I read this chapter a while ago, but didn't have time to review it, then.
I like the very sinister turn that the story takes. I've always wondered what kinds of things Voldemort said to people to convince them to follow him and motivate them to attack, and the words you use here seem fitting: "With your help, I intend to stop this disease before it can spread any further. You might even call us Healers."
"'Stop projecting,' I say flatly" -- this made me laugh because I can totally imagine Bellatrix thinking and saying that. I doubt that she was ever scared to go into battle.
I hope to see more chapters soon! :) Report Review
Wow, I didn't see that coming. :) Is Lucius only trying to make Cissy jealous, or did he seriously have a thing for Andromeda? Either way, I like this little twist and look forward to seeing how it shakes out.Author's Response: Lucius isn't actually aware that Cissy likes him, but you'll find out more about his decision to marry Andromeda a little later :) I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the review! Report Review
I love your description of their love letters. It was so sweet, and hers made a perfect start to chapter- it did made me laugh!
You built up the tension beautifully with her anxiety about what her mother was going to say. The whole part about Andromeda fearing her smile was wonderfully done- I loved the simile of her being like a vulture, I think it was.
I really love how you've subtly characterised their mother- details like the brandy glass, the way she's pacing instead of sitting etc. really give the reader an idea of how she is viewed by her children.
And then the drama of Lucius' proposal! It was such a good scene because there was Andromeda's reaction and Cissy's reaction and their mother's reaction all at odds with each other. And I loved the comparisons with the porcelain doll- the "glass case of expectations" is such a good way of putting it. I'm looking forward to her escape...
Amazing chapter as always! Can't wait for more :)Author's Response: Thank you! I have a hard time writing humor so I'm glad it made you laugh ;D
Yay! You are basically the sweetest. Haha yeah I kind of had fun imagining what their mother would be like - I think I could almost write a whole story about her and the previous generation. That would be kind of fun, actually. Anyway, she sounds like one scary mama.
The porcelain doll line was my favorite line, so it means a lot to me that you liked it :D I think Andromeda is looking forward to her escape too hehehe.
Thank you so much! I can't wait for you to read more! Report Review
OMG HE PROPOSED. Cissy is now second best AND I SHIP TED/ANDROMEDA.
That's really mean. How could you? :P
Another great snapshot, I love the letters under the floorboards - so romantic- and the imagery with the collector's porcelain doll was amazing. :D
You portrayed Andromeda's emotions particularly well, and this is another fantastic chapter, well done! :DAuthor's Response: YEAH HE DID. Haha sorry. Is "necessary part of the plot" an acceptable excuse or no? ;)
I know! Ted and Andromeda are kind of adorable. And I'm so glad you liked that line - that was kind of my favorite part of the chapter to write :D
Thank you thank you! So glad you enjoyed it (: Report Review
Hey! I saw your link in your status update and just popped over here to quickly read and review. :) I like the story so far! It's written very well, and I like the characterizations and motivations you've assigned to each of the three sisters. I like that Bellatrix wants to escape her boring life; that fits very well, in my mind.
The love triangle is quite interesting, too. I've read another Black sisters story where there was also a love triangle of sorts (but slightly different characters), and it does make for a compelling reason why there would have been such a rift, other than Ted Tonks being a Muggle, of course.
Anyway, keep it up; I'll definitely be interested to read more when you post a new chapter! :)Author's Response: A review from Penny! I feel like Christmas has come early :D Seriously though, thank you for taking the time to read and review this. I am incredibly grateful and so so so happy that you enjoyed this.
I always feel a tad guilty resorting to a love triangle as a plot device, so I'm happy that you found it interesting. It's quite fun to write, at any rate. And you'll definitely learn more about all the characters' motivations later on (:
Hooray! Thank you for the lovely review.
Of the three sisters, Narcissa seems the most traditional, which definitely fits with the way things turn out in the books.
Her misinterpretation of the events she witnesses (Bella's "flirting," the quirk to Andromeda's mouth) make this chapter very funny, but I like that she also does have one insightful observation: "...if you don't start actually searching for a husband soon, Mother will just pick one for you."
I also love that her laps around the dance floor are measured out in fantasies.
Wow, I haven't found anything to nit-pick over in any of these chapters. I've thoroughly enjoyed reading this story so far and have added it to my favorites. I'll definitely be back to read the rest!Author's Response: Hehehe yes, Narcissa is a stickler for the Black family rules, which made it quite fun to write her (:
Thank you thank you thank you! You're probably sick of me saying this to you now, but I really appreciate your reviews. AND you've favorited this, which is just unbelievably flattering. I hope future chapters won't disappoint! Report Review
Hi, Elphaba here again!
Right away, I think your portrayal of Bellatrix is spot-on. "But, more likely, she stayed late at the hospital to save a few extra lives or some other worthless endeavor." She may love her sisters and possess a sharp wit, but she's also a bit evil. :)
I especially appreciated the section where she breaks into the cluster of men: "'Are you certain you can't be persuaded to share?' I purr, a sickly sweet smile on my face." I'd want to grab them by the balls, too, if they were to mock me the way they mock her.
I love that you reveal her motivation for joining Voldemort in this chapter, and that it isn't just because she's in love with him (gag). Wanting to escape her life and the role that has been prescribed for her makes perfect sense to me. She and Andromeda both seem to want to escape, but have vastly different ways of going about it!
Great job so far!Author's Response: It makes me really ridiculously happy that no one has yet reviewed to say, "Wow, your Bellatrix sucks!" I was incredibly nervous about writing her and I've always thought she was one of the more complex, difficult characters that J.K. Rowling wrote. So it really means a lot to me that you like my Bellatrix. Seriously. You're awesome.
I didn't want to make her in love with Voldemort because that's never seemed right to me...it's always seemed like something far greater and crazier than love. Closer to unhealthy devotion :P I'm glad you could understand her motivation, anyway.
Thank you! :D You are the greatest for reading and reviewing all these. Report Review
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review!
First of all, I THOUGHT that I recognized the first sentence, but didn't pick up on the "Black Beauty" reference until I read your author's note. :) I think you used the quote very well, and especially like that the book title also works so well for your story.
I love this sentence: "Black, brown, and yellow: three different colours, but all Black, as Bella used to say." It reveals a seldom-seen tender side to Bellatrix. The only time I remember seeing this in the series is when she goes with Narcissa to Spinner's End, so I can definitely believe that she would share a close bond with her sisters -- until Andromeda runs off with a muggleborn, anyway.
I really like how you handle the forbidden romance aspect of the story, with the reference to Cinderella and Andromeda rolling her eyes because she isn't familiar with muggle fairy tales. "We don't have forever yet" makes me think that Andromeda has already made up her mind, and is just waiting for the right moment.
Since this chapter is short and I enjoyed it so much that I went on to read the next one right away...
:):)Author's Response: Thank you for all your reviews! I couldn't stop smiling when I read them :D I'm so glad you liked my use of the quote; I was a little worried that it didn't flow but, so far, no one's complaining so I guess that's good haha.
It might just be my own love for my sisters shining through, but I definitely think all three of the Black sisters would've been at least a little close - before everything happened. They weren't born hating each other, that's for sure ;)
So happy you like this...thanks so much!
Oh wow, I'm adoring this story! Why does Lucius want to dance with Andromeda?
Again, you characterised Narcissa really well, I thoroughly enjoyed her POV. I liked her fantasies, it showed depth to her- although she's pretty shallow. I also thought what she thought Bella was doing was pretty funny :)
Another fantastic chapter, look out for the results soon! :)Author's Response: Thank you thank you! You can't see, but I'm doing my happy dance ;D And you will definitely find out more about Lucius' interest in Andromeda later, don't worry.
Writing Narcissa was so fun! It's kind of nice to write a character who's that simple-minded and sort of straightforward, you know?
Thanks again for all the reviews! :D I really enjoyed this challenge - it was a very original idea - and it inspired me quite a bit. So thanks for that too! (: Report Review
oooh, another pretty awesome chapter! Again, despite it being so short, I really [i]got[/i] Bellatrix, I felt like I understood her.
Your writing style is really very good, and you've got the dialogue down to a T as well. It's short, sharp and snappy, very suited to a gaggle of Death Eaters. I liked to see Bella's view of her sisters as well, and I'm hoping the next chapter will be Narcissa's POV :)
Awesome so far!Author's Response: All of the chapters are quite short, but sort of intentionally? I'm actually quite awful at writing chaptered stories so I wanted to attempt one that I could feasibly finish, and I think the brief snapshots into their lives thing works well. I'm glad you liked this chapter, because I was really quite nervous about the aspiring Death Eaters' interactions. Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
Wow, the opening sentence and the title are so different, to your story, but they really fit very well. I enjoyed this brief glimpse into Andromeda's life, and her illicit romance with Ted.
The imagery, especially at the start with the hair- that was superb, and although it was short, I think you captured the essence of their relationship really well.
Well done!Author's Response: You have officially made my day. First three lovely reviews on this story and then you posted the results for the challenge...you are amazing (: Thank you.
Yeah, I had a hard time trying to fit them in because the style of the actual Black Beauty is quite different from my style :o But I'm glad you think it fit well. And writing Ted and Andromeda was just a blast. Thanks again for the review! Report Review
Yay- Narcissa chapter!
I really like your characterisation of her too. It's quite different to how I've imagined and read her before but it seems to work! I like her perception of herself as a guide for her sisters a lot. It's really original.
One of my favourite parts was Narcissa circling the floor, daydreaming about Lucius. It was a really lovely and effective way of telling the reader something of her character, and the way you ended it with "Andromeda shows up on the thirteenth" worked really well too.
I also enjoyed "the resigned quirk to her mouth" and "transitions from unreasonably angry to unreasonably depressed," but I think that should be "makes the transition" rather than "transitions"?
I love the interactions between the sisters- they're all such interesting people! Hehe :)
And I did NOT see Lucius being interested in Andromeda coming. But it's a really intriguing idea... Looking forward to seeing how it turns out!Author's Response: Thank you! I had a lot of fun writing Narcissa - her character is just so amusing. I'm so happy you think I made her original, too :D
Hehehe I like that part too. I can relate to her unrealistic fantasies, I guess (; Oh, I think transitions works...? It's just a shorter way of saying "makes the transition". I'll check the dictionary to be sure, though. Thanks!
So happy that you this enough to review :D Thank you very much! Report Review
Hehe Bellatrix is evil but she's so much fun!
I loved the way you wrote her, quite like we see her in the books but a little less far down that path (pre-Azkaban I spose.) I thought the idea of her mocking Voldemort in front of Lucius and Rodolphus and the others but in fact being desperate to join him was great! And I thought you got the young-Death-Eater-competitive-angst spot on- although Bella certainly seems to know how to keep them in check!
I'd love to see her relationship with her parents explored more- especially the idea that she and her father have things in common which you seemed to suggest. Also thought how interesting it is that Andromeda and Bellatrix are both trying to escape, but are doing so in such different ways- I can't wait to hear Narcissa!
Thankyou for posting, so far you've written these characters in a such a gorgeous way!Author's Response: Haha yes. I had a bit of a struggle trying to write Bellatrix because she's such a difficult character to empathize with, y'know? But I am so so so happy that you liked her and the interactions among her and the young Death Eaters. I was pretty nervous about their "competitive angst", as you've quite succinctly dubbed it (:
Her father doesn't really play much of a role in this story, unfortunately, but I definitely think she takes after him more than her mother. In my head-canon, at least hehe.
And I am legitimately overjoyed that you made the connection between Andromeda and Bellatrix's individual yearnings to escape - mostly because this story is basically my sad attempt to explore the similarities between the three Black sisters, even while highlighting their differences. The Narcissa chapter should be out soon!
Thank you so much for this review! Sorry for rambling on like this, but it just really means a lot to me that you liked this enough to review both chapters (: Thank you thank you thank you Report Review
Wow! This was gorgeous!
You have such a rich, vivid writing style, it really transports the reader into your story. I loved how Andromeda's childhood recollections morphed into the present tense scene with her and Ted, it was clever.
I also liked that there was some darkness in Andromeda's relationship with Ted, it was an interesting edge to add...
You fitted in the borrowed first sentence so well that I didn't realise it wasn't yours until the Author's Note! And you used the title cleverly as well.
I am curious about the chapter title- it seemed strange at first because Andromeda and Ted's relationship, and actually her whole relationship with the Black family seems anything but Untainted, but I wondered if it was about her escaping the pureblood society? Or about how the sisters were when they were just children? I wasn't sure...
Anyway, really beautifully written beginning, looking forward to reading the next one! :)Author's Response: Thank you! It makes me so happy that the first sentence didn't seem off to you - I thought it wasn't flowing at all when I was writing it! And I think that Andromeda's relationship with Ted would've had to have a little bit of an edge to it, because they both come from such different backgrounds. As to the chapter title, I was referring to Andromeda's perception of Ted as 'untainted' and how that contrasts with her own dark family background. But I think your interpretations seem a lot deeper, so maybe you should stick with those ;D
Thank you so much for the review! Report Review
Love it! You nailed Bella perfectly! From the sulking to the sneering to the obsession with Voldemort... Perfect. The disdain she shows for everyone, especially her sisters, seems right on. Even your portrayal of their mother is very believable. I can't wait to see what you do with Narcissa! Hopefully it has something to do with her spotting Lucius (and perhaps seeing him as an escape from her mother... *wink wink nudge nudge* LOL). Again, the only thing is I wish it was longer.
Keep up the good work and I'll be back when the next chapter is validated ;)
~Moon~Author's Response: Aaah you have no idea how much this means to me! I think I was most nervous about writing Bella correctly, because she's such a tricky character, so I'm so glad that you think I did her justice. Hehehe yes Narcissa does pine for Lucius a little bit in the next chapter...you'll see. Thanks so much for both of your reviews! I'm insanely happy that you like my story. Report Review
What a great beginning! I love the flow of this story, I can actually hear the accent and slightly hoity speech of the "well-bred." I love the representation of Andromeda, the Black sister we so know little about. Showing how the three girls, who were so different as adults, played together as children was wonderful. I also enjoyed her attempt at "corrupting" Ted.
The only thing I wish for is more of it. You have a wonderful writing style and the only thing I think could make this chapter better was if you made it a bit longer ;)
~Moon~Author's Response: Thank you so much! It was really fun to try to capture Andromeda and Ted's relationship because J.K. Rowling really did give us very little to work with for them. And haha yes, I figured I would make Andromeda a little mischievous and corruptive ;)
The chapters are quite short. When I wrote this I was just really nervous about writing their characters well so I made all the chapters into short snapshots, but I might have to go back later and expand on them now that I know their characters a little better. Thanks so much for the review and the critique! :D You have legitimately made my day. Report Review
I saw that you were in need of a banner for this so i decided to read it and become your first reviewer. This sounds really intresting and good. I was meant to be starting my own black sister story but i think i'm going to delete it my writing sucks anyway. I read your summery and it almost forced me to read it because the summery was that good. I liked the way you started the chapter by saying "the first place that i can well remember..." It made me instantly sit up and become more interested right from the very start. 10/10 from me and i hope to see more chapters from you
- kjpAuthor's Response: Eeep thanks for the review! You have no idea how happy I was to see this...it was kind of depressing staring at that 0 review count for so long. I guess one good thing did come out of my inability to get a banner then hehe.
Anyway, I think you should definitely try writing your own Black sisters story! They're such intriguing characters and I'm sure your writing is wonderful. I will hopefully have the next chapter up soon. Again, thanks so much for the review! It really means a lot to me (: Report Review
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