wow. Definitely a powerful piece, a little confusing as to who is who, but even then- powerful. I think this whole piece seems really planned out and I can only imagine how difficult it was to write, part of what makes it so genius!
I'd say you should maybe consider fleshing out who's who a little more, but I feel like that would take away from the piece you have here. It might be possible, but I think it would be difficult, possibly slip in a couple descriptors here and there that might tip us off as to who you are talking about? Just a thought.
I just don't even know what to say, I think you did a fabulous job here! It leaves so many questions and intriguing ideas! Again, incredible job.Author's Response: Do you really think so? :D So many people found this one-shot a little - or a lot - confusing, but that was such a sweet thing to say so thanks! I admit, I really struggled writing this, and you're right, it was heavily planned but I'm glad it turned out so well and that you like it :)
That seems like a good idea, I might try it out someday if I ever come back to revamp this. Of course, revamping all of my stories a little is on my to-do list, so I'll definitely take your tips into account for this one-shot. Thanks so much for such a lovely review, and I'm so pleased you liked this! :) Report Review
Hey! I didn't really understand the part with the bruises, so I'm just wondering what that was about, but this had a cool dark edge to it and I liked it !! (even tho I didn't really get it) :)Author's Response: Don't worry, most people didn't and I barely do :) Thanks so much for reviewing this, and I'm glad the darker edge of my writing finally showed :D Report Review
That was really cool and interesting!Author's Response: Thanks so much, I really appreciate the compliments and the review :) Report Review
August Review Challenge:
To be honest I wasn't really sure what was going on as I read it. I could see the shifting back and forth, but to be truthful I wasn't able to keep up with it. Even after reading it twice I still really don't know what the story was actually about. I was relieved to read in your author note that it confuses you as well, but I wasn't sure if it was just me.
Overall I am not sure what to say about this or what to rate it. The writing itself was well done though.Author's Response: Don't feel too bad - as I said, at times I'm confused by it too :) I feel confused by your August Review Challenge thing, too, though, so I think we're even :p Thanks a bunch for reviewing anyway, I really appreciate it! Report Review
I really enjoyed the way this story read, it was like a song. From what I'm understanding the narrator is Rose, talk primarily about Scorpius and their relationship... And I'm pretty sure she was branded with the dark mark and was hiding it from him... But who branded her? By the time we get to nextgen Voldemort is long gone, so has someone replaced him? Or is her reality shifting back to her parent's time when Voldemort was still alive and powerful? And I'll admit, I didn't come up with that theory until after I read your A/N about the shifting reality challenge. As far a constructive criticism, there's not much. I did notice one spelling error (you have realise instead of realize) and you're missing the 's' in "Mr. Collins like(s) you." Other than that my only suggestion would be to get rid of some of the duplicate words. It's ok to use them on occasion to get a point across, but when used frequently they can be distracting, and if anyone else reads like I do, they usually just get skipped over mentally anyway.
All in all a very enjoyable read!
Keep up the good work!
~Moon~Author's Response: Thank you! It is kind of like a song, isn't it? :) That is certainly an interesting theory, though :p I can't tell you if it's the truth or not, because I wouldn't want to spoil it for anyone. Thanks for giving a theory, though! This one-shot was so abstract and vague that I'm always interested to hear what everyone has to say about it.
That's actually not a spelling error - it's the way you would spell it if you used British English, which I do ;) Darn! I knew I missed something, though, so thanks for pointing that little error out! That was also quite a nice tip, so I'll be sure to keep it in mind if I ever write something else like this. Thanks a bunch for reviewing, I really appreciate it. Report Review
Wow, that is a relief. i though I must have been super tired, because i couldn't tell what was reality at some points in there, now I understand a little better.
Shifting reality, eh. I think you managed that quite well. I still don't know who He is, I don't think it was Scorpius, I got the feeling he was the one in who she found comfort but with the shifting realities thing, maybe he can be both sides of the coin, the lover and the devil.
I like the use of the Bang, bang, bang. It gives a sense of foreboding to every paragraph, and helps to keep the worlds disjointed. I think maybe without those, it would become a little clearer as to what's happening, or more confusing if you can't see the different realities.
The body of the story is very good, giving small delicate glimpses of information without giving you too much. You manage to keep the reader in the dark for most of the fic (or you did me, maybe I'm just thick, but I liked it nonetheless).
TyrannicFeenixAuthor's Response: Really? Thank you! No, He isn't Scorpius, you're right - but that's all I'm telling you :p I liked the way you put it, though! I don't know myself - I mean, I have an idea, but it might be or might not be - but even in a review, you were brilliant with description ;)
The bang, bang, bang was a good excuse and since it added to the whole disjointed-ness of the one-shot, it was fun using it! I think if I wrote it right now, there would be more since I thought I might put it after every paragraph - but I decided that I should put it where it fitted the most.
Nah, you're not thick, that was the point of the one-shot :) I'm seriously glad you liked this so much, and thanks a for reviewing! I'm not kidding when I say it means the world to me.
Cavell Report Review
Err yeah...I don't get it. But that's probably the point with the challenge anyway! Your writing was absloutely beautiful--the descriptions just took my breath away. I love your words about the stars and the waves and the grass. It just makes me want to go out and lie in a field and stare at stars. Or on a beach. Its SO real. And the banging of the drums just adds intensity to everything. Overall, even though it really confused me, I loved this. It was such powerful writing. Fantastic job!Author's Response: Yeah, it was the point of the challenge! :p Thank you! *blushes* Usually I have a lot of trouble with description, so I'm glad you liked the ones in this one-shot. I'm completely pleased you liked this, and thanks so much for all of the compliments! Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Wow this was REALLY good! Loved it!Author's Response: Thank you! :D I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
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