Here form the Review Tag!
Wow this was a very well written story. I really enjoyed the description you used!
Scorpius' feelings were very well written, and I could feel his despair throughout the whole story.
The imagery you crafted was brilliant. I loved Draco, Astoria, and Scorpius' characterizations. Your plot idea itself was very good. It was really realistic.
One CC I would like to offer is to break up some of the paragraphs since there are sometimes big chunks of writing which distracted me and almost made me want to skim them =)
Besides tht great work!Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for tagging me. And thanks for picking this story, it hasn't had any love for a while!
'Despair' is a great word to describe Scorpius' feelings here, as there's a sort of helplessness I wanted to convey. I'm glad you enjoyed the characterizations, that's something I worked quite hard at.
Thanks for the CC, I'll definitely take another look at the paragraph spacing! Report Review
Here for Review Tag!
Wow this was a very well written story. I loved your narrative descriptions. Scorpius' feelings were very well written, and I could feel his despair throughout. The imagery you crafted was brilliant. I loved Draco, Astoria, and Scorpius' characterizations. Your plot idea itself was very good. The scene setting, the flow, it was all awesome. I really liked reading this story. It totally pulled me in and brought out grief. Great work! 10/10
(AditiDraco95)Author's Response: Hi AD :) Thanks for tagging me!
Well, thank you for all of your comments. They're lovely, and I'm happy that you enjoyed this story... Everything you've mentioned is really good to hear.
Athene Xo Report Review
So I was scrolling through the forums, looking for something to do, and I came across the review tag thread and I decided to give it a go! I found this story and started to read, and I absolutely fell IN LOVE with this piece!
I thought it was great. It was so moving, and it was such a different piece from any other dramas/romances, etc! I loved the complexity of Scorpius' relationship with Draco. I like how different it is from what is normally portrayed. And I love that he understands because he's in love with Rose. I loved that.
This is beautiful. So beautiful and captivating. You really captured Scorpius' emotions perfectly.
I think this story has so much potential, and I really would like to see where it goes! You'll probably see me back for more in the future! So glad I found this! :D
DrueAuthor's Response: Hi, thanks for tagging me! :) I'm excited about the new thread, think I'll get involved there a bit more than I used to.
You fell IN LOVE?! That's great! I'm glad you liked it so much. You're the first reviewer to comment on the fact that although he hates it, Scorpius understands because he loves Rose. It's a complex thing going on here.
Thank you for all of your lovely, kind words. I'm very glad that you like my story so much, and I'm looking forward to continuing it! It was originally going to be a one-shot, but it seems there is much more to say. I think a Scorose has snuck up on me.
Athene xo Report Review
No! You can't do this! But, but, but... Draco and Astoria! They're... Draco and Astoria! No! Okay, so yes, I'm a huge Drastoria fan and you've kinda just shattered my world with this chapter, but still, I really like it. Really, really like it. As in, adding to favourites once I'm finished writing this like it :)
I love the details you put in about the garden and the inclusion of the gardener - the mention of Dobby and things. It really allowed me to feel the situation and to see it in my mind, you know? The description was just lovely - and there wasn't too much or too little of it.
All of your characters were wonderful (including Draco, despite his... ah... slight change of heart :P) and felt rounded out and real, despite this being only the first chapter, so kudos to you for that! Scorpius was lovely - I love how you slipped in the mention of Rose almost secretly, having Draco mention it once and that was it. It just gave the impression that it's something that's almost seen as being normal, you know, which I really liked.
The conversation between Draco and Scorpius was so well done as well. Neither of them were overly inclined to talk - and the way you didn't actually write Draco's confession was perfect. I think if you'd actually written him saying it, it would have lost something... it wouldn't have been so good, I don't think.
I'm really curious as to where you're going to go with this. Will Draco get back together with Astoria (ooh, I hope so, lol!)? What will Scorpius do? Will Scorpius and Astoria still have Malfoy Manor or will they have to go somewhere else? How will Scorpius cope? When will Rose apppear? So many questions!
Anyway, this was really well written and very original. I haven't seen a story with Rose/Scorpius as a main pairing like this before - it's so refreshing! Please, please continue it! :)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Haha, sorry! I don't have anything against Draco and Astoria - it's just the way this story is! I'm glad you enjoyed it despite breaking up your OTP.
Thanks for the comment about the description here, I try hard not to over or under do it!
I'm glad you thought the characters were all right, even Draco. Poor Draco, I feel bad doing this to him. He's having a bit of a breakdown, I think! And yeah, Rose surprised me - I hadn't intended writing a Rose/Scorpius, but that seems to be the way this is going.
So many questions indeed! And actually, I don't know all of the answers yet - they'll turn up as I write :P
I'm very glad you enjoyed this, and will be continuing it as soon as I have the time! I enjoyed our review swap :)
Athene xo Report Review
Hey! Here from Slytherin Review Tag!
I loved the beginning to this piece. It was nice to see you attach this story to canon with context clues instead of just blurting out the setting and characters (which I see way too often for my taste). For instance, with your references to the peacocks, Dobby, and the white blonde hair, I immediately knew that this was about Scorpius. It was also neat not to jump right in to the main character's point of view, but to instead watch him from the perspective of a dear friend, Mr. Fowler.
Oh, gosh, Draco! I have so many conflicting feelings regarding him here. On the one hand, I'm proud of him for being true to himself despite whatever expectations his parents had for him, but on the other, shame on him for abandoning poor Astoria and Scorpius! I wonder who this lost lover is and how she'll come into play later in the story.
The emotion in those final few paragraphs, with the broken Astoria, is so vivid, and you've portrayed it beautifully. Lines like this one - Was there an etiquette for your family falling apart? - so perfectly encapsulate the confusion and emotional turmoil that can accompany a tragedy like this. I'm glad I chose this story for Review Tag, because I'm completely hooked, and I'm planning to favorite it and follow it as best I can on my own from now on.
-AmandaAuthor's Response: Hi! Thanks for tagging me :)
I love leading a reader into a situation without stating outright where they are, or who they're going to meet. Dropping little hints makes it fun, and I'm glad you picked up on it being Scorpius! And I'm also happy that you saw Mr Fowler as being a dear friend, because that's another thing I didn't state completely plainly but I hoped would come across. I love canon, and stick to it like glue, but it's fun to create the odd OC.
And yeah! Draco! What is the man up to?! I love that you're seeing some positive feature in what he's doing. I can't forgive what he's doing to Astoria and Scorpius, but at least *he* thinks he's doing what's right.
Thank you for your kind comments about the emotion in the final paragraphs. They were quite hard to write! It's really great of you to say that you will be following this story, I am hoping to add chapter 2 in the not too distant future.
Sarah Report Review
Hi, there! Jami keeps bragging on this new Scorp/Rose fic you're working on, so I guess you owe her another finder's fee. ;)
Such an amazingly different portrayal of Scorpius than what I'm used to! The idea of him being reserved, somewhat timid and (wow) bookish... I can tell already that I'm going to have to put in extra effort to keep this guy straight in my head. There's a lovely subtlety to the character here. In fact, to the whole Malfoy family.
Taking Scorpius and his book to a little-traveled corner of the ground of Malfoy Manor sets him up immediately as something very different. I like that you've completely unplugged him from the traditional characterization of a "reformed playboy meathead" who's obsessed with gold, status and Quidditch until the Albus befriends him and shows him the way. In fact, he seems nearly the opposite of that. Very quiet and sensitive, mostly unable to convert the strong emotions he's feeling into either actions or words. He comes off as being a rather sheltered child, one who was mostly spared the consequences of being part of one of the more notorious families in the magical world.
You descriptions of the Malfoy grounds are wonderful. Detailed and tactile, vivid and engaging. It was very easy to place myself in the garden, imagine the sights and sounds and smells, feel the sun on my face and taste the lemonade. Mr. Fowler was a nice narrative voice for bringing out so much of that wonderful detail. As a man who's intimately connected to the gardens, he's the perfect choice to spend time noticing all the little things that make the scene so involved.
My goodness, what an unusual Draco! I sense a lot more of the timid, uncertain boy that I recall from HBP and DH than what I'm used to reading. Scorpius obviously has a strong bond with his father, but at the same time he doesn't seem to think of the man as being completely an adult. There are all these little doubts about his actions and motivations. Some of that is a perfectly natural reaction to a parent who's about to tear the family you grew up in apart, but I think there's a little more to it. As though Scorpius somehow doubts that his father would really have the guts to follow through.
I was really struck by the moment when Scorpius felt as though the rest of the world should somehow acknowledge the awful things that are taking place in his life. It's a very realistic and believable touch. It's always so incredibly strange to watch life continue normally around you when some terrible thing is happening to you. It all takes on a surreal quality. You did a really good job with that.
Even your Lucius flew in the face of convention. It's so strange to imagine Lucius as a comforting presence. As the kind of man who would place a reassuring hand on his grandson's shoulder and make everything feel better. Evidently the war changed him a great deal in your vision of things.
Poor Astoria. As much as I feel for Scorpius, he still has Rose to fall back on. His mother apparently lacks any support beyond him. And yet she worries about his sunburn in spite of her grief and loss. Such a perfectly motherly touch. If you've read much of Conspiracy of Blood, you know she's one of my favorite characters. I really like that undertone of commitment and strength you've given her here.
I think our agreement was that if your writing was excellent, I would say nothing, right? Well, this is me saying nothing. ;)
Wonderful job! I am very enthused to see where you're planning to take this story!Author's Response: Hi! I thought I should take some time out of revising and procrastinating (okay, I've mainly been eating cake and walking the dog) to come and reply to your review. I love your reviews. They're so long and juicy. (ooh, matron!)
I... haven't really read any Scorpius. So I don't know whether I'm conforming or moving away from stereotypes - '"reformed playboy meathead" who's obsessed with gold, status and Quidditch until the Albus befriends him and shows him the way' made me laugh! I'm just writing him as he appears in my head. Similarly, in terms of Astoria, I'm afraid I've been specifically avoiding reading anything that might confuse me, so I haven't read your Conspiracy of Blood - but that's something to look forward to!
And as for my unusual Draco... I hope it's clear that he's having some sort of crisis here. He's certainly not like that all of the time. That said, I don't think he'd be Lucius 2.0, nor would he be the romantic, selfless antihero he can sometimes become in FF! I think you touch on that when you mention Scorpius's sheltered upbringing. I think it likely, given the turn his adolescence took after a rosy childhood, that Draco would want to protect his son somewhat from the issues that stem from being a Malfoy! So even there, we have some evidence of Draco being an attentive, thoughtful father.
I'm going to work on exploring more of Draco as the story continues, and his relationship with Scorpius will also be looked at in greater detail. I find your comment about Scorpius's doubts almost making it seem like he doesn't see Draco as an adult really interesting, and I that's something I'm going to have to think about further. As will Scorpius!
And Lucius! Haha. Yeah. I think that's a case of a man realising he messed up with his own child (although he and Narcissa do redeem themselves somewhat by giving up on the Battle and going after their son) and wanting to try again with his grandchild instead. Although for me, the key to that little bit of characterisation is not in Lucius's hand on the shoulder, or his knowing what to say - but in Narcissa knowing what to do. Her little visit to Spinner's End in HBP tells me that she was a pretty resourceful and cunning (Slytherin!) woman. I think she could easily have spent a lot of time whispering in Lucius's ear. I think Astoria would be a similarly strong woman.
Oh my gosh, I've written so much already! This is what your reviews do to me. Um, what else? Mr Fowler... he was fun. Do you read Discworld at all? If so - in my head, he's basically Albert. The gardens... I just love gardens. They're my happy place, just as they're Scorpius's. Yikes, he may yet turn into a Mary Sue.
Thank you, I'm looking forward to finding out where this story is going!
Thanks again for your review, it's really great to know that strong-arming Jami is working for me ;P
Yay Yay Iím finally here!!! Oh my goodness I think I forgot how much I loved this first chapter. Your Scorpius is so amazingly new and different, heís like nothing Iíve ever read but he just fits his character so well. I just wanted to be out there sitting with him (strangling Draco).
I love Scorpiusís thoughts around Draco laughing. If heís laughing maybe Scorpiusís instincts were wrong.†They were so sad because that would be so natural to believe! How could your father laugh with you one second then tell you that he was leaving the next? It just really fit and clicked I think, it made me feel Scorpiusís desperation that everything would be all right.
Scorpiusís reaction to Dracoís tears. I donít even know what to say. I can feel him wanting to scream that itís his fault heís crying - if heís crying why doesnít he fix it - using the worked Ďsickenedí in that paragraph was absolutely the right way to describe it, it made my heart just clench for this poor boy. Even for Draco, a little bit.
I was one hundred percent with Scorpius on his reply to Draco regarding Rose. Thatís basically exactly what I said in my head. Rose is free, unattached, she doesnít have a wife and a child. Itís completely different. But Draco is being thick enough to believe that it is the same, to think that a lifetime of promises can just be erased because heís decided he was in love with her . Can I just whack him?
And the way Draco ends it. Iím glad we had our chat. Can he really believe thatís it? That Scorpius is anything but crushed? Just because he isnít screaming at him doesnít mean he thinks itís anything close to right, and Draco is just trying to convince himself that itís okay - what heís doing. Itís not, at all. But then Draco is still is father, and Scorpius still loves him. Despite the betrayal, despite tearing apart the entire foundation of his life, he still loves Draco.
I just want to hug Astoria :(. Can I? Please? She should just go off and marry a Weasley. It would serve Draco right. This was a ridiculously amazing first chapter, Sarah. And hopefully the first of many if I get my way. You are such a talented author, your ability to spin words into the perfect structure and make then deliver the absolute best detail makes everything you write such a joy to read.
Iím delightful?1 awww :). Thanks for that sweet mention ♥Author's Response: Haha, 'I just wanted to be out there sitting with him (strangling Draco)' ...I love you. Especially knowing what you know. Y'know? :P *Cryptic*
Thanks for saying Scorpius seems new and different- as I've said, I haven't really read anything about him before, and this is how he wandered into my mind.
Ugh, it's gut-wrenching isn't it? Knowing that something horrible is about to happen and grasping at any possibility that it might not.
I'm glad (glad glad glad) that you pitied them both. Mostly that you pitied Scorpius, but also that you felt a bit sorry for Draco too. However, I am also glad that you want to smack him upside the head. He deserves both pity and a good whack.
Your paragraph about the end of the conversation - I can't even reply, because it made me teary. But you're so perceptive and I love having you as a reader.
Astoria, poor woman. Shall I free up Bill for her? 'And then Fleur got eaten by a hippogriff and Bill was sad for a while but then he met another beautiful blonde lady and he got all hot and bothered and ultimately married her, all sexy-like.' Yeah, you know I'd never do that :P
You're too, too kind. You motivate me to keep writing, not just here but in our PM's too.
And yes, you are UTTERLY delightful!
PS. Teach me how to do italics in reviews? x Report Review
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