Reading Reviews for Epiphany
  
4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by HeyMrsPotter Epiphany

28th June 2013:
Hello! I'm here with the first of your (very late!) reviews :) sorry it's taken me so long to get around to it!

I really love stories about minor characters in the series and this I'd the first time I've read one about charity.

I love the use of repetition in this, always referring to the pain she was in, some of the descriptions were beautiful.

I really got a good sense if exactly how she was feeling which is a tough thing to do so kudos for that!

All in all an excellent one shot, very sad and haunting and really well written :)

Author's Response: Thank you! This is a part of a challenge and it just so happened that her death haunted me so much that I can't help but write something about it. I am glad that you find this one just like that because I'd hate it if it doesn't get the message across. Thank you so much!

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Review #2, by Elphaba and Boyfriends Epiphany

22nd June 2013:
Hi, Elphaba here with your requested review! You asked if the story is believable and whether the emotions come through, and I think for the most part the answer to both questions is "Yes!" :)

There are few spots where I think you could heighten the emotional impact by using more active verbs. For example: "Everything was in pain. She was barely aware of her surroundings." Instead of using "was" (which I admit to doing too much) what other verbs could make readers feel her pain? Does it throb or pierce? Does it radiate or flare from a particular spot? I find it helpful to go through my writing and look for all the places where I use "was," "is," or "be" and then think of what other words I could use in their place.

I really like this bit; it packs a hefty emotional wallop: "It could have been hours, days, weeks, or by Merlin, months. She had lost track of time long ago when the pain started creeping to the deepest part of her body." Sentences like these grabbed my attention and I imagined what she must have gone through.

Another aspect of your writing that I really like are the subtle references to other characters, like this one to Peter Pettigrew: "She was moving away from the door and her silver-handed captor." Snape and Draco get similar treatment, and I appreciated their appearances, as well.

Her last impression of Snape's "blank black orbs," which rob her of hope, is chilling. I think her tragic ending is made all the more tragic by her not knowing why he ignores her plea for help. It would be interesting if you wrote an epilogue where they meet up on the "other side." Maybe she would get an apology, or at least the opportunity to tell him off. :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much! Its very helpful, your review. I haven't heard a lot from people about this story and I want to do something similar to this. I just want to know if there's hope to me. haha. But overall, I find this review helpful and will use it in my next stories. Thank you!

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Review #3, by Shortie Epiphany

10th September 2012:
OMG *sob* This is depressing! I mean, I knew that she was tortured and all but it never occurred to me how horrible and painful and hopeless it would have been, you know?

But BAM!!! This is amazing Elaine! Youíve captured the last bit of her life amazingly. I felt it all, and I felt it strongly. The despair, the final attempts to cling onto life, the instinctual fight for survival, the final realization and the true nature of hope and death were beautifully portrayed in this story. Well done!!

There were no spelling mistakes/typos/grammar errors/vocabulary complications whatsoever so thatís amazing. Itís not everyday that I read a spotless fic ;)

Did I mention that I love the beginning and ending? No? OMG I LOVE THE BEGINNING AND THE ENDING. I love the way youíve started it off emotionally and ended it the same way. Itís just soÖ touching. Iím really really touched.

This goes without saying, I love this story. You had everything I was looking for, and all of them were portrayed way better than I would have done, so congrats :D

Weíll see how it goes ;)

*Hugs*

Author's Response: I... you made me cry with your review! I never expected such a reply for this and I really was uncomfortable writing it but with all the help and everything, thank you so much for prompting me to write this.

it really is an honor to have you say that to me. It warms my heart greatly, and I simply can't describe what I feel.
thank you!


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Review #4, by RosieQueen Epiphany

20th August 2012:
It's Rosie with your requested review! :)

So first off, I thought this was a very powerful one-shot. I might sound very creepy saying this, but I love reading stories where characters die. I especially love the way you conveyed the emotion, it was perfect. :)

I tend to pester authors frequently on detail, but your detail here was pretty much flawless! I could almost feel Charity's pain and her hopelessness, her change of surroundings, and her confusion. It was excellent. I think the best part of your story was when Charity was hit by the killing curse, that was the part where your detail was strongest. I actually felt as if I was seeing her die!

I just wanted to point out a few minor mistakes:

In her mind, she wanted to just stop the pain.
^I would re-phrase that to "In her mind, she just wanted the pain to stop."

but the tears felt good in some way. It cleansed her even a bit.
^That should be "but the tears felt good in a way, it cleansed her slightly.

The dim light of whatever place she was in was enough to blind her for a moment after being locked in the dungeons for so long.
^That seems like a run-on sentence. You should add in some commas and maybe change that to two sentences, just so that paragraph doesn't seem too long.

Overall, this was a very enjoyable one-shot. I really loved the detail and the mood, it was pretty much flawless! Keep up the great work! :)

~Rosie

Author's Response: Hello!
Thank you for reviewing, and I'm totally glad that I've kept up to your expectations! It warms my heart truly that somehow, I can manage to send the message across. Quite honestly, by the end of it, I felt confused too. But that's the point of it right?

I took notes of those you've said and I'll edit them in once I got my go on the queue! Thank you so much!


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