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2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Anon Girl Talk and The Return of Him

17th February 2014:
Hi. I really like this story, it came up when I pressed random story. Are you going to carry on updating or is it abandoned? I like the characterisation because when Ron and the others talk it they actually say stuff that I can imagine the characters would say if you know what I mean? Sometimes it's a little clumsy, maybe you could consider a beta writer? In the old chapters especially there are quite a lot of grammar mistakes like no capitisation of the 'I's and things like that. The grammar mistakes stop it from flowing so well. Like in the last chapter the tense changed occasionally. And the use of 2 instead of two got to me. Sometimes it can be a little clunky too- you say stuff that's a little obvious like 'that's how devoted Ron was'- we should be shown it not told it. Plus I didn't understand that part- was he talking about Hermione or Ginny? Stuff like Hermione 'crying like mad' doesn't really fit with Hermione's character. This all sounds really negative doesn't it? I really liked it overall, I just think you have the capability to write really great stuff so I want to help you fix the little mistakes. I want to see where you would take this story and what sort of plot you have in mind Anyway, I want to read more. Thanks!

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Review #2, by Julie Girl Talk and The Return of Him

22nd November 2012:
I just was wondering why you made Draco so mean because at the end of the books and movies it seamed like he didn't care about that stuff anymore so i don't think he would have said those things but besides that you are a very skilled writer.

Author's Response: Thank you for reading my story so far and thank you for being my first review. I made Draco mean because i thought it would be fun to write a Draco who is still intimidated by his father, the remaining Death Eaters and the very sudden fall of the person he has so called admired for the past year. I just wanted to have a a bit of fun with Draco but i might change him, i am not sure.

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