This is so sweet!
It's nice to see your diversity (if that's the right word for it?!) this one shot is so different from On the Brink of Insanity, because it's just as AWESOME but it's also has more of an impact, I was feeling so sorry for Al the whole way through, and you write it like it's actually happening!
Though I have this wild idea that you happen to like Albus Potter.
Crazy, huh?
Such a powerful one shot, really touching and lovely.
You're a very talented writer and I love your writing!! :D

Author's Response: Ok, you caught me... I love Al Potter. His character to me was so fantastic and intriguing. A middle child is always very interesting, they can have so many roles and for Al, I've always seen him as a really sweet guy, even if he can be jerk sometimes! I think it'd be interesting for me to write him as a complete jerk, because it would be such a challenge. Maybe next story...
Thank you a billion and a half for reviewing. you have made my day/month/year and I think this was the motivation i needed to get my butt in gear! Thanks thanks thanks!!
Allie!


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Uh, one shot? You should make this into a novel! It's so good!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I wish I had the time to make this into a novel, it would be really interesting, but I'll have to settle for a one-shot for now...*sigh*
thanks for reviewing!
Much love xx

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I like the characters you've created! They're all good people, but just not in the simplest circumstances. I can hear Albus' voice being a little sad and biting as he's trying so hard to be happy, and that he just doesn't want to lose the people close to him. And you also keep it consistent throughout, which is nice ^__^

A bit of critique: there is quite a lot of telling and not as much showing. It's like someone's telling a story to me in a conversation - which can be good, and I actually think it works for a lot of this - but it can be dull when used too much. Like it's just one event after another, and it can get monotonous. There are some things that are vague, that I would like to know more of, so that it has more of an emotional impact over all and I can care more about the characters. Like maybe more hints as to why she didn't like him back and what happened while she dated James. I like that part, though, where you described Albus drifting from her and from James. It was simple, but it felt like it came from the heart, and it got the point across.

:)

Author's Response: Thanks for the help! I really wanted to convey the relationship between James and Izzy and as much as I sould rant forever about the Al?Izzy relationship, it wasn't the focus of the challenge, so I had to keep on topic. thanks for taking the time to read and review! I love getting CC.

Much love xx

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Ah! I wish to throw James a dirty sock! Haha I lik ethe story though and I feel so bad for Albus!!! Glad I'm first revieew I wish to know if there is ever more to come??? K continue writing for me!
XOXOXOXOXOXOX,
LLG

Author's Response: thank you so much for reviewing! You are awesome! I have neever had such a loyal reading before and it means a lot :)

Much love xx

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