This one shot is so incredibly moving, and touching. I love the way you portrayed Regulus and explored all his feelings - not only are they realistic but also so well described!! :)
I love the whole star metaphor thing - awesome, imaginative and really really really creative, a work of a genius such as Rowling herself.
The way you describe Kreacher is brilliant - like how he came to be grumpy.
This is just such an awesome one shot that is so amazingly wonderful on so many levels :DAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! Regulus has always been understated for me so I really wanted to focus his feelings true to how I see him.
I honestly LOVE how J.K.R has named them after stars.. it says SO much about the purebloods and sihgw;igw I Just love it so much I couldn't pass up on using it in my own story!
Kreacher - another misunderstood thing. I personally think he was so brave.
Thank you very, very much for leaving this review!! :D Report Review
Stop being such a FANTASTICAL writer! D:
This was absolutely AMAZING! I've never read something about Regulus' death, and again you've surprised me with your originality! You must have such a creative mind, and I thank you for it because I adore your writing and your writing style! :D
I will read and review more, just you wait! :D
10/10! :DAuthor's Response: YOU'RE THE ONE BEING FANTASTICAL!!
I've always enjoyed writing/reading about Regulus because there are just so many interpretations of him and none of them aren't canon, if you know what I mean. There's so much room to explore him!! :D
THANKS AGAIN LOVELY! Report Review
Hey. It's SamMalfoy93 here. :)
Ah, Regulus! Who is this person they call 'Sirius'? :P Anyway, I really enjoyed reading your own interpretation of Regulus' death. It's quite sad one, especially those memories coming back. To have heard his own dad tell his brother that Reg didn't matter (I love you, Reggie) would be heartbreaking.
You've wrote this brilliantly, I think. I can feel his emotions coming through, his anger at Sirius being selfish, how much he cares for Kreacher. I thought it was really good. I also recognized a couple of lyrics incorporated into this, which I love very much (I'm listening to the song while I write this. :D)
Thank you for entering this challenge and I'm sorry it's taken me so long.
Sam.Author's Response: Hello!!
I actually have those moments of thinking 'who is this "Sirius" being?' when I focus on writing about Regulus :P so I'm glad you enjoyed reading this one!
I also really love that song! I was like :O when I saw it & I just couldn't resist incorporating those lyrics into it, especially since some of it seemed to fit quite well with the story :)
I'd like to thank you for setting the story! I've been thinking about this moment in Regulus' life for a while and the challenge really did a lot to motivate me :D Report Review
So this is a great piece, I think you've really got inside Regulus's head and made the reader feel what he is feeling.
The flow was great, I especially liked the part at the end where you had the differnet lines, I thought that was really effective!
I couldn't spot any grammer or spelling problems so good job with that!
A really well written piece and good luck in the challenges! :) 10/10Author's Response: Hello there :)
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a review! I really find Regulus an intriguing character and there's just so much room to explore his thoughts, motivations, relationships and just everything else about him! Again, thanks! :) Report Review
Hello! I'm here for your review request!
I'm sorry it's been a few weeks! August has just flown by me without my consent!
This was quite lovely, I really like Regulus but unfortunately I don't read enough of him! So i'm so glad that this story featured him in his brightest of moments. It's a really important moment too because it's there we realize that Dumbledore died for something that had already been done.
So it was interesting for one to see that part repeat itself and parts of it did remind me of Dumbledore's experience with the locket. Which was nice to see the continuity with that and grounded this piece in canon.
I really liked how the dynamics of the family was explored here. It's really interesting to see how much Sirius was so loved and it killed me to think that Regulus was made to feel inferior to anyone. But it was drilled into him as a child and it would make sense that he would both love and hate his brother. Also, what would drive him to try to be brighter. He looked in so many different ways to distinguish himself and it didn't seem he found it till the very end. I'm also a big fan of themes and the theme you had here with the stars was really nicely done and fit in with your piece perfectly.
I also liked how at the end of his life and when the madness overtook him he thought of his family and those huge moments of his life. It really helped flesh Regulus out as a character and made me sympathize with him. I just wanted to hug him and tell him not to give up on life.
The challenge prompt seemed a bit oddly placed and didn't really suit the mood. I think it could have easily but when i read it, it seemed more disjointed and threw me out of the story. Maybe if there was a better lead up to that emotion, a stronger sense of his fear or confusion of his act and it might have fit in better.
I also sort of expected more pureblood supremacy from his parents. We know from Sirius that they believed that Voldemort had the right idea and even though that doesn't have to be a prominent plot point i think it should have been mentioned a little more than it had to really help characterize Orion and Walburga better.
Other than that though, i really enjoyed this and it flowed fairly well, there were some grammar issues but nothing big that really disrupted the flow of the story. I really enjoyed the description and narrative as well, it is a really well written piece and i'm so glad you requested from me! feel free to stop by me thread anytime :D
-zayneAuthor's Response: Hello!! It's fine! I understand :D I didn't even realise that it's nearing the end of August until today :(
I'm glad you said that because I actually had to research everything to do with the cave to try and make it as accurate as possible (with the exception of rowing the boat - I thought a minor uncanon moment there would be okay :$) so I'm really happy you do think it's canon.
I think I've always had a soft spot for Regulus when learning about what he did. There's so much mystery behind the dynamics of the Black family and I think that Regulus was just so interesting to learn/imagine about.
About their parents, I only decided to show their feelings towards the two boys. My main idea was to convey how much love they had for Sirius because he was the true heir, but I do guess it woudln't hurt to add some snide comments :P
I'd like to thank you for reviewing this piece! I really appreciate it :D Report Review
Hi! Here from the forums with your requested review!
Grammar: Now, to start off, I'll just say that just because something is grammatically incorrect doesn't mean you have to change it. However, rewording or rewriting things that readers don't understand is rarely a bad idea. Overall, this looks solid, but there are some areas where I'm not sure. I'll point them out here:
...and his eyes moistened to the eerie green light -- the word "moistened" isn't used correctly here, and though I understand you don't necessarily have to use words "correctly" to have them make sense in a sentence, this doesn't make sense here. Does this sentence mean that he begins to cry when he sees the light? Or is it rather like, his eyes grow moist as he looks towards the light? As it is right now, I just kind of skip over the sentence because I don't understand it, and because of that I think you might be missing an opportunity to get the most out of this image. After all, if you're writing about canon events, you want to make them your own so we understand just how much this story is yours rather than something you're writing that JKR wrote, if that makes sense.
...painful memories; a darkness in nightmares that only demons could imagine...--Well, this kind of sounds pretty but it's logically inconsistent. Kreacher can obviously imagine what's going to happen in that cave, and he clearly imagines what occurs in the memories. There are other options available to making this moment dramatic, and I'd say that straying from this kind of hyperbolic statement is within your best interests.
...the tiny island in the centre--easy fix. The centre of what? The lake, etc, etc. Just to give us a clearer image :)
Accepting this fact with almost a resignation --this is awkward wording around "almost a resignation." You have your options of how to reword it: "something like resignation," "with a hint of resignation," "with something that felt almost like resignation"...the list continues into the sunset.
Named after the most recognisable constellation in the heavens, Orion was a man to match such titles. This is a strange wording, a bit clunky and ambiguous. I've read the other reviews you have received for this story and it looks like at least one other reviewer has given you advice on how to reword this, so I'd just sound repetitive offering other interpretations.
Though naturally cold people, Regulus had loved them for who they truly were. For this sentence to make sense you'd want to add "they were" between "though" and "naturally": "though they were naturally cold people..." Otherwise you're describing Regulus as "naturally cold people" and I don't feel I need to comment further on that.
...he had endeavoured to fix, it remained broke. Three things here: one, tense change. Should be "it had remained." Two: "broke" should read "broken." Three: what is "it"? I like what you're doing with the short, dramatic sentences, but there are so many words in the English language and, in some cases, of which this is one, we must take it up on the offer it gives us for precision.
...boat faster, his anger exuded through the physical task. You should write "his anger exuding" or change the comma after "faster" to a semi-colon.
I don't want to go through the rest of this nitpicking every sentence, because I feel that would be a bit boring for both of us. If you want someone to do that, though, you should go to the "quick betas" section in the forums and ask someone to go through with a fine-tuned hand and mark every inconsistency. Overall, like I said, this looks okay. My advice to you as a reviewer rather than a beta is just to look through one last time before finishing, if you're concerned specifically about grammar, and read it out loud if you have to, because you should be able to spot a lot of these yourself ;)
Okay, onto something more fun to talk about!
Characterization: I know this was for a challenge, but the "shake it out" really didn't work for me at this point in the chapter. Regulus thus far has appeared to us as someone contemplative, kind, determined and brave, and his thoughts have tended towards symbolism and elegance. "Shake it out" seems startlingly out-of-character. There are moments when characters will surprise a reader with inconsistency, but I think that if "shake it out" came later, like, while he was talking to Kreacher--in fact, if shake it out was some kind of affectionate piece of advice to Kreacher, I would see it as more in character. Not an order to the elf, because that could end horribly, but as more of a last-words kind of thing, with a brave smile and a determinedly-wrinkled brow.
I like this Regulus after all. He seems inward: quiet, contemplative, perhaps even literary. The star imagery works well considering, as you obviously have yourself, the fact that the Black family is mostly named from constellations and stars. I like that idea. Somehow it isn't at odds with the scene; there's a juxtaposition to these thoughts of stars, which are so other and untouchable, and the harsh reality of what's happening to Regulus--death, complete surrender and vulnerability. So, I think, good job on that! I also like the turn at the end where Regulus considers himself, in this act of totally giving up on life because of a higher purpose, the brighter of the two stars. It's startling and I like how you have written it. I think it would also be cool if you added in a fact or two about stars like, for instance, what makes one star in real life brighter than another? It might make the whole scene more bizarre and tragic, though, as I've said, you've done a great job with it already.
I hope this review was kind of what you might have been looking for from me, or if I was helpful to you!Author's Response: Hello there!!
I'd like to THANK YOU SO MUCH for taking the time to do this for me! I've taken into consideration everything you say and after reading it again I can see where you're coming from! & about the tenses, I'm so horrible at them! I get confused all the time so I'm glad you pointed that out to me :P
Yeah I noticed it didn't really fit in with Regulus, but I wrote it anyway for the sake of the challenge. I'll try sorting that out to make it work though!
& I am SO in love with the Black family, there's so much mystery and depth into their line and it's just lovely to explore.
Again, I'd like to say THANK YOU for reviewing! I really appreciate it!!! :D Report Review
It's Rosie with your requested review! :)
First off, you linked to your author's page instead of the story, so next time just remember to link to the story instead. ;)
I was so happy when I got a review request for a story about Regulus! I think he's a very unexplored character, and needs more attention. Most marauders era stories either revolve around James/Lily or Sirius. I really liked his characterization--his longing to step out of Sirius' shadow was very realistic.
"He will, for a moment, be brighter than him...
And that was the end.
Regulus, one of the brightest stars in the Heavens, had been extinguished."
^Gah! What a perfect way to sum everything up! I thought this was a wonderful yet heart-breaking ending.
Your description was amazing. That's really all I can say. While I was reading I felt Regulus' desperation and Kreacher's agony. It was perfect, absolutely perfect.
I have no CC for this story, which is quite rare! Keep up the awesome work! :)
~RosieAuthor's Response: Hello there :)
Ugh that's the second time! Haha! I'll make sure to check it three times next time :P
I absolutely love reading about Regulus, there are just so many interpretations of his character and each one is just as new and realistic as the next.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review this story!! I really appreciate it :D Report Review
I always love Regulus stories and yours was no exception! :D Your ideas are very unique, Regulus is characterized well, and the scene where he was drinking the potion . . . brilliant. Good job!Author's Response: Hello there :)
I also love Regulus stories! There's just so much room for imagination with him. I'm really glad you think it was a good job!!
Thanks for leaving a review :D Report Review
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review. Just so you know, you accidentally linked to your author page instead of the story page in your request. In the future, make sure you double-check your links.
I love your characterization of Regulus. For one thing, he seems really confused and emotional, which I think makes sense based on what he's been through. For example, I found it realistic that he missed Sirius and then felt very angry at him. I also like that Regulus thought about the people that he loved and his life in his final moments. Again, I think that fits well with how I see him. I also like the imagery and the way that I could really see the liquid in the basin killing him slowly. I think it really set up the atmosphere of the story, drew me in, and kept me interested.
I noticed a few technical things that seemed to impede the flow slightly for me. I noted a few places where you seemed to switch tenses or awkwardly phrase sentences. Maybe adding in some commas to break up long sentences and trying to avoid using passive voice would help. For example, this sentence seems a bit awkward:
Named after the most recognisable constellation in the heavens, Orion was a man to match such titles.
^I think you could simplify it if you stated things more directly. For example, you could have said, "Orion's personality matched the grand nature of his name, which was taken from one of the most recognizable constellations in the heavens."
In the future, if you're concerned about a challenge entry, I highly recommend making use of the beta forums, especially the Quick Betas. Polishing up those little things can really help sometimes :)
Overall, I think this is nice, especially for your first ever challenge entry! (Congrats, by the way.) I especially liked the ending and the 'brightest star' theme that you tied in throughout the piece. Good luck in the challenges, and I hope this is helpful :)
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Hi Amanda!
I'm sorry for the inconvenience but I'm glad you found it anyway :)
I've recently developed a real fascination with Regulus and I just thought that there is so much more to him, so much more to his relationship with Sirius - who, to me, seemed really bitter when he was talking about him to Harry - and I thought that a love/hate relationship would work best.
And yes! I was worried about that sentence but I couldn't rephrase it so I just left it :P I'll try fixing it up!
Thank you SO much for leaving a review! I really appreciate it and I certainly did find this helpful!! Thanks! Report Review
This was so well written and you did a really great job at making sure that Regulus had his moment in the spotlight.
The emotions were perfect and I loved the way that you included how he felt about his brother and what tore them apart. I think with you including that and his death it really shows that one of them was more selfless than the other. I also really liked how you characterized Kreacher. His emotions and mannerisms were a perfect addition to this story aswell.
Keep up the great writing!!! Good luck in the challenge!!! =)
-SR17Author's Response: Thank you so much!!!
I know there's so much more to Regulus than what's given to us and I just like to think that he has just as much, or even more heart than Sirius (though they show it in different ways) and it's just so sad thinking about their relationship.
I was worried about how I'd characterise Kreacher so I'm glad you think it was alright!
Thank you for setting the challenge! :D Report Review
This piece was incredible! I think you did such a wonderful job writing Regulus and his death. I really loved that it was about him, and I also loved that you had a bit of backstory too. I think that this was just perfect. And I love Sirius, but this really shows that Sirius was always taught that he was better than Regulus, and it ruined their relationship. ALSO, I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE times 10298492 the song Shake It Out and I couldn't believe what a great job you did with it! This story was seriously perfect. Amazingly done!Author's Response: Thank you SO much for saying that! :D I love Sirius too, and I think that he's definitely played a lot of part in moulding Regulus into who he is and why he would want to rectify his wrongs. I think that part of their relationship is beautiful. And I only started listening to it because of this challenge but now I LOVE IT TO!! it's so good omg lol and such inspiration. Thanks for leaving a review btw!! :D Report Review
So recently I've become truly fascinated by the character of Regulus, and your one shot easily fueled my fascination. I can't even explain how excited I got when I opened up this oen shot and saw that it was about Regulus.
Especially that it was about Regulus in the way that you wrote it. I don't think that the Sirius/Regulus relationship is explored even close to its potential, and you did a marvelous job with your piece.
I feel so badly for Regulus, always second best, never the one chosen. Always living in the shadow of his smarter, better looking, more vibrant brother. One can't blame Sirius for being who he was, but one also can't blame Regulus for hating him for it.
Really, I think the thing that I loved most about this piece was that it was genuinely a piece about Regulus. So often Regulus stories end up really being about Sirius, not about him. I am so so happy that you didn't make Regulus a less important accessory to Sirius. He stood alone on this piece, as he should.
I think you did a wonderful thing for Regulus with this piece. You finally gave him the credit he deserved as his own person, an individual. In this piece, Sirius was tied to Regulus, not the other way around. You finally gave him the attention he deserves.
Fabulous job! 10/10
~CassieAuthor's Response: Hi there!!
I feel the same way as you! I've always been intrigued by Regulus, there's obviously so much more to him than anyone sees and writing about him in such a way just made me love him even more :P
In other stories I've always disregarded him and given him less 'story time' in comparison to Sirius (since he was my favourite) but now I can't help but pay a lot more attention to Regulus and everything about him so I'm glad you thought I did that in this story!
I'm really happy you left this review! I'm so flattered and reading that it makes me feel as though I've done something right!
Thank you so much! Report Review
This was a story that completely flipped my viewpoint of Regulus Black. I never thought he was "bad" or "just trying to make up for being a Death Eater," but I never thought of the possibility that maybe he was never good enough for his family, and the Dark Mark he wore was the one that Sirius should have worn.
Your writing is brilliant! I hope you place in one or both of your challenges, because I sincerely loved this. It was so deep and sad, and the flashbacks were not obnoxious or confusing.
Best of luck to you!! :)Author's Response: Hi there!
I never considered Regulus as much either, I never hated him but I guess I felt a bit like his parents because Sirius had always been my favourite. I'm not sure why, but now I just feel so much for him and I thought, there is SO much more to him than anyone knows.
Thank you so much for saying that!!! And I'm really glad the flashbacks were okay, I was wondering how they would pan out in the end.
I'd like to say THANK YOU for reviewing :D It means a lot to me and waking up to this was great! :P So thanks!!! Report Review
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