Okay, first off I have to admit that, being a huge canon nut, this is completely unlike anything I've ever read or would really read if I was picking something for myself.
But, that being said, I really liked it. I thought you handled the whole idea of Remus well, keeping Tonks in there and having Jennifer be - almost - the one who got away, Remus' first love and so a girlfriend he's not forgetting, even if he knows they have no chance of a relationship.
Ah, the angst was wonderful! I love how you handled it - making Jennifer bitter, and that came through wonderfully, rather than sappy and sort of pathetic. I liked the mention of her other relationships as well; it gave her something other than lingering feelings for Remus in her life. A little thing, but it stopped it from going anywhere near the realm of cliches and all that jazz, which is lovely.
There are a couple of things, like Jennifer knowing Remus is a werewolf and patching him up after the full moon, which I wasn't sure entirely fitted with canon!Remus' character, but they fitted with yours, which was important. Rather than going down a Tonks-esque scenario with him being the one to break them up, you made it her and I liked that. Also, there were a couple of word choice things here and there which I noticed - if you look it over, you'll probably find them! A trick I was told ages ago is to read the story backwards, each sentence at a time, and then you pick up on word choice issues because you're not just skimming over the story. It might help you :)
I'm curious to see where you go with this - how you incorporate the title and how it relates to the story itself, and further how you develop Jennifer and her and Remus' relationship. I think you've got a fantastic start here - and your style is very original, with the short sections, divided into past and present - and it's really good.
Keep going! :)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Biiig review. My favorite kind :)
I am also a huge canon nut ;) so this was a bit out of my comfort zone, to think that there was someone before Tonks - but I liked the end result, since it was still pretty much canon.
Thanks for the tips! I'll reread and see if I can find them :)
Thanks so much for the review... my response was ridiculously short but it was still awesome and I love long reviews and - I'm going to stop talking now.
~Charlotte Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection