7 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MargaretLane Tea with strange friends

3rd October 2012:
Aw, that's really nice that Hagrid is married. I'm surprised they didn't ask the Potters and Weasleys to the wedding, but maybe they wanted to be private. And he found her after all those years. Aw.

You misspelled hippogriff.

Love the interaction between Hagrid and Madame Maxime. And she's right, isn't she? Hagrid is hopeless at keeping secrets. He gives everything away.

Aw, Albus is being so sensitive, not wanting to hurt Marina by telling her he doesn't believe in things like Nargles and Wrackspurts.

I wonder where you are going with the argument between James and Albus and if they will make up.

I like the fact that you've given Albus a ferret rather than an owl or a cat. It's more unusual.

Author's Response: Hagrid did invite the potters, but albus was younger and didint remember

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Review #2, by MargaretLane First day of school

3rd October 2012:
That does sound like a name a little girl would choose.

*laughs at James giving him looks of death*

Love the way you characterise Marina. She sounds just like her mother and I actually laughed aloud at the idea of her Nargle-proofing the room. I'm also glad she's made a friend in 1st year, since her mum had such problems making friends.

Are the 1st years taking Care of Magical Creatures now? You could give a little more explanation as to that, since it isn't taken until 3rd year in the books. Of course, it makes sense that the curriculum would have changed in 19 years, but still a mention of that wouldn't do any harm. Just something like "Their next class was Care of Magical Creatures. His father had told him that he hadn't been able to take that class until 3rd year. Albus was glad they'd changed that since he was looking forward to having Hagrid teaching him." I'm sure you could think of a better way to phrase it, since that's not very good. It's not that important anyway, since we can figure out that obviously, it has been changed.

*laughs at 'my dad IS Harry Potter'*

Author's Response: they changed the class times to plug up a hole left when they couldn't find a dada teacher

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Review #3, by MargaretLane From home to hogwarts

3rd October 2012:
Shouldn't Lily be old enough to read for herself? Or does she just like being read to? It can be fun regardless of age.

Really like the interaction between the siblings here and the way Lily thinks that Albus might not go because he's scared of being in Slytherin.

*laughs at James' insult* You write siblings well.

Oh, in words like "couldn't", the apostrophe goes after the "n". It's to replace the missing "o".

*laughs at Hugo* His behaviour with Botts Every-Flavour Beans is amusing.

Oh, is Hugo going to Hogwarts too? I imagined him as Lily's age or younger.

Looking forward to seeing what house you put Albus in.

Ravenclaw. Cool. That's probably my favourite house. I also like the fact that you have Albus and Hugo in different houses. It gives a bit more variety.

Author's Response: Thanks, my cousin Deeja did'int like him in ravenclaw. Hugo is slightly younger than rose, about a year. Lily likes being the youngest, she's 9 years old, but likes being read to

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Review #4, by MargaretLane the leaky cauldron

1st October 2012:
Oh, a bit of a mystery at the beginning of the chapter. You're building a bit of suspense here. I wonder what is going on.

Very minor thing, but English kids would usually say "mum" rather than "mom".

And the following sentence should read: "'Go and ask Mum if Uncle George can come too,' he told Lily. She grinned and ran off to talk to her mother."

Makes sense that George would be their favourite uncle. And I really like the part about them talking to Fred through his portrait.

I like the way James dares Albus to drink his Butterbeer in three seconds and the whole interaction between them. It's pretty typical of preteen/young teenage boys.

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Review #5, by MargaretLane Diagon ally

1st October 2012:
There are a few mistakes in your first sentence. It should be '"We're doing this by floo powder, so be careful now," piped up his mother's anxious voice. Whenever the family went somewhere all together, she became paranoid something would happen and her children would get lost.'

Makes sense that floo powder would be difficult for them and that that would worry Ginny. I like that part. And no doubt she remembers what happened to Harry and is worried about something similar happening to her children.

Really like the mention of Harry having nightmares. It makes sense that his past would affect him and it's very easy for stories to overlook that, so it's good to see it mentioned.

Wow, James is a prefect in 3rd year? In the books, all the prefects were 5th year or above.

Actually, that line could do with a few commas. "His brother, who was only thirteen and a third year, had excellent grades, was on the Quidditch team and a prefect and had always overshadowed him."

That sentence about him smiling so broadly that somebody having a bad day would want to punch a wall if they saw him was really amusing.

I bet that boy is Scorpius. He sounds really like his father was. I'm guessing this isn't going to be a story where Scorpius turns out the opposite of his father, ends up as Albus's best friend and falls in love with Rose? It's nice to see him as resembling his father too.

Love the ending of the chapter. The behaviour is so in-character for them all-Ron swearing in front of his son, the children telling on him (well, OK, they can't be in or out of character since they don't really have characters yet, but it sounds like something children their age would do) and Hermione being so fussy and annoyed with Ron.

Author's Response: James is an over-achiever so he became a prefect early. Thanks for the review!

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Review #6, by MargaretLane the letter

1st October 2012:
Oh, Lily seems to be quite cheeky in this story. I really don't think she deserves to go to Diagon Alley after that behaviour.

Really like your characterisation of her. Her personality comes across really clearly.

There are a few spelling and grammar mistakes here, like you've spelled "glares" as "glairs" and you don't have a capital letter at the beginning of the sentence "yeah, I'm planning to meet Ron and Hermione at the Leaky Cauldron".

Like the part about Ginny levitating Lily's toys. It just shows magic being used perfectly normally, as no doubt it is in the wizarding world.

Author's Response: Thanks, I had Lily go because her dad ( Harry) is a pushover. sorry about my spelling mistakes, i'm the worst at spelling and im only 11 so.. yeah. But thanks! It was great to see I got a review

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Review #7, by blueninja7 First day of school

8th September 2012:
I like it more than potatoes.

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