. The descriptions were okay in this piece, considering the feel was more importand than describing things. I like how it rhymed and repeated itself in parts, which gave it a real fairy-taleish feeling. The subtle and fleeting part exactly. Overall this was a very interesting read. I just...I really can't tell how I should feel about Peter. Narcissa liked him, obviously, but I felt a little uneasy, there was something really sinister about him. Maybe I'm imagining things, I don't know. But it sure had my attention the entire time and got me wondering, so good job. :)

Author's Response: Yes, fluff is definitely not my forte and so a dark Peter Pan was born. :P

Most stories have this unreliable narrator where you'd only see things from their point of view and I decided that I was going to show Peter exactly how he acts rather than how Narcissa thinks and feels about him. So the fact that you were uneasy and felt him to be sinister is exactly how I wanted him to come off as, ahah.

The next chapter isn't quite as fairytale-ish seeing as Narcissa gets a nasty surprise.

Thanks for reviewing, I hope I didn't freak you out too much!


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